failure Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious failure puns

CSI Alabama was a failure . . .

. . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.

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We should've known about the failure of communism

In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags...

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The next iPhone won't be a failure

In fact, it'll be a huge 6S.

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What do you call a cow that gives no milk?

An udder failure.

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The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure.

The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

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If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

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A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

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Germany's failure in the World Cup wasn't that surprising

They have always struggled to progress in Russia.

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My Grandma E-Mailed me this one

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.

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Not everything on the Titanic was a failure

The pool is still full to this day.

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The United Nations world-wide survey

The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.

The survey went like this:

"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"

The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:

The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.

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UN Food Survey Fails...

UN Phone Survey

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

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What do you call a cow which can no longer produce milk?

An udder failure.

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A World Wide Survey....

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

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One hell of a day

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say.

"I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a cyanide capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!

But hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"

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What do a frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant girl have in common?

Failure to pull out in time

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Smart Ass Out Of The Box Answers By Students Who Failed

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle



Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

* at the bottom of the page



Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?

* liquid



Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?

* marriage



Q5. What is the main reason for failure?

* exams



Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?

* Lunch & dinner



Q7. What looks like half an apple?

* The other half



Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

* it will simply become wet



Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ??

* No problem, he sleeps at night.



Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..



Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?

* Very large hands



Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

* No time at all, the wall is already built.



Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

*Concrete floors are very hard to crack.

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Sad but true.

Worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure,
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,

In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,

In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,

In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,

And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!

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A lawyer is in the hospital..

As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"

The nurse answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

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The UN conducted a worldwide survey...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

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I read the new iPhone was a commercial failure.

This surprised me, because I thought it was going to be a 6S.

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If the next iPhone is a 6s...

Does that mean the one after that will be a failure?

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A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN...

The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

*I found this joke again while browsing and deleting my old facebook notes. This was from 2007.*

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The janitor couldn't remember where he put the floor polisher

As a programmer, this isn't the first time I encountered a 'buffer allocation failure due to memory error'

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Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville Dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

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"You are what you eat" thats funny, I don't remember eating

a pathetic failure

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A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

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A 5 year old boy was in kidney failure.

Dad: "Son, I'm sorry, but your kidneys aren't working anymore."

Son: "it's gonna be fine, dad."

Dad: "I know...we can start dialysis and get you on the donor list."

Son: "I was actually thinking about just asking for my adult knees early."

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What was Genghis Khan's failure of a brother named?

Genghis Khan't

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A New York Times reporter is interviewing some people

The first question asked is "What is your honest opinion about the shortage of meat in the world?"

The interview was a huge failure...

The African asks "What does meat mean?".

The American asks "What does shortage mean?".

The Chinese person asks "What does opinion mean?".

The Russian asks "What does honest mean?"

The North Korean just waits. The reporter asks again, and is told "The Interview is no good!"

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Last month a worldwide survey was conducted by the United Nations...

The question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure:


* In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant...


* In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant...


* In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant...


* In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant...


* In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant...


* In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant...


* And in the USA, they didn't know what "rest of the world" meant.

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A piano player died today.

The cause of death: organ failure.

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I don't lick people who blame anything but themselves for THEIR failure.

*like

Fucking hell, autocorrect.

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The Invisible Man has a warrant out for his arrest.

The charge is "Failure To Appear".

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My parents think im a failure...

I cant wait to show them the A i got on my hepatitis test

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What are the most funny Failure jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Failure? Well, here are the best Failure dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Failure pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes