Explain Jokes
126 explain jokes and hilarious explain puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about explain that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Explain Short Jokes
Short explain jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The explain humour may include short describe jokes also.
- This week in DC, mark zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable. He's explaining Facebook to old people.
- I asked my mum "How much is a couple?" "2 or 3" she replied.
Probably explains why her marriage collapsed. - Why was my post removed Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over. - Me: My name is Matt, and I'm an alcoholic. AAA: This is AAA, not AA.
Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake. - I got arrested for illegally downloading the whole of Wikipedia I told them I could explain everything.
- Interviewer: Can you explain these 4 jobless years in your resume? Applicant: That's when I went to Yale. Interviewer: Impressive! You are hired!
Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob. - I used to be scared of pretty girls, So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
- I just explained Google images to my mum... "Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.
"Except that." I replied. - "Mansplain" is a terrible word to use because it has more letters than explain and is therefore more difficult for women to understand.
- So explain this logic for me. So a girl can cuddle another girl and still be straight right? But when I cuddle another guy I'm a creep and need to leave the morgue immediately
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Explain One Liners
Which explain one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with explain? I can suggest the ones about explanation and reveal.
- Dad can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is No sun
- My drug test came back negative. My drug dealer has some explaining to do.
- Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
- It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... Because they always take things literally.
- Why couldn't the Italian explain himself to the police? He was handcuffed.
- I have found my best friend in my wife They both have some explaining to do!
- Thanks for explaining the meaning of the word 'plethora' to me. That means a lot.
- Every time someone tries to explain fashion to me it's in one year and out the other.
- If you don't know what a circle is, I can't explain it to you. There's no point.
- Never explain puns to thieves. They take things literally.
- In the word "scent", is the S or the C silent? Not even *sc*ience can explain that...
- What's a frog's favorite drug? Croakaine. Explains why they're hopped up all the time
- Telling a joke is like cheating on someone. Trying to explain it just makes it worse.
- I don't know how to properly explain what an 'Art Thief' is but you get the picture
- It's tough trying to explain Japanese history But I can Samurais it.
How To Explain Jokes
Here is a list of funny how to explain jokes and even better how to explain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I came out as bikesexual today My parents were really confused so I had to back pedal to explain
- A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
- My friend says he has the body of a Greek God... I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't greek
- In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains: "Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."
- Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier. He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.
- My son looked up from his homework and asked me, "Dad, what's an acorn?" I smiled and explained... "Well, in a nutshell, it's an oak tree!"
- Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave... and not
- I phoned the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase." - Wife: Would you care to explain why the bottle of whisky you bought yesterday is half empty? Me : It's because you're a pessimist.
- I explained to my wife that we'll be paying twice as much as our house is worth over the life of our 30-year mortgage. She said interesting.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Explain Jokes
What funny jokes about explain you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean represent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make explain pranks.
Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...
"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The birds and the bees
A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first s**...-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament
was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.
"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."
At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.
"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and s**... her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.
"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."
"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"
So last night I fell off my balcony...
Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.
The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The bride asks her husband
The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
Found 4 fox cubs
I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandad always used to say to me that the best part of fighting is the make-up s**....
Which would probably explain his short lived career as a boxer.
This woman stumbled upon something called "magic underwear"...
... She asked the manager, "What's magic about them?"
The man replied, "Well, if you wear it, you won't get pregnant!"
The woman bought the underwear but came back a few weeks later.
"You said that I won't get pregnant! It doesn't even work!" The woman lashed out at the manager.
The manager said to her, "Of course it does, miss."
"Then explain to me why I'm pregnant."
The manager simply replied, "Did you take it off?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...
Mom and dad are having s**... when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The big bed...
Three salesmen are travelling together when their car breaks down. They walk to the nearest town and go into the bar. Over a couple of rounds of drinks, they explain their situation to the bartender who tells them,
"I have a bed in the back room. It's just one bed, but it should be big enough for all three of you to stay for tonight."
The three salesmen agree and continue drinking. At closing time, the bartender kicks all the other customers out and shows the salesmen to the room where the bed is. The three of them immediately pass out for the night.
The next morning, the man who slept on the left side of the bed says,
"Man, I had this incredible dream that I was getting a h**... from a beautiful woman!"
The man who slept on the right side of the bed says,
"Hey, I had a dream that I was getting a h**... from a beautiful woman as well!"
The man who slept in the middle says,
"I had a dream that I was skiing!"
An old joke no one I know likes
Two economists are sitting on a bench. One says to the other "do you understand the economy?"
The other economist says "Let me explain, I'm an economist. It starts--"
The other interrupts "Oh no, I understand. I'm an economist too. We can both explain the economy, do you *understand* it?"
Three guys show up in heaven
Three men end up at the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter remarks that he was behind schedule and needed each to explain how they died.
The first guy said he was driving to work and he suddenly got the feeling that his wife was cheating on him. He turned around and went straight home and made a complete search of his house. His wife continually denied the affair, and with each denial he grew angrier. Finally, he pushed his refrigerator out his apartment window. His wife was suddenly scared and confessed her affair. The guy was so distraught, he jumped out the very same window to his death.
St. Peter said the death was understandable and let him in.
When the second guy steps up, St. Peter asks how he did. The second guy says, "I was just walking down the street, minding my own business when a refrigerator fell on me. St. Peter lets him in.
The third guy is asked the same question. His response: "I was just sitting in a refrigerator, minding my own business..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
Wait, I can explain everything!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar
and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...
As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."
A joke is like a frog..
When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.
Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.
My son asked me to explain what coloring eggs had to do with the story of Easter...
"You see, son, we color Easter eggs to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins."
A man is walking through the woods...
when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
A blind man walks into a bar
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to explain to your parents that you are a p**...
Hey mom, remember when I said I was tight for money? Now I'm loose for money.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A European m**... goes to an African tribe...
... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.
However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The m**... looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "
In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A soldier is running from Military Police. He runs up to a nun, and asks, out of breath: "Please... may I hide under your tunic?"
..."I'll explain later."
The nun nods in agreement.
A moment later, two Military Police officers show up and ask:
"Sister, have you seen a soldier here?"
The nun shakes her head. MPs run off, and the soldier crawls out from under her tunic and says, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria. I want to return to my family..."
The nun nods and smiles.
The soldier, relieved, adds jokingly: "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun smiles, and replies in a deep voice "Well lad, if you had looked a bit higher, you would've seen a great pair of b**...… guess we're both not going to Syria."
My friend told me he has developed a lung disease...
I told him to explain it to me asbestos he can.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their p**...?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the s**... Ed teacher explain buttsex to her students?
She used an analogy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"It's what's on the inside that counts" I told my ugly daughter
As I tried to explain to her how a calculator works.
She's also s**....
I tried explaining to my girlfriend what the effects of network packet loss were.
I couldn't get the message across.
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..
Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.
Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
I called the ASPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road
"Are they moving?" asked the operator
"Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
- Doctor, I want to live very old
- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing c**... and coming back home to have unprotected s**... with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?
They say when you explain a joke that it's no longer funny...
But that's okay because I didn't have the time to write an autobiography.
Isn't It Ironic?
My wife was trying to explain to me that I didn't know what irony meant, which was ironic because I had just taken a shower.
Can someone explain this joke my dad told me?
My dad told me there was a joke inside of the mirror but all I ever see is that one kid he always hates and gets mad at.
A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear
The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the Native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"
The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The police say that they burn all the w**... they confiscate...
That would explain the doughnuts...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... in the jungle
A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
What is communism?
- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbors think I'm having s**... with a 3 year old.
I tried to explain it to them but they didn't seem comforted when I cleared up the fact that my German Shepherd is actually 21 in dog years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My buddy asked me if he could c**... on my couch tonight
I had to explain to him that i am married now, and that's where i sleep
They say that the 10 types of people in this world are those that can read binary and those that get laid.
Can someone explain to me the other 8 types?
There's an old saying that goes "You are what you eat".
I suppose that would explain why my vegan friend has been in a coma all this time.
I saw God write a review about our solar system a while ago
he didn't explain why he gave it a one star tho
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.
So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.
A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding.
"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.
Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have s**... with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two w**... in this house.
After 10 years of marriage, wife manage to discover 5 eggs and 5.000 euros on the cabinet.
\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?
\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?
\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Checkmate atheists
If god doesn't exist, explain how my girlfriend is pregnant when we've never had s**.... Checkmate atheists.
I was explaining to my wife last night
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Explaining a joke is a bit like an STD at an o**...
Generally everyone gets it in the end but it's not really funny
A teenager girl goes for confession and tells the preist that she's pregnant with the second coming.
Naturally, the priest is furious at the implied blasphemy.
"How dare you? That's blasphemy. Explain yourself. How do you know you're pregnant with the second coming?" he thundered.
I... I... I.. I swallowed the first.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does p**... come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as p**....
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
Blind man walks into a bar
And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!
My wife complained the other day that I never take her out, so I had to explain to her
I don't date married women
Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.
They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.
The day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test.
The boys open the final booklet and to their surprise, they each only have one question.
Which tire was flat?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind/blonde joke
A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. After a while, he asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies, "Sure, but before you start you should know, I'm blonde. The woman on your left is a blonde, and the man on your right has a black belt in karate and is also blonde.... Are you SURE you want to tell a blonde joke in here?" The blind man replies, "Nah, not if I have to explain it three times."
Five asexual people are playing cards
One of them starts to explain the rules and then he pauses and says
I would say no cheating but there's already five aces at the table
One thing my dad told me, "Son never explain yourself to anyone."
He never did tell me why.
My next door neighbor is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's
Every morning at 9 AM he knocks on my door and asks me if I've seen his wife.
Which means every morning at 9 AM I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's that his wife has been dead for several years.
I could move. I could just not answer the door. But it's worth it to me to answer that door every morning at 9 AM and tell this 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's that his wife is dead just to see the smile on his face.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife is divorcing me because I keep getting a**... by serious situations. She tried to explain it away, but I said, "Baby, please...
"Don't make this harder than it already is."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can you explain the difference between a noun and a verb?
"h**..." is a noun meaning "something on the back of a camel"... unless that thing is another camel, in which case, it's a verb.
You're welcome.
