Face Lift Jokes
22 face lift jokes and hilarious face lift puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about face lift that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Face Lift Short Jokes
Short face lift jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The face lift humour may include short face mask jokes also.
- I was going to get a face-lift but I thought about my health and went for face-stairs instead
- A person decided to go to a cosmetic surgeon for a face lift and the surgeon said, "You're beautiful just the way you are." "After the surgery, of course."
- My wife told me to get her something she can use for her birthday this year. So I got her a face-lift and a tummy tuck.
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Face Lift One Liners
Which face lift one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with face lift? I can suggest the ones about baby face and pretty face.
- My face lift has gone terribly wrong. If anyone knows of a good surgeon, I'm all ears.
- Anyone know how to lift a house? My girlfriend wants me to put foundation on her face.
- A woman decided to have a face lift before she dies ... the end
Howlingly Hilarious Face Lift Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about face lift you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shaved face jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make face lift pranks.
A mum, dad and their son walk into a pub.
After a few drinks, the dad jumps up onto a table and starts reciting quotes from Shakespeare to his wife. The wife joins in, and responds with, "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Then they dramatically kiss, as the whole pub stops and watches.
The son lifts his face from his palms and says, "Please... mum, dad... you're making a scene".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Psychic's advice
A woman went to a psychic and found out she was going to live to be 100!
She figured if she was going to be around that long, she may as well look her best. She got the works! Face lift, b**... job, nose job and looked amazing!
After her final procedure she got hit by a bus and died.
Upon arriving at heaven she cried and cried! "I was supposed to have 40 more years!"
God said "Oh, sorry. I didn't recognize you."
Pregnant
"Oh, Mom!" sobbed Mary, "I'm pregnant!" "What? How could you?" screamed the mother, "And just who is the father?" The daughter lifted up her tearful face and wailed, "How should I know? You're the one who would never let me go steady!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In an alternate universe, the Curiosity rover launch moments after lift-off.
As the rover exploded mid air, the broken pieces of Curiosity fell back to the face of Earth and scattered across the land. Unfortunately, a particularly sharp piece just happened to impale a cat walking about outside.
They said that Curiosity killed the cat.
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills.
One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?”
God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.”
Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.
She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?”
God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!”
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2 TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT- USE THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – OIL AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE OIL. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.
So I'm sat in my mums car at the moment, just me, her and one of my friends who we are giving a lift to...
For the joke she made to make sense, I'll just mention I'm male.
I was bored and digging around in the glove compartment a moment ago, and found a trigger spray suncream container. It's labelled on the front "50+ kids", so I asked her why she had a squirty thing with 50 plus kids in it?
And she said "it's not unusual to have - you've got one with you wherever you go!"
I'm now sat in an awkward journey where my friend can't stop laughing, my mum can't stop smiling, and I have a frown glued to my face.
A middle aged woman suffers a heart attack...
... and meets God before being revived. He tells her not to worry; she's got at least 40 more years of life ahead of her.
Upon waking from surgery, she decides that with all that time left, and since she's at the hospital anyway, she'll get some cosmetic surgery... a face lift, a nose job, breast implants, liposuction, the works.
After recovering from all that, she is on her way home and is hit by a bus and killed. Seeing God again, she cries, "You said I had 40 more years!"
God says, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you".
A woman on the way to her new job
A woman is in her car on the way to her new job at a mental hospital, when the car begins juddering, and she is forced to pull over. She is looking at the engine when a man comes up behind her and says "it's your fan belt, love", before he leans in, and has the car fixed withing seconds. "My god! Thank you so much, do you need a lift anywhere, I must repay you somehow." The man declines, and states that he is a patient at the hospital, and has been let out for a short walk. "I'm a new staff member there, I'm going to pull some strings and get you out, you are in a sound state of mind and you shouldn't be in there" says the woman. The man enthusiastically thanks her for her kindness as she gets back into the car. She is just pulling away when a house brick hurtles through the rear window and smashes her across the face and setting off the airbag. In her stunned state she hears through the shattered glass: "Simon Wright is the name, you won't forget now will you!?".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Lone Ranger gets caught.
The Lone Ranger is caught by a group of Crow braves and buried up to his neck in sand. The leader of the braves tells him he has one last dying request, and so coolly and calmly he whistles to his horse Silver and Silver t**... over and the Lone Ranger whispers something in his ear.
Immediately Silver bolts off into the distance and then quickly returns with a beautiful woman on his back, who gracefully slides off him and proceeds to lift her skirt, sit upon the Lone Ranger's face, and then writhe and buck in screaming ecstasy for a full five minutes before climbing off and walking away.
The crow are so amazed at this sight, and the depths of communication displayed between man and horse that they grant one more request, to which the Lone Ranger once again whistles Silver over, and in a voice of mild annoyance says, "I said a posse."
A 54 year old woman had a heart atack.
She was taken to the hospital for surgery. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up yet?" God said, "No, you have another 34 years to live". Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, tummy tuck, and changed her hair color. Finally she was released from the hospital. While crossing the road on her way home she was killed by a truck. Arriving in front of God in heaven she asked "You said I had another 34 years to live, why didn't you save me from the truck?" God said "I could not recognize you"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is laying in a hospital bed...
He has just taken a few tests, to find out what is wrong with him. He is feeling pretty awful, so he has an IV, and oxygen mask, etc. So the nurse walks in to see if the man needs anything.
Would you like anything? She says.
The man says, Yes, are my t**... black?
The nurse is very confused.
I don't know, sir. She says.
Please check, He says, if my t**... are black .
The woman is still confused, but she decides to check. She lifts up his hospital gown, sees that everything is in order, and puts it back down.
Well, sir, she says, you are fine. Your t**... are not black .
That's great, now listen closely, the man says, removing the oxygen mask from his face, *are my test results back?*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman & an Irishman
are in the hospital laid side by side in different beds. The Englishman looks over at the Irishman and peels away his oxygen mask from his face.
"I'm English..." Said the Englishman.
The Irishman also takes away his mask and gasps, "Irish..."
The Englishman slowly replies, "My name's David..."
"p**......" Replies the Irishman.
"Cancer..." Says the Englishman pointing to his chest.
The Irishman who slowly turns his head and lifts away his oxygen mask replies,
"Sagittarius..."
