Fact Jokes
130 fact jokes and hilarious fact puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fact that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your next party or outing memorable with these funny fact jokes! From fun facts about animals to crazy traits of Chuck Norris, these laughs are sure to never be forgotten. Enjoy some of the weirdest and most unshakable true facts that nobody could have made up.
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Funniest Fact Short Jokes
Short fact jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fact humour may include short truth jokes also.
- Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math" Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "that's not even close"
me: "yeah, but it was fast" - My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
- "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry... Because I always back up my rage with facts and well documented sources" -The Credible Hulk
- Tuna must age about five times faster than humans. This is supported by the fact that tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.
- Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen. In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.
- My neighbor's in the guinness book of records. He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact it's just a stone's throw away.
- It's a little known fact that chuck norris was dropped twice as a child Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki
- Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building. It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.
- I've heard that argentina is starting to get a little colder... In fact, it's bordering on Chile
- Fun Fact- Dogs make different noises according to where they are on Earth. For example, a dog in Korea makes a sizzling noise.
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Fact One Liners
Which fact one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fact? I can suggest the ones about actual and feat.
- Fun fact: You can't breathe correctly while smiling Just kidding, I made you smile :)
- Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet that she knows of.
- I'm not just alright with my extra chromosome... In fact, I'm down with it.
- The next iPhone won't be a failure In fact, it'll be a huge 6S.
- BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered an amazing fact about icebergs... More below.
- I quite enjoy blowing air around a room. In fact, I'm a big fan.
- Top 13 facts you NEVER knew about non-conductors. #7 won't shock you.
- I went to a posh school. In fact it was so posh, their gym was called James.
- Where do facts come from? The factory.
- My father always said I was a bright kid... So bright in fact, he always called me son
- Reddit, no matter how much I love cake... ...I would never dessert you.
- How long is a chinese man that's a fact
- I really like pita bread, in fact... It's second to Naan.
- TIL that Garden Gnomes are a symbol of good luck. It's a little gnome fact.
- Fact: 50% of Japanese have Cataracts The other 50% drive Rexus and Chrysrer
Fun Fact Jokes
Here is a list of funny fun fact jokes and even better fun fact puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Fun fact I was born the same day a Green Day album was released So, that means two American Idiots came out that day
- Fun fact Mt.Everest grows by approximately 44 millimeters every year. when will it everest
- Fun fact: 99% of voters who live in the "path of totality" for the upcoming solar eclipse voted for trump. Which is ironic, because the *last* thing they wanted to do is make the country darker.
- Fun WWI fact: There are more crashed planes down at the bottom of the ocean than- -crashed submarines in the sky.
- Fun fact: No matter how much you try to prevent it, one day you may wake up with a large washbasin knocking on your door.
Just let that sink in. - Fun fact, clown fish are edible. But be forewarned, they taste funny.
- Fun fact: When people read "Fun fact" they must click the post
- Fun Fact If your parents never had children, chances are that neither will you.
- I told my son a fun fact about the Nile He asked me "source?"
I answered Lake Victoria - Fun fact: Having friends gives you memory loss. I read this in a textbook on page 53 at 4:37 PM on Friday May 12, 2006
Matter Of Fact Jokes
Here is a list of funny matter of fact jokes and even better matter of fact puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What will Beyonce say after her first twin is born? I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be here in a minute - I walked in on my little son vigorously rubbing shampoo on his shoulders... ...when I asked him what he was doing he matter-of-factly replied, "Mom the bottle says 'Head and Shoulders.'"
- I did not sleep with that intern last night. Matter of fact, I was up all night.
- My co-worker arrivrd at work and I said "Hi". He said "Yes, as a matter of fact."
(True story) - Overused joke. Hope you like it anyways. Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook?
Person 2: As a matter of fact, I Excel at it.
Person 1: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Person 2: Word. - What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest? Father Les.
And yes, as a matter of fact, I am a dad. - Miners don't have it easy on Jokes. As a matter of fact, I've never seen any strike gold here.
- my car's fuel economy is not doing so good... as a matter of fact, it's tanking
Animal Fact Jokes
Here is a list of funny animal fact jokes and even better animal fact puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Studies have shown that a deer can jump higher than an average house. This is because deer are agile animals and also due to the fact that a house cannot jump.
- What happens if a vegan eats a Venus fly trap plant? have they technically eaten the animal too? or are they just an insec-ssory after the fact
- Fun fact about bleach Bleach is the only Anime that you can drink.
- Amazing animal fact: Give a pig an apple and it will make bacon.
Crazy Fact Jokes
Here is a list of funny crazy fact jokes and even better crazy fact puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Mexican gang member stole a train for some crazy reason... Police still don't know anything besides the fact that he has a loco motive.
Silly & Ridiculous Fact Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about fact you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean concept jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fact pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I scared the postman today by going to the door completely n**....
I'm not sure what scared him more. My n**... body or the fact I knew where he lived
A husband, so proud...
....of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of 6" rather than by her first name. The wife was amused at first.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of 6, get me a beer!" This type of situation rose to a boiling point.
Finally, while at a party with her husband, he jokingly said, "Hey mother of 6, it's time to go!"
The wife shouted, "I'll be right with you - father of 4!"
[found this scrolling through YouTube Comments]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met an older woman in a bar last night...
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that? I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter t**...,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'.
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom...you still awake?'
You aren't a monk.
A man is driving through a town and his car breaks down in front of a monastery. He decides to go up to the door and ask if he can stay the night and the monks let him. At night he is laying in his bed and he hears this extremely strange noise. In the morning he asks a monk what the strange noise was. The monk replied, "I can't tell you because you aren't a monk." The man accepted this fact, graciously thanked the monks for letting him stay, and went on his way. Three years later the man was driving through the same town and broke down in front of the same monastery. Again he asks the monks if he could stay the night, and they let him. And again at night he hears the strange noise. In the morning he asks and gets the same answer. Then he asks how he can become a monk. They reply, "Go count every blade of grass and every pebble in the world." The man comes back 43 years later and gives them accurate numbers. They let him become a monk and the first thing he does is ask to see what the noise was. They take him to a wooden door. He reaches for the handle and its locked. They give him a key, then he happens upon a stone door. Locked. He goes through every kind of door you could possibly think of as they give him keys for each. Then he gets to a diamond door and they give him a key and he unlocks it. Then he opens it and is completely amazed. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
This Joke Is A Real Lemon
A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.
So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Deep Thoughts
Do you think that, when two police officers are having s**..., they appreciate the fact that they are copulating?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A New Study Conducted on Asians (A joke I came up with,but still not sure if a repost)
A new study conducted on Asians shows that the long held to be true stereotype is partially false. In fact, only 50% of Asians have small p**....
The other 50% are women.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why a fourth time?
A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a f**... director.' After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a f**... director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse careers. With a smile on her face she explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'
A man looking for work
A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"
Whatever you do, don't tell this joke to a math person; they will just make you upset
Bill is a giant nerd, and he knows that he isn't perceived as cool; in fact, lots of people call him a square. So, in an effort to be cool, he finds some cool guys and decides to go do everything he can with them.
They say, "Hey Bill, we're going to the bar. Want to come?"
He says, "Sure," and comes to the bar. They all order shots and beers. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he orders shots and beers, and they all have a great time.
Next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a club. Bill comes along with them. They all start grinding on women and ordering tons of booze. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he does the same and has a good time.
The next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a football game. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he comes along. The guys are all cheering for their team enthusiastically, but Bill just sits quietly in his seat. Finally one of the guys says, "Bill, this isn't like you. Everything else we've done, you've joined in happily. Why won't you root for the team with us?"
Bill replies, "Well, I don't want to be a square. And rooting? Rooting is for squares."
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
A multimillionaire goes to a psychologist
So, the multimillionaire is lying there on the couch, and he says, "I have this problem where I buy things. Big things, little things. It doesn't matter if it's a good deal or not. It doesn't matter whether or not I need it. It's the thrill of the purchase. In fact, yesterday I pulled out my wallet, and I bought an entire mall."
So the psychologist thinks for a little while, and finally says, "Then it sounds like you have a shopping complex."
Ducks
Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'
The two old-timers...
...were having a chat over the back fence.
"You know, Chester," said one, "you should invest in some heavier curtains for your bedroom window."
"Why's that, Clem?"
"Because the ones you have now are kinda transparent. In fact, last night I could see you making love to your wife."
"Pfft! That shows how bad your eyesight is. I wasn't even home last night!"
A Russian man lives all alone in a cabin
One day, someone from the government shows up and tells him that due to a map surveyor's error in the 1940s, the cabin he lives in was mistakenly marked as part of Russia, but in fact, it's actually a part of Belarus.
"Oh thank God!" the man exclaims. "I don't think I would have been able to stand another Russian winter here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...
As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."
The Mystery of Childbirth
A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"
His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."
"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."
The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
The Flintstones
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
The fact that you think that it's not society, but the light bulb that should change is problematic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've discovered that 1+1 can, in fact, equal 3.
Because I wasn't wearing a c**....
Funny unknown historical fact:
Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting drunk
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....
If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...
And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.
Two factory workers are talking.
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
I heard the Pope's first choice for a guest was in fact Hillary...
But he couldn't afford her speaking fees
Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president...
He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.
Facts of life
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
My recent letter from the BBC read...
"Thanks for entering your wife into our new quiz show.
However, we feel you may have misread the title?
The show is actually called "Fact Hunt"
Credit @ShitJokes via Twitter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man got a text from his neighbor: "I'm so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I've been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."
The man anguished and betrayed, went into his room, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife.
A couple of seconds later, another text arrived.
f**... auto correct, I meant "wifi", not "wife"'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I take the bus to school
So every morning I take the bus to campus. On the way, it stops by the local prison.
This morning, while we were stopped by the prison, I heard a loud c**.... I look to my right and I see what used to be a window, now shattered.
I'm looking at the window, and I see some rope fly out. Following the rope, I see an inmate. A rather small inmate. As a matter of fact, the man was a dwarf.
I stared at him in awe. As he made his way down the rope towards freedom, he notice me observing him. He gave me the stink eye. I thought to myself:
Wow, that's a little condescending.
A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live...
Patient - "No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"
Doctor - "Money-wise, you are now set for life"
A man walks into a psychologist's office
The psychologist says, "Tell me about yourself?"
The man replies, "It is my deeply held belief that I am in fact a moth."
The psychologist is a little surprised, but being a professional, he thinks for a moment and says, "Well, I am sure I can help you overcome that."
Indignant, the man shoots back, "No way! I love being a moth, thank-you very much!"
"So why on Earth did you come in here?"
"Oh, well I was just passing by and I saw your light on..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the man say to the feminist to get her angry?
Nothing. The fact that he didn't say anything to her made her think that he thought he was superior and therefore a sexist, misogynistic, s**... of the earth
My friend's nanotechnology company is doing really well.
In fact, it's doing so well that he's considering moving to smaller premises.
A little 3-year-old girl
was playing with her miniature tea set. Her father was in the living room and her mother was out shopping. The little girl came out to the living room and offered her father a cup of tea, which was in fact just water. He thought this was really cute, so she did it several more times. When the mother came home, the father had the mother stop and watch the little tea ritual, as her daughter brought the father another cup of tea (water) and he drank it. The mother said, Very nice. But has it occurred to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A very drunk man walks in to a pub
He tells the bartender "bartender, I want a drink. In fact, give everyone in here a drink on me. You have a drink with us, too." The bartender serves everyone a drink of their choosing and himself then hands the drunk man the bill. The drunk man pats himself down looking for his wallet and says "it appears I've misplaced my wallet." The bartender gets upset, grabs the drunk man by his neck, drags him out back and kicks the ever-lovin-s**... out of the drunk man. A few minutes later the drunk man walks in and says "Bartender, I'm buying another drink for everyone in here. But not you. You get mean when you drink."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have come to the realization that I am, in fact, a man trapped inside a woman's body…
In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have put the l**... next to the glue…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbors think I'm having s**... with a 3 year old.
I tried to explain it to them but they didn't seem comforted when I cleared up the fact that my German Shepherd is actually 21 in dog years.
My girlfriend is mad about the fact that I have a bad sense of direction
So I got up and right
*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...
...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.
Did you know that there's a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?
This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can't jump
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So they say m**... regularly is supposed to increase how long you live by about a year and a half.
I have done the math, and figured out that I am, in fact, immortal.
People tell me I raised my child the wrong way.
When in fact pulleys are very efficient.
\[OC\]
[blonde] Two girls were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yes... no... yes... no...yes..."
A man is in a mental hospital because he believes himself to be a seed.
He is treated for years by one of the world's best psychiatrists. After 6 years, he finally becomes convinced that he is not, in fact, a seed. There is a party to celebrate his release from the hospital.
A chicken shows up to the party. The man freezes and slowly starts to inch behind a nearby tree. His psychiatrist notices and sighs: "I thought you were over this. You are not a seed, remember?"
The man replies: "look, you know that I am not a seed. I know that I am not a seed. But does the chicken know?"
I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...
So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.
Timmy had a hard time accepting the fact that he was gay and dyslexic...
He was in Daniel.
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.
I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and h**....
"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."
"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.
The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the h**... have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'
So I held a race between my farmhands. They ran equally fast, and demanded I determine the winner.
However, they both threatened to leave the farm if I declared the other the winner. I felt unable to make a decision. As a matter of fact, my hands were tied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
FACT: 24 astronauts AND the Wright Brothers were born in Ohio.
Something about that c**... state makes people want to flee the Earth.
I just got a joke book whose entire gimmick is the fact that you can rip the pages out and hand it to people.
Its a book of tear-able puns.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe.
Not even remotely.
(I stole this joke from fb and it made my drunk a**... laugh out loud so I wanted to share but I'm sorry if it's a repost)
A geologist was driving down a country road
A geologist was driving down a country road when he saw this beautiful rock formation. He pulled over to get a closer look. As he was admiring the rock, an old farmer drove up. The geologist asked if he knew how long the rock had been here.
The farmer says "in fact, I do! It's a million and 7 years old"
The geologist stunned a bit says "that's oddly specific, how do you know that?"
The farmer goes "well, another feller like you came to look at this same rock and he said it was a million years old. And that was about 7 years ago"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.
Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've f**... at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the h**... you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
I tried having my mother's phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dad's name, he'd have to be the one to put in the request.....
The fact that he'd been dead for 40 years didn't sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?
Well, yes, she said reluctantly. But that would ruin his credit.
Dear sir, On behalf of Channel Four may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show.
Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt". Kind regards Channel Four.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
23andme is a scam.
I know for a fact my grandparents immigrated to America from Argentina, but my results still came back German .
It was a sad and disappointing day
when I discovered my universal remote control did not in fact control the universe.
Not even remotely.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
23andme is a fake, rip-off scam website.
The results of my ancestry came back 85% German and 10% Bavarian/Eastern European, but I know *FOR A FACT* that my grandparents came to the USA from **Argentina!**
The fact Ozzy has COVID now just shows bats always get their revenge.
(All the best to them, hope he gets to live a long time)
a long fish story
An ichthyology student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How are the studies going?" the bartender asks. "Really great. In fact, right now I'm working on my thesis to explain why koi fish always swim in groups of four," the student replies. "Why do they do that?" the bartender asks. "Well, in the wild, if a group of four koi are attacked by a predator, the odds are good that let's say the A koi, the B koi, and the C koi will all escape to reproduce and live another day," the student says. "Because the predator will always go for the D koi."
