Cheerful Fun Faces Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
Aftershave's aftereffects.
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like.
I bought a CD of ice cream van music.
Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..
Why are there so few female politicians?
It's hard to put makeup on two faces.
Ugly Faces
One fine day in a preschool....
Child: -makes ugly faces-
Teacher: Stop it
Child: Why?
Teacher: When I was your age, my teacher told me if I make ugly faces, it'll stay that way
Child: Oh, you didn't listen did you?
A black boy asks his white parents
"Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".
A long day at the hospital
After a long day working at the hospital 3 doctors are walking home:
- "After seeing so many patients, it's really nice to see normal, healthy people" says the first doctor, a GP
- "Not only that, they are actually alive" answers the coroner
- "Who cares about all that! Just look at all those faces! Lovely, lovely human faces!" shouts the proctologist
The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today
"It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
The England Football team.....
visited a Brazilian orphanage this morning. 'It's heartbreak to see their sad little faces with no hope' said Jose, age 6.
People don't approve when I run up to them in the street & try to make plaster casts of their faces.
At least that's the impression that I get.
There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...
The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
Unicorns have the best poker faces.
You can explore faces frown reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean faces face lift dad jokes. There are also faces puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I hate hipsters
Their vegan diets, whiskery faces, tiny feet, and sawdust bedding. Oh wait, hamsters, I hate hamsters
People claim they're into
recycling, but just watch their faces when you rinse out a c**....
Little Johnny at the playground
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground
She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.
Screw anyone
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool.
He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"
She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it."
He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
How do Muslim women get wrinkles off their faces?
Fabric softener.
Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous
I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.
"A Marine and his commanding officer.....!!!"
A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!" The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like."
From grandma: Why do women wear p**... with flowers on them?
In memory of all the faces that were buried there.
Why did people make white chocolate?
So black kids could get dirty faces too.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
Pimples don't come on boys faces till they hit 13
Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association,
Nice to see a lot of new faces here today.
Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic
I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.
Why don't chickens wear underwear?
Because their peckers are on their faces.
Two altar boys are hoping to work in a church.
They are walking down the aisle in the church when the priest sees them. He walks up to them and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."
Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly?
So he could look at others' faces.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous
I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.
A man walks into a bar..
...and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, n**... or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-a**... love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"
"Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous."
"I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous
I see a lot of new faces today.
Plastic surgery anonymous
"Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."
There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery...
The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"
My plastic surgeon didn't even recognize me after the surgery
I guess he's just terrible with faces
There are 101 nuns on a bus....
They are all going on a trip. The head Mother Superior stand up and faces all the nuns. She says
"There seem to a problem going on in our church"
99 nuns gasp and one snickers.
She then hold up a c**... and says
"I had found this in our chapel"
99 nuns gasp and one snickers.
"But don't worry" she says, "well find them soon, there's a hole in it"
99 nuns snicker and one gasps.
At a Plastic-Surgery-Addicts-Anonymous meeting
Ah, I see we have a few new faces here today.
Ugly Faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to have a talk with the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Growing old
First you forget names;
Then you forget faces;
Then you forget to zip up your fly;
And then you forget to unzip your fly.
The American soccer team visited an orphanage today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad faces without hope." said Bill Rogers, age 6.
Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group
I see a lot of new faces around
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
The Cleveland Browns team visited an orphanage today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous...
... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.
Billy makes faces at the other students
After seeing Billy make faces, Ms Smith stopped to tell Billy off. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was young, I was told if that I made ugly faces, I would stay like that when the wind changes." Billy looked up and said, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous
I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.
I went to my plastic surgery addicts anonymous meeting today.
I saw a lot of new faces.
The England Football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday..
"It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.
A captain was flying over a mental hospital...
...when suddenly he started laughing vigorously.
"What's so funny?" Asked the co-pilot.
The captain answered: "I'm just imagining their faces when they realize I'm not there anymore"
The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning.
"It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.
I use alcohol as a cosmetic.
Applying it to other peoples faces, makes mine look better.
One time my math professor asked everyone in class to write a complex number on their forehead
You could probably imagine the expressions on our faces.
Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts meating
I see a lot of new faces today
A man goes for an interview
The first question he faces - "What are your strengths and weaknesses?"
Man - I have a good sense of humor, but my general knowledge is weak.
Interviewer - Okay tell me joke
Man - Knock Knock
Interviewer - Who's there?
Man - The first president of The United States of America
Interviewer - The first president of The United States of America who?
Man - That I don't know
My mom has a picture of me in her wallet
And none of my siblings. She said that whenever she faces a problem, she looks at my picture and the problem disappears.
I felt really touched till she said that she asks herself "what other problem can be bigger than this one?"
Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Anonymous!
It's great to see so many new faces today!
A zoo's only gorilla dies...
so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.
In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!
Why do clocks get Covid?
Their hands are on their faces.
The guy who took Pelosi's podium faces trial next week
But he won't be taking the stand
My favorite 2 liner
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a few new faces this week and I'm disappointed.
England cricket team visited an orphanage in Chennai today
It is so tragic and heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope! I wish we could do something to help them!
Said 6 year old Venkatswamy after the crushing defeat of English cricket team
Had to quit my job at the watch factory.
The guy sitting opposite me, kept making faces.
Pedro gets a New Secretary.
Pedro gets a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye.
Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs?"
Pedro: Didn't quite notice."
Dora: "What color are her eyes?"
Pedro: Haven't had the time to check."
Dora: "What are the nail polish colors she uses, metallic, gel or neon ?"
Pedro: Not a clue in the world."
Dora: "Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick?
Pedro: I barely spoke to her, so don't know.
Dora: "How does she dress?"
Pedro: "Very quickly
Today I saw two blind guys fighting...
Should've seen their faces when I said "My money's on the one with the knife"
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at varying levels.
The monkeys at the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces, whereas the monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a**....
I recently lost my job as a watchmaker
I got told it was because I stood around and made faces all day.
hello, and welcome to the plastic surgery addiction meeting
im seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd, and i must say im disappointed.
Why snakes avoid hospitals in US?
Because it "cost an arm and a leg" to enter one !
\------------------------------------------------------
Note: this is first dad joke I write and make ... hope it can put some smiles on some of people faces .. have a good evening guys
PS : in a second thought .. I should had made it " **Why snakes can't enter into hospitals in US?** " LOL
Why do women have flowers on the front of thier p**...?
In memory of all the faces buried there.
Missing my dad today. Here's the friends in low places parody he used to sing to us at bathtime.
I take baths in wet places
Where the waters warm
And the soap chases my dirty away
I'm clean today
Now I'm not big on washing faces
Think I'll slip on down and wash other places
I take baths
In wet places
A serial killer goes on a killing spree
He then skins all the faces off his victim and puts them in giant scrapbook.
The scrapbook is then tied to a post which he erects on his front lawn. It is quite a gruesome sight to behold.
Naturally the police find him pretty easily.
When he gets to court though his case is thrown out by the judge.
When asked why he let a serial killer go, the judge replies: "If we arrested everyone for bad facebook posts, half the country would be in jail!".
Why do women have flowers on the front of their underwear?
It's in loving memory of all the faces buried there.
Police pulls over a car driving 15 mph in a 70 mph speed zone
It was an older woman driving. He asks her why she was driving slow.
She says - "I saw a sign that said I-15, so I thought the speed limit was 15 mph"
Officer - "That is the sign for the Interstate 15. The speed limit is 70 mph on this road"
Then he notices 3 other older ladies in the back seat whose faces were white as a sheet.
He asks the driver whats wrong.
Her - "Oh, we just came off I-215"
2 blind men were having a fight
2 blind men were having a fight, you should have seen their faces when I called out ''My money is on the one with the knife''
Before I start this week's Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting,
I'd like to bring attention to some of the new faces I see here today..
What's the difference between the contents of a man's wallet before and after kids?
Before kids the pictures on the paper in his wallet had faces of presidents on them...
I was sitting on a bus behind a mother and her young son.
Her boy kept pulling funny faces at me so I said, "When I was young, my mother told me that if I made an ugly face and the wind changed, I'd stay that way."
The little boy replied, "Well, you can't say she didn't warn you!"
