Expert Jokes
127 expert jokes and hilarious expert puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about expert that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article teaches you how to make your own expert jokes, whether you're an expert witness, subject matter expert, efficiency expert, meme expert, guru, karate connoisseur or any other kind of specialist! Learn funny jokes and punchlines to add to your repertoire of expert wit.
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Funniest Expert Short Jokes
Short expert jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The expert humour may include short professional jokes also.
- Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
- Top Biblical experts have reached the conclusion that Adam and Eve were Soviet citizens They had no clothes, one apple between the two of them and they thought they were in paradise.
- What do you call a person who's an expert in American culture and politics? A european Redditor.
- Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak 28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands
- A farmer in Nebraska just had his fence destroyed by a tornado, and he's asking for our help He heard we have a lot of experts in re-posting
- Meanwhile in business news... ...balloon prices are plummeting. Experts are putting it down to a poor inflation rate
- My sister is an expert pastry-maker. She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.
- I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the pyramid of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.
- At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.
- My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
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Expert One Liners
Which expert one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with expert? I can suggest the ones about advisor and specialist.
- I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure They are an amazing band from the 80s.
- What do you call an expert in psychedelics? A trip advisor.
- Our crack team of experts has done the research They need more crack.
- Did you hear about the man who reviews herbs and spices? I heard he's a seasoned expert.
- Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition? He is an expert at hiding nuts.
- Why are archers good at building planes? Because they're experts in arrow dynamics
- Where did the security experts go? They ransomware.
- A guy had 6.023*10^23 bruises in his body... Experts are saying he got molested.
- If one is an expert at tying knots, one does knot simply.
- I'm an expert in ice cream... I went to sundae school.
- How do schools of fish meet their annual goals? They call in a-fish-in-sea experts.
- I used to know a bomb disposal expert He wasn't very good
- What is a chinese pirate an expert at? Flying a plane.
- I'm an expert on quantum mechanics. Until you ask me why I've murdered so many cats.
- Why do exterminators make for good programmers? They're experts in debugging!
Rib-Tickling Expert Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about expert you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean editor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make expert pranks.
SEO Expert walks into a bar...
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey...
Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?
He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.
(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)
Doctor joke
Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.
I shared a shuttle ride today with a linguist heading to Turkey to study Tuva t**... singers. (No joke!) I was reminded of this joke: Two linguists were walking down the street. Which one was the expert in contextually-indicated deixis and anaphoric reference resolution strategies?
The other one.
A "demographic expert" unfollowed me on Twitter today..
..guess I wasn't for them.
Expert Archer Detected
How do you know if someone's an expert archer?
Put an apple on your head & stand still; he'll Tell you.
I used to be an expert on the Dunning–Kruger effect...
...but then I began to learn more about it.
Did you hear about that geeky trigonometry expert?
The only angle lacking in his life was secs.
Experts are predicting a very wet day tomorrow...
They are urging cinemas showing 50 shades of grey to brace themselves.
Dad: Level Expert
Two cupcakes were baking in the oven. One of them turns to the other and say 'Wow! Its hot in here, isn't it?', the second cupcakes screams 'AAAaaaaa! A talking cupcake!'
So a gun expert has a seizure
His neurons were firing with BOTH barrels.
What do you call an expert on fishing hooks and lures?
A master baiter
My father thinks himself an expert at cutting through busy sidewalks.
I consider his ability rather pedestrian.
I used to try to be good at sports and win trophies.
Now I just buy trophies so I am an expert all sports.
Did you hear some expert thieves stole the toilets from the police station?
The police were left with nothing to go on.
Three blondes are out on a hike...
when they come across some tracks. The first one quickly says "Let's get out of here, those are mountain lion tracks." The second one says "Don't be silly, those are deer tracks." The third one says "I think you're both wrong, but I'm no expert" right before they all got hit by a train
Why couldn't the expert fisherman get any dates?
Because he said he was a master baiter.
I am an IT expert with 7 years in the industry. Here is my CV, I hope you'll consider me for the position.
C:\Users\Brian\MyDocuments\Work\CV\Resume4.docx
A company hire an efficiency expert as a consultant.
To everyone's surprise, the presentation was very interesting. For once many felt like this was a valuable use of time! as the presenter finished up, he said, "I hope you have found use in my presentation today, but I would warn you, be careful about using these techniques at home. The other night I was watching as my wife did the dinner dishes, and noticed some inefficiency in her technique. Wanting to be helpful, I advised her of several small improvements that could add up to maximum efficiency."
One of the attendees raised their hand,"Did it work? Did the dishwashing become more efficient?"
"Oh yes," the consultant replied,"before my advice, my wife took 18 minutes to finish the dishes, now I do it in 12."
What do you call an expert that studies sign language?
A signtist!
How does someone become a s**... expert?
They learn the ins and outs
What do you call a doctor who is an IT expert but out of job these days?
Dr. Watson
I'm no expert or anything, but maybe you should consider getting your late wife..
a watch
My house was haunted, so I got it exorcised by an expert.
Unfortunately, I couldn't afford the payment and it got repossessed.
My cousin, who's a karate expert, joined the Army.
First time he saluted he nearly killed himself.
I'm an expert at dating
After all, I work in the calendar factory 12 hours a day
I'm no bird expert but...
I've seen a cockatoo.
I'm no expert
I was in the local butchers and they had on offer 8 LEGS OF VENISON FOR $88.
Now I'm no expert but I reckon that's two deer
How does a SQL expert get a date?
getDate()
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda.
I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Did you hear about the psychic proctologist?
He was an expert in a**...-trology.
A demolition expert goes on stage during open mic night...
He proceeds to bring the house down.
How did the geologist develop a career as a sink-hole expert?
She just fell into it.
My wife has been keeping secrets from me.
I just built a fence and put down some paving. Turns out not only is she a master carpenter she's also an expert brick layer. If only I had known earlier I could have sought her advice before I did the work. It would have saved me from making all the obvious mistakes she pointed out after the work was done.
An Englishman wants to transform into an Irish.
He inquires the expert doctor about alternatives.
**Doc**: "We will have to remove the right half of your brain."
**Patient**: "Alright. Let's go through with it."
(The next day, after the procedure...)
**Doc**: "There were serious complications during the operation.
We had to remove your entire brain. There is of course the option of installing a monkey brain."
**Patient**: "Non, non, non. -C'est magnifique!"
What do you call a denim expert?
A jeanius.
My brother works as a part time civil engineer and part time relationship therapist
He's an expert at building bridges
It's difficult to get anything specific out of a bedding expert...
...since they're always making blanket statements
I bought some shoes from a b**... expert
I don't know how he tied them, because it was hard to pull the tongue out.
What do you call a hail damage repair expert?
A dentist.
Have you heard about the expert farmer who has taken the role of scarecrow at his farm?
He's outstanding in his field.
When I have children I'm gonna name them all expert.
They'll have no problem finding work as people are always citing experts.
What do you call a doctor who's an expert kisser?
A PDA-trician
Experts are now saying that Hurricane Harvey...
is the worst disaster to hit the United States since last November!
My friend is an expert in Finance and Marine Biology
Which makes borrowing money from him a problem, since he's a real Loan Shark.
It takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something.
I've done the maths. I'm amazing at unemployment.
Question about baby expert Dr. Spock
Given that Dr. Benjamin Spock was one of the leading experts in pregnancy and early childhood, having written a famous book (BABY & CHILD CARE) for expecting & new mothers on taking care of their babies...
Would it be correct to call Dr. Spock a Mother-FAQer?
I challenged an origami expert to a game of poker.
He folded.
Experts now bringing in Ozzy Osbourne to assess the Amtrak derailment in Washington
As he is certified on going off the rails on a crazy train.
I'm not an expert in m**...
But I hold my own
What do you call an expert hostage negotiator?
A master debater.
What do you call an expert on Indian Elephant skin?
A Pakidermatologist
I'm an expert in Puerto Rican Judo...
Judo know if I got a knife, and judo know if I got a gun
I'm selling a book entitled: "How To Be An Expert In Negotiations".
I'll accept any price for it.
Painfully bad joke my younger brother told me.
What do you call an expert on marine life? An aFISHionado.
They say it takes 10,000 hours to master something.
If that's true I must be a expert at Abstinence. After all, I've been practicing it for over 160,000 hours and counting.
A Search Engine Optimization expert walks into a bar...
pub, tavern, inn, taproom, drinkery, public house, beer garden, beer, alcohol.
Can you recommend me a GDPR expert?
–Yes!–Can I have their email address?–No
What did the taekwondo expert say to the man with a f**...?
Get ready to taste defeat
A little known fact about English footballer Danny Welbeck.
His father was a bomb disposal expert called Stan.
Apparently Neymar is heading to Thailand to help with rescuing the kids from the cave
They need the world's greatest diving expert
Who is a Gynecologist?
Question: Who is a gynecologist? Answer: An expert who looks for problems where people find for pleasure.
The more of an expert you are at something, the more trustworthy you are in regards to it.
Unless it's politics.
If it truly takes 10,000 hours to master something,
Then I only need to have s**... 599,999 more times to be an expert.
What's the difference between spitting, swallowing and gargling?
Love, true love, expert technique.
Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."
Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
People tell me I help the environment a lot
I'm an expert at recycling.
I've been learning about the Dunning-Kruger Effect lately.
Not to brag, but I'm pretty sure I'm an expert in it.
What do they call a Chinese battery expert?
A kung fu master
Did you hear the one about the crazed bird expert in London?
I didn't either but I heard he'd marry puffins.
Experts have decided on a caption for the famous photo of Trump and Putin's first handshake
They settled on "Grabbing America By the Pus*y"
I'm an expert on the Dunning Kruger effect.
I don't know anything about it.
What do you call an amateur expert on fish?
A fishionado
