Expressions About Jokes
137 expressions about jokes and hilarious expressions about puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about expressions about that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Expressions About Short Jokes
Short expressions about jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The expressions about humour may include short phrases about jokes also.
- Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy. Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket
- Bilbo was surprised to hear of a Tesco Express opening up in the Shire... It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
- It only takes 3 inches to please a woman. And it doesn't matter if it's mastercard, visa or American express.
- One time my math professor asked everyone in class to write a complex number on their forehead You could probably imagine the expressions on our faces.
- Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the Like button.
- What is the unit to express joules per second? Sorry, watt is the unit to express joules per second.
- There is a trend in psychotherapy called Anger Expression therapy where the patient is to express any anger immediately no matter how small or trivial. Its all the rage.
- I just saved a ton of money on my Christmas shopping by expressing my political views on facebook.
- What's the difference between an expression of confusion and an underground German woman? One's a furrowed brow and the other is a burrowed Frau.
- The Thinker by Rodin is... Rodin’s masterpiece sculptural work The Thinker is based on a distinctive Xi’an figure with a disturbed expression. The Terracotta Worrier.
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Expressions About One Liners
Which expressions about one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with expressions about? I can suggest the ones about idioms about and expression.
- Why does Djokovic pay with American Express Because he has no visa
- I just opened an express clothing alteration business. It's called Tailor Swift.
- What's the winter solstice's favorite way to express itself? "Light" poetry.
- How do you express your opinion in China? \[redacted\]
- Where does Hillary Clinton eat at to appeal to Asian voters? Pander Express.
- How do pirates express their creativity? Arrrrrrrrrt.
- How does a Japanese alligator express its gratitude? Aligato
- England votes to leave the Euro cup Many express regret and want a rematch.
- How does a tree express its feelings on a stage? Through a mono-log
- What do you have to do if you need to go somewhere fast? Express yourself.
- I lost my dictionary today. I can't find the words to express my dissapointment.
- How do you express criticism of Israel in America? \[redacted\]
- My vocabulary is so poor... I can not express it in words.
- What train goes to the psychiatrist office? The Bi-Polar Express
- The Polar Express isn't actually real. It's a work of imagination - a train of thought.
Expressions About Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about expressions about you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean speeches about jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make expressions about pranks.
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America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's s**.... They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, s**... Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!
First man: what is the most commonly used French expression?
Second man: uhh... I give up
A visit to the zoo.
A father and son were observing a tiger in its cage at the zoo.
The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and his son was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," the son said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up .....…"
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take to get back home?"
The First Night of the Honeymoon
The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.
The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.
She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.
"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."
She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.
The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.
She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."
Deep Love
no matter how deeply you love someone, you cannot express it more than six inches deep
Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you...
you always get burned in the end.
A women invites 3 military men to her house
During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."
A doctor diagnosed me with...
... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.
... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!
... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.
... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams.
... Dementia.
But I maintain full cognitive... Um. What was the question?
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My blonde girlfriend froze
In the middle of love making so I gave her an interrogative f**... expression. " oh..I saw this on youporn" she said," they call it bufferring".
So on the morning of 9/11 then Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf rang up Bush
Musharraf - "Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to assure that we had nothing in connection with that..
Bush - "What buildings? What people?"
Musharraf - "Oh, what time is it in America now?"
Bush - "It's eight in the morning."
Musharraf - "Oops... Will call back in an hour."
A man is feeling horrible and goes to the doctor.
The doctor runs numerous tests that last for hours. Finally, he walks back in, a grim expression on his face.
"I have your results back," the doctor says, "and I'm afraid it's not good. I'm going to tell you this directly, you really don't have long to live."
The man is understandably stunned and struggles to find the right words. "I-I... how long do I have?"
The doctor sighs. "10."
There's a pause before the man speaks "Ten? Ten what? Ten weeks, ten months?"
"9."
A man at lunch orders a salad
When he receives the salad he notices there is a button in it. He expresses this to the waiter saying, "Excuse me, but there is a button in my salad!" The waiter replied, "that's okay, it's part of the dressing"
TIFU by disappointing a girl with my 3.2 incher.
She didn't take American Express.
Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.
Then I considered 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
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The common phrase to express somethings simplicity is
"its not rocket science...". But what do rocket scientists say to each other? "Come on Doug, its not.....s**...."
What is Britain's most popular newspaper amongst breastfeeding mothers?
The Daily Express.
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There's a s**... new teacher at school
In grammar class, she asks who can say a sentence including an expression of politeness. Naughty Johnny raises his hand.
'I would be most delighted to make out with you Miss Campbell... and bang you, too!'
Miss Campbell blushes and yells:
'Out!'
Naughty Johnny gets his things and walks towards the door, when suddenly Miss Campbell says:
'Not you... the others!'
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Putin and Medvedeev talking
- We need to change these time zones, they are giving me a big headache, says Putin
-Why? asks Medvedeev
-I'm calling Beijing to give my congrats for their national holiday and they tell me it's tomorrow. I call Warsaw to express my condolences for the airplane c**... in Smolensk and they tell me the plane didn't take off yet!
3 1/2 Inches is the avg size a woman needs to be happy.
MasterCard, Visa, American Express, ect...
So, a stutterer was a wedding
He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
-HURRAY
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
A boy was having suspicions that he was adopted...
He decided to sit down with his dad in the living room to express his worries.
Clearly anxious, he hesitantly asked "Dad, am I adopted?"
His dad looked quite surprised but promptly replied: "Not yet, we haven't found anyone who'll take you"
An english professor said to his students there is no way to use two positives to express a negative
One student smirked to his friend "Yeah right."
A British girl meets a guy...
And they hit it off immediately. The girl goes to her dad the next day to tell him about it.
"Oh, dad, he's just the sweetest! He loves dancing and photography, he's great with kids, and he volunteers at an animal shelter. He's funny, handsome, a great listener, oh! and he's a goalie for a local football team. Oh dad, what do you think?"
Her dad looked at her with an odd expression and said "Oh honey...
... *he's a keeper*"
A Mathematician
A mathematician gives his wife an algebraic expression and asks her to solve it while they were in bed.
The wife asks, "Why?"
"Because I need you to isolate the D. "
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
What do you call emotions of a DNA?
Gene expressions
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How to start a fight on Internet in two steps
1. Express your opinion.
2. Wait.
There Are A Few Ways of Expressing Laughter in Type.
American: hahahaha
Brazillian portuguese: huehuehuehue
Japanese: wwwww
Korean: kekekeke
Mexicans & Spanish: jajajajaja
Thai: 555555
What did the customer say about Panda Express's Internet Security?
It had nice Authentic Asian.
In 1991, a country banned expressions of surrender, acceptance, or agreement.
That marked the fall of the "So be it" Union.
I once knew a girl with no eyebrows.
she had a hard time expressing herself.
What do you call all the sacked news reporters in China?
The orient ex-press
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Did you know in North Korea gay men can get married?
As long as they marry someone from the opposite s**... without expressing their real sexuality.
What kind of expression does a person who fell asleep by the ocean have?
Resting beach face
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I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...
All I have to do is express a desire to have s**... with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.
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You've heard of a DEADpan expression. Well, a BEDpan expression...
THAT's a s**...-eating grin!
My wife rushed into the supermarket to grab a few items
She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"
The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."
So this guy finds a magic lamp...
This guy finds a magic lamp. Obviously, a Genie comes out of it.
*The Genie: You can make 1 wish, it can be anything. What do you desire?
*The guy: Well, I'd like to have a railroad that connects New York City and Moscow.
*The Genie: That... might be a liitle too much. Is there anything else you would like?
*The Guy: Well, if that's the case, I'd like to be able to understand Women
* The Genie: Did you want express trains as well?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A man is shopping one day and see's the ugliest, fattest woman he's ever seen with her 2 boys
The woman notices him looking over at them and asks if there's something he's looking for.
"no, just noticed you with your twin boys. Not often you see twins" he replies
"oh, they're not twins but they do look similar" she remarks and notices the mans puzzled expression. "Is there something wrong that they're not twins?"
"No, I'm just more surprised someone actually had s**... with you more than once."
I asked a friend what the phrase was that expresses when someone is talking so fast it's incoherent.
He answered a mile a minute, so I couldn't make out a word he said.
How do you express that you're bad at life and thirsty at the same time?
You say "I feel juiceless."
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A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store,
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store and slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that p**... Treats' are meant for 'cats'?"
So proud of the children reading, understanding and expressing their 1st amendment rights the other day.
But man are they going to be embarrassed when they read the 2nd.
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A man goes on a business trip to Japan. The night before his big meeting, he hires a p**....
He really seems to be having a good time, because as they do their thing, she keeps enthusiastically saying things in Japanese over and over again.
The next day, he invites the Japanese businessmen out for a game of golf after their meeting. After a nice hole-in-one, he decides to try out a phrase his p**... used the other night to express his excitement. One of the businessmen turns to him and says, "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"
I went to a Chinese supermarket but couldn't read the sign telling me which is the express checkout
All I saw was a bunch of lines
I hate it when people publicly express their opinions needlessly, just seeking attention when nobody cares.
But that's just my opinion.
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I heard you like reposts, so here's one from 114 years ago.
**TOWN AND COUNTRY**
The young woman who was boarding at the farmhouse expressed to the farmer her anxiety at the savage way in which the cow regarded her.
It must be on account of that red blouse you've got on, miss, answered the farmer.
Dear me! exclaimed the girl. Of course, it's out of fashion; but I had no idea a country cow would notice it.
(From the London Journal, July 2nd, 1904)
If anger can be expressed as "Ire"
is Ireland the land of angry people?
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Peter Dinklage has apologised for tweets expressing support for white supremacy
It's all right, he's just a little racist.
As a kid in the '70s, a lot of my schoolmates expressed surprise to learn I had a single mother.
I didn't know it was that common to have more than one.
Why don't bisexuals eat at Panda Express?
Because they're always telling them to pick a side.
What makes you irrationaly angery?
When I can't express my anger in fraction.
At Oxford's men only English language competition, 200 males were participating
The challenge was to express Peacefulness, Happiness and Calmness in a single sentence.
The person who won the competition wrote....
"My wife is sleeping."
He also received standing ovation from the audience.
Scientists have proven that females can express their emotions better than males.
As a man, that information makes me feel...something...
On the day I got married, at the ceremony, I stood up and tapped my glass for everyone to be silent.
I held up a fruit and said nothing, scanning the crowd for any sign of pleasure.
All I got was a series of blank expressions, and I could feel my animosity growing as I searched each person, then the next.
"What's wrong with you all?" I finally shouted. "I thought you guys would love my wedding's peach!"
Did you hear about the charismatic politician who spews a lot of hot air when he talks about his ideas?
You could say that he expresses himself with convection.
The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.
Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...
What kind of credit card does Santa Claus use?
~~American~~ Polar Express
I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.
In our house it's really causing division
Panda Express fired me for emailing around photos of bad stir fry...
I guess I should have labelled them Not Safe for Wok...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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So I was staying at my uncles...
SO THIS IS A REAL STORY
My nephew, mommy you're kind of fat.
My uncle, no she's not son she's just big b**....
My nephews expression immediately drops,
Daddy is she okay?
Yeah why wouldn't she be?
Why do her bones jiggle?
Two jokes and a cop walk into a bar...
Two jokes and a cop walk into a bar. The jokes offer the bartender to tell themselves in return for a free drink. The bartender agrees. The first joke tells itself and gets its free drink. The cop shoots the second joke before it can start expressing itself as it is too dark.
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At the dance, Wood-Eye Pete stood awkwardly to the side
Deciding there wasn't much to lose he decided to ask Pudgie Peggy to dance.
"Would you care to dance?" He asked her, gamely.
With enthusiasm Pudgie Peggy eagerly expressed her delight almost yelling, Would I??!!
Pete blushed with shame and quickly defended himself yelling Well you're just a Fat Pig!"
before stomping out with a disgusted frown.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problem with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about consuming a mother of two.
But upon further consideration he was gladiator.
Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.
"Why"? Putin asks
" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, - I woke you up at 4AM in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday, - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet !!"