Failing Jokes
129 failing jokes and hilarious failing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about failing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article will explore funny situations that happen when someone fails an important task. From failing a driving test to failing a math class, readers will get a good laugh out of these stories of unfortunate events. Learn why failing a test isn't always a bad thing and how to make the best out of a bad situation with these smart and witty jokes.
Quick Jump To
- Short Failing Jokes
- Failing One Liners
- Failing Test Jokes
- Failing School Jokes
- Failing Driving Test Jokes
- Failing Deliver Jokes
- More Failing Jokes
Funniest Failing Short Jokes
Short failing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The failing humour may include short fails jokes also.
- I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably. I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.
- Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & dragon campaigns? They always fail their Constitution checks.
- I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins. It was impossible to differentiate between them.
- My mate phoned me and asked what I was doing. "Probably failing my driving test," I replied.
- McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed. Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.
- TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand. Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
- I failed my chemistry lab exam. I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.
- Two chemists walk into a bar. Chemist 1: I'll have H20 please
Chemist 2: I'Il have water also
Chemist 1 walks away frustrated as his assassination attempt failed - A failed rapper, a failed rock star, and a mediocre country singer walk into a bar He tells the bartender "anything but Budweiser."
- I started carrying a knife after a failed mugging attempt last year... All my attempts have been pretty successful this year.
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Failing One Liners
Which failing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with failing? I can suggest the ones about falling and unsuccessful.
- We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flag.
- It's very rare that a defibrillator fails. But when it happens no one is shocked.
- If I got 50¢ for every math test I've failed I would have $7.20 by now
- Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years Lose an election.
- What did chuck norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
- Why did the feminist fail algebra? She couldn't solve inequalities
- If i got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I'd have $ 6.30 now
- My friend text me 'what are you doing now?' I replied 'Probably failing my driving test'.
- I think I'm failing my marine biology class My grade is below C level.
- In my 4th grade class the cutest girl threw away my love letter.. ..so I failed her!
- I come from a family of failed magicians I have 2 half sisters
- If I had $5 for every time I failed a math test I would have $37
- My friend failed his Aboriginal Music class... I asked him "Did'ja redo it?"
- Why did the Atheist fail algebra? He didn't believe in higher powers.
- I failed my Greek Mythology exam. It has always been my Achilles' elbow
Failing Test Jokes
Here is a list of funny failing test jokes and even better failing test puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I failed my biology test today. Apparently, "black guys" isn't the answer to the question "What is found in cells."
- My mate just rang me and said "what are you doing at the moment?" I said, "probably failing my driving test."
- I failed a biology test today, they had asked me what was commonly found in cells Apparently black people was not the answer.
- Why did Chewbacca fail his driving test? He made a few Wookiee errors.
- Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test? He was a bad parallel Parker.
- Why did the privileged white guy fail his algebra test? He didn't know enough about inequalities
- If I had a nickel for every time I failed a math test... I'd have 27¢
- I was surprised to learn my kid failed the road driving test... ...she Tweeted three times that it seem to be going well.
- If I had 25 cents for every time I failed my math test I'd have $5.13
- I failed my Health and Safety Test today apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer
Failing School Jokes
Here is a list of funny failing school jokes and even better failing school puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You all need to stop saying Jussie Smollett is not an actual victim. His acting school clearly failed him.
- Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school? He didn't work well with udders.
- What gets four As and a B but still fails in schooling? ALABAMA
- I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester. I was so close I could taste it.
- A man walks into the bar But fails since he was too busy drinking through law school
- I failed medical school for the same reason I failed English class Improper: Colon placement
- why did the orange fail school? It couldn't concentrate.
- Why wasn't the number 3 allowed back into school after failing his Spanish test? Because there's No Trespassing!!
I'll show myself out - I failed math at school so many times. I can't even count.
- My neighbor failed the entrance exam for butcher's school. He didn't make the cut.
Failing Driving Test Jokes
Here is a list of funny failing driving test jokes and even better failing driving test puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- my mate rang me earlier.... My mate rang me earlier and says "Hey dude, what you up to?" "Probably failing my driving test" I say
- My friend told me he'd failed his driving test for running over a rabbit I said they couldn't fail you for that, he said they can when it's in the butcher's window.
- Driving I failed my driver's test today. The instructor asked me "What do you do at a red light?" I said "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook."
- Why did Walter White fail his driving test? Because he was braking bad.
- Driving test (Blonde) Why did the blonde keep failing her driving test?
Every time the instructor said "let's start" she would jump to the backseat ...
....
.... - Paul Pierce failed his driving test because of poor turns Apparently, the Truth can't handle the U
- Why did North Korea fail its driving test? He has no concept of rights
- Why did the Irishman fail his driving test? They asked him what the solid yellow line means, and he got out of the car and tried to walk a straight line.
- Why did the dog fail his driving test? Because he's a dog. Dogs cannot drive.
- I took my driving test the other day .... When the instructor told me I'd failed I told him I hadn't seen this coming. He said "You should have read the signs".
Failing Deliver Jokes
Here is a list of funny failing deliver jokes and even better failing deliver puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Kidnapper called my boss after kidnapping his mother in-law.. And said - If you fail to deliver the money, we will release her.
- TIL That Oscar Pistorius once opened a pizza parlor only to have it fail and go bankrupt. The cause? His car was always breaking down, so OP never delivered.
- Why did the dead comedian fail to deliver a proper punchline? Didn't re-hearse enough.
Laughter Failing Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about failing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean passing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make failing pranks.
Little Jewish boy that can't understand math
Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.
The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!
They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"
An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...
After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.
Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!
After failing miserably at a standup routine I told my girlfriend I was going to try physical comedy. She said...
"You can't pull your pants down in public."
I heard that roles in leadership positions are good jobs...
...but tell that to Kim Jong Un, he's a dictator with a failing Korea
What is the name of a Chinese girl that struggles in school?
Fai-Ling!
Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?
Cause they want the D.
I brought my camera to a s**... club for my photography project
I ended up failing because everyone in my photos was over-exposed.
If I had a dollar for every time Greece made a bad economical decision
Their economy would still be failing.
Why was the concave lens failing at his studies?
He couldn't focus.
I was on the beach with my wife.
"My business is failing, nobody is buying my product," I told her.
An old man, who was completely n**..., overheard and walked over. He said, "That's interesting."
"You are completely n**...," I frowned, "There are children on this beach."
He said, "Well at least I know my target market."
Husband in coma
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
My Lecturer asked me why i was failing my class
"Is it ignorance or apathy?", he said.
Honestly, I don't know and I don't care.
Have you heard that China's panda project is disastrously failing?
All of the pandas are dying of pneumonia.
It's causing pandaneumonium.
What do all failing students in New Orleans have in common?
They are all below "C level".
With the brexit news, they say the pound is failing.
They're calling it the ounce, now.
What do you call a failing brand?
Calvin DeKlein.
After failing my first 2 exams, I just got an A on my third Anatomy exam...
the answers were inside me the entire time
So my teacher asked why I was failing my loud music class...
I told him the subject just wasn't my forte
College is really tough and I'm failing nearly everything.
So far the only test I've gotten a positive score on is the h**... one. I figured the professor who gave me the D would at least give me an A not a D+
I WAS at my y' = 0 of performance in calc
Context: in university now. Can confirm. Am failing.
When I was a young boy, I was bad at Maths
I was so bad that I was expelled from my school for failing that subject so often. Because of this, my father sent me to Catholic school and after going for a year, my grades improved. The reason being, the second I walked through that door and saw the guy nailed to the fricking plus sign, I knew this school meant business.
My friend just came to me all depressed because his kid's failing 3rd grade, and he doesn't know how to break it to him.
Apparently slowly wasn't the advice he was looking for.
How many children does it take to save a failing marriage?
Zero.
Why is America failing?
Because 10/6 can't do math.
I bought a Rolex before trying & failing at stand up comedy.
Apparently you need more than impeccable timing.
An old man was pulled over
An old man was pulled over for failing to stop at a stop sign. When questioned the man replied "I slowed down, same difference!". The officer then took out his baton and started striking the man and he asked the man "would you like me to slow down or stop?"
Tried to score on my girlfriend in soccer yesterday, but kept failing,
Guess she's a keeper.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Failing students who like pineapple.
I know a pastor of a failing megachurch.
Poor guy doesn't know where his next Mercedes is coming from.
A young kid was smart, but was failing math.
He simply refused to apply himself. The parents tried everything to no avail. Finally, in desperation, they put him into a private Catholic school. When they got his first report card they were delighted to see he got an A in math. They asked him what had finally motivated him. He said "When I first walked into the school and saw that guy on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew these guys were serious."
Anti-forgery measures are failing, no matter how complex and intricate the makes the latest notes and coins.
We keep taking them at face value.
What was the circle's excuse for failing to complete his assignment?
"I didn't get around to it."
White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders' kids must be failing out of school...
Cause they're probably taught to avoid answering every question.
A lady goes to a therapist to talk about her failing relationship.
Lady: Doctor! My husband has been pushing me around and constantly talking behind my back when we are around!
Therapist: That tends to happen when you're bound to a wheelchair ma'am.
What's the worst part about failing in everything you do?
You can't even kill yourself.
They should do an "Ocean's 1"..
..where it's just 1 person failing miserably at pulling off a heist because he has no friends.
Mark Zuckerberg has been failing a lot recently: the Russian interference, the privacy leaks,
the touring test...
A man lines up for food in Soviet Russia...
After two hours of waiting he gets his turn and offers his bowl.
Out of soup. says the officer in charge and waves him aside.
The man refuses to leave. He tosses the bowl on the table and curses the regime for failing his starving family.
The officer motions to the guards and they wrestle the ranting man away. As they shove him outside, one says to the man:
Back then we could've shot you in the snow, comrade.
The man goes back home to his wife. She sees him looking glum as he walks in and asks:
Ran out of soup again?
Even worse, he replied. They ran out of bullets.
A failing theatre is giving away free tickets to the homeless.
They need bums on seats.
Three things are certain in life
Death, taxes, and Germany failing in Russia.
My pirate friend's marriage is failing, his wife and him don't see eye-to-eye
But, I'm hoping they can patch it up...
Trump said he would build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick yet.
He's just another middle aged man failing at a DIY project.
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every day.
One day he told her, "You have been with me through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were there. When we lost the house, you were there. When my health started failing, you were there. You know what?" "What is it, dear?" she asked. He responded, "I think you bring me bad luck."
My uncle decided to get involved in a sport as his health was failing.
But he took up bobsleigh and went downhill rapidly
What do Colin Kaepernick and Donald Trump have in common?
They both had failing careers before they decided to get into politics.
The meaning of life is the same for all living things, to have lots of s**... to produce offspring.
I'm failing big time.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....
The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.
When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"
My yo-yo business is failing, and I don't know why!
People usually love a no strings attached policy!
Failing surgery on a grape would make it...
in a grape danger.
Kowalski, dialysis.
Kidneys are failing, sir.
Did you hear about the baker whose business was failing
He decided to baguette
Why do Incels play soccer?
Because they're pros at failing to score.
Attention Nerds!
It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"
Students all over the world are struggling with distance learning. Straight-A students are getting Bs and Cs. C students are failing.
It's like there's some kind of low-grade fever going around.
in the wake of the pandemic and failing ratings, AMC's The Walking Dead has changed it's format.
it will now be a reality show shot solely inside America's nursing homes.
Drove an hour to pick up a woman for a date...
...she can't drive, doesn't have a job, and is failing college.
So yes...she's attractive.
I made this joke up on the way home from work, sorry if it s**...: A history teacher tells a failing student that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
Student: But history is so boring!
Teacher: Well, if you don't do better you'll be retaking it next year.
Student: What??
Teacher: I TOLD you, those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it!
Doctor: I'm terribly sorry, but your kidneys are failing.
Me: I can't believe this is happening.
Wife (sobbing): How will we tell our son?
Me: ... I'll tell him.
[Later at home, sitting down with son]
Me: Bad news kid, your knees are failing.
Kanye West Concedes After Failing to Get 0.5% of Vote in Early Returns
Now he is an electoral college drop out
If you would have told me on Nov. 10 2016 that the Trump presidency would end with the economy failing and the country dying..
I would have totally believed you.
Trump didn't finish the wall
He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project
my brother and i are totally failing at reaching out to women's groups to let them know of new vaccine availability
not one response to our invitation to a johnson & johnson injection
Law Professor: You're currently failing your ethics course.
Me: _slides a $20 note across the table_ How about now?
Professor: _pockets the note_ Still failing.
Me: OK, can I have my $20 back?
Professor: What $20?
I signed up for Binary 101 this semester and I'm failing in all the exams.
Turns out it is a level 5 course.
After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into a coma.
After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.
Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.
Okay, the good news is the patient in the next bed has offered you a very generous amount for your slippers...
Professor: April, you are failing my class.
April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I'm sure we can fix this. I'll do annnything to pass.
Professor: {gulp} anything?
April: YES! Anything you can dream up.
Professor: Will you…… study?
Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older...
It's nature's way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.
Bob was mad at his s**...-Ed teacher for giving him a failing grade...
So in revenge he made a plan and told his best friend John.
So, in her room, I'll hide, and when she comes in for lunch, I'll kick her in the b**...!
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?
What dear? She asked gently.
I think you bring me bad luck.
"Doc, my hearing is failing! I can't even hear myself f**...!"
"Here, take these pills daily for a week."
"Will they make me hear better?"
"No, they'll make you f**... louder."
After failing maths, Jared's parents decide to move him from the local public school to a nearby Catholic school
Within a few months, he is passing with flying colours. His parents ask him the reason behind his sudden improvement. "Was it the strict nuns, the rigour of class, the example of other students? Jared shook his head. "Well what was it then"? Jared replied "Truth is, when I first arrived and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business".
Kid failing English
A kid is failing English, and the teacher sends multiple notes home requesting to speak with his parents but doesn't get a response. One Saturday, the teacher decides to stop by the kid's house. When she knocks on the door, the kid answers.
Teacher: "Hi, Johnny, can I speak to your mother?"
Kid: "She ain't home."
Teacher (frustrated): "Well can I speak to your father?"
Kid: "He ain't home."
Teacher (more frustrated): "Young man, where's your grammar?"
Kid: "She's in the kitchen bakin' cookies"
What did Vizzini say to his wife after failing to have children?
INCONCEIVABLE
