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Eye Catching Jokes

65 eye catching jokes and hilarious eye catching puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eye catching that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Eye Catching Short Jokes

Short eye catching jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eye catching humour may include short eye popping jokes also.

  1. What do you say when you catch a deer with no eyes? I have no-eye-deer! (Unless you're a dad, you may need to sound it out)
  2. TFW you're looking for somewhere to go on holiday/vacation. And "medically induced coma" catches your eye

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Eye Catching One Liners

Which eye catching one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eye catching? I can suggest the ones about eye contact and eye related.

  1. Do you know what always catches my eye? Short people with umbrellas
  2. I'll tell you what always catches my eyes? Short people with umbrellas
  3. Do you know what really catches my eye? Short people with unbrellas
  4. Don't date a girl who just got hit in the eye with a softball. She's a bad catch.
  5. I tell you what really catches my eye .. Short people with umbrellas
  6. You know what's been catching my eye recently? Short people with umbrellas

Eye Catching Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about eye catching you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eye sore jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eye catching pranks.

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender turns to him and says, "Sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."
The next day, clinging to a thread, the string returns to that same bar and orders a drink again. The bartender, resolute, again turns and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but like I said, we don't serve strings here. I'm going to have to ask you not to return."
Dejected, the string returns home. All night he tosses and turns, wriggles and writhes, and awakes the next morning not at all resembling himself. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he brightens and jets out his door to that bar.
Swaggering in, he orders a drink one more time. The bartender stares at him, s**... eyed, and asks, "I'm sorry, are you a string? You look very familiar." The string locks eyes with the bartender, and states, "No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."

Fishing in a frozen lake
It was a cold winter day.


An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite.
He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him.
The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer.
"Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble.
You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish!
How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spat the bait into his hand and said... "You have to keep the worms warm!"

A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey.


It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away.
So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit.
It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise.
On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock.
One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!"
The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?"
The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?"
The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".

Alligator Shoes

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator.
Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration . . .
"s**...!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

A pirate walks into a bar one day...

...And he sees his old captain sitting down having a drink. So he goes up to say hello and catch up, but he notices that his old captain looks a little different. So he goes over to talk to him. "Captain," he says, "I haven't seen you in years. It's good to see you, but man, you look a little different. I notice that you have a wooden leg! What happened?"
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Ya see during a fearsome storm, a huge wave hit me boat, and my leg got trapped under a chain, and ripped it off, so I had to get this here peg leg."
"Wow" says the pirate. "That's terrible. But what happened to your hand? You have a hook now!"
"Gyarr," says the captian, "You be correct. Ya see I was captured by the enemy one day, and they were forcin me to walk the plank, but I turned back and tried to escape, and they cut me hand off, and I had to get this here hook."
Wincing, the pirate says "Christ! Now what happened to your eye? You have a glass eye now."
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Well, as I was sailing the sea one day, I happened to look up, and a seagull pooped right in my eye."
Confused, the pirate responds "Well, captain, that sounds bad, but that wouldn't make you lose your eye."
"True," pines the captain, "But it was the first day with me hook."

A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye.

She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, "Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."
The guy freaks out. He says, "I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"
She says, "I'm your son's Sunday school teacher."

Latvian joke. Are three.

Latvian go fish. Catch fish. Is excite for food! Boat tip over. Lose fish. Also catch sickness. Die. Leave family only half potato.
Latvian very hungry. Go to neighbor, beg for food. Neighbor very nice, give half potato wrapped in paper. Latvian go home. Too late. Family all starve. Also, not potato wrapped in paper. Is rock. Also very cold outside.
Latvian meet magician on road. Magician offer to do trick. Latvian ask Magician to send him to America, where there many potato. Magician make p**...! and send Latvian away. Latvian open his eyes. Is in Siberia. Also, boots not very warm.

One day a mother skunk

Told her two baby skunks, In and Out, to go outside and play. The two baby skunks did so and where having a great time. The played tag, follow the leader, and tried catching bugs down by the river. Then Out had an idea.
"Let's play hide and seek," Out said. "I'll look for you first!"
Out hid his eyes and began counting slowly all the way until 100.
"Ready or not, here I come," Out shouted.
He rushed around all the usual spots but couldn't find his sibling. Everywhere he looked and found nothing made him a little more nervous. After an hour of screaming for his sibling he ran back home crying. He burst through the door and his mother looked at him.
"Out, what's the matter?" she asked.
"We were playing hide and go seek and I can't find In," he replied through his tears.
The mother smiled and patted him on the head. "Wait right here," she said and walked out the door.
Not even a minute later she walked back in with her other baby skunk.
Out looked at her with amazement. "Mommy, how do you find him so quick?!" he asked.
"Oh, it was easy," she replied. "In stinked."

One Eyed Redhead.

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay
for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . .....
*Wait for it ..... .....*
*It's coming ...... ......*
*She said .... ......:*
'You just happened to catch my eye.'

A man is dining in a fancy....

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you. "
They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said,
"you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
"No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye. "

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, where he sees a gorgeous redhead across the table from him...

...He'd noticed her when he first sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye goes flying at the man. He reflexively grabs her eye out of the air and hands it back to her. "Oh my, I am so sorry!" the woman said as she put the eye back in. "Not a problem ma'am, would you like to come over to my place this evening?" said the man. She agreed and stayed the night.
After a wild night, the man wakes up to the woman cooking breakfast for him, and it tasted delicious! The man says "You are the perfect woman! Do you do this to every man you meet?" "Actually, you're the first," said the woman. "You just happened to catch my eye"

A guy goes to a Rabbi

and complains "You wouldn't believe what happened to me. Somebody stole my bicycle from synagogue."
The rabbi is appalled. He can't believe it. He offers a solution to catch the thief. He says " Come to synagogue next week and sit in the front row. As we go on with the 10 commandments, turn around and look at everyone in the eyes. When we get to Thou shall not Steal, see who can't look you in the eyes. That person is the thief". The guy loves the idea and agrees to try this.
He comes to the synagogue next week and sits in the front row and looks everyone in the eyes during the 10 commandments. He comes to the rabbi at the end of the service and thanks him "What a fantastic idea! It worked like a charm. The moment we got to Thou shall not commit Adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."

Five old ladies in a car . . .

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

The Needle

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies...
Wait for it...
It's coming...
The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
She says:
'You just happened to catch my eye!!!!'

Police and Old Women

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder! So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles per hour!", the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
**(I dont make this joke. One of my best friend made this)**

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?
These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."

22 mph speed limit

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"
The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 136."

Speeding Drivers

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."

Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

3 guys went for an archery competition...

The first guy shoots an arrow into the sky and out of nowhere, a hawk swoops in and catches that arrow and plants it on the bulls eye.
"Who are you?" asked the judge.
"I am Hawkeye.", the first guy replied smugly.
The second guy shoots 2 arrows up into the sky and miraculously, 2 pigeons fly by, catch the arrows with their beaks and plant it on the bulls eye for him.
"Who are you?", asked the bewildered judge.
"I am Oliver Queen." he smirked.
The last guy feeling the pressure of the momentous task to impress shoots 3 arrows into the sky but only to have all of them fell at terminal velocity and p**... the judge on the a**....
"Wh..wh...who are you?", he groans in great pain.
"I am sorry..."

A lady and her butler

A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off.
She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early. She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room. She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom. She closed and locked the door. She looked at him and smiled.
"Throckmorton. Take off my dress." He did so, carefully.
"Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Throckmorton. Remove my bra and p**...." The tension mounted as he complied.
Finally she looked at him and said, "Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."

A london cabbie is driving down an unlit street in heavy fog he sees a figure in the distance hailing him...

...he opens the door and turns around to see a beautiful n**... woman.
"Where to love?"
"5 Kings road please"
She's so gorgeous and curvy in all the right places that he can't keep his eyes of her. She catches him in a longer lingering stare and says
"What do you think you are looking at"
"I'm sorry miss, I was wondering how you were going to pay me"
At this she spreads her legs and gives him her best come to bed eyes.
He looks at her a second and says "Got anything smaller, love?"

A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.

One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"
And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."

Pretty woman sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Blondes and alligator shoes

She desperately wanted a pair of beautiful alligator shoes.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator.
Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration .....s**...!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO !

13...13....13....

A guy is walking by a mental institute and hears a voice inside that keeps repeating "13, 13, 13, 13..."
After a while he stops and wonders what in the world the guy is doing, he starts walking towards the wall and he keeps hearing it "13, 13, 13, 13".
After trying to jump and catch a glimpse through a window he notices a little crack in the wall and figures he might be able to see through. Before he can make out what's making the noise he jumps back as something pokes him in the eye.
"14, 14, 14..."

A Rich Woman And Her Butler

A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler,
Throckmorton, the night off.
She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early.
She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom.
She closed and locked the door. She looked at him and smiled.
"Throckmorton. Take off my dress." He did so, carefully.
"Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Throckmorton. Remove my bra and p**...." The tension mounted as he complied.
Finally she looked at him and said,
"Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."

I just made this one up so cut me some slack...

A man and his wife are at the beach and she catches him staring at a beautiful woman. Predictably she gets mad at him.
Man: Honey, you know I only have eyes for you!
Wife: Then why are you ogling that woman over there?
Man: My dear, I assure you it doesn't mean anything. It is purely for educational purposes.
Wife: What do you mean?
Man: I've always wanted to study a broad!
(I'm sorry)

A courteous pick-up line

Guy's in a bar waiting to pick-up an evening's entertainment when this reasonably hot lady sits on the stool next to him.
He doesn't say anything to her, and after about 20 minutes, she says to him ... "OK - I've got to ask you a question".
He says, "Sure - what?"
She says: "During the past 20 minutes, you've stroked your mustache away from your upper lip at least ten times and each time you've done it, you've tried to catch my eye. What exactly are you trying to say with that move?"
He says, "I'm not trying to say anything ... I'm just clearing off a place for you to sit ...".

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are riding a train in Scotland.

Looking out the window, the engineer sees something that catches her eye. Look, she says, it's a black sheep! It seems the sheep in Scotland are black.
The physicist shakes his head. Nonsense, he says. All we know is that there are some black sheep in Scotland.
The mathematician looks at his two friends, sighs, and with all earnestness, observes: All we can say is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, one side of which is black.

A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone

At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Original joke. Hey! I tried.

I got this friend, he and I can't agree on anything. It's a constant battle.
We go on a trip together every year and this year, after much debate, we decided to take a trip to Las Vegas.
So, we're enjoying our first night in Vegas, we're both a little drunk and my buddy says, "Hey, let's get a h**...." I'm pretty drunk too, so I agree.
We go to a brothel and of course it takes us forever to agree on a girl, but we finally do. A nice young girl named Paige.
So, we go to the room, we all get undressed and start going at it. My buddy and I are both pounding away, I finally catch his eye and I say, "Hey! I'm glad to see we're finally on the same Paige!"

Guy gets on a city bus...

and sits down next to a really hot girl. The bus bumps and her glass eyes falls out of its socket and the guy catches it. To repay him for catching her eye and due to the awkwardness she invites him to dinner and a movie and after that they went back to the guys house and had great s**...! In the morning the guy looks at the girl and asks: "Do you usually hang out and have s**... with random strangers"? She replies: "No, You just happened to catch my eye"!

It's an overcast afternoon, so Jimmy sticks his hand out the window to see if it's raining...

As he does he's surprised when a glass eye lands in his open palm. Curious, he looks up and sees an attractive woman looking down from the balcony above.
"Um, is this yours?" he asks, holding up the optic.
"Yes, thank you!" she replies. "I'm Linda, can you bring it up for me?"
When Jim arrives, Linda asks if he'd like to stay for dinner. During the evening one thing leads to another and they end up having a passionate night together.
"That was wonderful" says Jim, "tell me, do you do this often?"
"No" Linda replies, "only if someone catches my eye..."

A man and woman meet through a sneeze

A man sees a woman sitting alone at a bar.
He starts to walk over when she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he instinctively snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back into place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you." He agrees.
The woman is charming, stunningly pretty, and he realizes they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most wonderful woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy?"
"No," she answers. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Wife comes home late at night.

Susan had been away on business all week, but was able to come home a day early due to catching a red-eye flight. When she gets in, she tiptoes up to the bedroom, being as quiet as possible to not wake her husband.
Then, she notices something odd. Where there should only be one set of legs, there are two. She flings open the closet and grabs the bat. After several good thwacks she drops the bat and runs downstairs, aghast at what she may have done.
Once she makes it to the kitchen, she spots her husband. "Hey honey. You're home early. Hope you don't mind, but my parents' heater went out and I gave them our bed for the night."

A man walks into a bar, and sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

A man at a fancy restaurant noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at the next table.

Suddenly she sneezed, causing her glass eye to pop out and fly toward him. The man caught it mid-air.
"I'm so sorry," the woman said as she popped her eye back in. "Let me buy you dinner."
After charming dinner conversation, the woman offered to drive the man home.
The man was flattered. "You're the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she responded. "You just happened to catch my eye!"

A Harley rider eating in a restaurant...

is checking out a gorgeous redhead. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket. The biker reaches up, snatches it out of the air, and hands it back to her.
I am so embarrassed, the woman says. Please join me for dinner."
They enjoy a wonderful meal together and afterwards, she invites him to the theatre, followed by drinks. She pays for everything. Then she asks him to her place for a nightcap, and to stay for breakfast. The next morning the guy is amazed.
"Are you this nice to every biker you meet? he asks.
Not usually, she replies. But you just happened to catch my eye.

A one-eyed girl walks into a bar...

After a short while she sneezes, and her glass eye flies out of its socket.
The guy sitting next to her manages to grab it and hands it back to her.
"Thanks," she says.
So they start talking, and she winds up taking him back to her apartment. She makes him a terrific dinner, then gives him a night of the most mind-blowing s**... he's ever had. Finally she makes him a huge breakfast the next morning.
The man is happy, but he still feels the need to ask "Do you do this for every man you meet?"
"No. You just happened to catch my eye."

Horrible joke

So a guy is in a bar when the woman across from him sneezes and her glass eye flies out. The man catches it and hands it back to the woman. The woman says "thanks" and then offers to buy him a drink.
The woman then offers to drive him home. On the way to his house, the man asks "Are you always this nice to men that you meet?" and she says "No, you just happened to catch my eye"

Bubba and Clyde are out hunting one day...

... when they finally lay eyes on the perfect buck. Bubba takes one shot and it goes down. They're struggling to get it back to their pickup, dragging it by its hind legs, when they come across another hunter.
The hunter says, "You know boys, if you drag it by its antlers, it'll be easier, since they won't be catching on everything."
After a little while, Bubba says to Clyde, "You know, that guy was right, this *is* a lot easier. The only problem now is we're gettin' further away from the truck."

Guy walks into a bar

Grabs a seat and orders a whiskey double, neat. The bartender prepares his drink with great delicacy and brings it right over. The gentleman reaches into his blazer searching frantically. This catches the bartenders attention so he monitors the patron out the corner of his eye. Finally the man finds what he's looking for and sighs a sigh of relief. He pulls out a straw and takes a sip of his whiskey. The perplexed bartender grabs his attention "I'm terribly sorry sir, was your glass dirty?" To which the man replies surprised "oh no no everything's fine! I just promised my wife I'd never put my lips on another glass of whiskey again." 😳

The Duchess returned to the Manor one evening and encountered her butler in her boudoir

She looked the butler straight in the eye and said:
James, take off my dress. James took off her dress.
James, take off my petticoat. James took off her petticoat.
James, take off my bra. James took off her bra.
James, take off my p**.... James took off her p**.... The Duchess turned, faced her butler again and in a soft but firm voice said:
Now then, James, never let me catch you wearing my clothes again.

A man walks into a hotel restaurant...

and when he sits down he sees a woman sitting at a table alone.
Then, the woman sneezes, and a glass eye come hurling out of her eye socket.
The man snatches it out of mid air and hands it back to her.
"Thank you." The woman said. "God, this must be so embarrassing, let me make it up to you by buying you dinner."
They start eating and after a few minutes of silence they get talking. They soon find out they have a lot in common.
After getting the woman's number the man says, "You know, you're the most charming person I've ever met. Are you this nice to everyone?"
She replies, "No, you just happened to catch my eye."

At a hotel, a man sees an attractive lady...

Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurts by the man, and he catches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"that was so embarrassing" she says and she pops her eye back into place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you, will you let me buy you dinner to make it up to you?" He nods
Turns out, the lady is a stimulating conversationalist, and the man finds out that in fact, they have a lot in common.
He gets her phone number and asks " you are the most charming woman I've ever met. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"no" she replies.
"You just happened to catch my eye."

Two h**... are discussing plans for dinner

After throwing ideas back and forth of what to cook, their eyes catch some roadkill on the side of the road. One of them eagerly suggests, "how about Himalayan Woodchuck?"
"Himalayan Woodchuck?" the other h**... scoffed. "What in the devil is that?"
"You know," the other says, gesturing towards the corpse, "because we found Himalayan on the side of the road."

The Tourist

An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."

A nun is walking down the sidewalk when she sees a drunk exit the bar across the street.

He stares at her for a long while before making a beeline across the street and stopping right in front of her.
She is about to say "how are you today, brother?" When he punches her hard in the stomach.
Bent over, trying to catch her breath, she's about to say "what was that for?" When he upper cuts her to the jaw and she flys backwards and lands on her back.
Confused and seeing stars she tries to sit up, but can't. Through her tear filled eyes she sees the drunk lean over her and he says, "you ain't so tough after all, are you Batman?"

Dave knows everyone joke

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the f**... is that on the balcony with Dave?’

Blonde goes up to a Soda Machine

A Blonde walks up to a Soda
Machine, puts in a quarter and as the drink falls out she laughs.
Again, she puts in a quarter and as the soda falls out she laughes
She does this again and again, laughing hysterically every time. Eventually, catching the attention of a group of strangers near by.
One of the strangers walks over and ask with a puzzling look on his face
" ma'am, what on Earth are you doing? "
The blonde turns around, rolls her eyes, laughs and says " winning! Duh! "