Extremely Jokes
137 extremely jokes and hilarious extremely puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about extremely that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh until you cry with the best selection of extremely funny jokes. Our process of curating the funniest and most outrageous jokes is sure to leave you in stitches. Enjoy the exceedingly rude, the incredibly corny, and the surprisingly bad jokes in this collection.
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- Short Extremely Jokes
- Extremely One Liners
- Extremely Bad Jokes
- Extremely Rude Jokes
- More Extremely Jokes
Funniest Extremely Short Jokes
Short extremely jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The extremely humour may include short exceptionally jokes also.
- The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
- Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math" Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "that's not even close"
me: "yeah, but it was fast" - The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam & Eve. It was an apple with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte & then everything crashed.
- A muslim man came into my shop and bought six smoke machines, so I phoned the police.. He's probably part of an extreme mist group
- I always assumed that China has extremely sophisticated spying technology that they use on their rivals. Well, that balloon has burst.
- There are only two rules you need to follow to become extremely succesful in life. 1. Not revealing everything you know.
- Cataracts are extremely rare in Japan. Chevrorets and Rincolns, on the other hand, are quite common.
- As get older, I've developed an embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during a proctology exam. It makes my patients extremely uncomfortable.
- My girlfriend broke up with me because I am extremely handsome and too many girls want me She said something else about my chronic lying disorder but I wasn't really listening
- Many burn victims are not very attractive, But all of them used to be extremely hot at some point in the past.
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Extremely One Liners
Which extremely one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with extremely? I can suggest the ones about highly and excessively.
- Baby you are like a white dwarf star.... Extremely hot but not very bright
- Machetes are extremely tech savvy They can hack anything.
- This sub is extremely environmentally friendly It only uses recycled jokes
- Knives are extremely advanced They are all cutting edge technology
- What do you call an extremely flamboyant loaf of bread? A faggette
- Punch lines are extremely one-dimensional Punch areas and punch volumes have more depth.
- Bonsai lovers are extremely tolerant people. They hate bigotry.
- What is an extreme sport? Doing your homework while your teacher is collecting it.
- Books about earthquakes are extremely popular. They're literally flying off the shelves.
- I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week. I got top Marx.
- I bought a 32ft ruler. For extreme measures.
- What would you call an extreme case of gonorrhea? Thunderclap
- What do you call an extremely clingy alien? A personal space invader.
- High school is like a noose Extremely painful but it's over before you know it.
- I went 'extreme' camping the other day........ It was in tents.
Extremely Bad Jokes
Here is a list of funny extremely bad jokes and even better extremely bad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between bad luck and extreme bad luck? Bad luck is when your mother-in-law falls into a river.
Extreme bad luck is when someone saves her. - Quentin Tarantino went fishing, and he almost landed a pretty good catch. Unfortunately, it got away because his footing was extremely bad. Seems he was slipping in glorious bass turds.
- How sinful is gay s**...? The Bible is extremely clear: It is as bad as eating shrimp.
Extremely Rude Jokes
Here is a list of funny extremely rude jokes and even better extremely rude puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad asked me, What's your favourite Pixar film? I said, Up. Yours?
Dad: Wow, that's extremely rude! - A waiter accidentally slipped and threw curry all over an extremely rude customer... ... It was chicken karma
Comical Extremely Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about extremely you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deeply jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make extremely pranks.
A Pakistani living in England (offensive)
A pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human f**... and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."
You aren't a monk.
A man is driving through a town and his car breaks down in front of a monastery. He decides to go up to the door and ask if he can stay the night and the monks let him. At night he is laying in his bed and he hears this extremely strange noise. In the morning he asks a monk what the strange noise was. The monk replied, "I can't tell you because you aren't a monk." The man accepted this fact, graciously thanked the monks for letting him stay, and went on his way. Three years later the man was driving through the same town and broke down in front of the same monastery. Again he asks the monks if he could stay the night, and they let him. And again at night he hears the strange noise. In the morning he asks and gets the same answer. Then he asks how he can become a monk. They reply, "Go count every blade of grass and every pebble in the world." The man comes back 43 years later and gives them accurate numbers. They let him become a monk and the first thing he does is ask to see what the noise was. They take him to a wooden door. He reaches for the handle and its locked. They give him a key, then he happens upon a stone door. Locked. He goes through every kind of door you could possibly think of as they give him keys for each. Then he gets to a diamond door and they give him a key and he unlocks it. Then he opens it and is completely amazed. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup.
She told me that I had to quit m**.... I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
First Impressions
A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with s**....
Extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, the boy rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help. "First time?" the pharmacist guesses. The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.
Finally, the big night arrives and the boy arrives at the girl's house. As the couple and the girl's parents sit down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself. After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, "I never knew you were so religious!" He looks up at her and whispers back, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!"
African Roulette
Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.
The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."
The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.
The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform o**... s**... on you."
The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.
As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."
How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very satisfying.
Retweaked joke:
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
My little brother is extremely proud of this joke. What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?
An Insti-Gator
Tim is out drinking one night...
He wants to go home but is extremely drunk so he decides to walk. After two steps he falls down. He stands up, walks another two steps and falls down again. This continues all the way home where he climbs up the stairs in agony but doesn't utter a single groan since he doesn't want his wife to notice and gets into bed next to her, makes sure he didn't wake her up and sleeps.
The next day, his wife tells him: "Tim, you m**...! Didn't I tell you not to go out drinking??? You're a dead loss!" - "But how did you know?" - "You forgot your wheelchair at the bar, that's why!"
Patriotism
A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her p**... and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"
Got any funny fortune cookie idea's?
I own a restaurant and I have extremely funny fortune cookies, but I'm running out of fortune ideas! Help me! I need some raunchy, dirty and insulting fortunes! Show me what you got and you could see them in a fortune cookie one day!
This week a team at NASA announced a mission to land a probe on the sun
To avoid the extreme heat of the sun, they explained, the probe will land at night.
So the pope coes to New York...
and flags a taxi. The taxi is extremely suprised to see the pope, and quickly ushers him into his cab. After a few minutes of silence, the pope says to the taxi driver "You know, being the pope, I've always have people drive me places, and I rarely get the chance to drive myself. Would you mind if I got behind the wheel for a little while?" Not wanting to say no to the pope, the taxi driver lets him drive. They get pulled over by the police soon after, since the pope was driving way over the speed limit. The officee walks up to the cab, is about to give them ticket, until he sees the pope. Not sure of what to do in this sitution, he calls his superior. "Sir, I just pulled over this guy for speeding, and he's *really* important. What do I do?" "Well who is the guy, the mayor?" "Nah, bigger than that" " Is he a movie star?" " No, way bigger than that" "Is he the president?" "No, he's bigger than that" "Well then who is he!?" "I dunno, but he's got the pope driving for him!"
Did you know when a man masturbates he generates 5 BTU of energy..
So if you had 5000 men in a room m**..., it would be extremely gay.
Final exam
My psychology professor wrapped up the class and dicussed the final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up, barring a health trauma or death in the immediate family. My friend Johnny smirked and asked, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?"
After the chuckling died down, the professor replied, "Nope, you can use your other hand to write."
I was playing a quiet game of Scrabble with a friend
and he's a very sore loser. He was losing so badly, that he got extremely angry, picked up the bag and started throwing words beginning with 'th' at me.
I managed to dodge this, there and then. But I did not see that coming.
Ever since I've been on crutches I've been extremely depressed...
I mean I just can't stand myself.
A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow
She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of s**...?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."
I'm always hard at work.
But Human Resources keeps telling me that it's extremely inappropriate to have erections at the office.
My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together.
Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking.
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
My girlfriend's father is pretty religious and said we couldn't make love...
which is rather disappointing because he's extremely handsome.
A guy meets his friend on the street
but his friend has a horribly swollen face, is missing teeth, has scratches on his arms, blood all over his shirt and he looks scared and disorientated. Of course his friend gets extremely worried and asks:
"Are you all right?! What happened dude?"
"I just buried my mother-in-law..."
"So?"
"Well she resisted".
So there was a monk...
This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."
I had a sudden, albeit extremely belated, realization about Jared from Subway
His career ended the way it began: trying to get into smaller pants.
Guy tells a psychiatrist he has a fear of commitment.
Psychiatrist says, "There's no need to worry. I only do that in extreme cases."
The inventor of the Big Mac died the other day....
His family ordered the most lavish coffin they could find in the brochure, but were extremely disappointed when it turned out to be nothing like the picture.
A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.
One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.
The next day, the twins' uncle died.
I just watched an Imam trying to perform a tracheotomy on a Labrador while free-falling at 10,000 feet...
... I'm not sure extreme vetting for Muslims is such a good idea.
If it's yellow, let it mellow
If it's brown, stop it at the border and submit it to extreme vetting.
I was a big fan of Extreme Vetting
Then I found out it isn't a show about skydiving into the desert to perform dog surgery.
Guy gets a call from his doctor.
"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.
"What? How?" Guy exclaims.
"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."
"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
Two men are lost in the desert
Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.
He turned to the man behind him and said, "I guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination."
A tourist group
A tourist group is lead over a mountain path.
One of the tourists gets extremely nervous and says to their native guide:
"You really could have put a handrail on the side"
The guide answers:
"There was a handrail, but it became too expensive, the tourists always took it down with them when they fell"
When daughter told me she prefers white rice over brown rice I was extremely disappointed.
I didn't raise her to be a rice-ist.
I've been living with extreme poverty and disfigurement for over 40 years, but today, God finally answered my prayers!
He said no.
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
I'll give up my thesaurus...
when you pry it from my frosty, frozen, lifeless, stiff extremities.
There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...
...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...
An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup
An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. Doctor says, Okay I've got bad news and really bad news. Old man: Well, okay. what's the really bad news? You've got cancer. It's extremely aggressive and I'm giving you two weeks to live. Oh god....what's the bad news? You've got Alzheimer's disease. Oh what a relief! I though you were going to tell me I had cancer!
When I met your Mom I was extremely attracted to her because
that's how large object gravitational fields work.
My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
Joey moves to a nudist colony
Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.
He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads
Dear Joey
Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.
Love Grandma
A cop pulls over 3 old ladies
A cop pulls over 3 old ladies doing 20 in a 65mph zone. The cop walks up to the window.
"How can I help you officer?"
"Did you realize you were doing 20 in a 65mph zone?"
"I thought we were doing the speed limit. It says so right there." The old woman pointed to a sign.
"Ma'am thats the sign saying you're on interstate 20." Just then the officer noticed the two women in back looked extremely frightened. "What's wrong with them?"
"Oh we must have just come off interstate 200."
Went to an eye specialist because I couldn't read fluently
The doctor told me "Son, I have bad news for you and for what I see, you will have to deal with this condition since we don't have a cure for it" and proceded to hand me a paper with my results. I was extremely happy with it!
How can it be bad news having daylisex for life?
If you think about it, Futurama was an extremely progressive show.
Truly ahead of its time.
"You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition"
the doctor told his patient.
"We're going to have to put you in an isolation unit where you'll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza."
"Will the pancakes and pizza cure my condition?" asked the patient.
"No," replied the doctor.
"They're the only things we can slip under the door."
I was extremely tired and walked into a police officer the other day.
Ended up being guilty of resisting a rest.
I am extremely proud of my son who chose a career in organised crime
He became the prime minister of the country
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It's an extremely rare dish order.
Most people are blaming FIFA for awarding Qatar the 2022 World Cup because of the Extreme Heat.
Well I am not worried about it because of the fans.
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.
The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the h**... have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'
After an extremely tense argument with my girlfriend, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.
I got rare disease
Doctor: You have got an extremely rare disease
Me: How rare?
Doc: You pick the name.
The odds of getting a j**... to do any work on your farm are extremely low.
You'll have a better chance of finding a needle in a haystack.
They say when you're nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach.
This really bugged me, so I had a surgeon perform an insect-ion to see if this was true. The results were extremely alarving. What they found in my stomach will moth likely make you feel sqwormish.
Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "that's not even close"
me: "yeah, but it was fast"
I like my men how I like my coffee...
Extremely hot and capable of severely injuring my t**...
I think it was totally disrespectful for Joe Biden to call the President of the United States a clown.
As a clown, I'm extremely offended
A man walks in to a bar
And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, l**... his eyebrows..
I just saw a sketchy guy buying a bunch of smoke machines, so I called the cops.
He must be a part of some extreme mist group.
