Eye Patch Jokes
65 eye patch jokes and hilarious eye patch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eye patch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Eye Patch Short Jokes
Short eye patch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eye patch humour may include short eye drop jokes also.
- Just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He said he'll be fine, he's just going through a rough patch.
- Apple have come up with a new revolutionary eye patch for pirates. It's called the iEye patch.
(I'm sorry) - A pirate walks into a bar... And it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
- A pirate walks into a bar A pirate walks into a bar ... and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
- My son saw me slumped over our lawn mower, bawling my eyes out... He screamed, "Dad! What's wrong!? Are you ok?!"
I said, "Don't worry son, I'll be fine. I was just going through a rough patch..." - I looked out of the window and my dad was slumped over the lawnmower crying his eyes out. I said to my mum "what's up with him?"
She said "he's just going through a rough patch here". - My pirate friend's marriage is failing, his wife and him don't see eye-to-eye But, I'm hoping they can patch it up...
- I'm not usually one to brag about my chick-magnet prowess... but that hot girl with the eye patch keeps winking at me.
- I hate to do it but I've got to complain about the guy with the eye patch who sits opposite me at work He keeps winking at me and it's just not appropriate.
- Why aren't pirates generally good drivers? Well between the eye patch, hook hand, and peg leg, it's a miracle they can even get behind the wheel!
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Eye Patch One Liners
Which eye patch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eye patch? I can suggest the ones about eye bag and eye sore.
- Why did the detective wear a patch on his left eye? It's his private eye.
- Why do pirates wear an eye patch? They can't see anything with two of them.
- I'm missing my eye patch. Please keep an eye out for it.
- What do you call a pirate who doesn't have an eye patch? Eye-Eye Captain!
- What do you call a kid with an eye patch, braces and a lisp? Names
- What do you call a boy with no arms and an eye patch? Names!
-Bo Burnham - Why did the pirate go to the apple store? He needed an eye patch.
- Why do pirates wear eye patches? Because they only have one i.
- What do all Japanese Airmen wear eye patches? Because they're pirots!
- What do you call a pirates thong? A whispering eye patch.
- Why did the pirate with the eye patch drown? Because he had no depth perception.
- What do you call a person with no arms and an eye patch Frederic Names
- A man named Isaiah with 2 eye patches changed his name to Saah No I's
- Why do all Pirates wear eye patches? Chuck Norris.
- What do you call a one-eyed pirate? Patches.
This was hilarious sleep-deprived
Pirate Eye Patch Jokes
Here is a list of funny pirate eye patch jokes and even better pirate eye patch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the developers have to delay their pirate game? They needed to give their characters an eye-patch.
- Pirates used to wear eye patches because they had hooks for hands

Cheeky Eye Patch Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about eye patch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eye bags jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eye patch pranks.
A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine.
Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast.
As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover.
His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff.
The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer.
Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head.
He just had to save his friend.
The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female.
"Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"
A pirate at the local bar discusses his past.
A s**... meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The s**... notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The s**... asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the s**.... "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the s**.... "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
Pirate walks into a bar
As a bartender was cleaning up for the evening as a pirate walked into his bar. This was the most stereo typical pirate the bartender had ever seen. He had an eye-patch over one eye, a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, a hook for a hand, and spoke with the usual pirate accent. The only thing that set this pirate apart from all the other pirates the bartender had seen was the GIANT wood steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants.
The Pirate approached the bar and shouted "ARR...Barkeep! Give me a whiskey!"
The bartender said: "Sure pirate, but first, you have to tell me, what's with the giant steering wheel shoved down the front of your pants?"
The Pirate replied: "ARR, I don't know! But it's driving me NUTS!"
Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter
Pirate Captain is strutten through the club a patch on each eye a puffy shirt and a stuffed toy kitten hanging from his ear. o**... nudges his mate and says "check ouwt this faggort Dwayne".
Pirate Captain turns and shouts "OI!!! I MAY BE BLIND BUT I HAVE ACUTE EARING"
s**...
A s**... meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The s**... notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the s**... asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".
"Wow!" said the s**.... "What about the hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the s**.... "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.
"Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook."
A Scottish Soldier marches into a pharmacy
A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds to reveal a c**....
The c**... has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.
"Six pence" says the chemist.
"How much for a new one?"
"Ten pence" says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the c**... into the silk square handkerchief
and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the
proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."
The Pirate
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, ok, but what about that hook? "What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them S*#t in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird S*%t."
"It was my first day with the hook."
A Pirate walked into a bar
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.
The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"
"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.
"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"
"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right through the ship and took out me leg."
The bartender looked down at the pirate's hand, "But your hand, it's a hook! How did that happen?"
"Arrr well I was in a sword fight and he got me left hand, but I feel okay now."
"Okay, but how about your eye? You have an eye patch on it!"
"Arrr well just a few days ago I was looking up and a seagull pooped right in me eye."
The bartender, slightly confused asked, "How did that put out your eye?"
The pirate raised his arm, "It was the first day with the hook..."
The pirate and the sailor
A sailor walks into a bar and sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand and an eye patch. His curiosity leads him to approach the pirate and ask, "Why do you have a peg leg?"
"I was washed overboard and a shark bit me leg off." the pirate responds.
"Okay," says the sailor, "but what about your hook hand?"
"Me first mate tried to kill me with his sword but only got me hand instead."
"Okay," says the sailor, "but what about your eye patch?"
"I was walking along the beach and a seagull pooped on me eye." the pirate explains.
"A seagull pooped your eye out?" the sailor asks incredulously.
"No," the pirate explains, "it was the first day with me hook."
A Pirate's Life
A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".
A pirate walks into a bar
And sits down next to another pirate. He asks him if he'd like a drink and adjusts his eye patch. The second pirate brightens up and says, "Would I?!"
The first pirate gets up, angry and says "Screw you, peg leg!"
My girlfriend pegged me for the first time last night.
The s**... was great, but I don't know why she insisted on wearing an eye patch.
An old pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch walks into a bar
The bartender says:
Whoa, that's quite a get up you got there! Tell me how you got that peg leg.
The pirate explains:
Yarr! Ah lost me leg in a mighty battle with the toyal navy!
The bartender asks:
Wow, how about the hand?
Pirate:
'twas me old nemesis Racham the Red cut it off afore I scewerd 'im like a sow at a buffet!
Bartender:
Wow, that's quite a story! How'd you end up with the eye patch?
Pirate:
Seagull s**... in me eye...
Bartender:
A seagull s**... in your eye? Really? How bad could that be?
Pirate:
Arr... 'twas the first day with me new hook...
Unfortunate pirate
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. Ye gads, matey, says Morty. What happened to ya?
Sol says, Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.
And yer hand? asks Morty.
When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.
OK, but what's with the eye patch?
I was standin' on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.
But ya don't go blind from no seagull p**....
True, says Sol. But it was me first day with the hook.
So a pirate walks into a bar and sits down next to a man.
The man says, How did you get your peg leg?
The pirate says, A cannon blew me leg straight off.
The man asks, How did you get your hook?
The pirate says, I lost it in a sword fight.
The man asks, How did you get your eye patch?
The pirate says, I was looking at the clouds and a seagull pooped in my eye.
The man says, You lost your eye because of p**...?
The pirate says, Nay, it was my first day with the hook.
A sailor walks into a bar
The barkeep asks, "How did you end up with that peg leg?"
And the pirate replies, "A cannon ball blasted out the deck and took me leg with it."
"Why do you have that hook?"
"Arrrgh! We was looting a ship and lost me hand in a sword fight."
"And the eye patch?"
"I looked up at a seagull and blimey, the scalliwag crapped right in me eye."
"You lost your eye from bird p**...?"
"It was me first day with the hook."
A pirate at sea has a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch.
One of his companions ask how he lost his leg. He answers, "A cannonball." Then his companion asks how he lost his hand. He answers, "A sword." When the companion asks how he lost his eye, the man says, "A spray of the sea."
It was his first day with the hook.
It was a man's first day on a pirate ship.
He noticed the captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.
The man was curious so he asked the captain how he lost his leg.
The captain responded, Arrrrr, a shark bit me leg off.
The man asked how he lost his hand. Arrrr, I lost me hand in a sword fight.
Finally, the man asked the captain while he wears a patch over his eye. The captain said, Arrrr, a seagull pooped in me eye, and it was me first day with a hook.
The anthropology student and the pirate.
An anthropology student was interviewing a retired pirate.
The student said: You have a wooden leg, a hook in place of a hand, and a patch over what I assume is an empty eye socket! How did all this happen?
The pirate replied:
I lost the leg to a canon call
I lost the hand in a sword fight
And I lost the eye because a seagull s**... in it
The student was skeptical:
A little seagull s**... shouldn't have cost you an eye!
The pirate said:
It was the first day with the hook...
A propper pirate walks into a bar, wearing his pirate hat, eye patch, old guns by his hip, of course also a hook and all these kind of things. The barmaid asks him:
What the h**... happened to you?! Why do you have a hook?! He replies: „Ah well its just one of these war stories, you know.. lost my hand in a fight.
„Wow! And how did you get the eye patch? sais she.
„Oh, that is because seagull s**... into my eye there once.
The barmaid responds: „What?! But nobody loses his eyesight from this?!
„Yes that is true.. answers the pirate, „..but at that point I only had the hook since 3 days.
A propper pirate walks into a bar, wearing his pirate hat, eye patch, old guns by his hip, of course also a hook and all these kind of things. The barmaid asks him:
What the h**... happened to you?! Why do you have a hook?! He replies: „Ah well its just one of these war stories, you know.. lost my hand in a fight.
„Wow! And how did you get the eye patch? sais she.
„Oh, that is because seagull s**... into my eye there once.
The barmaid responds: „What?! But nobody loses his eyesight from this?!
„Yes that is true.. answers the pirate, „..but at that point I only had the hook since 3 days.
A Pirate was offered a prosthetic in place of his eye patch...
The doctor asked, "I made this prosthetic eye out of oak wood to replace your eye patch. Would you like to try it?"
The pirate replied, "Would I?!"
A little boy came home from the playground with a b**... nose, black eye, and torn clothing.
It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"

