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Eyebrows Up Jokes

127 eyebrows up jokes and hilarious eyebrows up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eyebrows up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Eyebrows Up Short Jokes

Short eyebrows up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eyebrows up humour may include short eyebrows jokes also.

  1. I had a friend who used to draw on her eyebrows. One day, she accidentally drew them to high. When I told her, she looked surprised.
  2. they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him? grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow
  3. Cosmetic surgery used to be such a sensitive subject. But now when you make jokes about botox, nobody lifts an eyebrow.
  4. I saw a woman in the supermarket pick up her kids by the hair Certainly raised a few eyebrows
  5. My girlfriend started crying because I called her fake So I wiped away her tears and accidentally her eyebrows too
  6. I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high She told me she's tired of my repost BS and divorced me. It was definitely a surprise.
  7. I told my ex that she had drawn her eyebrows on too low today She just scowled at me the entire time
  8. I made a very tasteless joke at an alopecia convention... ...fortunately it didn't raise any eyebrows.
  9. Bank Teller: "Sir, your account is overdrawn." Me: "So are your eyebrows, but you made it work, didn't you?"
  10. I confessed to my girlfriend that I accidentally gave her eyebrow relaxing cream. She didn't seem to care that much.

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Eyebrows Up One Liners

Which eyebrows up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eyebrows up? I can suggest the ones about haircut up and eyelids.

  1. I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high She looked surprised.
  2. I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high... She seemed surprised.
  3. What do you call it when you're shopping for new eyebrows? Browsing.
  4. Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
  5. When is one bigger than two? Eyebrows.
  6. I forgot to pluck my eyebrows while getting ready this morning. It was an oversight.
  7. I used to be a plastic surgeon Which raised a few eyebrows.
  8. I told my friend that she had pencilled in her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  9. -Did you shave my eyebrows while I was sleeping??? +You don't look surprised
  10. I once knew a girl with no eyebrows. she had a hard time expressing herself.
  11. My sister started using a pencil to do her eyebrows. It looks a little sketchy.
  12. What did one eyebrow say to the other? H-eyebrow
  13. I bought an eyebrow trimmer... ... it's changed the way I see the world
  14. I can't follow these instructions on how to apply fake eyebrows They are way over my head
  15. Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

Eyebrows Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about eyebrows up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cross eyed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eyebrows up pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.”
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow.
I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Three men are sitting n**... in the sauna.
Suddenly there is a beeping sound.
The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops.
The others look at him questioningly.
"That's my pager," he says.
"I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings.
The second man lifts his palm to his ear.
When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna.
In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear.
The others raise their eyebrows.
"I'm getting a fax," he explains.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates."
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The Irishman replied, "These are Carol's"

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

My wife is really self-conscious about how thick her eyebrows are

I told her she's crazy; most women would kill for *half* her eyebrows

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Greek and Italian were sitting at a coffee shop one day discussing who had the superior culture...

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire." And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented d**... s**...!" The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,
maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.
"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.
"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse
and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.
"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The d**... dance is called the Twist!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Three men,one German ,one Japanese and a Texan were sitting n**... in a sauna.....

Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting n**... in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, "he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." 
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." 
The Texan felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Texan finally said "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax." 

Two rabbis are at temple...

Two rabbis of great scholarly distinction are spending a quiet morning at Temple, enjoying peaceful contemplation in the near-empty building. Suddenly overwhelmed with spiritual exaltation, the first rabbi stands, and with his hands spread wide exclaimed, "Lord, I am nothing!", and with a deep breath, he sat back down. The second rabbi, feeling a similar rush of soul stirring, stood up, and with his hands clasped over his head and his eyes shut tight, proclaimed calmly "Lord, I am nothing." Sitting back down, both rabbis returned to their talmudic ruminations.
Near the front of the room was a volunteer cleaner, who had been sweeping up and saw both of the revered men make the profound statements. So overcome with emotion having just witnessed the most sublime of confessions from such great leaders of faith, he tossed down his broom, fell to his knees, and wailed "Oh LORD! I am nothing!"
The rabbis both looked up, startled out of meditation. The first rabbi looked at the second, and gesturing towards the cleaner with his eyebrows, said "So look who think's he's nothing."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Southern Ladies

Three southern ladies are sitting on a porch, talking about how much their husbands love them. The first lady says, "My husband loves me so much! He bought me this diamond ring!" The second lady responds, "Oh my!" and the third lady says, "Isn't that nice". The second lady then boasts to her friends, "Well, my husband loves me more! He bought me a Mercedes Benz!" The first lady gasps, "Golly! he does love you!" The third lady says, "Isn't that nice". They then proceed to sip their tea when the first lady looks over at the third and says, "Well, doesn't your husband love you? What did he buy you?" The third lady raises her eyebrows, looks at her and says, "My husband sent me to finishing school, so instead of saying f**... You' I say, 'Isn't that nice!'".

A hobo got robbed

A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.
"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"
"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.
"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"

A blonde goes into an overseas transmission center...

So this blonde goes into this transmission center to go talk to her mother, which is in another continent working 12 hours a day. The male receptionist said "100 dollars please," and the woman remembered she left the cash at home. She didn't have the time to wait, so she said to the male receptionist, "I don't have the money, but please, I'll do ANYTHING to talk to my mother!"
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would suspect) and said again, "Anything?" "Yes," said the blonde. So the man told her to come into a room with him, lock the door, unzip his pants, and pull his tool out.
She did as she was told.
And after a few moments of silence, the man whispers "...well...go on..." And so the woman goes really close to his tool, puts her mouth right in front of it, and........ "Hello? Mom? Can you hear me?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Three men died on Christmas Eve...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The p**... replied, "These are Carols".

After 30 years of marriage...

After 30 years of marriage a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on she went: Neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, and entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

John gets a Christmas parrot

John decided to get his wife a Christmas present. Maybe a puppy. Walking in to the pet store, he searches for the right puppy.
"Excuse me sir, are you looking for a Christmas present?" the clerk asked. "Yes, I think she would like a puppy," John replies.
"Here," motioning towards the back of the store, "we have a very special bird, Chet. He sings Christmas carols. See, light a match and hold it under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh." "Perfect," John exclaims.
Molly was home as she hears John knocking on the door. Letting him in, John proudly smiles, "His name is Chet. I got you a singing parrot!" Raising a eyebrow, Molly stares at him. Placing the parrot on his stand, John lights a match. "Listen to him sing when I hold the match under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing again, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh."
"Well, what do you think?" Jon smiles. Molly stood quietly, "What would happened if you hold the match, well, between his feet?"
Holding the match between his feet, the parrot squawks, "CHET'S NUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE!"

3 young lads trying to get into heaven.

One Christmas eve three young fellas were out on the crawl drinking and partying. All at once a bus came and killed them outright. They came to St Peter at the pearly gates and he told them there was no entry unless they had a Christmassy item to give him. The first fella rumaged in his pockets and pulled out his keys, he shook them and said, 'These are Christmas bells.' The second man pulled out his lighter, held the flame in the air and said, 'It is the star in the east.' St Peter turned to the third man and raised his eyebrows, 'what about you' the man pulled out a pair of ladies knickers. Peter was shocked and exclaimed, 'what are those', the man replied, 'They're Carol's'

A 70 Year Old Women Decides To Get Married

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
...
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Vow of Silence

Chap decides to to join a monastery. As a novice he is only allowed to speak two words to the prior, once every 7 years.
The first seven years go by and he whispers, "Cold floors..."
The next seven years go by and he whispers, "Bad food..."
Seven more years go by and he croaks, "I quit!"
The prior raises his eyebrows and replies, "I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you joined."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

A boy is carrying something past an old man on his porch...

The old man sees him and says "Boy, what'cha got there?"
"Duck tape old man. Imma catch me some ducks!"
"You can't catch ducks with no duck tape." says the old man.
The boy doesn't listen and walks on. 5 minutes later the boy comes back with 10 ducks all caught up in the tape and quacking away. The man is dumbfounded.
The next day the same boy walks carrying something by the old man.
"Boy, what'cha got there?"
"Chicken Wire" the boy says "Imma catch me some chickens"
"Boy you can't catch chickens with no chicken wire." Replied the old man.
The boy walked on, and not 10 minutes later came back with no less than 20 chickens all rolled up in the wire, clucking away. The old man was dumbfounded.
The next day the boy walked by carrying something. The old man raised an eyebrow.
"Boy, whatcha got there?" said the old man
"Pussywillows" replied the boy.
"Hold on" said the old man "Just let me get my hat."

Two functions walk down the street

Two functions walk down the street, 5 and e^x. They see Derivative walking towards them. 5 freaks out, screaming Oh no! Oh no! Derivative is going to come up and operate on me, and then I'll be zero - Oh no!! e^x smugly walks up to Derivative and says, Ha! I'm e^x. You can operate on me all you want and I'll still be e^x. You can't touch me. Derivative looks up, raises an eyebrow, and responds, Oh yeah? I'm partial, with respect to Y.

Lonely widow.

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME &
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a
wheelchair.. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you...you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said...
Rang the doorbell didn't I?

So a man was driving home from work one day...

It's pretty late, so he decides to take the freeway to get there faster. He sees a 60mph speed limit sign and figures no one will ever know if he pushes it a little. 65...70...at 75 he decides he'll get home quick enough, not noticing the cop right behind him.
The cop, seeing him, puts on his lights. The man worriedly realizes "Oh no... I can't get another ticket, I just can't." He gets an idea and pulls over. The cop, shaking his head, walks up to the vehicle.
"Sir, did you know you were going 75 miles per hour in a 60 mile per hour zone?"
The man, thinking quickly, exclaims "My wife's in labor! I need to get her to the hospital stat!"
The cop looks in the vehicle and raises an eyebrow. "You're driving alone, sir."
The man looks around, panicked. "Oh my God! I forgot my wife!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Greek and a Scotsman


A Greek and an Scotsman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Scotsman then replies, 'Well... it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Scotsman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Scots were the ones who
built the first timepieces and calendars.
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented s**...!'
The Scotsman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to women.'

A hundred year-old man and his 98 year-old woman contact a lawyer to arrange a divorce...

...and lawyer asks them "how long have you been married?"
"80 years" the man replies.
"Why do you want a divorce after all this time?" the lawyer asks.
"We hate each other. I hate everything about her. I hate how she talks, how she walks, how she sleeps, how she chews her food, even how she breathes" the man replies. "And she's ugly."
The lawyer looks at the woman, eyebrows raised.
"Yes, " she says, "and I hate him too. I hate his hobbies, his attitudes, the way he treats people, his politics, I cannot stand to be in his presence for more than five minutes. The man is a pig. And he smells."
The lawyer asks "how long have you felt this way?"
"50 years" the mans replies.
"More like 60" says the woman.
"Well then tell me, " asks the lawyer, "why have you waited until now to get a divorce, if you've hated each other for so long."
"We were waiting for the children to die."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

It's Christmas time at the Pearly Gates..

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'
The p**... replied, 'These are Carols.'

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw. Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, 'Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?' 'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there l**... his eyebrows...'

Having bushy eyebrows are like dating twins...

...if you stop paying attention to them they'll touch eachother.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A bartender notices a hideous man at the bar surrounded by several hot women...

...the bartender said to him, "please don't get offended when I tell you this, but I couldn't help noticing you have several beautiful women hanging all over you, and, forgive me, but you are not exactly the most handsome person I've seen. In fact, you are quite ugly. Now normally, I would think that these ladies are attracted to you because of your money, but I can tell by the way you're dressed and the fact that they are buying YOU drinks, it's not the money. Tell me, sir what is it about you that attracts all these b**...?"
The man paused a moment, licked his eyebrows, and said, " I haven't the faintest idea."

The eyebrows agree that they deserve a raise

The eyebrows agree that they deserve a raise.
They say to the man, "hey, we've done exactly what you've asked for years with little compensation. We deserve a raise!"
The man looked surprised.
The eyebrows said, "Thank you."

blond joke

A blonde went into an internet cafe to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ... Take it out....." He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered .."Well ... Go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... tentatively said .... "Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A good, short oldie to end your Monday

A professor is working in his office during his open hours. It's only a week away from the final exam, so he thinks nothing when one his students comes in. That is, until he sees she's in a short skirt, a low cut top, and closes the door behind her.
She quickly takes a seat and leans over the desk, saying, "Professor, I *really* need to pass this class. If I pass this exam, I'll pass the class, so I really need your help. It's very important to me. I mean, I would do *anything* to pass this exam."
She reaches out and touches the professor's hand lightly. The professor raises an eyebrow and glances at the closed door. He clears his t**... and leans in.
"Anything?" he asks.
"Anything," she nods.
He takes in a deep breath and then asks, "Would you . . . study?"

A commissar goes to a collective farm...

... And hails a farmer to ask about how his village's farms are doing.
The farmer says "Oh Comrade Commissar, if we stacked all the potatoes in a pile, it would reach the foot of God!"
The commissar raises an eyebrow and says "Comrade farmer, we live in the USSR. There is no god."
The farmer replied: "That's okay, there are no potatoes either."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Police officer

A police officer stops a speeding car and approaches the driver
Police: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Driver:" Nope"
Police: "Can I see your Licence?"
Driver: "Sorry officer, it has expired"
*The officer raises an eyebrow*
Officer: "Can I see your Registration"
Driver: "You don't want to do that, this car is actually stolen"
* The officer begins to tense*
Officer: "Open up your trunk!"
Driver: "you definitely don't want to do that, there is a dead h**... in there"
The police officer calls back up. 5 policemen approach and search the car. They find no dead h**..., the car isn't stolen and the licence isn't expired.
One of the officers approaches the driver and says: "Sorry sir, there seemed to be a mistake. One of the officers said that you stole a car with an expired licence and killed a h**...."
Driver: "Yeah, I bet he told you I was speeding too"

The Town's 90 year old Duan Juan is asked of his seducing methods...

"What's so special 'bout you that makes women 70 years younger than you crave your company, if ye know what I mean?"

"I honestly got no clue young man"-He answered, as he began to
slowly lick his own eyebrows.

the lonely woman

A lonely woman, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED! MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. ... 3 weeks went by without a reply, and then the doorbell rang. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "and what makes you think you satisfy me in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A girl in a club...

A girl in a club said to me, "Did you know that you can tell the colour of someone's p**... by the colour of their eyebrows?"
"I think I've heard that, yeah."
"And I've got no eyebrows, so what does that tell you?"
"Going by the rest of your face, have you been in a fire?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

The Best s**... Joke Is A Well-Timed Eyebrow Flutter

The best s**... joke is a well-timed eyebrow flutter

Two men are at a bar... (best read out loud)

Two men are at a bar with some friends. One man says to the other, who has a stutter, "hey, Mule. How agout you get us another beer?" 'Mule' nods and scurries to the bar.
He says to the tender, "an-an-ano-another round, please." The bartender raises an eyebrow, after hearing how he's treated by his friend. The tender fills up the beers and puts them on the tray.
About a half-hour later, the guy says, "Oi, Mule. How about some more booze?" Once again, Mule nods and scurries to the bar.
Before he can say a word, the bartender says, "listen, I can't help but notice how he speaks to you. Doesn't that nickname bother you at all?"
To which he replies, "He aw- he aw- he always calls me that."

What do you call eyebrows that are shaven off?

Byebrows!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A son comes to his grandpa..

... And asks him "Grandpa, how comes all girls still like you?"
"Eh, eh, my lil' son...", said the old man l**... his eyebrow

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A joke I heard some time ago

A texan man is driving over the Mexican border with his family. The border guard looks out his booth and notices the jam-packed pickup truck with trailer.
Raising an eyebrow he asks the man: "Planning a longer stay, sir?"
"We're emigrating." the man replies.
Visibly surprised the guard asks: "Why's that?"
The man responds: "Thirty years ago homosexuality was despised. Twenty years ago it became tolerated. Ten ago it was widely accepted. This year it became equal. We're leaving before it becomes mandatory."

A bunch of rocks go to a bar...

The bartender sees them as they come towards him to order drinks, and notices that they are have crystals inside them.
'Where y'all from?' the bartender asks
One of the rocks steps up. 'We're from the local quarry a few blocks away.'
The bartender raises his eyebrows.
'Sorry, we don't serve mine ores.'

Husband Wanted

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'

I asked my friend with really thick eyebrows what he does on the internet, he said

"Eyebrows"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.


'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'
And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.

Why does bread not have eyebrows?

Because it's bread.

eyebro

What did one eyebrow say to the other eyebrow when leaving?
Eyebro.
I will see myself out.

inspired by the girl who was surprised after drawing her eyebrows too high

I tried to tell this foreign exchange student that she drew one of her eyebrows higher than the other, but I don't think her English was very good because she looked confused ​

millennial superstitions

If your phone drops in the toilet bowl, you will have seven years of frustrating eyebrows.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Melania Trump had just undergone f**... botox surgery when an extremely venomous snake bit her eyebrow. Sadly, no living thing has ever survived this creature's toxin.

The snake died moments later.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

"Why does that guy always get all the women?"

"I don't know...he isn't very handsome or rich"
"And he's a terrible conversationalist - all he does is sit there l**... his eyebrows"

What did the esthetician say to the rude customer demanding a free eyebrow job?

I just don't give a pluck.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Some one s**... my eyebrows

I was not surprised.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

2 year old son spits on the floor.

Wife: We don't spit. If it's in your mouth you s**... it.
Husband raises eyebrows.
Wife: You shut up!

I've got a business

Ooh what's your business?
We do facelifts.
And how's that going for you?
Well, we're raising a few eyebrows...
(You get the format, now hit me with your best!)

I've noticed that women are natural born artists

From drawing eyebrows to drawing conclusion.

Donald Trump and Putin walk into a bar.

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin walk into a bar
They approach the bar and take a seat. The bartender, raising his eyebrow questions, " Good afternoon Mister president, what brings you in this fine afternoon?"
"I just made the yuuuugest arms deal in history today with Saudi Arabia and this great, and I mean this great guy here wanted to treat me to a drink as congratulations!" He replied
The bartender, slightly perturbed shakes his head and responds, "Great job sir, what will you have to drink?"
"A White Russian," he turns his head to Putin, and smiles lovingly, "it will be the second one I've had in me today."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A man brings his 12 year old daughter to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he needs birth control for his daughter.
Raising his eyebrows the doctor replies "Is your daughter s**... active?"
The man replies, "s**... active? No. She usually just lays there and cries."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A man runs over to his neighbor's house early one morning...

He bangs on the door and soon his neighbor answers. The man looks slightly embarrased and starts explaining quickly.
"Hey, last night, I brought a h**... home, but I just realized that I don't have enough cash to pay her. Can you help me out?"
The neighbor lifts his eyebrow and the sighs in irritation.
"Fine," he says. "This one time...you can borrow my shovel."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I s**... off a friends eyebrows a couple weeks ago, he was surprised apparently...

...I couldn't tell.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Greek and an Indian...

... were drinking tea one day discussing who had the superior culture.
The Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".
Arching his eyebrows the Indian replies, "We have the Taj Mahal.
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Indian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we invented the number 0.
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented s**...!"
The Indian replies, "That is true, but we are the ones who introduced it to women."

Two pancakes were talking. One said to the other, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, "hello."

The other said "ugh, get away from me, you crepe."

A lonely man sits at the bar...

He watches a goofy looking little man sitting and talking to a gorgeous lady, eventually walking out arm in arm.
He asks the bartender "How does he do that?"
Bartender replies "I dunno. He's here every night, and takes home the prettiest lady in the bar every time. And all he does is sit back there in that booth and lick his eyebrows."

I'm made out of pure dynamite!

An elder couple wakes up together and kiss each other a good morning.
After that, the man stands up, picks up his weights and starts lifting them.
The man says: "Do you see this? I'm made out of pure dynamite!"
His wife looks up, with one eyebrow lifted, and says: "Too bad about the short fuse..."
(I hope it's clear because my English isn't so great)

The other day the wife asked me where is the best place to get eyebrow tattoos done.

I told here, just above the eyes...

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

We call rings in ears earrings, in eyebrows eyebrow rings and in noses nose rings. Why don't we apply the same to fingers?

And with this f**... I give you my hand in marriage....