Exit Only Jokes
144 exit only jokes and hilarious exit only puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exit only that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Exit Only Short Jokes
Short exit only jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exit only humour may include short exit jokes also.
- A Store Manager asked me to move a Kia that was blocking an exit... I told him, "I would, but that's not my Forte."
- There was a fire in a yodelling school. Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion.
- My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop pointing out ways to exit a room. I said, "OK, there's the door"
- My boss fired me because of my lack of knowledge in regards to the workplace. After a few hours I finally found the exit.
- What did the bishop say after they redid the vestibule with black and white tiles? "It looks nice but now I can only enter and exit diagonally "
- So i went to the record shop and asked the assistant 'What have you got by the Doors? " He said "An exit sign and a fire bucket"
- I don't understand why people are so exited about Halloween People have been wearing masks for more than half a year now
- The ladder A man was trapped in a burning building and a firefighter yelled through the window, "You have two possible exit points, this ladder or the stairs." The man chose the latter. He died.
- I opened the fire exit door for a girl to run out with me out of the burning building. I kept it open for her to come. "I have a boyfriend!"
- LPT: Always wait for the taxi driver to exit the car first if you have luggage in the trunk Then jump in the driver's seat and steal the car
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Exit Only One Liners
Which exit only one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exit only? I can suggest the ones about exit sign and fire exit.
- What do you call a bee hive with no exit? Un-bee-leave-able
- What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds? Exit the european Union.
- I've been using Vim for 5 years... Mainly because I don't know how to exit it
- How do you know you're getting old? When you exit a museum, you trigger the alarm.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
- I am so exited. Only one more lock-down till Christmas.
- I always go the extra mile... because I always miss the exit on the freeway.
- How did Rey exit out of her glitching web browser? Force quit.
- How is the letter C like a road hazard on the freeway? It makes exiting exciting.
- Shakespeare walks into a bar [Exit, pursued by a bear]
- Custom made Exit signs are all the rage these days. But I think they are on the way out.
- Put you best exiting lines here. I'll start: Gonna make like a baby, and head out.
- Exit signs... ...are on the way out...
- What do you call the bit between the entrance and exit of Nandos? The peri perineum.
- I'm usually exited for winter... But then I get cold feet.
Exit Only Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about exit only you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean escape jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exit only pranks.
All my party planning skills revolve around exit strategies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Love's a lot like a bullet in that the exit usually causes the most damage.
Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance. Long story short, my girlfriend said no.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If it took a baby that long to exit the w**..., as it is taking the UK to exit the EU...
Baby's head would be so large that scientists would come to its house and do experiments on it. The head would be primarily bone, almost 99%, and weigh upwards of 85 pounds. It would be a 16 pound baby, carried by its mom to full term plus eight months, born at 17 months, with full head of hair, and a full head of teeth.
What's the difference between a computer and a European?
A computer doesn't have a problem exiting.
Lawyers and Engineers
Three lawyers and three engineers are at a train station on their way to a conference. The lawyers line up and buy three tickets, but the engineers only buy one ticket between the three of them. The lawyers are confused, and ask how the engineers plan on taking the train with only one ticket. The engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So they all board the train. The lawyers each take a seat, but the engineers all crowd in to a bathroom. The train starts moving and the conductor comes around punching tickets. He punches each of the lawyers' tickets, and then knocks on the bathroom door and says "Ticket please!" The engineers crack open the door and slide out the one ticket, which the conductor punches and then slides back through the door.
The lawyers think this is pretty clever, so on the return trip, they buy one ticket for the three of them, but then the engineers don't buy any tickets at all. The lawyers ask how the engineers plan on taking the train without any tickets, and the engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So once again they board the train. The three lawyers crowd into one bathroom, and the three engineers crowd into another bathroom. Once the train starts moving, one of the engineers exits the bathroom, knocks on the door of the lawyers' bathroom, and says "Ticket please!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
May I have a piece of gum?
Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have s**.... Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have s**... right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a rich Blonde is...
Flying over the Everglades when her private jet has a malfunction and crashes.
Having survived the c**... she graps her designer bag, puts on her $1000 shoes and stumbles over to the exit where the captain is opening the door.
taking one look over the wild swamp outside she first looks desidedly unhappy but to the captains surprise she then lightens up, turns to him and smiles.
"Oh, Well. at least they got rescue boats from LaCoste"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pious woman was possessed by a d**...
She went to her priest, desperate to relieve herself of this burden. After a few silent rituals, she was rid of the d**.... As she was exiting though, the priest extended his hand, signifying he was due payment. The woman replied, "Oh, but father, I have no money!"
She was repossessed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor goes to confession...
"Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."
The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."
The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."
The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"
The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."
The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my t**..., it's been sore for days."
The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."
A billionaire goes for a drive
... and his Rolls Royce pulls up next to a stoplight, and he notices someone on the side of the road picking grass and eating it. He orders his driver to turn right, and park on the side of the road next to the man. He exits the vehicle and walks up to the man, and asks him, "sir, why are you eating grass?" The man says, "I am hungry, and have no money to eat with, so all I have to eat is grass." The billionaire says to the man, "well then, come with me to my mansion and I'll feed you." The man replies with, "I have children, and a wife." The billionaire replies with, "that's fine, bring them too." The man replies with, "we also live with my brother in law, his wife, and his kids." The billionaire replies, "Bring them all, I'll send to have them picked up." The man asks the billionaire, "why sir are you so kind to us?" The billionaire replies with, "my last lawn crew quit, and the grass in the front acre is nearly 2ft tall."
How do you know when someone is gluten free?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
"Exit stage right...."
Why did the cow exit the grocery store with 6 carts teeming with food?
She went shopping on four empty stomachs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz?
Because the exit doors were coin operated.
I broke into and robbed a large shop in Ireland last week.
I nearly got caught, the police had covered all the exits, so I escaped through the entrance.
Men's Room, Men's Rules
A long line leading to the ladies' room greeted my friend's wife. Since desperate times call for desperate measures, my friend took her into the empty men's room, then stood guard. When she exited a few minutes later, a man waiting his turn called out, I hope you remembered to put up the toilet seat.
What did Michael Jackson say when he stubbed his toe?
Ow!
I'll be making my exit now. :)
What do you call a one person or two-person group of magicians on a sled?
il-luge-nists
*dad exits*
TIL the musical group Ace of Base was killed in a horrific traffic accident after they missed their exit on the highway and crashed...
Police later said, "they didn't see the sign..."
A man grows tired of his relationship with his wife
On their 25th anniversary, the man planned a vacation trip.
Man: Let's go on a vacation, just the two of us.
Wife: (gets exited) Really? Where are we going?
Man: How about an adventure in the jungles of Africa?
Wife: That would be really nice! What about on our 50th?
Man: I'll come back for you.
Why does a VC always enter a room backwards?
To keep an eye on the exit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Slightly adapted for translation
A black guy walks into a gun shop and asks the fellow behind the counter:
-Do you have rifles?
-No.
-Do you have shotguns?
-No.
-Pistols?
-No.
Confused, the black guy exits the shop and realizes the shop has all those items on display. Angered, he runs in and confronts the seller:
-What do you have against black people?!
-Rifles, shotguns, pistols...
Two men were lost in a desert...
Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.
The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.
Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.
As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.
The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.
The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"
The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."
Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
The first says that he is really hungry and flys into the night. After half an hour he returns and his mouth is full of blood. The other two ask him: "where did you get that?" He answers: "Do you see that little light across the hill? It was a little family at a camping trip. Delicious!"
The second vampire starts in the air and returns 15minutes later, the whole face covered with blood. The others ask jealousy: "Where have you been?" Smiling he answers: "You guys see that group of lights down there? It was a wedding with over 20guests. I don't have to eat for a week!"
Finally the third vampire starts into the dark sky, and returns about five minutes later. His whole body, top to bottom is covered in blood.
Exited the other two ask:"Man where did you go?!"
"Do you see that tree right there?"
"Yes"
"Well, I didn't"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Phew, don't have to think of a catchy title today
Why is Monica so exited for the next Clinton presidency?
This time she won't have to s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
U.K. pub chain, J. D. Wetherspoons is now backing Britain's exit from the E.U.
But the agoraphobic society want to stay in.
Why was the British guy stuck in a roundabout?
He could not decide to take the exit or not.
Scientists have found out...
after they were shown the exit.
Caesar comes across a problem
During Julis Caesar's campaigns against the Germanic tribes, he came across never before seen weather, it came crashing down on the men and stalled exit of the most recently conquered villages.
Amazed by this, he asks one of the local what it is.
"Hail, Caesar" The man replies.
My father always told me one thing..
"Never trust a girl who enters though the exit."
3 Steps to being a good Programmer
1. Avoid recursion
2. Repeat steps 1 and 2.
3. Always have an exit condition.
4. Beware of being off by one.
A local criminal was intent to rob the circus.
Luckily he was caught upon exiting the tent.
How do you generate a random string?
Put a windows user in front of VIM and tell him to save and exit.
So she texts: Do you want to see something exiting?
Me: Yes, of course!
Anddd she left the chat.
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
I hate restaurants that have quirky and confusing ways of displaying men and woman bathroom signs. I mean, what am I?!?
Am I a kitchen or an exit?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a mathematician look at a church...
They watch as two people enter the church. Later, three people exit.
"A wonder!", shouts the philosopher.
The physicist just says: "Nah, there must be a b**... somewhere."
The philosopher nods, satisfied with the explanation.
Suddenly, the mathematician says: "Hey! If one of us goes in there, then there's no one inside!"
Arsene Wenger to be named new Brexit Minister.
Since he led arsenal to another quick European exit.
We've got a new opening that you are qualified for!
Really? What is it?!
The exit.
Fire exits
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
-Mitch Hedberg
Carl opened a zoo.
Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.
Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.
So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.
Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.
A drunk man exited a bar vomiting and almost got some on the timepiece of a police officer who was standing on the street.
The cop said, "not on MY watch"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is walking through a crowded cafeteria...
Blocking the exit is a man with 14 children.
The old man scowls and makes his way through the children, but his metal cane hits some of the childrens' legs as well as the man's legs.
The man angrily says "Hey, could you put some rubber on that tip of yours! You're bangin' us up!"
The old man haughtily replies "If you had done that before then we wouldn't be in this situation!"
I'm so confused...
I feel like a blind man trying to find the exit of a door factory.
What did the adenine derivative say when he became a suspect?
I'm inosine!
*slow backstage exit*
With the current outlook on UK exit polls...
It looks like june is the end of May
A guy standing in a bus looked at a girl, she looked back
Then he smiled... She smiled back
He winked... She winked back
He gave her a sign to leave on the next stop
She got up and exited the bus. He took her seat.
A Brit, Mexican, and a Texan are all on a carrier plane heading towards battle.
A Brit, Mexican, and a Texan are all on a carrier plane heading towards battle. The pilot over coms says
"There is to much wait on the plane, someone will have to jump off"
The Brit then goes to the exit of the plane and says,
"For the Queen!"
He then jumps off.
The pilot says
"We are still to heavy, one more person has to jump off"
So the Texan screams "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!"
Then trows the Mexican off.
So my boss told me to take the highroad.
So I told him I must have missed the exit due to heavy construction on the road of life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dude here, I got a t**... stamp yesterday
It says "exit only"
A resourceful woman...
A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a farmer walks into a bar with a horse...
He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."
A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.
After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."
The man shouts, "You're on!"
After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"
The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."
How do you exit Narnia?
You finally come out of the closet.
My friend tried to steal some graphics from an art store but he got caught
He had an exit stencil crisis
I opened the fire exit door for my boss.
Sadly, there wasn't a fire on the other side.
A man tried robbing me while I was exiting a grocery store
How dairy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mike Tyson recently recovered from a m**... overdose and was interviewed upon his exit from the hospital.
When asked about the full story, he responded with,
"I was really methed up at the time"
How does a Jedi exit a computer program?
He Force quits.
Desperate for money, I robbed a bank today. My heart sank when I heard a voice boom, "This is the police! We have all the exits surrounded, so come out with your hands up!"
I escaped through the entrance...
I was robbing a shop last week in Alabama
When I heard a loud speaker "Its the police, we have all the exits covered, so come out with your hands up "....
I escaped through the entrance. Not too bright, Americans
When England exit a competition
It's merely an Exit.. so much less complicated.
Why did Neymar make a quick exit at the world cup in Russia?
He heard divers were needed in Thailand
Asian Family School Letter Grading Scale Explained:
A=Average
B=Below Average
C=Can't eat dinner tonight
D=Don't come home
E/F=Exit the Family/ Find a new Family
It's a well-known fact that the slogan at the entrance of Auschwitz was the cynical "Work sets you free". Now historians discovered what the sign at the exit read:
"Hot surface, do not touch."
What is the largest city in Germany?
Ausfahrt, there's a sign for it at every exit on the highway
Blonde girl got all exited after she finally completed a jigsaw puzzle after 3 years, I said why are you so excited?
She said it says 5 to 8 years on the box...
I always wanted to see my name in shining lights.
So I changed my name to Exit.
What do you call 21 Savage trying to escape ICE?
Brrr-exit