Exploded Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

So my Irish friend decided to tell his community he's an atheist...

One man in the crowd then yelled "Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one?"

(Wow this exploded. Front... *wow*. Gotta say, I like the (current) top comment's version more.)

What happened when the cheese factory exploded?

De brie went everywhere

Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people

Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

One time Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 47 people

Then the grenade exploded

I think Trojan is a bad name for a condom brand...

...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded?

All that was left was de-Brie.

Chuck Norris Threw A Grenade and Killed 27 People.

Then It Exploded.

Did you hear about that French cheese factory that exploded?

There was nothing left but de brie.

Cheese shop exploded

Thankfully I was only hit by da brie

A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...

"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"

"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".

A cheese factory just exploded...

There was de-brie everywhere

A father asked his young son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the
boy exploded, bursting into tears. Confused, his
father asked the youngster what was wrong. Oh
pop," the boy sobbed, "for me there was no santa
claus at age six, no Easter bunny at age seven, no
tooth fairy at age eight and no stork at ten. and
if you're telling me now that grownups don't
really fuck, I've got nothing left to believe in!"

A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

Looks like we have debris all over the place

Did you guys hear that the hadron accelerator exploded?

It was mass murder.

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday..

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday "I need to inspect your farm for illegally growing drugs"

I said 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there....",

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying "Mister, i have the authority of the federal government with me! Reaching into his rear pants pocket the arrogant officer pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this fucking badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever i wish.. On ANY land!! No questions asked or answers given! Have i made myself clear?.. Do you understand?!!"

I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my day. A short time later, i heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my old mean bull.. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

I threw down my tools, ran to the fence yelling at the top of my lungs...

Your badge! Show him your fucking BADGE!"



Morning coffee in a US government job . . .

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now."

"Our normal hours are from 8 am to 4 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10 am and plan on starting at 10 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8 am to 4 pm, why don't you want me here until 10 am?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
So no point in your coming in for that."

So a DEA officer walks into a farm..

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.

I said Okay , but don't go in that field over there….. ,

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me! Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. See this fucking badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?…. do you understand?!!
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull…… With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs…..

Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE!!

Random Drug search

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

A DEA officer stopped by our farm the other day...

"i need to inspect your farm for growing illegal drugs."
I said "Okay, but don't go in that field over there..."
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, i have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this fucking badge!? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever i wish... On any land! No questions asked or answers given! Have i made myself clear?... do you understand?!"
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, i heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs...
"Your badge, show him your fucking badge!!"

Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?

Many soles were lost...ο»Ώ

A cheese factory in France exploded.

All that was left was debris.

Poor Boy

A young boy is standing at the edge of a cliff, crying his eyes out.

A Catholic priest happens to walks past and, seeing the boy, asks, "Whats wrong, my child?"

"My mother and father were in the car and it rolled off the cliff. It exploded and they died, and I have no way of getting home!"

The priest looks around and, as he's unbuttoning his pants, says "This really isn't your day is it, my son?"

72 Virgins

Abdulla tried to contact the soul of his cousin, Naved, who had exploded himself as a suicide bomber.

Abdulla wanted to know whether the 'Jihad' legend is true...
especially about the 72 virgins they get.

So he asked 'How is the social life bro ?'

Naved said 'Amazing bro. I can pick any female. They wont object. Both males and females roam around naked. Nobody bothers. I do it round the clock. It's ultimate.'

Abdulla says 'Holy shit ! Is that how Heaven is ?'

Naved says 'No bro.
Not Heaven.. I am reborn as a street dog in Karachi...😝

Russian Condoms!

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Yeltsin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin. "No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor....you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one.

Keanu Reeves threw a grenade and killed 50 people

Then it exploded

Some Chuck Norris Jokes

- Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.

- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

- When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.

- Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.

- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it without a single remark.

- Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.

- When Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy, Chuck Norris caught the bullets with his own bare hands. JFK's head exploded simply because he was so overawed.

Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.

When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.

Did you hear about the teen suicide figures throughout the Muslim community?

It's exploded in the past few years

The Russian President Vladimir Putin called Barack Obama with an emergency request

Mr President, we need help. Our largest condom factory has exploded, the Russian President explained. My people now have no method of birth control! This is a true disaster!

Vladimir, said Obama, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.

We do need your help, said Putin.

Could you possibly send one million condoms to tide us over? No problem, I'm on it, said Obama.

Oh, and one more small favour, please? said Putin. Yes? said Obama.

Can you supply the condoms red in colour and at least ten inches long and four inches in diameter?

No problem, replied Obama, and with that, he hung up and called the CEO of Durex. I need a favour, you've got to make one million condoms right away and send them to Russia.

Consider it done, said the CEO of Durex.

Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, ten inches long and four inches wide.

Easily done. Anything else?

Yes, says Obama. Print 'MADE IN USA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one.

The Magic Mirror

This is a rumour that a magic mirror resides in New York City. Anyone who can tell the truth in front of it is granted 3 wishes of their choosing. Anyone who tells a lie is exploded.

3 girls, a blonde, a redhead and a brunette find the mirror and try to claim their wishes.

"I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world!" says the brunette.

She explodes on the spot.

"I think I'm the smartest girl in the world!" says the redhead.

She explodes on the spot.

"I think-" says the blonde.

She explodes on the spot.

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

One day, the human body tries to figure out who the leader is ...

The heart says, "it's me! I circulate the blood!"


The brain says, "no! It's me! I control everything."


The liver says, "no, it's me, because I feed."


The anus says, "no, it's me!"


All the other organs laugh. Then the anus refused to open for seven days. The liver had exploded, the brain was stewed and the heart stopped beating.

The moral of the story is, even an asshole can be a leader.

German life guard joke



A group of tourists were on a boat in hamburg when the engine exploded and created a fire in the bottom of the boat.

They quickly called up the German coast guard for the German Life. Who answered with "Ja, Hallo, dis is ze German Coast Guard, How can i help you?

They responded "Help we're sinking!"

The Life Guard asked "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"

What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.

And then the building exploded.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 15 people

Then the grenade exploded.

3 men get onto a plane

One is English, one is French and the other is German.

The English man drops a stone, the french drops a knife and the German drops a bomb

When the English man gets back his Dad is in the garden crying. He asks why. His Dad says "Me and your Mother were gardening when a stone dropped from the sky and killed her.

When the French man gets back his Dad is in the garden crying. He asks why. His Dad says "Me and your Mother were gardening when a knife dropped from the sky and killed her.

When the German man gets back his Dad is in the garden Laughing. He asks why. His Dad says "I farted and Steve next door exploded!!!"

An archery contest

Once upon a time there was an archery competition.

The first contestant, wearing a long cape covering his face, put a watermelon on a volunteer, took 100 paces away then turned and fired. The watermelon exploded. The archer took off his cape and claimed: I AM ROBINHOOD!

The second one with a hood put an apple above the volunteer head, took 200 paces and fired right through the apple. He then removed the hood and shouted: I AM BAYEK OF SIWA!

Finally, a third man with a mask lined up in position. He put a grape on the volunteer's head and went away for 500 paces. He shot, then grinned and said: ^^^^^I ^^^^^am ^^^^^sorry .

Heading to market

Little Johnny's mom sends him out to the store for some nuts so she can make brownies. On the way to the store, little johnny witnesses a horrendous car accident in which a car explodes with a man still inside. Stunned by what he jus saw he runs all the way home to tell his mom. He runs in and says, "Mom there was this giant accident!!! This guy was trapped in a car and it exploded! His body parts went everywhere! His arm flew this way and his leg the other way it was intense!" To which his mom replies, "And the nuts!?" "O I don't know where they went.."


Joke I heard when I was kid, sorry if repost or if the wording is a bit off, its been a while.

The old cheese factory across town recently exploded.

De brie was everywhere.

I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".

"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".

I went to an atom party last night.

It was crazy, but in the middle of the party a couple splitted up and the party exploded!

A cruise magician...

... Had a parrot who spoiled every trick. You know, like, "That box has a hidden floor".

One day during the performance, the cruise ship exploded, but the magician and the parrot saved themselves on a piece of debris.

They floated along in silence for three days, when the parrot quips "Okay, I give up. How did you manage to make the ship disappear?".

Did you hear about the linoleum factory in France that exploded?

The locals call it Linoleum Blown-apart.

I was in the kitchen when a flying insect came through the window and exploded

I think it was a jihaddy longlegs

A husband tells his wife about the car crash he got into...

Husband: Hey, I got in a car crash today. I got hurt real bad, I broke my arm and fractured my wrist. I also sprained my ankle and the car nearly exploded! Luckily Lucy pulled me out of the car just before it exploded. I spent a couple days in hospital but I'm fine now.

Wife: Who's Lucy?

I asked her to be mine

She exploded.

What remained after the cheese factory exploded?

De brie

What do you call 'an exploded hero'?

Heroshima

A cheese factory exploded today

There was de brie everywhere

I made a ceramic sculpture of Mohammed Ali but it exploded in the kiln.

It was gaseous clay

Anthill Golfing

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.

So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

A magician and his parrot...

This magician was getting annoyed with his parrot, because during every trick the parrot would spoil it by saying something along the lines of "It's in your shirt, braack." He then decided to get rid of him, so he took him on a ship, and into the boiler room. The magician shot the parrot, but missed. The ship exploded and the only survivors were the magician and the parrot, surprisingly. The parrot then says, "Alright, braack, you got me, where is the ship, braack."

String of Cheese Jokes

Hear about the French cheese factory that exploded the other day? DeBrie everywhere.

They think it might be an insurance scam by the owner though he's a bit mental, painted his wife the other day! He Double Gloucester.

He even tried to start up a new business making clothes out of cheese. Didn't go as well as expected, turns out fromage frays.

Decided to go into the business of making boats in his attic. Sails are through the roof!

Abdulla tried to contact the soul of his cousin, Naved, who had exploded himself as a suicide bomber

Abdulla tried to contact the soul of his cousin, Naved, who had exploded himself as a suicide bomber.

Abdulla wanted to know whether the 'Jihad' legend is true. Especially about the 72 virgins they get.

So he asked ' how is the social life bro?'

Naved said ' amazing bro. I can pick any female. They wont object. Both males and females roam around naked. Nobody bothers. I do it round the clock. It's ultimate.'

Abdulla says ' holy shit! Is that how heaven is?'

Naved says 'No bro. Not heaven. I am reborn as a street dog in Karachi.'

So my friend who has multiple personalities called me yesterday.

My Caller I.D. exploded.....

Did you hear about the guy at the gun store who got fired?

He went ballistic.

Did you hear about the apartment building that got blown up? There were roomers everywhere.

Bob: Do you know why my pool exploded?
Joe: Na.

Did you hear about the power plant employee that went on a shooting spree? People say he went melted down and went nuclear.

At the Duke game zion Williamson's Nike shoe exploded and they lost the game

I guess that was a blowout :/

Last night I dreamt that my town's water tower exploded.

It was a wet dream.

Did you hear about the teen suicide figures throughout the Muslim community?

It's exploded in recent years

I assassinated my friend...

I gave Miguel a cigar and lit the end. When it began to fizzle, he looked at me, puzzled.

"What brand of cigar does this?" he asked.

I answered, "Red Herring, of course."

And his chair exploded.

What do you call a Bloodletter who's head has exploded

A popkhorne

Did you hear about the cheese that exploded?

There was debrie everywhere.

My fridge exploded. . .

And there are pieces of de-brie everywhere.

I'm still shocked that my friend died when his cocaine suddenly exploded.

It was a devastating blow.

Two men stand before a court.

One has stolen a set of batteries, the other nicked a firework and exploded it in his backyard.

The first man was charged, the other one was let off.

Apparently the local sign makers just exploded

I really should have guessed, the signs were everywhere

Chuck Norris pulled a pin on a grenade, threw it, and killed ten men.

...then the grenade exploded.

My Galaxy Note 5 is only one year old today...

and I just found out the 7 already exploded onto the scene, blowing expectations.

I was in the kitchen today when...

An insect flew around my head and towards the window, as it hit the window it exploded! I think it was one of those Jihaddy Long Legs

my ex should be considered a terror sympathizer

because the number of foriegn dudes that have exploded in her is suspicious

What happened when the cheese factory exploded?

Debrie everywhere.

What are the funniest exploded jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Exploded? Well, here are the best Exploded puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Exploded pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes