Expl Jokes

Following is our collection of Expl funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Expl jokes

Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..

Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.

Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: or a female partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: And that means you're bi.

Me: Yep

Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: Did you just...

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot.

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.

*

I just explained Google images to my mum...

"Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

"Except that." I replied.

So explain this logic for me. So a girl can cuddle another girl and still be straight right?

But when I cuddle another guy I'm a creep and need to leave the morgue immediately

There was an explosion at a French cheese store

Everywhere you looked, there was a lot of de brie.

Explaining a joke is a bit like an STD at an orgy

Generally everyone gets it in the end but it's not really funny

Can someone explain this joke my dad told me?

My dad told me there was a joke inside of the mirror but all I ever see is that one kid he always hates and gets mad at.

Thanks for explaining the meaning of the word 'plethora' to me.

That means a lot.

Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

How to explain to your parents that you are a prostitute

Hey mom, remember when I said I was tight for money? Now I'm loose for money.

I tried explaining to my girlfriend what the effects of network packet loss were.

I couldn't get the message across.

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

There's been an explosion at the cheese factory.

There is nothing left but de Brie

An explosion happened at a clothes store.

There were many casual tees.

An explorer in the deepest Amazon...

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."
There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: "NOW you are screwed."

​I was explaining to my wife last night

​I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.  She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening.

There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France.

De-brie everywhere.

They say when you explain a joke that it's no longer funny...

But that's okay because I didn't have the time to write an autobiography.

Two explorers are lost in the desert...

...they're dying of thirst, and have been wandering for days. Finally, off in the far distance, they see a camp of beautiful tents. Hoping that it is not a mirage, they crawl desperately towards it. On arriving, they find that it's a market. They stagger up to the first tent they see, and say to the shopkeeper "Water, please! Water, we're dying of thirst!"

The shopkeeper says to them "I am sorry, my friends- I have no water. All I have is this bowl, full of jelly, sponge and custard, topped with cream and shaved chocolate."

Perplexed, but undeterred, the explorers stagger to the next stand, only to be met with the same answer. At all of the dozens of stands in this market, all they are offered are these bowls, not a drop of water to be had.

As they leave the market, one explorer says to the other "Well, that was very strange".

The second explorer replies: "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar".

Never explain puns to thieves.

They take things literally.

An explorer in the Amazon finds himself surrounded by a group of cannibals.

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals.

Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."

There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: **"No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."**

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief.

He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.

The voice booms out again: **"*Now* you're screwed."**

THE EXPLANATION

The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law
Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife
(your daughter) telling her I was coming home today from my fishing
trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife
Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable,
the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There
is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation ....
She never got your E-mail!"

Explaining Words



Poli.....Latin for "many"

Tics....blood sucking insects



Politics

Two explorers are exploring the Arctic

After some walking, they come across an igloo.

The first explorer turns to his colleague and says, An ice house!

The second replies, A nice house, indeed!

Thank you for explaining to me the meaning of redundant.

No really, thank you for explaining the meaning of the word redundant.

So I was trying to explain slavery to a group of black teenagers...

...they didn't like the idea, but their grandparents were sold on it!

Thank you for explaining that Geico ad to me

It means a great deal

4 explorers find land north of the United States

4 explorers find land north of the United States, and decide to claim it as their own. They make a simple flag out of some leaves and stick it in the ground.

"Looks great, eh?" An explorer says.

A second explorer agrees. "Yeah, it's perfect! We can call it the official flag of... um..."

"...We need a name for this place, eh?" A third explorer says.

Everyone else nods in agreement. They start thinking of names for their new land, but can't really find one they like.

"How about this?" An explorer says. "We can write down some letters and throw them in a hat, then pick some at random and see if that helps."

The other explorers agree. "Sure, why not." "I suppose it can't hurt." "Worth a shot, eh?" So they write down some letters and throw them in a hat. Three explorers pick a letter at random, while the fourth one grabs some more writing supplies.

"Okay, what did you all get?"

"I got a 'C', eh?"

"I got a 'N', eh?"

"I got a 'D', eh?"

And so the new land was named, "CANADA".

the explanation of just about every jewish holiday

they tried to kill us
they failed
lets eat

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog...

You know more about it, but now the frog is dead.

Three explorers and a cannibalistic tribe

There were three explorers out on an expedition when they suddenly realized that they were lost. They walked around for hours when finally they saw smoke in the distance. They knew there must be a civilization there so they headed in that direction.

When they got there they were confronted by the warriors of the tribe and were immediately tied up and held captive. Later, the leader of the tribe confronted them and explained that their tribe was a cannibalistic tribe and that they would kill them, skin them, eat them and then use their skin as a canoe but they would be able to choose how they would be killed.

The first explorer says ""I brought a gun with me on my expedition, I wish to be killed with that." So they pulled the gun out of his backpack and shot him.

The second explorer says "I too wish to be killed by the gun as I believe it would be the most painless way." So they shot him as well.

The third explorer says "I have a fork in my backpack and I wish to be killed with that. I would however, like to do it myself."

The tribesman all looked at each other puzzled, but figured he could not possibly harm them with a fork so they agreed.

The explorer then began to repeatedly stab himself in the chest. The tribesman again looked at each other with puzzlement on their faces so the leader of the tribe asked the explorer "What are you doing?" to which the explorer exclaimed "I'M FUCKIN' UP YOUR CANOE!!"

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.

I said, "You're obviously not listening".

I'd like to explain what happened before the big bang

Unfortunately there's no time

I tried to explain to my boss that I couldn't come in to work because my imported Swedish car broke down.

But he didn't want to hear my Saab story.

My explosive diarrhea must be hereditary...

...because it runs in my jeans.

I explained to my friend that I was going to shoot him, and I did. He didn't seem to care.

It just went in one ear and out the other.

I'll try to explain the concept of lubricated soap....

...but its quite difficult to grasp.

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog...

You understand it better but the frog dies.

can someone explain this ancient Roman joke

Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?' 'No, your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'

I tried to explain what a double entendre is

But it's sooo hard.

Their was an explosion at the cheese factory

No one was hurt, but debris was everywhere..

Explosive Opportunity

A British engineer started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says that prophets are going through the roof.

How do you explain earth to a kid?

You don't. It's pretty self ex-planet-ory.

Can someone explain nonprofit organizations to me?

They don't really make any cents.

Explanation of the crisis in Italy & Greece.

A small town in Italy twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Italian town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Italian mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Italian said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".

Soon after, the Italian visited the Greek town. He was simply
amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said;
"You see that bridge over there?"

The Italian replied; "No."

Someone explain the joke

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."

Could anyone explain the joke that was told to me?

How do you confuse an alcoholic?



32.

Why do you need to explain jokes to short people?

To make sure it doesn't go over their head.

Can someone please explain this joke to me?

How do you get the elephant out of the theatre?
You can't. It's in his blood.

Can someone please explain my joke for me?

Long ago there was a mohel who performed more circumcisions than all other mohels. One day he was talking to a friend of his and the friend asked, "You've performed so many circumcisions, what do you the foreskins?" The mohel replied "Ah, well, you see, I've made a wallet from them all. The friend, puzzled said, "You've circumsised so many children, you must have collected dozens of foreskins, and all you have made is a wallet?" And the mohel replied, "I know it's just a wallet. But when you rub it, it turns into a briefcase."

Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs ?

The always take things literally

I explained to my son how batons are used in relay races, and he understood right away.

I gotta hand it to him.

Nobody ever explained similes to me;

I honestly cannot tell you what it has been like.

I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today...

Unfortunately he kept taking things literally.

Someone please explain this joke to me

In Season 2 of the show Louie, (about Louie CK), he's walking around his apartment and he looks down and see's a homeless man. Suddenly, a black limo pulls up to the homeless man, pulls him in, then they drop a different homeless man on the curb to stand there for the same thing.


Can someone explain this to me?

I explained to my friend that he shouldn't be afraid of drowning in the sea because of Archimedes principle.

But he was too dense.

Can you explain cell division very fast??..

o
0
8
oo

Thank you for explaining the definition of the word "much"

It means a lot

How do you explain to someone that ice isn't a liquid?

Just give some solid facts.

I tried to explain what integers are

It was pointless

Explaining to my Married Friends how Tinder works.

Me : So you swipe right if you like them and swipe left if you don't like

Them : Ohhhhhh

Me : So basically you need to log in to the Facebook account to access the app.

Them : Ohhhhhh

Me : Don't worry nothing gets posted on Facebook

Them : Ohhhhhh

P. S - Only Married Folks understand the subtle difference in the Ohhhhhhs

I've been trying to explain asymptotes to my friends...

They're getting closer every time.

Explorer in the amazon

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself,
Explorer-"Oh God, I'm screwed."
There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out:
God-"No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again:
God-"NOW you're screwed."

Thanks for explaining the word "apathy" to me

But it still means I don't care

I tried explaining to my son how his mobile works

But it just went over his head

Can you explain this strange adoption joke?

A close friend of mine who is my eldest daughter's godmother just posted a very strange joke that references adoption. There must be something to this joke that I am completely missing. Thirty people have gone wild over this and I don't get it. My friend can't possibly be saying something offensive about adoption. My three children are adopted and they are grown up, healthy, happy, and thriving. What is the point here?

@AAPsyc hysterical!

A lawyer, a spy, a mob boss, and a money launder walk into a bar. The bartender says: "you guys must be here to talk about adoption."

TIA

Explain this Flat-Earthers!

If the Earth is flat, why do Australians have to strap everything including themselves to the ground in order to not fall up?

There has been an explosion at the paint factory down the road where my brother works...

He is missing, presumed red.

Why can't you explain puns to kelptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally.

Having to explain a joke is like dissecting a frog

Sure, everyone will understand it a bit better; but the frogs never quiet the same.

There was an explosion at my favorite restaurant last night.

News reports say that someone ordered the "chicken a la Hu-akbar."

Explaining what is hydroxyl acid to an atom...

Hydrogen ion: OH^- I get it, it is water!

Two explorers were delving into the forest when one of them spot a group of native indigenous people.

- let's go talk to them!
- First, we have to check if they're friends or foes?
- Of course, they're friends! They came together.

My explosive prayer mat business is booming

They say prophets are going through the roof!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes