Face Lift Jokes
22 face lift jokes and hilarious face lift puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about face lift that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Face Lift Short Jokes
Short face lift jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The face lift humour may include short face mask jokes also.
- I was going to get a face-lift but I thought about my health and went for face-stairs instead
- A person decided to go to a cosmetic surgeon for a face lift and the surgeon said, "You're beautiful just the way you are." "After the surgery, of course."
- My wife told me to get her something she can use for her birthday this year. So I got her a face-lift and a tummy tuck.
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Face Lift One Liners
Which face lift one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with face lift? I can suggest the ones about baby face and pretty face.
- My face lift has gone terribly wrong. If anyone knows of a good surgeon, I'm all ears.
- Anyone know how to lift a house? My girlfriend wants me to put foundation on her face.
- A woman decided to have a face lift before she dies ... the end
Howlingly Hilarious Face Lift Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about face lift you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shaved face jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make face lift pranks.
A bear is sitting at the bar....
Bartender goes up to him, "What can I get for ya?" The bear says, " I'll take a ............... Beer." Bartender asks, "What's up with the pause?" The bear lifts up his arms to the bartenders face and says, " These old things?" "I've had'em for years!!!"
A mum, dad and their son walk into a pub.
After a few drinks, the dad jumps up onto a table and starts reciting quotes from Shakespeare to his wife. The wife joins in, and responds with, "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Then they dramatically kiss, as the whole pub stops and watches.
The son lifts his face from his palms and says, "Please... mum, dad... you're making a scene".
Big Pause
A bear walks into a tavern and sits at the bar.
The bartender says, "What can I get'cha there, Bruno?"
The bear says, "I'll have a r**... and..."
He's silent for 30 seconds, then adds, "Coke."
The bartender says "OK. But what's with the big pause?"
The bear lifts his front feet to his face, looks at them, and says "I've had them all my life. Ya got a problem with that, buddy?'
A Psychic's advice
A woman went to a psychic and found out she was going to live to be 100!
She figured if she was going to be around that long, she may as well look her best. She got the works! Face lift, b**... job, nose job and looked amazing!
After her final procedure she got hit by a bus and died.
Upon arriving at heaven she cried and cried! "I was supposed to have 40 more years!"
God said "Oh, sorry. I didn't recognize you."
Buffalo Hunt
Two Native American scouts are hunting buffalo in the Great Planes. One scout hops off of his horse and puts his face to the ground, closing his eyes in concentration.
"Buffalo come!", he exclaims as he lifts his head.
"Did you hear them?", asks the mounted scout.
"No," grunts the man, "face sticky."
Pregnant
"Oh, Mom!" sobbed Mary, "I'm pregnant!" "What? How could you?" screamed the mother, "And just who is the father?" The daughter lifted up her tearful face and wailed, "How should I know? You're the one who would never let me go steady!"
In an alternate universe, the Curiosity rover launch moments after lift-off.
As the rover exploded mid air, the broken pieces of Curiosity fell back to the face of Earth and scattered across the land. Unfortunately, a particularly sharp piece just happened to impale a cat walking about outside.
They said that Curiosity killed the cat.
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills.
One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?”
God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.”
Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.
She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?”
God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!”
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2 TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT- USE THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – OIL AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE OIL. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.
So I'm sat in my mums car at the moment, just me, her and one of my friends who we are giving a lift to...
For the joke she made to make sense, I'll just mention I'm male.
I was bored and digging around in the glove compartment a moment ago, and found a trigger spray suncream container. It's labelled on the front "50+ kids", so I asked her why she had a squirty thing with 50 plus kids in it?
And she said "it's not unusual to have - you've got one with you wherever you go!"
I'm now sat in an awkward journey where my friend can't stop laughing, my mum can't stop smiling, and I have a frown glued to my face.
Harambe the gorilla walked into a bar and ordered a drink.
The bartender says, "I don't serve gorillas here."
Harambe says, "you better or I'm gonna do something terrible."
The bartenders say, "oh yeah! Like what?"
Harambe points to a women slumped against the bar and says, "I'm gonna go over there and eat that woman!"
The bartender say, "no you're not!"
So Harambe goes over to the woman, grabs her by the ankles, lifts her up and and proceeds to gobble her up. He wipes his mouth looks at the bartender and asks, "what are you gonna do now?"
The bartender look him in the face and says, "I'm gonna watch you pass out."
Harambe asks, "how's that gonna happen?"
"Cause that's a barbiturate!" Says the bartender.
A middle aged woman suffers a heart attack...
... and meets God before being revived. He tells her not to worry; she's got at least 40 more years of life ahead of her.
Upon waking from surgery, she decides that with all that time left, and since she's at the hospital anyway, she'll get some cosmetic surgery... a face lift, a nose job, breast implants, liposuction, the works.
After recovering from all that, she is on her way home and is hit by a bus and killed. Seeing God again, she cries, "You said I had 40 more years!"
God says, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you".
A woman on the way to her new job
A woman is in her car on the way to her new job at a mental hospital, when the car begins juddering, and she is forced to pull over. She is looking at the engine when a man comes up behind her and says "it's your fan belt, love", before he leans in, and has the car fixed withing seconds. "My god! Thank you so much, do you need a lift anywhere, I must repay you somehow." The man declines, and states that he is a patient at the hospital, and has been let out for a short walk. "I'm a new staff member there, I'm going to pull some strings and get you out, you are in a sound state of mind and you shouldn't be in there" says the woman. The man enthusiastically thanks her for her kindness as she gets back into the car. She is just pulling away when a house brick hurtles through the rear window and smashes her across the face and setting off the airbag. In her stunned state she hears through the shattered glass: "Simon Wright is the name, you won't forget now will you!?".
