explain Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious explain stories

What are the best explain puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Explain? Well here is a complete list of the top explain jokes:

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

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Found 4 fox cubs

I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

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I just explained Google images to my mum...

"Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

"Except that." I replied.

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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

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Some people are ignorant about anatomy.

Just today, I had to explain to someone that there is a vas deferens between a testicle and a penis.

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Birth

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"

"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"

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My grandad always used to say to me that the best part of fighting is the make-up sex.

Which would probably explain his short lived career as a boxer.

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There was an impotent guy...

There was an impotent guy who asked his wife to always have sex with lights off because he was wearing a strap-on and didn't want her to know about his problem.
After years, one night she dared to turn on the light to see what's his big secret. Seeing the dildo hung on her husband's hips she got angry: "I guess it will be quite difficult for you to explain this!"

"Way less difficult than you explaining the kids to me"

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It's hard to explain a joke to a kleptomaniac...

...because he takes things literally

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How to explain non-alcoholic beer?

It's like eating your sisters pussy, the taste is the same but you know something is not right.

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" Could you explain to me why I woke up this morning with a cucumber up my ass? " My wife screamed.

" Could you explain to me," I yelled back, " Why you didn't wake up when I put it there? "

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This woman stumbled upon something called "magic underwear"...

... She asked the manager, "What's magic about them?"

The man replied, "Well, if you wear it, you won't get pregnant!"

The woman bought the underwear but came back a few weeks later.

"You said that I won't get pregnant! It doesn't even work!" The woman lashed out at the manager.

The manager said to her, "Of course it does, miss."

"Then explain to me why I'm pregnant."

The manager simply replied, "Did you take it off?"

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A man and his wife are having sex...

...when their ten year old son walks in on them. The son screams, "OH MY GOD!" and then runs out of the room. The father laughs and says to give the son a few minutes to calm down, and then he'll explain what was going on.

A few minutes later, the father walks into his sons room to find him having sex with his grandmother. The man screams, "OH MY GOD!"

"Yeah," his son says, "It's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?"

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The birds and the bees

A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first sex-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.

"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."

"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"

Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"

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I hate when black people mistakenly think I'm racist

Today, a black guy was holding hands with his white girlfriend in the airport and got upset because he caught me looking at him suspiciously. I wish I could explain to him that I was only trying to figure out if he was in the NBA or not.

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Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...

Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"

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Why is it difficult to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

Because they take everything literally.

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An old joke no one I know likes

Two economists are sitting on a bench. One says to the other "do you understand the economy?"

The other economist says "Let me explain, I'm an economist. It starts--"

The other interrupts "Oh no, I understand. I'm an economist too. We can both explain the economy, do you *understand* it?"

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So last night I fell off my balcony...

Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.

The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.

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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs...

They always take things literally.

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Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally.

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Now Timmy please explain to the class why your cat is in your back pack ....

Well i couldn't leave him home, this morning i overheard my father tell my mom "I'm gonna eat that pussy as soon as the kids leave"

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Kermit Jagger needs a loan.

Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.

Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,

"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

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A turtle was walking down an alley in New York

when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied I don't know, it all happened so fast.

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A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days

He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then shaved off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge

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So I was trying to explain slavery to a group of black teenagers...

...they didn't like the idea, but their grandparents were sold on it!

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Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally

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The state trooper is driving down the highway when...

he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of his truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck several times, and then drive away. Two miles down the road he does the same thing. Another two miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the truck driver to explain and the driver says "The load limit is ten tons, and I'm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so I've got to keep some of them flying around."

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Its not easy Making Fun of Retarded People

You Really have to explain it to them

--- Anthony Jeselnik

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I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.

I said, "You're obviously not listening".

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Explanations

A man comes home every night from his job, too tired to perform his husbandly duties. He gets this idea to use a dildo in place of himself and since they make love in the dark, the wife is none the wiser. He manages to get away with this for years, until one day the wife decides to turn the light on. "How long has this been going on for? Can you explain this?" The wife asks shocked.
The husband replies "I'll explain this if you can explain the two kids"

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A physicist is called into the dean's office to explain his request for funding.

The dean's pissed. "Why are you spending so much money on fancy gadgets and machinery? Why can't you be like the mathematicians? All they need is paper, pencil, and wastebaskets. Or better yet, why can't you be like the philosophers? All they need is paper and pencil."

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So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar...

And takes a seat in front of the bartender.
"Would you like to here a great blonde joke?" He asks.
The bartender leans in close and says,
"Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"
The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says
"Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times."

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My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class.

I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking.

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In the dark

A couple have been married for 20 years and the husband has always insisted turning off the light whenever they had sex. One day the woman got curious and during the love making she turned the light on. She was surprised to see the man using a dildo instead of his own pleasurestick. Infuriated, she asks him to explain why he lied and misled her for all those years. 'I will tell you' he calmly replied 'if you can explain to me how the hell we got kids!'

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A blind man walks into a bar...

and orders his drink. While he's waiting he asks: "Hey! Do you want to hear a blonde joke?". The woman next to him answers: " I'm blond and had the worst day ever. The bartender is a blonde and has plenty of brawn and next to you sits also a blond biker. Do you really want to tell this joke?" The blind man says: "No, not any more. I don't want to explain the joke a thousand times."

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can someone explain this ancient Roman joke

Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?' 'No, your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'

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If you are what you eat...

Then that would explain why my ex is such an asshole.

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Heard this from a friend

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between complete and finished. Some say there is no difference the two but there is. For example, when you marry the right man you are complete. When you marry the wrong man you are finished. When your husband likes shopping more than you do, you are completely finished.

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Can someone explain nonprofit organizations to me?

They don't really make any cents.

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Great pun joke

It's difficult to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs because they always take things, literally.

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A little boy arrived home from school one day...

...and asked his father what the words pussy and cunt meant. The father was shocked to hear his son say these words. Rather than reprimand him, he decided that it was best to try to explain these words to him by showing him a photo of a nude woman. Pointing to the vagina he said, "You see this pretty little area right here? This is called a pussy." Then pointing to the rest of her body he continued, "And this area is called the cunt!"

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Having a chemistry teacher with a heavy Chinese accent is okay until...

Having a chemistry teacher with a heavy Chinese accent is okay until he tries to explain the difference between molarity and molality...

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Could anyone explain the joke that was told to me?

How do you confuse an alcoholic?



32.

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Doctor Shroedinger? This is the Animal Clinic calling;

Apparently your cat, FlΓΌffy, is both simultaneously dead and yet alive.

We're sorry for your loss.

Our resident String Theorist will contact you.

He can explain everything.

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Need help finding a joke.

The question is ' What happens at the police station at closing time? ', And I believe the joke is physics related. Its a long story to explain why I need the punchline, but my physics teacher asked me to find it.

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The teacher asks his class which is larger an atom or a cell...

...None of the kids raise their hands finally Johnny raises his hand. The teacher calls on him and Johnny answers correctly saying that a cell is larger. When asked to explain he replys that his dad could only fit his penis into Adam but he now lives in a cell.

(Not very good, I just thought of it in science when asked the same question.)

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Three blondes and a brunette walk into a bar.

The blonde girls explain to the bartender that they've never ordered a shot before, and ask what he recommends. He decides on something exciting for their time with hard liquor, and pours them each a flaming shot. He then turns to the brunette, and asks what she'd like to drink.
"I'll just have a water, thanks."
"You their driver?"
"No, I'm not even with them. I just want to be able to remember this."

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So a son walks in on his parents...

A man and his wide are having sex when their ten year old son walks in on them. The son screams OH MY GOD and then runs out of the room. The father laughs and says to give the son a few minutes to calm down, and then he'll explain what was going on.

A few minutes later, the father walks into his sons room to fins him having sex with his grandmother. The man screams OH MY GOD! Yeah, his son says. It's not so funny when it's YOUR mother, is it?

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Somebody asked if I could explain what Pi Day was again.

I told him I didn't want to repeat myself.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best explain jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about explain. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty explain gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

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