Exits Jokes

43 exits jokes and hilarious exits puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exits that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Exits Short Jokes

Short exits jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exits humour may include short exited jokes also.

  1. A Store Manager asked me to move a Kia that was blocking an exit... I told him, "I would, but that's not my Forte."
  2. There was a fire in a yodelling school. Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion.
  3. Y'all ever heard of reverse exorcism? It's when the devil tells the priest to exit the child's body
  4. My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop pointing out ways to exit a room. I said, "OK, there's the door"
  5. My boss fired me because of my lack of knowledge in regards to the workplace. After a few hours I finally found the exit.
  6. What do you do when there's a deer next to you, a lion is chasing you, and a pony flees from you? Exit the carousel and avoid further alcohol.
  7. What did the bishop say after they redid the vestibule with black and white tiles? "It looks nice but now I can only enter and exit diagonally "
  8. So i went to the record shop and asked the assistant 'What have you got by the Doors? " He said "An exit sign and a fire bucket"
  9. I don't understand why people are so exited about Halloween People have been wearing masks for more than half a year now
  10. The ladder A man was trapped in a burning building and a firefighter yelled through the window, "You have two possible exit points, this ladder or the stairs." The man chose the latter. He died.

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Exits One Liners

Which exits one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exits? I can suggest the ones about exit only and enters.

  1. What do you call a bee hive with no exit? Un-bee-leave-able
  2. What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds? Exit the european Union.
  3. I've been using Vim for 5 years... Mainly because I don't know how to exit it
  4. What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-leave-able.
  5. What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable
  6. How do you know you're getting old? When you exit a museum, you trigger the alarm.
  7. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
  8. I am so exited. Only one more lock-down till Christmas.
  9. I always go the extra mile... because I always miss the exit on the freeway.
  10. How did Rey exit out of her glitching web browser? Force quit.
  11. How is the letter C like a road hazard on the freeway? It makes exiting exciting.
  12. Shakespeare walks into a bar [Exit, pursued by a bear]
  13. Custom made Exit signs are all the rage these days. But I think they are on the way out.
  14. Put you best exiting lines here. I'll start: Gonna make like a baby, and head out.
  15. Exit signs... ...are on the way out...

Exits joke, Exit signs...

Fun-Filled Exits Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about exits you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean exit sign jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exits pranks.

An old man is eating some breakfast at a diner when three bikers walk in.

The first biker puts out his cigarette in the old man's pancakes.
The second biker spits out his tobacco in the old man's coffee.
The third biker takes the entire meal and shoves it off the table.
The old man, without saying so much as a word, gets up, pays the waitress, and exits the diner. The bikers laugh and sit at the old man's table. "Not much of a man, was he?" says one of the bikers.
"Not much of a driver either," says the waitress. "That man just drove his 16-wheeler over three bikes."

A billionaire goes for a drive

... and his Rolls Royce pulls up next to a stoplight, and he notices someone on the side of the road picking grass and eating it. He orders his driver to turn right, and park on the side of the road next to the man. He exits the vehicle and walks up to the man, and asks him, "sir, why are you eating grass?" The man says, "I am hungry, and have no money to eat with, so all I have to eat is grass." The billionaire says to the man, "well then, come with me to my mansion and I'll feed you." The man replies with, "I have children, and a wife." The billionaire replies with, "that's fine, bring them too." The man replies with, "we also live with my brother in law, his wife, and his kids." The billionaire replies, "Bring them all, I'll send to have them picked up." The man asks the billionaire, "why sir are you so kind to us?" The billionaire replies with, "my last lawn crew quit, and the grass in the front acre is nearly 2ft tall."

A Rabbi, a priest, and a preacher are out in a boat one day.

The rabbi tells the two he's hungry, so he steps out of the boat and walks across the water to land, where he claims his snack.
Shortly later the priest decides he's thirsty, so like the rabbi, steps out the boat and walks across the water to land, getting a bottle of water.
The preacher seeing this decides he could go for a snack and a drink, and tries to do the same as the rabbi and priest. As soon as he exits the boat, he immediately plunged into the water.
On land, the rabbi tells the priest maybe we should've told him where the rocks were

A rope walks into a bar...

The bartender points at him and says, "Hey! We don't serve your kind around here. Get out! "
The rope calmly exits the building, twists himself up, parts his hair, and goes back inside a few minutes later.
The bartender sees him again and asks angrily, "Aren't you that rope I just kicked out?"
"No, sir." the rope responds, "I'm a frayed knot."

Head & Shoulders

A Blonde and a Brunette on an elevator going to the first floor. A good looking guy wearing all black gets in the elevator and gets off in the 2nd floor, before the guy exits the elevator, the Brunette notices that he has dandruff on his shoulders. When the door closes the brunette tells the blonde. Cute guy but someone needs to give him some Head & Shoulders. The blonde asked, How do you give shoulders?

A panda goes to a restaurant.

After finishing his meal, he takes out a gun and shoots 3 shots at the ceiling. He then exits the restaurant. A guy outside who saw the whole thing asks, Hey! Why'd you do that?!
The panda replies, I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary.
Panda: eats shoots and leaves

Desperate for money, I robbed a bank today. My heart sank when I heard a voice boom, "This is the police! We have all the exits surrounded, so come out with your hands up!"

I escaped through the entrance...

A Blonde and a Brunette are on an elevator...

The doors open before their stop and a gentleman gets on. A few floors later the doors open and the gentleman exits. When the doors shut,
Brunette - He needed some Head & Shoulders.
After a few seconds.
Blonde - How do you give shoulders?

Three guys were found trespassing in the city lake

They were put on trial and the judge called them in one by one
Judge: What were you doing in the lake after 9 pm?
Man 1: Your honor, I was blowing bubbles.
Man 1 exits, Man 2 comes in
Judge: What were you doing in the lake after 9 pm?
Man 2: Your honor, I was blowing bubbles.
Man 2 exits, Man 3 comes in
Judge: Dont tell me you were blowing bubbles too.
Man 3: No sir my name is Bubbles

An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....

"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"

Fire exits

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
-Mitch Hedberg

Riddle: A flat-earther and a round-earther enter a maze at the same time. They each have a compass, and both know that the exit is on the North end of the maze. Which one exits the maze first?

The round-earther exits first, because the flat-earther died of measles while inside.

Forgive me Father for I have Sinned

A teenage boy goes to confession. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I've had premarital s**....
The priest says My son, who was the young lady? Was it Mary O'Toole?
I won't say her name. I don't want her to get in trouble.
Was it Jane Thompson? Laura Smith?
Father, I'm not saying who it was.
He exits the confessional and his friend asks What'd you get?
Ten Hail Mary's, five Our Father's, and three good leads.

Slightly adapted for translation

A black guy walks into a gun shop and asks the fellow behind the counter:
-Do you have rifles?
-Do you have shotguns?
Confused, the black guy exits the shop and realizes the shop has all those items on display. Angered, he runs in and confronts the seller:
-What do you have against black people?!
-Rifles, shotguns, pistols...

A nun is leaving church one evening.....

A nun is leaving church one winter evening after mass. As she exits she sees two alter boys laying in the snow completely n**.... The nun approaches the boys and says "Dear lord! What are u boys doing out here n**... in the snow?" One of the boys looks up at her and says,
"Father John likes to have a couple cold ones after mass"

Waiter: Tea or coffee, gentlemen?

1st customer: I'll have tea.
2nd customer: Me, too. And be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?

Funniest joke I've ever heard

A Soviet judge exits a courthouse after a trial. He is laughing hysterically as a friend greets him.
The friend asks, "Why are you laughing?"
The judge answers, "I think I just heard the funniest joke I've ever heard."
The friend says, "Come on, tell it to me."
The judge says, "I can't. I just sent someone to the Gulag for it!!"

I was robbing a shop last week in Alabama

When I heard a loud speaker "Its the police, we have all the exits covered, so come out with your hands up "....
I escaped through the entrance. Not too bright, Americans

I broke into and robbed a large shop in Ireland last week.

I nearly got caught, the police had covered all the exits, so I escaped through the entrance.

What do you call a one person or two-person group of magicians on a sled?

*dad exits*

How did the thief escape if I covered all the exits ?

He ran out of the entrance.

Two guys walk into a bar...

Another exits the bar. Two more walk in, one more guy exits crying. People just walking around.

So a farmer walks into a bar with a horse...

He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."
A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.
After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."
The man shouts, "You're on!"
After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"
The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."

Two men were walking past a bakery...

One says, "watch this"; he proceeds to slide in, sneak three buns into his pockets and, having pilfered them, exits to his friend.
His friend says "that's nothing, I can get the same result with a far more honest method."
He approaches the bakery owner and says "do you want to see a magic trick my friend?"
Intrigued, the owner complies and asks what the trick is.
"I'll need a bun from your store"
The baker hands it to him, he proceeds to eat this. He does this with two more buns.
Eventually the baker asks "what's the trick mate?"
Just look in my friend's pocket…

An old man went to a store to buy laxative...

He ask the clerk:"How strong is the effect of this laxative?"
Th clerk says:"There is a public toilet 50 steps away from this store, if you take the laxative now, exits the store and run straight there, as you sit down on a toilet your poops will be pouring out."
The old man seem satisfied, he bought the laxative, took it and exits the store.
After 5 minutes, he returned to the store.
The clerk asked:"What happened? It didn't work?."
The old man answered:"No, it works fine. I am just here to tell you the public toilet is actually 52 steps away."

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders some spaghetti. The waiter is surprised but still serves his order.
The panda eats the spaghetti slowly while reading a dictionary. After he is finished, he pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter and exits the restaurant.
The manager is staggered by the turn of events and moves to check what the panda had left behind. He sees the open page on the dictionary and finds the following definition of 'panda':
"a large bear-like mammal with characteristic black-and-white markings, native to certain mountain forests in China. Eats shoots and leaves."

A farmer walks into a bar with a horse...

He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."
A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.
After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."
The man shouts, "You're on!"
After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"
The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."

A tale about a cowboy's horse

After a long night of drinking beers in the local bar a cowboy decides to head home. He exits the bar and searches for his horse, only to find out that his horse is not there anymore. Infuriated he went back in the bar and screams out loud:'Who stole my horse?'
The bar remaining dead silent, leaving the man to no other option then screaming: 'If no one tells me where my horse is, the same will happen as in 1989, and I do not like to let that happen again...'
With everyone in the bar now terrified, no one dared to speak up or tell the angry cowboy anything. The cowboy repeats himself one more time: 'I do not want to let the same thing happen as in 1989, remember that y'all.'
At that moment, one brave man dares to speak up and ask the mad cowboy what happened back in 1989. 'Then, then I went back home by foot.'

Exits joke, A tale about a cowboy's horse