Facing Jokes

105 facing jokes and hilarious facing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about facing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Facing Short Jokes

Short facing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The facing humour may include short faced jokes also.

  1. So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
  2. What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!
  3. I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party. Everyone came, you should have seen her face.
  4. My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
  5. A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine. He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
  6. What did the Tibetan monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine? "I can't believe it's not Buddha."
  7. When I asked my daughter what she wanted for dinner, she said with a straight face, "uncooked boys." Ramen. Took me second, but I was much relieved when I figured it out.
  8. I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
  9. (from my 11 yo) What does Darth Vader say after cutting someone's head off with a lightsaber? "I find your lack of face disturbing."
  10. I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary... I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

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Facing One Liners

Which facing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with facing? I can suggest the ones about confronted and two faced.

  1. Why does Batman leave his lower face visible? So cops can see that he's white
  2. Break ups are the worst in China... You see her face everywhere.
  3. What does Chris Rock have on his face right now? Fresh prints!
  4. Why are gay people bad liars? They can't keep a straight face
  5. Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.
  6. I first noticed I was going bald When it took longer and longer to wash my face.
  7. Why is your nose in middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.
  8. "Siri, why am I single?" Siri: opens front face camera
  9. Box of condoms = $6.99 Cashier's face when you ask where the fitting room is = Priceless
  10. Why do gay people smile so much? It's hard for them to keep a straight face.
  11. Had to quit my job at the watch factory. The guy sitting opposite me, kept making faces.
  12. Why do gay people laugh a lot? Because they can never keep a straight face.
  13. I finally figured out why I look so bad in photos. It's my face.
  14. Yo Mama has so many warts... Her face spells "ugly" in Braille
  15. Why can't gay people play poker? Because they can't keep a straight face.

Facing joke, Why can't gay people play poker?

Cheeky Facing Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about facing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean face covering jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make facing pranks.

"We were facing a global climate problem, we were broke and couldn't afford a House at your time! And yet we tried our best to save the planet when we were in the mhidst of all of this. People had bigger contribution to our overall problem back then. What has YOUR generation done, nowadays?"

"okay, millennial" says a Generation AA

Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated...

Now I`m facing s**... harassment charges.

A Russian man comes across an old v**... bottle

When he picks it up and opens it, a genie appears.
"Thank you so much for releasing me! Now let me do something for you. How would you like to become a Hero of the Soviet Union?"
The man consents.
All of the sudden, he finds himself on a battlefield facing eight German tanks with eight grenades.

A blonde and her friend...

Are recently hired putting up siding on a house. They're working on opposite sides so the first one goes to check on the second. She watches as she pulls a nail from her bag, lookas at it, and throws it away. She hollers up and asks what that was about. The second blonde says some of the nails are defective. The point is facing the wrong way so she throws those out. The first blonde says, " You idiot! They aren't defective, they're for the other side of the house "

I had a big mix up at the store today.

Apparently when the clerk said s**... down facing me, she was referring to my credit card.

After last nights performance you've really got to feel sorry for goalkeeper Júlio César...

The last time i saw a brazilian facing that many shots he was jumping a ticket barrier at stockwell.

A music teacher is facing the judge in court

After a few minutes, the judge recognises the man and asks him a question. "Hey, wasn't it you who taught my son to play the drums?"
"Uhh... yeah?" he replied.
"Life in prison for you!"

Sven And olaf

Sven and Olaf are repairing the roof on the barn, Olaf hammers a few nails, then throws one over his shoulder, pounds a few more and throws another away. He keeps doing this till Sven sees him and asks "Olaf vhy do you keep trowing avay the nails?" Olaf replies " ah there are so many facing the wrong vay" "ufda!" Sven yells " Vad Fan? pucko, they are for the odder side of the roof!!"

A gay couple wake up from sleep

First guy -Are you mad at me?
Second guy - No, what makes you think that?
The first guy - Why were you sleeping facing me?

How do you know you're facing a polish firing squad?

They stand around you in a circle

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,
"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "
"Do you expect me to talk? "
"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to dye. "

Caitlyn Jenner has been charged with manslaughter.

And now I hear she's facing charges for a car accident. That's rough!

Joke from the rabbi of one of the synagogues I went to.

A professional baseball player was very religious. So religious, in fact, that every time he stepped up to the plate he would cross himself.
During a particular game, he was facing a particularly impatient pitcher. The batter stepped out to cross himself, and the pitcher yelled out, "Hey! Why don't you just let God watch the game for once!?"

Me and my girlfriend...

Me and my girlfriend watched 6 DVDs back to back last night, fortunately I was the one facing the TV!

Emergency flashers

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coats that exposed their n**... bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
But to my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my cardboard cutouts. And, of course, traffic began backing up. Everybody tooted their horns and waved like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!

Me: Siri, why am I alone?

Siri: *opens front facing camera*

Two gay guys are sleeping...

Facing each other..
One of them says to the other, "Are you angry with me?"

A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.

The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.

Three guys get trapped in an elevator overnight.

They accept their fate and decide to sleep facing up. When they wake up, the guy on the left says "I had an awesome dream I got a h**...."
The guy on the right says "I had the same dream."
The guy in the middle says "I had a dream I went skiing."

Howard and Dale walk into a bar

They sit down at the bar and see people scuba diving on the tv.
"So here's a question" says Howard "How come scuba divers sit on the side of the boat with their oxygen tanks facing outward, and fall backwards off the boat?"
Dale thought for a minute and then said "Thats easy, if they fell forward they'd still be in the frigging boat!"

Have you heard about the fan company that accidentally installed their fan blades backwards?

They're facing some major blowback.

So, there's this man named Dave and he's been a really successful doctor

However, lately he's been facing a little dilemma of wanting to have s**... with his patients.
One voice in his head says, "Oh come on Dave, there's probably been plenty of doctors who have done this before, it won't be any different if you do it too".
The other voice in his head says "But Dave, you're a veterinarian".

Confusion at McDonalds

When I got ready to pay for my breakfast, the cashier said "s**... down, facing me". I did just that. When the shrieking had died down, I found out she was referring to my debit card.

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the television.

Love him or hate him at least President Trump is raising awareness of one of the greatest challenges facing America.....

....Mental Health. 'Cause either that dude is crazy or I am and my best guess is before all this is said and done we're all going to need a little therapy.

What direction was Kanye West facing when his dough was rising?

Yeast ;D

The 3 biggest issues facing the world today.

Alliteracy and numeracy.

Mexicans are having a hard time facing the facts that the Trump administration is going to build a wall...

But they'll get over it.

A bank robber's mask falls off mid-heist.

He makes eye contact with a hostage directly facing him and shoots him. He puts his mask back on and turns to face the other two hostages, a man and a woman. "Did either of you see my face?!" He yells.
The man answers, "I didn't, but I think my wife might have..."

Little Johnny sometimes mixed up words while speaking

And one day he was facing a m**.... Little Johnny said "Police donut kill meme!"

I'm a chick magnet

But we always tend to have the same pole facing each other.

For Father's Day, my wife gave me a rear facing camera for my car.

I haven't looked back since.

During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.

The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…

I got kicked out of the grocery store while trying to pay with a debit card.

The terminal instruction read "s**... down, facing cashier".
I locked eyes for dominance.

What do you say to a small mammal facing a challenging task?

Gofer it!

My girlfriend and I watched 3 movies back to back on Netflix

Good thing I was facing the TV.

The priest wants to check how the freshly married couple is doing

Approaching their door, he not only finds it unlocked, but slightly ajar, too.
Worrying for their wellbeing , he says his prayers and enters.
As he walks into the living room he finds the husband, lying on the hearthrug, n**..., his back facing the clergyman.
'Are you back my angel?', the n**... asks.
The priest coughs awkwardly and says:'No, but I work for the same guy'

My girlfriend and I just watched the latest episodes of Game Of Thrones back to back

unfortunately my side wasn't facing the tv

What happens when a girl catches her boyfriend staring at other women in a yoga class?

He is put in the downward facing doghouse.

Captain Morgan now facing s**... assault accusations. Local authorities asking victims one question.

Have you had a little Captain in you?

My town has been recently facing power outages that last for weeks

However, the government doesn't want to shed light on the matter

Does h**... a woman's leg count as s**... harassment?

If so, my dog is gonna be facing a lot of allegations on Twitter.

My friend and I recently watched the Star Wars films back to back in preparation for The Last Jedi...

unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the screen.

Why do Welsh people keep their sheep facing the cliff?

So they push back.

My first car was a chick magnet.

Chicks ran away. It must've been facing the wrong way.

Why was the 1 year old African kid depressed?

He was facing a mid-life crisis

Last night my sister and I watched 3 movies back-to-back.

Good thing I was facing the tv.

So I got my concealed carry permit yesterday

So I got my concealed carry gun permit yesterday and then went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small caliber p**... for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun, the cashier said, s**... down, facing me. Making a mental note to complain about these new invasive gun control laws, I did as she instructed. After her hysterical shrieking subsided, I realized she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the reader. I still don't think I looked that bad.

I watched 3 movies back to back with my wife last night.

Luckily, I was the one facing the screen.

I was feeling Cold last night

Apparently Cold has now joined the #metoo movement and I am now facing charges.

I'm facing a lot of restrictions with my new diet.

The biggest being my jeans.

Last night me and my wife watched 3 movies back to back.

Fortunately, I was the one facing the TV.

The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning.

"It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.

Went and got my first gun yesterday

Went and got a 9mm p**... I go to pay for the gun and the cashier says s**... down facing me
Realizing this is probably because of gun wackos I did as she instructed
When the shrieking from customers and alarms stopped I realized the cashier was referring to how I should swipe my credit card

My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back

It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv

Two Carpenters

Two carpenters were working on a house. One older one and one newer to the job. They were both working on one side of the house. After a few hours of working the older guy noticed the young guy looking at every nail, then dropping about half. The older one exclaimed about this and asked. Why are you wasting those perfectly good nails? the second guy answered
They're facing the wrong direction!
You idiot! The older man exclaimed. They're for the other side of the house!

Just got done with movie night!

My girlfriend and I just got done watching 2 movies back to back... Luckily I was the one facing the T.V.

Who is brave enough to find new friends while facing a gun?

Jessica Fletcher

I got arrested today for robbing a McDonald's with a plastic knife.

I'm currently facing ten years in jail for armed burgerly.

[Maybe OC] Did you hear about the man who got arrested for looking at stern clocks?

He was facing some serious time

What did the bird say when it was facing some competition?

Tou-can play it this game

Do you know why Batman didn't become a cop in spite of facing the same risk as cops?

He doesn't want to do the paperwork

Skittles, SweetTart, Starburst, and Jolly Rancher are all facing class action lawsuits.

They are all being charged for descrimination by assuming assignition of flavors to particular colors.

Tekashi 6ix9ine is facing life in prison..

I hope his cell is 6ixby9ine too

Soulja Boy may be facing 20 years in prison for selling a console with counterfeit games

It'll be the first time a mumble rapper completes a sentence.

Heard those hikers got out of the mine but are facing charges

Very *minor* charges

Looking for a Writing Partner for a book.

"Facing Codependency Together"

So 6ix9ine could be facing life in prison

Maybe a mumble rapper will finally finish a sentence

With Nixon tattooed on Roger Stone's back...

Inmates will soon get to see a criminal and a liar no matter which side of him they're facing

When the cashier said, "s**... down, facing me"

How was I to know she meant my debit card?

My father loved the photos and paintings of John Audubon

He collected as many photos and paintings of all the different birds around the world.
As he lay on his deathbed facing the "wall of wading birds" I asked him if he would have done anything different.
His eyes panned across the wall and he frowned. With his last words he said.
"I have no egrets"

I wanted to write a letter to the Governor . . .

opposing a bill being considered in the Virginia legislature. But with Gov Northram's facing a chorus of demands for his resignation because of his blackface photo, and the next two officials in line to succeed him embroiled in their own controversies, I wasn't sure to whom I should send my letter.
I finally decided the safest choice was to mail it to the Governor's Mansion, "Current occupant."

Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.

One yells to the other, 'How do you get to the other side?' The other blonde replies, 'You are on the other side!'

Last night, my wife and I watched 4 films back to back

Luckily, I was facing the TV

I watched all of Game of Thrones back to back with the girlfriend,

Fortunately I was the one facing the TV.

Facing the consequences

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, How long have you been wearing that bra? The friend replies, Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.

I feel like most of the issues facing us this year could have been avoided if people listened to each other.

But I guess that's why they say hindsight is 2020!

The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degrees.

Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.

A little boy was in a relative's wedding.

As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"

I asked Siri Why I'm still single?

She opened the front facing camera

My wife and I just finished watching all of The Office back to back...

Thankfully I was the one facing the telly.

Two cowboys facing each other:

- I have the fastest hand in the whole Wild West!
- I have a girlfriend!

Facing joke, Two cowboys facing each other:

jokes about facing