Expensive Wine Jokes
15 expensive wine jokes and hilarious expensive wine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about expensive wine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Expensive Wine Short Jokes
Short expensive wine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The expensive wine humour may include short expensive jokes also.
- Two cashews walk into a bar... The Bartender says "How about a glass of our most expensive wine?"
The Cashews reply, "Do you think we're Nuts?!"
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Expensive Wine One Liners
Which expensive wine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with expensive wine? I can suggest the ones about expensive restaurant and wine tasting.
- Wine storage Why is wine storage so expensive?
It's a cellar's market - The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
- I drank an expensive bottle of wine last night. The hard part was geting the bottle down.
- What's an expensive Jewish wine? I wanna go to Miami!
Expensive Wine Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about expensive wine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bottles wine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make expensive wine pranks.
See to find out
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket. I wrote back, Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.
Old Mr. Blaustein goes to a restaurant..
he eats an expensive meal, drinks the best wine on the list and when it comes to paying the bill he leaves only 5 dollar tip.
The waiter keeps his face but can't help himself uttering "Yesterday your son ate here and he left 50 dollar tip!"
"Of course", says the old Blaustein, "he is the son of an american millionaire, but I am the son of a latvian truck driver"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hillary Clinton was being driven in a private limo to a rally...
... when suddenly, the car hit a large and old-looking cow.
The driver got out and checked to see if it was dead. After confirming the death, he saw the tag on it that said it belonged to a nearby farm. He told Hillary Clinton that he would be going over to the farm to tell the farmers what happened.
About an hour later, he returned. His clothes were messed up, he was covered in lipstick, he had an expensive cigar in his mouth, and in both hands were two full bottles of the most expensive champagne ever.
"What happened?", Hillary asked.
"When I went to the farm, they eagerly invited me in. Then, the husband gave me this cigar, the wife gave me the wine, and their two daughters gave me the best s**... of my life!", the driver said with a huge smile on his face.
"What did you say to them?", Hillary asked.
"I said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I just killed the old cow', and the rest happened so quickly I couldn't do anything!"
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road
one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it , but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car making phone calls.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you?," asked Hillary .
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."
"What did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mailman is working his last day on a route he's been doing for 20 years
He gets to the first house and a man greets him at the door with a very expensive bottle of wine and thanks him for his service. He arrives at the next house and is greeted by the entire family with a box of Cuban cigars and everyone wishes him a happy retirement.
He arrives at the third house where he is greeted by a gorgeous blonde with see through l**... on. She leads him upstairs where they make love for an hour. When they're done she takes him downstairs where she cooks him a breakfast of pancakes,eggs and squeezed orange juice. As he's eating she gives him a card with $20 in it.
He's overwhelmed by all this and asks why. The blonde tells him You've been an amazing mailman over the years and when I heard you were retiring I asked my husband what we should do for you. He replied"f**... him. Give him $20" The Breakfast was my idea
A fine wine
The Navajo woman accepted my offer of a lift to the reservation, but didn't seem inclined to say much more. I noticed a look of ill-disguised disapproval as she got in the car, lingering for a moment on my exposed cleavage, but that was all – she gazed stonily ahead while the car pulled away, leaving a trail of hot Nevada dust in the rear view mirror.
After a few failed attempts at small talk, and my knowledge of her culture exhausted, I kept quiet, and concentrated instead on the evening ahead: a quick bath before Jim returned from work, followed by a dinner with Michael, his boss, at Bon Vivant, the new French restaurant.
The Navajo woman eyed the silk-wrapped bottle of expensive Cabernet Sauvignon I'd bought, as it rattled gently on the dashboard, and said, 'What is in parcel?'
Though a bit surprised by her directness, I was pleased at the conversation, and I replied, 'A bottle of wine – I got it for my husband.'
She nodded thoughtfully, seeming to approve, and then replied, 'A good trade.'