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Expired Jokes

54 expired jokes and hilarious expired puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about expired that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Expired Short Jokes

Short expired jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The expired humour may include short expiration jokes also.

  1. I don't get anti-vaxxers. If you want a trial version of a kid why don't you borrow your friend's and babysit it instead of letting your own expire?
  2. People say Millennials are entitled... but have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?
  3. I found some dressing in my fridge that expires on 12-21-2012.... It's called Mayanaisse....
  4. I ate an expired can of alphabet soup... Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day
  5. A man is caught staring so hard at his marriage certificate by his wife... She asks him what he's looking for.
    He replies, "oh just the expiration date!"
  6. My milk expires next thursday That means my milk has a date on Valentines Day, and I still don't.
  7. I bought the 250 million year old pink Himalayan salt Behind the package, on the label, it says that it expires in December 2022
  8. I was just about to watch Armageddon on Netflix, when my subscription expired. "Ah well," I thought. "It's not the end of the world."
  9. Just checked that the carton of milk in my fridge expired December 31. Unlike me, it had a date on New Year's Eve.
  10. Anyone got a fork and a plate? Reddit handed me a slice o cake, but 2hrs til it expires and they left me without silverware and fine china needed to enjoy it :(

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Expired One Liners

Which expired one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with expired? I can suggest the ones about vanished and cancelled.

  1. How does french cheese expire? From age.
  2. I once set an alarm to tell me when my milk would expire Spoiler alert
  3. If fresh noodles are noodles, what are expired noodles called? Oldles.
  4. What do you call an expired avocado? A guacamoldy
  5. Trump 2020 Who knew it was an expiration date?
  6. Dessert?? My wife made dessert with expired milk.
    It was really off pudding.
  7. What do you call an expired sausage? A spoiled brat.
  8. I opened a can of expired beans It let out an uncanny smell.
  9. Bought some 250 million year old Himalayan salt But it expires in August.
  10. Today, Ronald McDonald put a quarter in my expired parking meter ... what a kind jester!
  11. If a poison expires, Will it be more poisonous or less poisonous?
  12. I accidentally bought expired seasoning at the store It was a bad thyme
  13. I asked my yoga teacher what my purpose in life is she said " To inspire and then expire"
  14. Just checked the expiration dates on my TESCO burgers... Aaaaaannnndddd They're OFF!
  15. What do you call an expired invisibility cream? Disap-ointment.

Expired joke, What do you call an expired invisibility cream?

Comical & Quirky Expired Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about expired you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deadline jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make expired pranks.

What do you call delicious expired milk?

Legendairy

Password reset

A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"

"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."

"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"

"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."

"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"

"No, you must get a new one."

"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."

"Sorry, you must get a new one."

"OK, roses."

"Sorry you must use more letters."

"OK, pretty roses"

"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."

"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."

"OK, 1prettyrose"

"Sorry, you must use additional characters."

"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"

"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."

"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"

"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."

"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"

"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."

"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"

What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people?

1. Acquitted
2. Fired, retired or expired

Common ground among the German people

What are the German people in agreement with when discussing over-entitled children and expired sausages?
That Spoiled Brats are the Wurst

Positive...

James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:
" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"
" -Terrible."
" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"
" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."
" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"
" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."
" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"
" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."
" -Oh thank God! How is she?"
" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."
" -Well, at least you got the company."
" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."
" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"
" -Yeah, h**...."

Baby you were beautiful

Until your Photoshop 30 days trial expired

i**... eavesdropping

The Patriot Act Section 215 has expired. The NSA will now stop illegally eavesdropping!

I bought some expired gummy bears today.

They tasted Haribo-l.

Had an expired snack pack at lunch today...

It was offpudding.

People who process expired passports are so lazy

they're always cutting corners.
(Joel Dommett)

My s**... life is like my credit card.

It expired a long time ago.

What do you say to the cashier when you're adamant about using an expired coupon?

dis counts!!

I find it crazy how this generation is made out to be the most entitled one...

But have you ever told an old lady her coupon is expired.

How do you know when mutton has expired?

It tastes baa-d.

Yo' momma's so old

Her birth certificate expired.
I thought of this one a while ago. If it already exists, tell me.

I like my women how I like my milk:

Expired.

The only thing more depressing than finding a mostly-full pack of expired condoms in your draw...

is finding an empty pack of in-date condoms in your girlfriend's purse.

A deli's competitor falsely accused them of using expired cream cheese on their bagels.

It was all just a schmear campaign.

Hey what will happen if the poison get expired ?

Is it be less dangerous or getting more dangerous ?

Why did the dog get sick after eating coupons?

They were expired.

What's worse than finding out expired milk?

The Holocaust.

What do trains and expired milk have in common?

Chugga chugga chugga chugga CHEW CHEW

If you call humans food what would you classify zombies as?

Expired

My Face Wash expired. Still managed to use it and avoid risks.

Kept my mouth closed.

While meeting a sick person..

American says : Get well soon
Britisher says : Wishing you speedy recovery
INDIAN..
Recently one of my relatives expired due to the same illness

I finally finished getting through my whole bottle of multivitamins before they expired!

I didn't feel very good after having half the bottle yesterday, but I think I'm doing alright.

I found recipe in a Moroccan book for rolls.

It calls for fresh thyme, but I only had dried thyme and it was expired. I made it anyway and I really like that old thyme moroccan roll!

Expired joke, I found recipe in a Moroccan book for rolls.

jokes about expired