experiencing Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious experiencing puns

Anyone else experiencing bad weather?

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Northern tip of Connecticut. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the North wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.


Been experiencing bad diarrhea for 2 years and finally getting some medication

I guess you can say I'm getting my shit together again.


Penguin experiencing car trouble

Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back.

To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the body shop.

"Well," says the mechanic, "looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," says the penguin -- "It's just ice cream."


A man and his wife goes to the doctor because she is experiencing shortness of breath and she comes out of the exam room saying, "Well, the doc thinks I have a nice cooter!"

"What in the actual fuck?!!" says the husband.

"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice cooter."

The husband is pissed and goes in to talk to the doctor.

"What's this about my wife having a nice cooter? I need a damn good explanation."

"That's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I said she has acute angina."


A man goes to his rabbi.

He says to the rabbi, "I think my wife is trying to poison me but I have no idea why". The rabbi, concerned about the distress the Jew was experiencing says "Don't worry, I will talk to your wife." A few days pass and the man returns to his rabbi still fearing for his life. The rabbi sits him down and says to him "My child, I spent several hours speaking to your wife, follow my advice, take the poison."


Big GTA 5 bug

A cop killed my white character in GTA 5. Anyone else experiencing this bug?


It was that time again for John's yearly prostate exam.

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test at the local hospital, he decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand, where there are beautiful nurses who are more gentle and accommodating.

As usual, he was asked to strip off and lie naked on his side on the bed. A very attractive nurse came in began the examination.

"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection," said John.

"No, but I have" replied the nurse.


A woman went to her doctor

for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing. "Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair in before." The doctor reassured her, "a little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?" "On my balls, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,"replied the woman.


Quebec, Canada is currently experiencing record breaking flooding

It's a good thing frogs can swim


After experiencing weeks of pain, a man finally decides to go to the hospital...

The doctor says, "What seems to be the problem?"
The man replies, "It hurts here (touches his thigh), it hurts here (touches his wrist), it hurts here (touches his hip). It hurts everywhere!"
After a few seconds of examining the patient, the doctor realizes whats wrong with the man.
The doctor grabs his hand and says, "Sir, you have a broken finger."


What do you call the underwear of someone experiencing nocturnal emissions?



Superman's Day Off

Metropolis was experiencing an unusually low crime rate, so Superman got bored.

He called up Batman and The Flash to see if they wanted to go to a club, but they were busy and blew him off.

He's a little disgruntled while flying around Metropolis in the sun when he sees Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on a beach...

"Look," he says to himself "I'm fuckin' Superman. I can get in there, blow my load, and get out in less than a second. She won't even know what hit her, and I've always wanted to tap that ass."

So he goes down, does his thing, flies away and the Invisible Man is like "What the fuck was that?!"


A man walks into his doctor's surgery and says "Doc, I'm experiencing some discomfort downstairs"

The Doctor takes a look and says "well I think I see the problem - you've got a steering wheel in your pants".

The man says "Thanks doc! It was driving me nuts!"


Teeth are like college.

After experiencing with drugs, a few might drop out.


An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbor. "Yes, that's it," replied the old man.

He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"


A cop just killed my GTA V character even thoug he's white...

Anyone else experiencing this bug?


Not one bit.

"KSSSHHHT. This is your captain speaking. As you all know, this will be my last flight. It has always been my dream to do a loop-the-loop, and was wondering if you all would enjoy experiencing that with me today? It would really mean the world to me..."

The 1st Class and Coach cabins go wild "YEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"




The plane loops up, over and steadies out...

"KSSHHHT. HUAAAAA!!! Did you all enjoy that?!"

Cabins go ape shit "YEAAAAAAAAAAA OMG YEAAAA!!!"

"KSSHHT. Should we do it again?!"


Plane loops up again, over and steadies out....

"KSSHHT. I would like to thank you all so much for this opportunity! Did you enjoy it?"

Cabins go WILD, "YEAAAAAAA!!!!"

All of a sudden the bathroom door at the back of the plane slams open.

A man walks out and says:
"NOT. ONE. BIT." as he brushes the shit off of his clothes...


My psychiatrist explained why I was depressed

Doctor: I believe you are feeling isolated, lonely, and inadequate because your body is going through extreme hormonal changes. This is very common.

Me: Really? It's made me worried on top of everything else.

Doctor: I can recommend some medication to try and stabilize your hormones, but this is a very normal process that occurs to women experiencing menopause.

Me: But doc, I'm a 23-year-old man.

Doctor: Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't realize that. But I suppose it's also very normal to be depressed if you're a 23-year-old man and you look like a menopausal woman.


My doctor said "I understand you are experiencing hearing problems. Please describe the symptoms. "

So I told him that Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.


I've had a weak back for a while now doc

Doctor: when did you first start experiencing pain?

Me: about a week back.


I go to the Doctor

Doctor: I understand you're experiencing hearing difficulties. Please describe the symptoms.
Patient: Well, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.


My friend told me I'm experiencing the Dunning-Kruger effect ...

... but I don't think so.


What did the hungry dyslexic order at the movie theater?

Cop porn

* This is probably already a joke but I'm experiencing a huge coffee crash so it was hilarious to me.



Just won my first marathon. I am experiencing the thrill of victory and the agony of de feet.


Hurricane Malt Liquor:

Because the power shouldn't be the only thing experiencing a blackout this weekend.


Houston, we have a problem.

Title is the joke, the city of houston is currently experiencing a small problem... It's under water.


Four passengers flying on a small plane. ..

Saudi, Chinese, Mexican and an American. While flying the plane began experiencing difficulties and the pilot determined the reason being a heavy load. So he suggested that every one gets rid of some unnecessary luggage by tossing it out the window, otherwise they will crash. The Saudi man had a barrel of oil, so he tossed it out telling the others that there are a lot of oil in his country so he didn't really need it and it could be replaced rather easily. The Chinese man grabbed a big bag of rice, tossed it out and said the same thing. The American man looked around and he saw the Mexican guy, so he grabbed him and threw him out the window mentioning the same reason like the other two.


What's a pack of dogs to an Arab experiencing a sexual emergency?

A harem of bitches.


Why did the unvaccinated 4 year old cry?

He was experiencing a mid life crisis


How do you prevent a rape victim from experiencing more suffering?

You put a condom.


A man visits the doctor...

And tells him some symptoms he's been experiencing.

Doctor: "Based on your description, you are suffering from hypochondria."

Patient: "I knew it!"


Mall foreclosures

Did you hear about all the malls going out of business in the US? Apparently the US is experiencing a grand mall seizure


What medical condition are Clinton supporters currently experiencing?



Why did the solar wind start having hot flashes?

It was experiencing magnetopause.


Are you experiencing a change in acceleration right now?

You jerk!


What are the most funny Experiencing jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Experiencing? Well, here are the best Experiencing dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Experiencing pick up lines to share with friends.

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