Extended Jokes

50 extended jokes and hilarious extended puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about extended that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best extended warranty jokes, extended family jokes, long extended jokes.

Funniest Extended Short Jokes

Short extended jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The extended humour may include short extension jokes also.

  1. Donald Trump has announced that he plan to extend his wall across the oceans... This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
  2. Trump's wall will be useless since it doesn't extend into the oceans..... Everyone knows Jesus can walk on water.
  3. I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
  4. I bought my 5-year-old a toy iPhone that looks like a real one Now someone keeps calling about an extended warranty on his Little Tikes car.
  5. Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana, who? WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CARS EXTENDED WARRANTY.
  6. Knock knock! Who's there?
    Ivan who?
    I'van trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.
  7. I'm dating a girl whose arms measure identically to mine when extended. I think we're on the same wavelength.
  8. What happens if you spin an oriental person around really fast for an extended period of time? They become disoriented.
  9. What happens when Quentin Tarantino remakes Cinderella? a three and a half minute extended director's cut of the slipper scene
  10. What should you do when your car breaks down on the side of the road? Wait for 10 minutes...When the phone rings, you can extend your car's warranty.

Share These Extended Jokes With Friends

Extended One Liners

Which extended one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with extended? I can suggest the ones about expand and modified.

  1. Yo Momma is so ugly The government extended mask mandates to give everyone's eyes a break
  2. I've been accused of objectifying women public class Woman extends Person {
  3. Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit. Bilbo is 7' 6" now.
  4. Why did Jesus get all the ladies? Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)
  5. What does the US call its new offensive in Iraq? Operation Extended Warranty.
  6. The government have extended the lockdown period for anyone that drives.. Car owner virus
  7. What do you call an ex that cheated on you with your sibling ? Extended family.
  8. I guess the DC Extended Universe is cursed.
  9. What do you call Logan extended edition? Longan
  10. Did you hear? The supreme court ruled that gay marriage has extended to swans.
  11. How do short pirates reach the top shelf?? They use extendable arrrms
  12. My farts are always like a holiday in.... They're always an extended stay
  13. Outtake from a Peyton Manning Nationwide commercial.... HGH will extend my career.
  14. Suuuup Canada ? Extended State of America.
  15. Every time I go to Breast Buy They try to sell me an extended c**... contract

Extended Warranty Jokes

Here is a list of funny extended warranty jokes and even better extended warranty puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the difference between a furry and a person selling extended auto warranties? Furries never bothered anyone.
  • Hello darkness my old friend I've come to talk with you about your car's extended warranty

Extended Family Jokes

Here is a list of funny extended family jokes and even better extended family puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I dated an Indian girl in college and got to know her extended family Now I have strong passwords for life
  • When is the best time to hold a f**...? In the mourning.
    FYI, my 11yo says he made this up today, right after learning of death in the extended family.
Extended joke, When is the best time to hold a f**...?

Long Extended Jokes

Here is a list of funny long extended jokes and even better long extended puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What extends flexibly from the hips, is 71 cm long in men, and has the letters P, E, N, I, and S? A spine
Extended joke, What extends flexibly from the hips, is 71 cm long in men, and has the letters P, E, N, I, and S?

Fun-Filled Extended Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about extended you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean collapsed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make extended pranks.

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .

The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .

A husband died

A husband died.
A few years later, his wife died.
As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes.
"Darling, oh how I've missed you!"
The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him and says,
"Woah there woman. The contract was until death."

A husband died

A few years later the wife died.
As she got to heaven, she sees her husband and runs up to him with tears in her eyes "Oh darling, how I've missed you."
The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him "Woah there woman. The contract was until death."

How to increase your strength

An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
—Beverly g**...

The gift.

Knowing that the minister had a very sore t**..., an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.
"This is quite soothing, the woman said, "but please don't tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."
"I understand," replied the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the congregant skimmed the "With Appreciation" column. There she read: "The minister extends his thanks to Mrs. Alice Rodgers for her gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."

An attractive woman was reading The History of p**... on the bus the other day...

... I struck up a conversations opening with "That seems interesting"
She responds: "It really is! Did you know that Native Americans have the longest p**... in the world? And Poles the girthiest!"
She extends her hand, I grab it and say... "Tonto Polanski, pleasure to meet you"

[OC]A man walks into a hardware store

Man: Hello, I'm doing some work on my house exterior and need to get to the siding and onto the roof.
Employee: Well, we have a wide range of ladders that will do the trick. There's a 3-step ladder that will be perfect for the siding, and an extending ladder that will get you up on the roof. Do you want them both?
Man: I'll take the former now and the latter ladder later.

A man calls 911

A man calls 911, frantically telling the operator that there has been a hunting accident.
"My friend tripped and dropped his shotgun. It went off, and he accidentally shot himself. He is bleeding, and I don't know what to do. I think he might be dead."
"Okay", the operator says. "Please try to stay calm. First, we need to make sure he is dead".
"Okay", the man says.
The operator listens to an extended silence, followed by a gunshot.
"Okay", the man says. "Now what?"

Ticket Please

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."


My wife and I have an agreement that works...
She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones.
This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room.
I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners.

My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her

"Hey what's up?" she said
"Oh nothing.. It's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me." I replied
"Haha don't worry, I won't." She said reassuringly
"I wanna lick it." I said
She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said:
"I knew you'd misunderstand."

What did the shirt say to the pants?

What up britches!
(At a photography studio today, taking an extended family picture with like 15 people there. This is what the photographer said to get us to smile. I couldn't stop laughing, and was beet red. We had to wait for me to calm down. I'm a middle age married man with teenage kids , it was great fun seeing my girls roll their eyes at dad, that couldn't stop laughing at a dumb joke.)

So I got extended sick leave from my job...

What happened is I called up my boss from home, and I said, "Hey, I can't come in today. I'm coming up with something."
And the boss man says, "Don't you mean 'coming down with something?'"
I said, "Yeah, but I'm still coming up with what I'm coming down with."
Now I can stay home for as long as I want. :)

I think stimulus checks should also extend to all waterfowl.

Because ducks have bills too, you know.

How to tell time in a forest

Here's how to tell time in a forest.
Try and face north, or make your best approximation as to which way is north. Stand straight and tall. Extend both arms so that they are parallel with the ground. Lower your left arm back down to your side. Bend your right arm so that your hand is against the left side of your chest. Now lower your chin to your chest and look at your watch.

A worrying LOTR addiction

Lately I've been watching a *lot* of Lord of the Rings. It started with watching the original versions after work to de-stress. Then I moved on to sneaking the Extended Editions. Recently, I started secretly hoarding the Director's cut versions. I think I may have a problem.
It's becoming hobbitual

Extended joke, I dated an Indian girl in college and got to know her extended family