Exploded Jokes

What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.
And then the building exploded.

Poor Boy

A young boy is standing at the edge of a cliff, crying his eyes out.
A Catholic priest happens to walks past and, seeing the boy, asks, "Whats wrong, my child?"
"My mother and father were in the car and it rolled off the cliff. It exploded and they died, and I have no way of getting home!"
The priest looks around and, as he's unbuttoning his pants, says "This really isn't your day is it, my son?"

Did you guys hear that the hadron accelerator exploded?

It was mass m**....

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist...

are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food.
"Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist.
"No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree"
"I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."

A husband tells his wife about the car c**... he got into...

Husband: Hey, I got in a car c**... today. I got hurt real bad, I broke my arm and fractured my wrist. I also sprained my ankle and the car nearly exploded! Luckily Lucy pulled me out of the car just before it exploded. I spent a couple days in hospital but I'm fine now.
Wife: Who's Lucy?

You know how to make an Arabian phone explode?

Put it on airplane mode.

Tianjin's disaster could have been prevented...

After all, the experts have warned us that China's population might explode.

I ate 15 raw oysters last night at the restaurant. I paid for it with exploding diarrhea.

I think they would have preferred cash.

A cheese factory in France exploded.

All that was left was debris.

I went to an atom party last night.

It was crazy, but in the middle of the party a couple splitted up and the party exploded!

What do you call an exploding dinosaur?

Dino-mite

How a phone recall works.

Samsung: Send us your exploding phone.
Microsoft/Nokia: A software update will fix that.
Apple: You are using it wrong.

Did you know Dora the Explorer has a muslim cousin? Her name is Doda

...the Exploder

I'm like a s**... vest.

If you do me right I'll explode on your chest.

Did you hear about the teen s**... figures throughout the Muslim community?

It's exploded in the past few years

When I was at the immigration office, I interrupted an officer answering his phone and told him "Ship them back where they came from. They have a tendency to explode". He arrested me for being Islamophobic.

As I was dragged out, I was yelling "I was talking about your Samsung Galaxy Note 7!"

I hate it when people confuse reality with metaphors...

It makes my head literally explode!

Marriages are like water heaters

They sit peacefully for years, until they explode in a fireball ruining everything you own

The old cheese factory across town recently exploded.

De brie was everywhere.

I think t**... is a bad name for a c**... brand...

...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...

Keanu Reeves threw a grenade and killed 50 people

Then it exploded

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

Doctor: are you active s**...?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.
Doctor: I'll write v**....

I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".

"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".

German life guard joke

​
A group of tourists were on a boat in hamburg when the engine exploded and created a fire in the bottom of the boat.
They quickly called up the German coast guard for the German Life. Who answered with "Ja, Hallo, dis is ze German Coast Guard, How can i help you?
They responded "Help we're sinking!"
The Life Guard asked "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"

A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...

"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"
"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".

A woman sees her son shoving candy into his mouth.

"Stop it" she said, "You shouldn't eat so much candy at once."
"Why?" her son replied.
"Because, if you eat too much candy at once, your stomach will grow bigger, and bigger, and finally it will explode!"
The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy.
​
The next day, the boy and his mom go to church, and the boy sits down next to a very pregnant woman. The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."

A cruise magician...

... Had a parrot who spoiled every trick. You know, like, "That box has a hidden floor".
One day during the performance, the cruise ship exploded, but the magician and the parrot saved themselves on a piece of debris.
They floated along in silence for three days, when the parrot quips "Okay, I give up. How did you manage to make the ship disappear?".

Knock Knock ?

B: Who's there ?
A: ella
B: Ella who ?
A: Akbar
\*explodes \*

The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded.

Joe saw a s**... young exotic girl walking out from a bank, a remote control dropped from her mini skirt.

He picked it up and planed to give it back.
But the girl looked at him, her face turned red and seemed nervous and coy.
Joe understood it all of a sudden...
He smiled obscenely and pressed the button on the remote.
Then the bank exploded.

Italian Computer Repair shop

Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop, the computer explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it brief" so I said "Bad-a-Bing, Bad-a-boom!"

I just read this strange new book about a dark blue star exploding out of a sailor's belly button

It's a novel naval navel navy nova novel

In 1919, a storage tank full of molasses in Boston exploded, causing a flood that killed 21 people.

I guess you could call it the Boston Molassacre.

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with l**... and it exploded

That's what happens when you mix acid and basic

Once Putin threw a grenade and killed 5 people

Then it exploded

A software tester walks into a bar.

He orders a beer, -1 beers, 50 beers, nuhriuh beers, NULL beers. The barman happily fulfils the orders he can, and declines the ones he can't.
A software user walks into the same bar, and asks the barman where the toilets are. The barman explodes, the bar burns to the ground, and the building collapses

The sheriff of a small Texan town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 60 miles per hour in a 30-mile an hour zone.

The man behind the wheel, a San Francisco law associate, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the a**... of the world!"
There was a five second pause as the magistrate looked at him. Then he asked, "You just passing through?"

Had a job interview with ISIS today...

They asked me where I see myself exploding in five years.

A list of things that helicopters do in movies

1. explode
2. ​

Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.

It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That's right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!

A programer walks into a bar

He orders 0 beers and the bartender says that he must order a positive number
He then orders -10 beers and the bartender says the same
He then orders 1000000 beers and the bartender says he must order a realistic amount of beers
The programmer then orders a toilet, and the bartender says that he must order a beverage
Pleased, the programmer leaves the bar.
A little later another customer enters the bar and orders 2 beers.
The bar explodes

A woman is eavesdropping on two Italian men on the bus

"First Emma come first, the I come, then two a**... come together, then I come again,then to a**... come together again,then a-pee twice, then finally I come again"
The woman explodes "How can you be so rude, explaining your weird s**... experiences on a bus with children in it?"
The Italian man says: "relax I was just teaching my friend to spell Mississippi!"

What do you call an exploding duck?

A fire quacker.

Did you know that there was a corvette known for exploding?

It was the C4

Fed up

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party? " "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "NO! " exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches? " "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. "I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party! "

An Irish boy comes home after school. His father asks him how his day went. The boy replies: "I think I'm in love."

His father says: "But that's great, son! Tell me, who are you in love with? Is it Fiona?"
No.
"Is it Mary?"
No.
"Is it Rosy?"
NO, dad... I... I'm in love with Tim.
The father explodes:
"Tim? TIM? My son, why are you doing this to your family?
Tim is Protestant!!

What do pimples and social media influencers have in common?

They both start off small, randomly grow huge, explode, then leave a n**... scar until one day we forget they were ever there.
That's all guys, bye.

Where did the guinea pig go when the pet shop exploded?

Everywhere.

My chemistry teacher exploded when he caught me goofing around in the lab

I accidentally made nitroglycerin.

Chuck Norris killed 50 enemies with a hand grenade.

Then the grenade exploded.