Expe Jokes

Following is our collection of rain humor and experimental one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Expe puns for adults, dirty tonight jokes or clean make gags for kids.

There is an abundance of weather jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 53 funniest jokes on expe. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any expect witze you can hear about expe.

The Best jokes about Expe

I'm not an expert in masturbation

But I hold my own

An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.

"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.

Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak

28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands

I got expelled from mime school.

It must have been something I said.

Not quite what she was expecting...

Guy: I work with animals every day!

Girl: That's so sweet! Are you a vet or a pet shop own-

Guy: I'm a butcher.


I was expelled from school for masturbating in the showers

The teachers said I ruined the trip to Auschwitz

An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border

At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.

"What do you have in this sack?"

"Sand."

"Well let me check."

The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.

The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.

"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"

And the man replied.

"Bicycles."

Expensive perfume

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume.
She turns to the old Italian woman on the elevator with her and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns, bends over, and farts. "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."

I couldn't believe how expensive the new bike pump was!

I hadn't considered inflation

Although it's expensive, I've started collecting records.

That's my decision, and it's vinyl.

First Experience after marriage

A Delhi mother was lucky enough to see her 3 daughters get married the same year, so she called them after the wedding and told them

Dont forget to text me your first night experience and text it in code

So……. after a week, the 1st daughter texted

NESCAFE

and the next week the 2nd daughter text

WILLS

the mother being an intelligent woman went to get a Nescafe tin and read the label

fantastic till the last drop

went to her husband's pack of WILLS cigarette and read
Extra long, king size

she smiled and said not bad for their ages .

After the next week, the 3rd daughter texted

Indigo Delhi Hyderabad ,

the mother then called Indigo airways helpdesk to enquire about their Delhi Hyderabad flight and they replied

it's 5times daily, 7days a week, both ways and the flight duration is 75mins .

Mother fainted


I am an IT expert with 7 years in the industry. Here is my CV, I hope you'll consider me for the position.

C:\Users\Brian\MyDocuments\Work\CV\Resume4.docx

Four expectant fathers.

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room,   while their wives were in labour.

The nurse tells the first man,   "Congratulations!   You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence!   I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returns and tells the second man,   "You are the father of triplets!"

"Wow,   what a coincidence!   I work for 3M Corporation!"

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence!   I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point,   the fourth guy faints.   When he comes to,   the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong?!   I work for Seven-Up!"

I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.

When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!


Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...

Which is the Most Expensive Haircut?

Chemotherapy.

My experiences working at an electronics store...

On a normal day at the shop a man walks up to me and taps me on the shoulder. I turn around with a big smile and ask "how can I help you". He says "well, I plan to shoot everyone in this store, my family and my dog" I then asked him very calmly "Sir...were you considering Nikon or Canon?"

The Expendables 2 Review:

I haven't seen that much shooting in a movie since I went to watch The Dark Knight Rises.

What's the most expensive haircut in the world?

Chemotherapy.

I got expelled from school on pajama day.

Its not my fault I sleep naked.


What the most expensive haircut you can get?

Chemotherapy

What's more expensive than having a wife?

Having an ex-wife.

My experience at the doctor's....

So I went to the doctor's office today and he told me I had to stop jerking off. I asked why. He said "Because I need to give you your physical."

Expecting Wife

Just as Dave was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, "I hear someone breaking in."

At least two nights a week for twenty years Dave had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So, he went out for a routine check.

When Dave entered the living room he was suprised to see a thief. The man held a gun on him and continued to rob the house.

As the theif was about to leave Dave said, "You have to go and meet my wife."

The thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?"

Dave replied, "Well, she's been expecting you since 20 years."

Experimenting on a frog

----Experiment log #1938----

Removed the front legs of a frog and asked it to jump. The frog jumped.

Conclusion: when you remove the front legs of a frog, it can still jump.

___________________________________________

Removed the back legs of a frog. Asked it to jump. The frog jumped.

Conclusion: When you remove the back legs of a frog, it can still jump.

___________________________________________

Removed all the legs of a frog. Asked it to jump. The frog did not jump.

Conclusion: When you remove all the legs of a frog, it becomes deaf.

I would never expect to get a penny from a dollar machine.

It just doesn't make cents.

I saw an expensive prostitute

She gave me lobsters.

I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job...

but when I got home all of the signs were there.

A very experienced man...

A man visits a house of ill-repute. He tells the woman, "I've seen everything and done it all. I need an experience I've never had before."
The madam summons a rather plain looking young woman and says, "This is Susan. She's for you."
The man seems unimpressed but resigns himself to the choice.
She takes him to her room, sits him down on the bed, and begins to fondle his manly bits.
After his interest is fully aroused, she pops out a glass eye, and uses her empty eye socket to gratify him.
As he's leaving, he says to the madam, "That was the most amazing experience! Can I come back tomorrow?"
The madams says, "Absolutely--I'll tell Susan to keep an eye out for you."

If one is an expert at tying knots,

one does knot simply.

What's the most expensive kind of haricut?

Chemotherapy

Experiment made by Russian scientist Vazilikyev Karaazuruvsky reveals shocking information

Nobody reads Russian names

Experiment on a Dog

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off. 

An Expensive Scuba Diving Store in My Town Just Opened

It went under

Not what he was expecting....

A hot divorcee moved in next door to an elderly man who has been lonely for most of his life. A couple of weeks later, she stops at his house for a moment. "I'm ready", she says to him, and his package starts to rise-----he can't help himself! "I wanna blow off some steam, get drunk, and get laid! Can I ask you something before I do that?" The man replies, "Sure!" and is so hard, he can't think clearly. "Can you watch my kids?" the divorcee asks.

Experts are now saying that Hurricane Harvey...

is the worst disaster to hit the United States since last November!

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but...

the new guy screwed everything up

After experiencing weeks of pain, a man finally decides to go to the hospital...

The doctor says, "What seems to be the problem?"
The man replies, "It hurts here (touches his thigh), it hurts here (touches his wrist), it hurts here (touches his hip). It hurts everywhere!"
After a few seconds of examining the patient, the doctor realizes whats wrong with the man.
The doctor grabs his hand and says, "Sir, you have a broken finger."

What does expensive pasta cost?

A pretty penne

It was an expensive trip to visit those cannibals

cost me an arm and a leg!

My experience from FPS gaming really paid off when my wife wanted to have a baby.

Spray and pray.

I didn't expect to get a medal from the city for finding all of the lost kids.

All I did was leave the basement door open.

The more of an expert you are at something, the more trustworthy you are in regards to it.

Unless it's politics.

You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt...

Only a cheetah can.

They say its more expensive to live as a woman

thats why they're called feemale.

An expecting couple is buying party supplies.

The cashier asks What's the occasion?

Oh, We are having our baby shower, says the wife.

That's pretty impressive, says the cashier. My wife and I still have to bathe ours.

I have been experimenting with drugs for many years, and my colleagues and I agree.

The results are highly inconclusive, and further research is necessary

Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland?

Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.

What's the most expensive thing at Guantanamo Bay?

The water bill.

After experiencing Lethargy for almost 2 months now.........

I think I'm ready to audition for "American Idle "

I'm an expert at dating

After all, I work in the calendar factory 12 hours a day

I didn't expect a bug to crawl out of my Meth stash...

But it just came out of the blue.

We're expecting 6-12 inches this weekend.

Depends on how many guys show up.

What's the most expensive doors?

Bill Gates

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes