The Best 79 Expert Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Expert jokes. There are some expert baiter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these expert adviser puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Expert Jokes and Puns

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

SEO Expert walks into a bar...

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey...

Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?

He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.

(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)

Doctor joke

Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.

jokes about expert

I used to be an expert on the Dunning–Kruger effect...

...but then I began to learn more about it.

Did you hear about that geeky trigonometry expert?

The only angle lacking in his life was secs.

My father thinks himself an expert at cutting through busy sidewalks.

I consider his ability rather pedestrian.

Expert joke, My father thinks himself an expert at cutting through busy sidewalks.

Did you hear some expert thieves stole the toilets from the police station?

The police were left with nothing to go on.

Three blondes are out on a hike...

when they come across some tracks. The first one quickly says "Let's get out of here, those are mountain lion tracks." The second one says "Don't be silly, those are deer tracks." The third one says "I think you're both wrong, but I'm no expert" right before they all got hit by a train

What do you call an expert in psychedelics?

A trip advisor.

I am an IT expert with 7 years in the industry. Here is my CV, I hope you'll consider me for the position.


You can explore expert connoisseur reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean expert consultant dad jokes. There are also expert puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A company hire an efficiency expert as a consultant.

To everyone's surprise, the presentation was very interesting. For once many felt like this was a valuable use of time! as the presenter finished up, he said, "I hope you have found use in my presentation today, but I would warn you, be careful about using these techniques at home. The other night I was watching as my wife did the dinner dishes, and noticed some inefficiency in her technique. Wanting to be helpful, I advised her of several small improvements that could add up to maximum efficiency."
One of the attendees raised their hand,"Did it work? Did the dishwashing become more efficient?"
"Oh yes," the consultant replied,"before my advice, my wife took 18 minutes to finish the dishes, now I do it in 12."

My sister is an expert pastry-maker.

She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.

What is a chinese pirate an expert at?

Flying a plane.

How does someone become a sex expert?

They learn the ins and outs

If one is an expert at tying knots,

one does knot simply.

Expert joke, If one is an expert at tying knots,

My other brother-in-law died.

He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

My house was haunted, so I got it exorcised by an expert.

Unfortunately, I couldn't afford the payment and it got repossessed.

My cousin, who's a karate expert, joined the Army.

First time he saluted he nearly killed himself.

I'm an expert at dating

After all, I work in the calendar factory 12 hours a day

I'm no bird expert but...

I've seen a cockatoo.

How does a SQL expert get a date?


I finally saw Kung Fu Panda.

I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.

A demolition expert goes on stage during open mic night...

He proceeds to bring the house down.

How did the geologist develop a career as a sink-hole expert?

She just fell into it.

My wife has been keeping secrets from me.

I just built a fence and put down some paving. Turns out not only is she a master carpenter she's also an expert brick layer. If only I had known earlier I could have sought her advice before I did the work. It would have saved me from making all the obvious mistakes she pointed out after the work was done.

Expert joke, My wife has been keeping secrets from me.

An Englishman wants to transform into an Irish.

He inquires the expert doctor about alternatives.

**Doc**: "We will have to remove the right half of your brain."

**Patient**: "Alright. Let's go through with it."

(The next day, after the procedure...)

**Doc**: "There were serious complications during the operation.

We had to remove your entire brain. There is of course the option of installing a monkey brain."

**Patient**: "Non, non, non. -C'est magnifique!"

What do you call a denim expert?

A jeanius.

My brother works as a part time civil engineer and part time relationship therapist

He's an expert at building bridges

Did you hear about the man who reviews herbs and spices?

I heard he's a seasoned expert.

It's difficult to get anything specific out of a bedding expert...

...since they're always making blanket statements

I used to know a bomb disposal expert

He wasn't very good

I bought some shoes from a BDSM expert

I don't know how he tied them, because it was hard to pull the tongue out.

Have you heard about the expert farmer who has taken the role of scarecrow at his farm?

He's outstanding in his field.

Experts are now saying that Hurricane Harvey...

is the worst disaster to hit the United States since last November!

It takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something.

I've done the maths. I'm amazing at unemployment.

Question about baby expert Dr. Spock

Given that Dr. Benjamin Spock was one of the leading experts in pregnancy and early childhood, having written a famous book (BABY & CHILD CARE) for expecting & new mothers on taking care of their babies...

Would it be correct to call Dr. Spock a Mother-FAQer?

I challenged an origami expert to a game of poker.

He folded.

Experts now bringing in Ozzy Osbourne to assess the Amtrak derailment in Washington

As he is certified on going off the rails on a crazy train.

I'm not an expert in masturbation

But I hold my own

I'm selling a book entitled: "How To Be An Expert In Negotiations".

I'll accept any price for it.

Painfully bad joke my younger brother told me.

What do you call an expert on marine life? An aFISHionado.

They say it takes 10,000 hours to master something.

If that's true I must be a expert at Abstinence. After all, I've been practicing it for over 160,000 hours and counting.

A Search Engine Optimization expert walks into a bar...

pub, tavern, inn, taproom, drinkery, public house, beer garden, beer, alcohol.

Can you recommend me a GDPR expert?

–Yes!–Can I have their email address?–No

What did the taekwondo expert say to the man with a foot fetish?

Get ready to taste defeat

A little known fact about English footballer Danny Welbeck.

His father was a bomb disposal expert called Stan.

Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?

He is an expert at hiding nuts.

The more of an expert you are at something, the more trustworthy you are in regards to it.

Unless it's politics.

What's the difference between spitting, swallowing and gargling?

Love, true love, expert technique.

Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo

One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."

Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.

Experts have decided on a caption for the famous photo of Trump and Putin's first handshake

They settled on "Grabbing America By the Pus*y"

I'm an expert on the Dunning Kruger effect.

I don't know anything about it.

What do you call an amateur expert on fish?

A fishionado

A woman is talking to her next door neighbour and she says I'm worried about my 16 year old son...

I looked in his school bag and found a gimp mask, nipple clamps and a whip. What should I do.
And the neighbour replyed I'm no expert but I wouldn't spank him.

Crossword expert dies

He was buried 6 down, 3 across.

What type of customer is Target's worst nightmare?

Expert marksmen/gun enthusiasts.

I went to the doctor because I've had the Pawn Stars theme stuck in my head for two weeks

He said he'd have to call in a buddy of his who was an expert on those sorts of things

(But seriously please help me I'm going insane)

What do you call a Coronavirus expert?

A coroner.

Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak

28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands

Why does Bill Gates make for a terrible medical expert?

Because he can't get rid of viruses in Microsoft either.

OC joke: How to differentiate if a person is a genetics expert or a BDSM enthusiast?

Ask them the opposite of 'dominant'

Windows can be fun!

**Client:** How good are you guys at PowerPoint?

**IT Expert:** We Excel at it...

**Client:** Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

**IT Expert:** Word.

How many flat earthers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three experts in logistics, one metereologist, two cooks plus six foragers, two engineers, two pilots, two drivers, one cartographer, a steward, a communications expert, someone in charge of the journal, eight porters, five mountain climbers, five divers, two armed bodyguards, and a captain for the expedition that will find the secret instructions written 6000 years ago on stone tablets by the Mayas.

A Midwesterner's Favorite Drug

I'm no expert, but I'm confident that midwesterners' favorite drug is OPEium.

10 underage jokes walk into a bar

They approach the bartender to ask for drinks and he says I'm going to need to see some ID, however, I'm an expert at detecting fake ID's, and if you have one I'm kicking you out. So he checks all 10 of their ID's, which are fake, and kicks all of them out.

Another bartender approaches and says What happened, why did you kick out all of those jokes? To which the original replies I checked to see if they had real ID's, and no pun in ten did.

Hey Guys! I just watched a 5 minute video on the Dunning-Kreugar Effect.

So, I'm pretty much an expert now.

I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure

They are an amazing band from the 80s.

Why can't a nose be 12 inches

Coz then it would be a foot

Yea I'm an expert at dad jokes but am not dat funny

The experts recommend putting a baby monitor in the nursery with your baby.

Turns out they don't mean the lizard.

Climate change is causing people to move into hilly and mountainous regions

According to one expert on YouTube it is plain unsettling.

A martial arts expert is arrested for murder.

When the case is taken to court, he is asked by the judge why he doesn't have a lawyer with him.

'I don't need a lawyer', the martial arts expert replies.

'Why not? It could really help your case if you have a defense lawyer' the judge says.

'No, thank you', the martial arts expert replies again, 'I can do it by myself. After all I am a self defence expert'.

I went to a neurosurgeon who was once a demolitions expert

He blew my mind

I got a friend who is a demolition expert. One day, I made a bet with him, a dollar that he couldnt raze the whole neighbourhood

No matter who wins, its still four quarters gone

A mom was cleaning her son's bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear & fetish mags.

She asked her husband: What do we do? Husband said: I'm no expert, but I wouldn't spank him!"

What do you call a person who's an expert in American culture and politics?

A European Redditor.

Tongue anyone?

A man went to an ethnic restaurant for lunch and asked the waiter if there were any specials that day. The waiter beamed and said, we do have a marvelous tongue salad which our chef is very expert at preparing. The man said I would never eat anything that came out of a cows mouth. I'd rather die.
Without expression, the waiter said Then how about an egg?

I finally graduated as an expert in female biology

I studied abroad or two

Why did the Mafia hire a magician?

They heard he was an expert in making people disappear.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the expert expertly puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working expert specialize piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes