Faces Jokes
121 faces jokes and hilarious faces puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about faces that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Faces Short Jokes
Short faces jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The faces humour may include short surface jokes also.
- So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
- What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!
- I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party. Everyone came, you should have seen her face.
- My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
- A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine. He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
- What did the Tibetan monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine? "I can't believe it's not Buddha."
- When I asked my daughter what she wanted for dinner, she said with a straight face, "uncooked boys." Ramen. Took me second, but I was much relieved when I figured it out.
- I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
- (from my 11 yo) What does Darth Vader say after cutting someone's head off with a lightsaber? "I find your lack of face disturbing."
- I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary... I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.
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Faces One Liners
Which faces one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with faces? I can suggest the ones about spots and facing.
- Why does Batman leave his lower face visible? So cops can see that he's white
- Break ups are the worst in China... You see her face everywhere.
- What does Chris Rock have on his face right now? Fresh prints!
- Why are gay people bad liars? They can't keep a straight face
- Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.
- I first noticed I was going bald When it took longer and longer to wash my face.
- Why is your nose in middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.
- "Siri, why am I single?" Siri: opens front face camera
- Box of condoms = $6.99 Cashier's face when you ask where the fitting room is = Priceless
- Why do gay people smile so much? It's hard for them to keep a straight face.
- Had to quit my job at the watch factory. The guy sitting opposite me, kept making faces.
- Why do gay people laugh a lot? Because they can never keep a straight face.
- I finally figured out why I look so bad in photos. It's my face.
- Yo Mama has so many warts... Her face spells "ugly" in Braille
- Why can't gay people play poker? Because they can't keep a straight face.
Remember Faces Jokes
Here is a list of funny remember faces jokes and even better remember faces puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A woman walked into a bank and took off her top and pulled out a gun she stole thousands, shame no one could remember her face.
- Cinderella's dress Cinderella's dress must have been very revealing if the prince looked at her all evening without being able to remember her face.
- I forgot - what's the name of that two-faced villain, something "dent"? Never mind, I was able to remember. It is President.
- If you ever feel like your life is meaningless Just remember that someone out there provides Donald Trump with face masks.
- A Silver sister can't remember your face But a Silver Bromide
- LPT: If someone punches you in the face, don't worry! You are already getting revenge! Remember that your face is exerting the same amount of force back to the fist that it is exerting on your face
- Call me old fashioned but... I remember when ecstasy was throwing acid in the face of your enemies
- So, a horse walks into a bar... The bartender asks "Why the long face?" And Ann Coulter just flips her hair around while trying to remember when her parents told her she was pretty.
- I've met Stevie Wonder a couple of times. He remembers my name, but hasn't been able to place my face
- An elderly comedian steps onto the stage in the year 2094... I'm so old, I remember when an eyepatch was something you wore on your face, not an update for your cybernetic eyes!

Cheerful Fun Faces Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about faces you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aspect jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make faces pranks.
Aftershave's aftereffects.
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like.
I bought a CD of ice cream van music.
Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..
Why are there so few female politicians?
It's hard to put makeup on two faces.
Ugly Faces
One fine day in a preschool....
Child: -makes ugly faces-
Teacher: Stop it
Child: Why?
Teacher: When I was your age, my teacher told me if I make ugly faces, it'll stay that way
Child: Oh, you didn't listen did you?
A black boy asks his white parents
"Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".
A long day at the hospital
After a long day working at the hospital 3 doctors are walking home:
- "After seeing so many patients, it's really nice to see normal, healthy people" says the first doctor, a GP
- "Not only that, they are actually alive" answers the coroner
- "Who cares about all that! Just look at all those faces! Lovely, lovely human faces!" shouts the proctologist
The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today
"It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
The England Football team.....
visited a Brazilian orphanage this morning. 'It's heartbreak to see their sad little faces with no hope' said Jose, age 6.
People don't approve when I run up to them in the street & try to make plaster casts of their faces.
At least that's the impression that I get.
There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...
The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
Unicorns have the best poker faces.
There's four things I'm no good with: faces, names and numbers.
I hate hipsters
Their vegan diets, whiskery faces, tiny feet, and sawdust bedding. Oh wait, hamsters, I hate hamsters
People claim they're into
recycling, but just watch their faces when you rinse out a c**....
The Japanese soccer team visits an orphanage in Spain.
"It's so sad to see the hopeless looks on their faces", said Rico, age 6.
Little Johnny at the playground
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground
She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.
Screw anyone
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool.
He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"
She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it."
He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
How do Muslim women get wrinkles off their faces?
Fabric softener.
Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous
I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.
"A Marine and his commanding officer.....!!!"
A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!" The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like."
From grandma: Why do women wear p**... with flowers on them?
In memory of all the faces that were buried there.
Why does it take Hillary Clinton so much time to get ready in the morning?
It takes a lot of time to put make-up on both faces.
Why did people make white chocolate?
So black kids could get dirty faces too.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
Pimples don't come on boys faces till they hit 13
Three old women are sitting on a park bench
when a guy in a trench-coat walks up close to them and flashes his goods in their faces.
While the first two women had a s**...,
third one couldn't reach it.
Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association,
Nice to see a lot of new faces here today.
Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic
I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.
Why don't chickens wear underwear?
Because their peckers are on their faces.
I've been thinking about getting cat faces tattooed around my n**...,
but I'm not sure how my boyfriend feels about t**... tats.
Two altar boys are hoping to work in a church.
They are walking down the aisle in the church when the priest sees them. He walks up to them and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."
Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly?
So he could look at others' faces.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous
I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.
A man walks into a bar..
...and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, n**... or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-a**... love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"
I wonder why dogs get mad when you blow in their faces
but as soon as you put them in a car they stick their head out the window.
"Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous."
"I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous
I see a lot of new faces today.
Ms. Smith told little Timmy...
Little Timmy was making strange and contorted faces. Ms. Smith came up to him and told him she was told not to make funny faces or else it would stay like that. Little Timmy replied, "Well you were warned"
Plastic surgery anonymous
"Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."
There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery...
The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"
My plastic surgeon didn't even recognize me after the surgery
I guess he's just terrible with faces
They said due to my dyslexia, I wouldn't stand a chance in a spelling bee.
You should've seen the look on their faces when I proved them grown.
There are 101 nuns on a bus....
They are all going on a trip. The head Mother Superior stand up and faces all the nuns. She says
"There seem to a problem going on in our church"
99 nuns gasp and one snickers.
She then hold up a c**... and says
"I had found this in our chapel"
99 nuns gasp and one snickers.
"But don't worry" she says, "well find them soon, there's a hole in it"
99 nuns snicker and one gasps.
At a Plastic-Surgery-Addicts-Anonymous meeting
Ah, I see we have a few new faces here today.
Ugly Faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to have a talk with the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Growing old
First you forget names;
Then you forget faces;
Then you forget to zip up your fly;
And then you forget to unzip your fly.
The American soccer team visited an orphanage today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad faces without hope." said Bill Rogers, age 6.
Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group
I see a lot of new faces around
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
The Cleveland Browns team visited an orphanage today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
I rub bacteria on peoples faces to make cool patterns of acne.
I Guess you could call me a breakout artist.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous...
... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.
Billy makes faces at the other students
After seeing Billy make faces, Ms Smith stopped to tell Billy off. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was young, I was told if that I made ugly faces, I would stay like that when the wind changes." Billy looked up and said, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous
I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.
I love the look on people's faces, standing soaked in the rain at the bus stop as I drive past.
It's partly why I became a bus driver.
I went to my plastic surgery addicts anonymous meeting today.
I saw a lot of new faces.
A man kills a deer...
A man kills a deer and brings it home for dinner but tells the wife not to tell the children what type of meat they will be eating. Later as they're enjoying their meal the father asks his children if they know what type of meat they'd been enjoying. With puzzled looks on their faces he adds, 'It's what mommy calls daddy'.
The oldest grabs the forks of his younger siblings and exclaims, 'Don't eat that, its an a**...!!'
The England Football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday..
"It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.
A captain was flying over a mental hospital...
...when suddenly he started laughing vigorously.
"What's so funny?" Asked the co-pilot.
The captain answered: "I'm just imagining their faces when they realize I'm not there anymore"
The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning.
"It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.
The German football team visited a Russian orphanage today
"It was tough, seeing their sad little faces with no hope", said Vova, age six.
I use alcohol as a cosmetic.
Applying it to other peoples faces, makes mine look better.
What has 3 sides, 4 corners, and 4 faces?
A USB drive
A Texas Biologist
A Texas biologist, who discovered that the life of a porpoise could be prolonged indefinitely if it were fed a steady diet of seagulls, has been arrested at the Louisiana border. He faces charges of transporting gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.
One time my math professor asked everyone in class to write a complex number on their forehead
You could probably imagine the expressions on our faces.
Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts meating
I see a lot of new faces today
Why do woman's p**... have flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces buries there
Something stinks on my flight
I can't find it. I know I'm not the only one. Everybody around me has scrunched up faces. Someone hit the flight attendant button. The flight attendant notices quickly as well, and begins searching for the source. She starts ripping open the overhead storage bins, smelling each one cautiously. With a wretch, she grabs one case from above, yanks it to the ground and opens it to find a dead rabbit. The owner immediately jumps up and tells, "Hey, that's my carrion!"
A man goes for an interview
The first question he faces - "What are your strengths and weaknesses?"
Man - I have a good sense of humor, but my general knowledge is weak.
Interviewer - Okay tell me joke
Man - Knock Knock
Interviewer - Who's there?
Man - The first president of The United States of America
Interviewer - The first president of The United States of America who?
Man - That I don't know
My mom has a picture of me in her wallet
And none of my siblings. She said that whenever she faces a problem, she looks at my picture and the problem disappears.
I felt really touched till she said that she asks herself "what other problem can be bigger than this one?"
Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Anonymous!
It's great to see so many new faces today!
A zoo's only gorilla dies...
so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.
In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!
Why do clocks get Covid?
Their hands are on their faces.
The guy who took Pelosi's podium faces trial next week
But he won't be taking the stand
My favorite 2 liner
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a few new faces this week and I'm disappointed.
England cricket team visited an orphanage in Chennai today
It is so tragic and heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope! I wish we could do something to help them!
Said 6 year old Venkatswamy after the crushing defeat of English cricket team
Pedro gets a New Secretary.
Pedro gets a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye.
Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs?"
Pedro: Didn't quite notice."
Dora: "What color are her eyes?"
Pedro: Haven't had the time to check."
Dora: "What are the nail polish colors she uses, metallic, gel or neon ?"
Pedro: Not a clue in the world."
Dora: "Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick?
Pedro: I barely spoke to her, so don't know.
Dora: "How does she dress?"
Pedro: "Very quickly
Today I saw two blind guys fighting...
Should've seen their faces when I said "My money's on the one with the knife"
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at varying levels.
The monkeys at the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces, whereas the monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a**....
Do you think when fat people send smiley faces
They send them like this :))
I was sitting on a bus behind a mother and her young son.
The kid kept looking around and pulling funny faces at me. After a few minutes, I got tired of his antics...
So I said," When I was young, my mother told me that if I made an ugly face I'd stay that way."
To that the little s**... replied " Well, you can't say you weren't warned."

