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Expenses Jokes

45 expenses jokes and hilarious expenses puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about expenses that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Expenses Short Jokes

Short expenses jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The expenses humour may include short cost jokes also.

  1. If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative... Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!
  2. America won the war against COVID the same way they won the war against vietnam It got too expensive and they just declared it was over.
  3. How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
  4. I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbours so much... They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs
  5. We, the taxpayers, keep paying to send Trump on very expensive trips overseas. It might be worth it too, except he keeps coming back.
  6. My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess So I took her to Paris.
    We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.
    Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.
  7. Parents save more by not vaccinating their children Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.
  8. Kids today are way too expensive. Now days they want iPads and PlayStations. They used to just get in the van if you offered them candy.
  9. I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."
  10. my grandma talking to my dad about her new hearing aid "it's the most expensive one u can buy, it cost me $4,000.
    my dad: "what kind is it?"
    my grandma: "it's 4:15pm"

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Expenses One Liners

Which expenses one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with expenses? I can suggest the ones about budget and income.

  1. What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time? College
  2. You think gas prices are expensive, have you seen chimney? They're through the roof.
  3. What is the most expensive video streaming service right now? College.
  4. I don't usually brag about going to expensive places But I just left the gas station.
  5. Why is helium so expensive these days? Because of all the inflation.
  6. Some people think that wigs are expensive. But really it's just a small price toupee..
  7. What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his car? Expensive Petroleum
  8. What's the most expensive video-streaming service at this time? University
  9. Why are airbags so expensive? Because of inflation.
  10. why are balloon getting so expensive nowadays? inflation
  11. What's expensive and dirt cheap at the same time? Fresh grad
  12. Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? They're always eating out.
  13. Why are divorces so expensive? Because they're worth it.
  14. Girl, are you a 3D movie? Because you're too expensive and giving me a headache.
  15. Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation

Travel Expenses Jokes

Here is a list of funny travel expenses jokes and even better travel expenses puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • - I like to travel in first - But is expensive, is not?
    - Yes, I have already broken three cars!!
    European joke...
  • This travelling to different countries to watch Suits is getting real expensive! Netflix US.
  • Why was it expensive for ghosts to travel abroad? There was a heavy customs duty on spirits of every kind.
Expenses joke, Why was it expensive for ghosts to travel abroad?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about expenses can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of expenses puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Entertaining Expenses Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about expenses you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean salary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make expenses prank.

Groaned a whole store with this one.

I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:
"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"
To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."
The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.

A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain

He goes to the clerk and says
"Hello, I'd like to purchase a new brain".
The clerk replies with "Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale"
"Here's the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars."
"Here's our second deal for today. The brain of an anti-vaxxer, 10,000 dollars".
The man, completely confused, asks "Why is the brain of an anti-vaxxer more expensive than of a physicist?"
"Because it's never been used" The clerk replies.

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

My wife wasn't happy.

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."

The Jewish way

As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".

A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...

The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"
The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."
"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"
"Yep. What's your third question?"

A duck walks into a bar...

And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."

An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.

He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope.
The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing."
"Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says.
"But why?" the bartender asks.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.

Why are s**... donations more expensive than blood donations?

They are hand made

The wife and I walked passed a swanky, expensive restaurant last night.

She said "The aroma of their cooking from there is absolutely gorgeous"

Being a spontaneous sort of guy, I thought I would treat her. So I turned her around and we walked past it again.

Whats the most expensive haircut?

***Chemotherapy***

I wouldn't say Scotsmen are cheap but...

A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the most expensive restaurants in The world. After the meal their waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just g**... the check to me".
Headlines in the local newspaper next day read: "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".

Expenses joke, I wouldn't say Scotsmen are cheap but...

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these expenses jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.