Eye Exam Jokes

40 eye exam jokes and hilarious eye exam puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eye exam that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Eye Exam Short Jokes

Short eye exam jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eye exam humour may include short eye test jokes also.

  1. I got 25/20 on an exam the other day I didn't know you could get extra credit on an eye exam
  2. My eyes are fine but I still failed my eye exams... I guess I shouldn't have copied off the asian guy.
  3. So, waiting with my Wife in the Eye Doctor's exam room I spotted a cutaway eyeball ... It was a visual aid.
  4. Paula's eye exam results showed that she was almost blind, but her optometrist decided to prank her by telling her vision was perfect. Paula did not see that one coming.
  5. [DIRTY] Eye exam Eye specialist: "Sir, you need to stop m**...."
    Patient: " Oh my God, is it ruining my eyesight?"
    Eye specialist: "No. It's disturbing the other patients."
  6. I got thrown out of an exam for m**... I'll never be able to look my urologist in the eye again.

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Eye Exam One Liners

Which eye exam one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eye exam? I can suggest the ones about eye doctor and eye chart.

  1. How did the blind man pass the eye exam? He just kept walking
  2. The world's first eye exam ...was given by Optometrist Prime.
  3. Eye contact is so attractive and intimate Unless it's with the invigilator of the exam
  4. What do you call a police officer that also does eye exams? A Coptometrist
  5. What did the butterfly say when he failed his eye exams? "COMPOUND IT!"
  6. How can you tell if you're racist? You only pick out the K's when you take an eye exam.
  7. If you look very carefully . . . **eye exams have become more challenging.**

Eye Exam Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about eye exam you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eye related jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eye exam pranks.

Norm MacDonald died today

When he got to heaven, the angels told him it was mandatory that he take an eye exam to enter. And they all watched.
He read it out loud: E-I-E-I-Ohhh you guys are d**...!
RIP Norm.

A student comes to a young professor's office hours...

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

The Polish eye exam.

A polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

Last time I went for an eye exam, the doctor said to me, "You're going to have to stop m**...."

When I asked him why that could possibly be necessary, he said
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."

So a guy walks into the doctors office...

...and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I woke up this morning and my left eye was blind!"
"Alright," says the Doctor, "have a seat and I'll check you out."
The doctor looks him in the eye, and after a second says "Well, you're going to have to stop m**... for a little while."
"Why?" asks the man.
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."

A patient walks into an optometrist's office.

The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."

So a man was going blind.

He goes to the the doctor and pleads,
"Doctor you have to help, I think I'm going blind!"
the doctor leans in with his little flashlight and says,
"Mmhm, I'm going to need you to stop m**...."
the man cries out,
"But why??"
the doctor simply says,
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."

An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...

The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, I drive a Rincoln."

A c**... goes to the eye doctor..

After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble." The c**... says, "Why?" Doctor said, "You have a cataract." c**... says, "No, I have a Rincoln Continental."

A recent Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

He first had to take an eye exam. The optician led him to an eye chart and pointed to a row with the letters-
'C Z W I M T O S T A C Z'
Can you read this? The optician asked.
Read it?! The Polish man replied. I even know the guy!

A student is blatantly cheating in an exam

The invigilator is watching in a mixture of disbelief and amusement as the student peeks at a crib sheet and looks at his neighbours papers.
At the end of the exam the students line up to hand their papers in. When the cheater gets to the front of the line the invigilator says "Uh-uh, no way. You were blatantly cheating; you don't get to submit a paper"
The student looks him in the eye and says "Do you know who I am!?"
"Not a clue!" says the invigilator.
"Good then" says the student, as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack of papers on the desk and walks out.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

After filing out his paperwork he had to take an eye exam. The clerk showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this?" the clerk asked.
"Read it?" the Polish man replied. "He's my uncle."

A blind man asks Jesus to heal him

"Behold. I will heal your blindness," Jesus says, "and thy m**... shall cease."
"Is m**... a sin? Is it the cause of my blindness?" asks the old man.
Jesus replied, "No, m**... is not a sin, but I'm tryiing to do an eye exam here."

I went to get an eye exam...

The optometrist told me to stop m**....
I asked, Why, does it really cause blindness?
He said, No, it's just really an unprofessional thing to be doing right now.

So i went to have a prostate exam the other day

The doctor told me to take my underwear and trousers off, but i had a Complete mindblank moment and said "Where should i put them?"
He looked at me with reassuring eyes and replied "Just pop them next to mine".
I wish all doctors were this considerate.

An man goes to the optometrist

Dr. Li sits him down and begins to go through a full eye exam.
"Oh, no" the doctor says. "I think you have a cataract".
"Nah, Doc" the man replies. "I drive a Porsche"

Mr Wong goes to the Eye Doctor...

Mr Wong goes to the Eye Doctor. He tells the Dr "I cannot see where." The doctor gives him an exam and says "Mr Wong, I know what your problem is. You have cataracts." Mr Wong replies angrily "No sir!! I drive Rincoln Continentor!!"

At The Eye Doctor's

A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn't see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.
So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of frustration he pulled out his manhood, and asked if she could see it. She said Oh yes Dr i can see it quite clearly.
He said, Just as I thought, you're cockeyed.

Two of the Trump children were cheating on an exam..

The first question was "Old MacDonald had a ______." Eric tried to see Tiffany's paper, couldn't, so whispered "Tiffany, what's the answer to number 1?" She rolled her eyes and said "You are the s**... one of the family. It's Old MacDonald had a farm, everyone knows that." "Oh right!" said Eric. He hesitates a minute then whispers "Hey Tiffany, how do you spell farm?" She rolls her eyes again, "Wow, you really are dumb. They tell you right in the song, it's EIEIO."

A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous.
But when she received the test, she was relieved to find out that it was a True or False exam.
Immediately, she reached into her purse and pulled out a coin.
Each time she flipped the coin she would write down an answer. "What are you doing?" the professor asked her.
"I'm figuring out the answers," the blonde replied.
To this, the professor just rolled his eyes and looked away.
When she was done, the professor announced that there were five minutes left to go.
"Oh my god!" she said in an excited voice, and started to flip the coin as fast as possible.