The Best 42 Eyebrow Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Eyebrow jokes. There are some eyebrow eyelid jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these eyebrow bushy eyebrow puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Eyebrow Jokes and Puns
One soldier
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
Two functions walk down the street
Two functions walk down the street, 5 and e^x. They see Derivative walking towards them. 5 freaks out, screaming Oh no! Oh no! Derivative is going to come up and operate on me, and then I'll be zero - Oh no!! e^x smugly walks up to Derivative and says, Ha! I'm e^x. You can operate on me all you want and I'll still be e^x. You can't touch me. Derivative looks up, raises an eyebrow, and responds, Oh yeah? I'm partial, with respect to Y.
The eyebrows agree that they deserve a raise
The eyebrows agree that they deserve a raise.
They say to the man, "hey, we've done exactly what you've asked for years with little compensation. We deserve a raise!"
The man looked surprised.
The eyebrows said, "Thank you."
blond joke
A blonde went into an internet cafe to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ... Take it out....." He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered .."Well ... Go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... tentatively said .... "Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"
A commissar goes to a collective farm...
... And hails a farmer to ask about how his village's farms are doing.
The farmer says "Oh Comrade Commissar, if we stacked all the potatoes in a pile, it would reach the foot of God!"
The commissar raises an eyebrow and says "Comrade farmer, we live in the USSR. There is no god."
The farmer replied: "That's okay, there are no potatoes either."
they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him?
grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow
What did one eyebrow say to the other?
H-eyebrow
The Best Sexual Joke Is A Well-Timed Eyebrow Flutter
The best sexual joke is a well-timed eyebrow flutter
A son comes to his grandpa..
... And asks him "Grandpa, how comes all girls still like you?"
"Eh, eh, my lil' son...", said the old man licking his eyebrow
A joke I heard some time ago
A texan man is driving over the Mexican border with his family. The border guard looks out his booth and notices the jam-packed pickup truck with trailer.
Raising an eyebrow he asks the man: "Planning a longer stay, sir?"
"We're emigrating." the man replies.
Visibly surprised the guard asks: "Why's that?"
The man responds: "Thirty years ago homosexuality was despised. Twenty years ago it became tolerated. Ten ago it was widely accepted. This year it became equal. We're leaving before it becomes mandatory."
Naked sunbathing....
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself."
You can explore eyebrow gown reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean eyebrow wink dad jokes. There are also eyebrow puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
eyebro
What did one eyebrow say to the other eyebrow when leaving?
Eyebro.
I will see myself out.
When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
Melania Trump had just undergone facial botox surgery when an extremely venomous snake bit her eyebrow. Sadly, no living thing has ever survived this creature's toxin.
The snake died moments later.
What did the esthetician say to the rude customer demanding a free eyebrow job?
I just don't give a pluck.
A man runs over to his neighbor's house early one morning...
He bangs on the door and soon his neighbor answers. The man looks slightly embarrased and starts explaining quickly.
"Hey, last night, I brought a hooker home, but I just realized that I don't have enough cash to pay her. Can you help me out?"
The neighbor lifts his eyebrow and the sighs in irritation.
"Fine," he says. "This one time...you can borrow my shovel."
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now when you talk about Botox no one raises an eyebrow
I bought an eyebrow trimmer...
... it's changed the way I see the world
Remeber when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?
Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a sensitive subject.
But now when you make jokes about botox, nobody lifts an eyebrow.
I'm made out of pure dynamite!
An elder couple wakes up together and kiss each other a good morning.
After that, the man stands up, picks up his weights and starts lifting them.
The man says: "Do you see this? I'm made out of pure dynamite!"
His wife looks up, with one eyebrow lifted, and says: "Too bad about the short fuse..."
(I hope it's clear because my English isn't so great)
The other day the wife asked me where is the best place to get eyebrow tattoos done.
I told here, just above the eyes...
We call rings in ears earrings, in eyebrows eyebrow rings and in noses nose rings. Why don't we apply the same to fingers?
And with this fingering I give you my hand in marriage....
Tattoos used to be such a controversial subject
Now there's Botox and nobody even lifts an eyebrow.
Plastic surgery used to be such a taboo subject...
Nowadays if you talk about Botox nobody raises an eyebrow.
A guy goes into a bar for a drink
He orders a beer and a beautiful woman walks up to him and says, "hey, for $300 bucks I'll do anything you want . . . Anything. "
He raises an eyebrow and replies "anything?"
She nods "anything!"
He pulls out his wallet excitedly and removes 3 crisp $100 bills and gives it to her. Then he says "paint my house."
Two petri dishes are at the Louvre
"You know I really don't understand art." said one petri dish to the other
The other raises an eyebrow and responds, "That's because you are not cultured."
Tarzan comes home after a hard day and asks Jane to mix him a martini
He's hardly sat down before he's finished it and he asks Jane to mix him another, and being a caring, nurturing mate she does so. Again Tarzan makes it disappear and asks (nicely enough, to be fair) for still another one.
At this, Jane arches a delicate eyebrow and says "Three martinis? Before dinner?"
"Jane, you don't understand," sighs Tarzan. "It's a jungle out there!"
Blackbeard goes into a bank...
Blackbeard goes into a bank looking to secure a loan for a new ship. The banker nods and says
"Yes everything is in order. You'll be gettin' the standard 3.14% interest rate."
Blackbeard raises an eyebrow at that.
"The standard rate? What's that mean?"
"3.14%. You know...the Pi Rate."
A weird order at the pet shop
A guy walks in a pet shop and says: "I want 2 rats, 7 mice, 190 spiders and a pound of flies."
The guy behind the bar lifts an eyebrow and aks: "You're an owner of snakes?"
"No" said the man. "I am moving and they asked to leave the house in the same state."
Remember when talking about plastic surgery was considered a forbidden subject?
Now you can talk about Botox at a restaurant, and nobody will raise an eyebrow.
A stormtrooper walks into a bar and orders a martini
The bartender asks while handing the stormtrooper his drink, "Shouldn't you not be drinking on the job?"
The stormtrooper arches his eyebrow, "And hit what I'm aiming for?"
An inmate asked his cell mate what he was in for.
The man said he was in for murdering a man. He asked what he was in for.
Honestly I shouldn't be in here. They said it was because I had sex with a woman.
The man raised an eyebrow and asked did she consent?
Yes. She consented.
How old was she?
23.
Then why did they put you in here?
The man scoffed and replied, they said dog years don't count.
An Asian couple are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. After a wonderful dinner with family and friends they're back home reminiscing when the wife suddenly turns to the husband with an eyebrow raised suggestively and says "Since it our 50th anniversary, tonight we do whatever you want."
"Anything?" he asks. "Anything!" she replies. The man thinks for a long time then gives her a devilish look and says, "I want 69." The wife looks bewildered. "You want Beef & Broccoli now?!"
A bodybuilder sees a group of beautiful women flocking around a skinny guy at the gym one day...
The bodybuilder is baffled. He asks his friend: "What the hell do they see in that wimp?"
"I hear he can bench press a hundred pounds," says the friend.
"A hundred pounds?!?" The bodybuilder snorts. "Hell, I can bench press over three hundred and fifty!!"
The friend raises an eyebrow. "With your tongue?"
Plastic surgery used to be a taboo subject
Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow
A group of soldiers stood in formation at an army base.
The drill sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out!"
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
I remember when plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject..
..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
Little Jimmy puts his hand up in class: "Miss! Miss! I have to go to the toilet, quick!" The teacher replies: "Not until you say the alphabet."
So Little Jimmy recites: "ABCDEFGJKLMNOPQRUVWXYZ"
The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me," she says, "but where's the S, H, I and T?"
Little Jimmy just sighs. "...In my pants..."
Cosmetic surgery used to be a pretty taboo subject
Now you mention botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Remember when Botox was a taboo subject?
Now when you mention it, nobody raises an eyebrow.
My friend's eyebrows
I told my friend she draws her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the eyebrow bad eyebrow jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working eyebrow thick eyebrow piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.