JokoJokes

Eye Popping Jokes

31 eye popping jokes and hilarious eye popping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eye popping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Eye Popping Short Jokes

Short eye popping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eye popping humour may include short eye related jokes also.

  1. I once met a bartender who could open a bottle with his eye socket... We called him "Pop."
  2. Q: What did the Black Eyed Peas do at Wiz Khalifa's costume party?
    A: They dressed up in black and yellow, black and yellow, and said, "I'm a bee, I'm a bee, I'm a I'm a I'm a bee!"

Share These Eye Popping Jokes With Friends




Eye Popping One Liners

Which eye popping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eye popping? I can suggest the ones about eye catching and eye sore.

  1. What do you call a one-eyed sailor? Pop-eye the sailor man!
  2. What happens when a donkey has s**... with a rabbit? The eyes pop out.

Eye Popping Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about eye popping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eye socket jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eye popping pranks.

Two genies in a deserted house..

A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*

Pretty woman sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone

At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.
He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

A man is walking by a mental asylum...

...when he hears the patients inside shouting 'FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN!'. The asylum yard has a 9 foot tall concrete wall, so he can't see inside, but he notices a small hole in the wall, about waist high. Curious, he approaches the hole and looks through it. A stick suddenly pops out of the hole and jabs him in the eye, and the inmates start shouting 'FIFTEEN! FIFTEEN! FIFTEEN!'

So i went to have a prostate exam the other day

The doctor told me to take my underwear and trousers off, but i had a Complete mindblank moment and said "Where should i put them?"
He looked at me with reassuring eyes and replied "Just pop them next to mine".
I wish all doctors were this considerate.

I had a minor accident at work...

I won't go into details, but it affected my eyes.
The left one is okay, but the other one actually suffered enough trauma to where it popped out. It was "unsalvageable", doctors said.
When they broke the news, I couldn't help but get emotional.
I knew I'd never see right again.

A professor gives his psychology class a pop quiz. . .

One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question." The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!" Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times." The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you."

A man goes to church by himself one Sunday, leaving his wife at home who had a cold.

Upon his return from church, his wife noticed that he had two black eyes. What in the world happened to you??
The man explained, sheepishly, Well, we stood up for the first hymn and there in the pew in front of me was Sue Ellen. Don't you know, she was wearing one of them dresses she wears and she had a great big w**.... I figured I'd help her out, so I reached up there and pulled it out for her. Well, heh, she didn't like that and turned around and popped me one.
The wife hesitates, OK… That explains one black eye. What's with the other one?
It didn't seem like she was happy so I reached up there and put it back in.

At a hotel, a man sees an attractive lady...

Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurts by the man, and he catches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"that was so embarrassing" she says and she pops her eye back into place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you, will you let me buy you dinner to make it up to you?" He nods
Turns out, the lady is a stimulating conversationalist, and the man finds out that in fact, they have a lot in common.
He gets her phone number and asks " you are the most charming woman I've ever met. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"no" she replies.
"You just happened to catch my eye."

I was at a local bar, when a woman a few feet away from me sneezed.

Her glass eye came out, bounced once on the bar, and I caught it. I handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you.
She was a beautiful woman. Gorgeous face stunning body and an amazing smile to boot. The woman of my dreams right in front of me.
As she's getting ready to leave she comes up to me and asks for my number. I looked at the chair behind me... Surely she must've been mistaken.
I said, Who me?
She said Yes, of course you. I don't usually do this kind of thing but, you just sort of caught my eye.

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink...

The bartender looks at him and says" See that woman over there, she will give you a b**... and sing the National Anthem at the same time".
"No way" the guy says.
"Oh yeah, and she only charges $20".
So he walks over and hands her a $20. She takes him into a back room and shuts off the light.
As she starts to give him head, she also starts to sing. He couldn't believe it, the words came out so clear that it was impossible.
Just after he finished, he quickly flicked on the light and saw her popping in her glass eye.

A man at a fancy restaurant noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at the next table.

Suddenly she sneezed, causing her glass eye to pop out and fly toward him. The man caught it mid-air.
"I'm so sorry," the woman said as she popped her eye back in. "Let me buy you dinner."
After charming dinner conversation, the woman offered to drive the man home.
The man was flattered. "You're the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she responded. "You just happened to catch my eye!"

A man walks into a bar, and sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

A man and woman meet through a sneeze

A man sees a woman sitting alone at a bar.
He starts to walk over when she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he instinctively snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back into place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you." He agrees.
The woman is charming, stunningly pretty, and he realizes they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most wonderful woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy?"
"No," she answers. "You just happened to catch my eye."

A very experienced man...

A man visits a house of ill-repute. He tells the woman, "I've seen everything and done it all. I need an experience I've never had before."
The madam summons a rather plain looking young woman and says, "This is Susan. She's for you."
The man seems unimpressed but resigns himself to the choice.
She takes him to her room, sits him down on the bed, and begins to f**... his manly bits.
After his interest is fully a**..., she pops out a glass eye, and uses her empty eye socket to gratify him.
As he's leaving, he says to the madam, "That was the most amazing experience! Can I come back tomorrow?"
The madams says, "Absolutely--I'll tell Susan to keep an eye out for you."

A man is walking on a beach...

And he trips over something. He looks down, and it is an old bottle. He picks it up, and out pops a genie. "I will give you one wish, and only one. What will it be?"
The man thinks, and thinks. He lives in California, but really loves to visit Hawaii, but he despises flying. So he asks the genie, "I want a bridge from California to Hawaii, over the Pacific ocean."
The genie looks at him for a bit. He says "No, no, no. Sorry, but a bridge over the Pacific? That is too much! Please think of something else". The man is pretty angry. He really wanted that bridge, and that was really the only thing on his mind. So he thinks, and thinks, and thinks for days. He had to get the right thing. He sleeps on it, and the next day comes returns to the beach.
The genie is still there, so the man asks him, "I want to understand women."
The genie's eyes widen, and he asks him "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

I don't know what to do with these pop-culture jokes now that they are considered to be "unfashionable"

Why is Justin Bieber's face always red after he talks to a woman?
The pepper spray usually hits him right between the eyes.
_________
What is red and orange and looks good on Justin Bieber?
Fire.
____________
Chris Brown takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says, "Show me that it's true what they say about black rappers!"
So he beats and chokes her, steals her purse, and posts pictures of her all over the Internet.

Trying out a new restaurant...

A new oriental restaurant opened down the road from my house a few weeks ago, so last Friday I thought I'd go and try it out. As I arrive, I'm served promptly, and the waiter sits me next to a couple. As the waiter hands me my menu, I look to see what the couple next to me are eating. Nothing looked too fancy until I noticed a little basket between them. The lid of this basket kept popping up, and two small eyes we be looking at me! Shocked, I asked: "What did you guys order?". The man takes a look at his basket and replies "Oh, that? That's the Peking duck".

A man is offered one wish...

A man stumbles upon a lamp and rubs it... same old setup, you know the story - but this time it's different; a genie pops out and offers him just ONE wish.
However, there is a condition.
The genie says he can wish for anything he wants, but whatever he asks for his wife gets double. "You want a ferrari, your wife gets two... you want a million pounds, your wife gets two million pounds".
The man understands and thinks about it... what could he do to maximise the use of this unique opportunity?
After a little while his eyes light up and he tells the genie he knows what he wants.
"My wish is for you to beat me half to death".

The Needle

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies...
Wait for it...
It's coming...
The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
She says:
'You just happened to catch my eye!!!!'

A Canadian, Iraqi and an Israeli

**** A Canadian, Iraqi and an Israeli ****
Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.  
The Iraqi was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels, Chri$tians or Jews, can come into our precious state."   Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Iraq.
Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."  The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out."  Izzy says, "Fill it up with water"

Russian Americans on chess (true story)

I was working with a Russian bike mechanic named Dmitri when my friend who came into the shop frequently started dating someone who was extremely good at chess. The chess player came into the shop one day so I said to Dmitri "Hey, Dmitri, you play chess don't you?"
"No. No, no not play chess."
"What do you mean 'not play chess'? I thought you all were supposed to be good at that kinda thing."
"No, no, prefer checkers"
"Checkers?! Why don't you like chess, Dmitri?"
"Because! If smart good at chess, not be bike mechanic! And when bored play chess fall asleep and (he slumps forwad) *pop* out your eye! Checkers only bruises."

A man is dining in a fancy....

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you. "
They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said,
"you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
"No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye. "

One Eyed Redhead.

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay
for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . .....
*Wait for it ..... .....*
*It's coming ...... ......*
*She said .... ......:*
'You just happened to catch my eye.'