Face Jokes

Following is our collection of eyes humor and cheek one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Face puns for adults, dirty face lift jokes or clean groin gags for kids.

There is an abundance of zit jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 62 funniest jokes on face. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any bruise witze you can hear about face.

The Best jokes about Face

So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called,

'Mark has read'.

We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face.

I have no idea who let her into my office.

I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party.

Everyone came, you should have seen her face.

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.


Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.

He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection...

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

What's the difference between a hooker and jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face

Sperm bank

A man and. woman are chatting in an elevator. "What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon."

The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.


A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.

The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.

Man: And that frees me from my sin?

Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

[NSFW] Yesterday I gave a surprise bukkake party to my roommate...

...everyone came.

You should have seen her face.

Why does Batman leave his lower face visible?

So cops can see that he's white

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary...

I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

My wife threatened to leave me because I wouldnt stop singing "I'm a believer". I thought she was joking

And then I saw her face...

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.

After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear.

Who was that?


My mom dropped this one on me

Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"

I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.

Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."

My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.

I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])

It was 11 years ago today that my pal Joey came running out of that room shouting it's a boy it's a boy with tears streaming down his face.

We never went back to Thailand.

A horse walks into a bar...

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City."

A naked woman robbed a bank..

No one could remember her face.

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"

"Your daughter"

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

A woman gets home from work and hears her husband call out from the bedroom...

Husband: can you come here and help me with this clock?

The woman walks in the room and sees her husband sitting at the edge of their bed with a raging hard-on

Wife: thats not a clock

Husband: it will be when you put two hands and a face on it.

Break ups are the worst in China...

You see her face everywhere.

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."

"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"

"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."

My Wife needed something to cheer her up...

That's why I surprised her with a bukkake party. Everyone came. You should've seen her face.

A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar. Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.

"Ow! Why did you do that?" asks he Chinese man.

"That's for Pearl Harbor," says the Jewish man.

"But the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese!" says the Chinese man.

"Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" asks the Jewish man.

So the Chinese man punches the Jewish man.

"Ow! What's that for?" asks the Jewish man.

"It's for the Titanic," says the Chinese man.

"What? That was an iceberg that brought down the Titanic!" says the Jewish man.

"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

If I owned a race horse, I would name it My Face

Just to hear the crowed chant "COME ON! COME ON MY FACE!"

"...and here comes My Face coming up from the rear!"

-Credit goes to my mother
-

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

I met a pretty girl.

Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.

A young boy is bathing with his mother

Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?

Mom replies, That is my sponge.

Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.

A Russian goes to a watchmaker.

He says, "My clock is defective. It only goes 'tic...tic...tic...tic...' unlike the others, which go 'tic...toc...tic...toc...'."
"No problem", says the watchmaker, taking the clock from its owner.
He then shines a light in the clock's face and says menacingly, "We have ways to make it toc."

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday

I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.

Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say...

* If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.

Do you look at your wife's face when you are having sex?

I did once and she looked really angry.


Why angry?


Because she was watching from the window!

A middle school boy comes home crying...

His dad asks, "What's wrong, son?" "A boy at school called me gay!" the son replied. The dad then says, "Well, if he does it again, you can punch him in the face." The boy then stated, "But he's cute!"

I got a massage last week...

and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an erection normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?

Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you?

Drown them.

A man goes up to his wife...

He holds out his hand offering her two aspirin and a glass of water.

She says with a puzzled look on her face "But I don't have a headache?"

He replies with a smirk on his face "good! We can have sex then."

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta

A wife gets naked

…and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?'Β 

Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'

"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"

"Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking...

and then I saw her face...

My girlfriend told me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer" by smash mouth she would dump me...

I thought she was joking
But then i saw her face

Why are ships' portholes round?

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

My wife told me to stop singing "I'm a believer" or she'd kill me. I thought she was joking...

...and then I saw her face...

My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!

I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a customer with her barcode reader for being rude.

The look on his face was priceless.

A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.

He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.

He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"

The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black bastards."

Why are gay people bad liars?

They can't keep a straight face

A girl asked her boyfriend "Which do you love more, my pretty face more or my sexy body?"

Boyfriend - "I love your sense of humor most"

A Horse Walks into a Bar...

He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"

The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."

"It's a boy!" I shouted tears rolling down my face "I don't believe it. A boy!"

Its at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.

Face is a four letter word.

But preface is a foreword letter.

I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday,

I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

I saw this cute homeless girl on the street..

..so I asked her if I could take her home. She smiled and said "sure", boy the look on her face when I walked off with her cardboard box...

A woman in her twenties sees a large black man walking by and decides to flirt with him. So is it true what they say about black guys?

He responds, Sure is. Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes