Exit Jokes
121 exit jokes and hilarious exit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article discusses the various interpretations of the term "exit", such as a fire exit, an Irish exit, an exit sign, and more. It talks about the different contexts in which these exits can be found and how they can be used for humorous effect. Learn about leave jokes, exit only signs, and exit polls, and get ready for a night of comedy and carnage.
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Funniest Exit Short Jokes
Short exit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exit humour may include short quit jokes also.
- A Store Manager asked me to move a Kia that was blocking an exit... I told him, "I would, but that's not my Forte."
- There was a fire in a yodelling school. Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion.
- My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop pointing out ways to exit a room. I said, "OK, there's the door"
- My boss fired me because of my lack of knowledge in regards to the workplace. After a few hours I finally found the exit.
- What did the bishop say after they redid the vestibule with black and white tiles? "It looks nice but now I can only enter and exit diagonally "
- So i went to the record shop and asked the assistant 'What have you got by the Doors? " He said "An exit sign and a fire bucket"
- I don't understand why people are so exited about Halloween People have been wearing masks for more than half a year now
- The ladder A man was trapped in a burning building and a firefighter yelled through the window, "You have two possible exit points, this ladder or the stairs." The man chose the latter. He died.
- I opened the fire exit door for a girl to run out with me out of the burning building. I kept it open for her to come. "I have a boyfriend!"
- LPT: Always wait for the taxi driver to exit the car first if you have luggage in the trunk Then jump in the driver's seat and steal the car
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Exit One Liners
Which exit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exit? I can suggest the ones about escape and shutdown.
- What do you call a bee hive with no exit? Un-bee-leave-able
- What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds? Exit the european Union.
- I've been using Vim for 5 years... Mainly because I don't know how to exit it
- How do you know you're getting old? When you exit a museum, you trigger the alarm.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
- I am so exited. Only one more lock-down till Christmas.
- I always go the extra mile... because I always miss the exit on the freeway.
- How did Rey exit out of her glitching web browser? Force quit.
- How is the letter C like a road hazard on the freeway? It makes exiting exciting.
- Shakespeare walks into a bar [Exit, pursued by a bear]
- Custom made Exit signs are all the rage these days. But I think they are on the way out.
- Put you best exiting lines here. I'll start: Gonna make like a baby, and head out.
- Exit signs... ...are on the way out...
- What do you call the bit between the entrance and exit of Nandos? The peri perineum.
- I'm usually exited for winter... But then I get cold feet.
Exit Only Jokes
Here is a list of funny exit only jokes and even better exit only puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 3 Steps to being a good Programmer 1. Avoid recursion
2. Repeat steps 1 and 2.
3. Always have an exit condition.
4. Beware of being off by one. - Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance. Long story short, my girlfriend said no.
- We've got a new opening that you are qualified for! Really? What is it?!
The exit. - With the current outlook on UK exit polls... It looks like june is the end of May
- I hate restaurants that have quirky and confusing ways of displaying men and woman bathroom signs. I mean, what am I?!? Am I a kitchen or an exit?
- What did Michael Jackson say when he stubbed his toe? Ow!
I'll be making my exit now. :) - Why can't orphan exit out of an app He can't find home
- Two men exit a bar. Man 1: Wait! I forgot to go to the bathroom!
Man 2: Don't worry, I'll teach you. - Why did Neymar make a quick exit at the world cup in Russia? He heard divers were needed in Thailand
- I opened the fire exit door for my boss. Sadly, there wasn't a fire on the other side.
Exit Sign Jokes
Here is a list of funny exit sign jokes and even better exit sign puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's a well-known fact that the slogan at the entrance of Auschwitz was the cynical "Work sets you free". Now historians discovered what the sign at the exit read: "Hot surface, do not touch."
- TIL the musical group Ace of Base was killed in a horrific traffic accident after they missed their exit on the highway and crashed... Police later said, "they didn't see the sign..."
- What is the largest city in Germany? Ausfahrt, there's a sign for it at every exit on the highway
Fire Exit Jokes
Here is a list of funny fire exit jokes and even better fire exit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Told my mother-in-law that she should leaving the building through the fire exit. Sadly there wasn't a single flame on the other side.
- Fire Exit For use by flames only
Uproarious Exit Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about exit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean withdraw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exit pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If it took a baby that long to exit the w**..., as it is taking the UK to exit the EU...
Baby's head would be so large that scientists would come to its house and do experiments on it. The head would be primarily bone, almost 99%, and weigh upwards of 85 pounds. It would be a 16 pound baby, carried by its mom to full term plus eight months, born at 17 months, with full head of hair, and a full head of teeth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a rich Blonde is...
Flying over the Everglades when her private jet has a malfunction and crashes.
Having survived the c**... she graps her designer bag, puts on her $1000 shoes and stumbles over to the exit where the captain is opening the door.
taking one look over the wild swamp outside she first looks desidedly unhappy but to the captains surprise she then lightens up, turns to him and smiles.
"Oh, Well. at least they got rescue boats from LaCoste"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Golden Lawyers
A man and his wife are having marital issues. They fight every day. One day, the wife decides to file for divorce.
The husband was not exactly surprised at the news, but it still shocked him.
He decided to take a walk by the pier at his local beach. There was a pet store nearby. He saw a man enter the store and then exit in possession of a golden rat. Our protagonist was quite bewildered as to why someone would buy a golden rat, of all things.
The strange man let his golden rat run free. Strangely enough, all the local rats took off after the golden one. Unfortunately the goden rat high-tailed it off the pier and into the ocean.
Our protagonist was inspired by mass s**... of rats, so he entered the pet store and asked, "Do you have any golden lawyers?"
How do you know when someone is gluten free?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
"Exit stage right...."
Why did the cow exit the grocery store with 6 carts teeming with food?
She went shopping on four empty stomachs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz?
Because the exit doors were coin operated.
"Fifty Bucks is Fifty Bucks" reminded me of this one.
A man and his wife were driving from New York to California. Along the way the wife would find every little thing wrong with her husband's driving.
"You're driving too fast." "You missed that exit." "You're tailgating."
This went on throughout the trip. As their car crossed the border into Colorado, a cop flashed his lights and the man pulled over. The cop walks up to the driver's side and the man rolls down his window.
"Hey, Buddy, didn't you notice your wife fell out of the car about a quarter-mile back?"
The man said to the cop: "Thank God, I thought I went deaf."
Why does a VC always enter a room backwards?
To keep an eye on the exit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
U.K. pub chain, J. D. Wetherspoons is now backing Britain's exit from the E.U.
But the agoraphobic society want to stay in.
Why was the British guy stuck in a roundabout?
He could not decide to take the exit or not.
If you hit a shark with your car...
Do not exit the car.
That's how the sharknado gets you.
Time to make like a Brit
and exit.
Scientists have found out...
after they were shown the exit.
Caesar comes across a problem
During Julis Caesar's campaigns against the Germanic tribes, he came across never before seen weather, it came crashing down on the men and stalled exit of the most recently conquered villages.
Amazed by this, he asks one of the local what it is.
"Hail, Caesar" The man replies.
My father always told me one thing..
"Never trust a girl who enters though the exit."
How do you generate a random string?
Put a windows user in front of VIM and tell him to save and exit.
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a mathematician look at a church...
They watch as two people enter the church. Later, three people exit.
"A wonder!", shouts the philosopher.
The physicist just says: "Nah, there must be a b**... somewhere."
The philosopher nods, satisfied with the explanation.
Suddenly, the mathematician says: "Hey! If one of us goes in there, then there's no one inside!"
Arsene Wenger to be named new Brexit Minister.
Since he led arsenal to another quick European exit.
Fire exits
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
-Mitch Hedberg
Carl opened a zoo.
Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.
Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.
So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.
Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is walking through a crowded cafeteria...
Blocking the exit is a man with 14 children.
The old man scowls and makes his way through the children, but his metal cane hits some of the childrens' legs as well as the man's legs.
The man angrily says "Hey, could you put some rubber on that tip of yours! You're bangin' us up!"
The old man haughtily replies "If you had done that before then we wouldn't be in this situation!"
I'm so confused...
I feel like a blind man trying to find the exit of a door factory.
What did the adenine derivative say when he became a suspect?
I'm inosine!
*slow backstage exit*
A Brit, Mexican, and a Texan are all on a carrier plane heading towards battle.
A Brit, Mexican, and a Texan are all on a carrier plane heading towards battle. The pilot over coms says
"There is to much wait on the plane, someone will have to jump off"
The Brit then goes to the exit of the plane and says,
"For the Queen!"
He then jumps off.
The pilot says
"We are still to heavy, one more person has to jump off"
So the Texan screams "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!"
Then trows the Mexican off.
So my boss told me to take the highroad.
So I told him I must have missed the exit due to heavy construction on the road of life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dude here, I got a t**... stamp yesterday
It says "exit only"
A resourceful woman...
A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..
How do you exit Narnia?
You finally come out of the closet.
My friend tried to steal some graphics from an art store but he got caught
He had an exit stencil crisis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mike Tyson recently recovered from a m**... overdose and was interviewed upon his exit from the hospital.
When asked about the full story, he responded with,
"I was really methed up at the time"
How does a Jedi exit a computer program?
He Force quits.
When England exit a competition
It's merely an Exit.. so much less complicated.
I always wanted to see my name in shining lights.
So I changed my name to Exit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If life is a highway...
Then I want the first exit off.
A man checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.
Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?
The desk clerk says, Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?
The person says, Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it.
Riddle: A flat-earther and a round-earther enter a maze at the same time. They each have a compass, and both know that the exit is on the North end of the maze. Which one exits the maze first?
The round-earther exits first, because the flat-earther died of measles while inside.
A guy in a grocery store notices an old woman staring at him
He walks to her and say can I help you?
the woman says I have lost my son and when I saw you, you reminded me of him.
" please call me mother" the old woman says. the guy feeling for the poor woman calling her mother throughout the shopping.
at the exit the old woman looks back with her eyes full of tears and says "goodbye my son" and the guy says "goodbye mother"
and the guy proceed to checkout and he received the 500 bill and says oh I didn't buy that much!! and the seller says i know, your shop is just $30 and the rest is your mother's bill she said "my son will pay for it"
My dad told me this one.
A guy enters in a public toilet ... in the cabin next to him, another constipated guy, he forces himself quite noisy. The first guy, finishing what he had to do, at the exit of the toilet turns off the light, at which time a loud scream is heard. Curious, he returns, turns on the light and asks the one in the toilet: - What happened? This one visibly frightened responds: -I thought my eyes jumped out of my head.
A nun is walking down the sidewalk when she sees a drunk exit the bar across the street.
He stares at her for a long while before making a beeline across the street and stopping right in front of her.
She is about to say "how are you today, brother?" When he punches her hard in the stomach.
Bent over, trying to catch her breath, she's about to say "what was that for?" When he upper cuts her to the jaw and she flys backwards and lands on her back.
Confused and seeing stars she tries to sit up, but can't. Through her tear filled eyes she sees the drunk lean over her and he says, "you ain't so tough after all, are you Batman?"
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...
I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it. Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle. When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed. Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.
I just never saw what the big dill was.
A guy is walking on a beach when he finds a genie lamp..
He rubs the lamp and a Genie pops out.
The Genie says, "Thank you for releasing me. I will grant you one wish."
The guy doesn't hesitate.."I want to be world famous! I want my name in lights in every theater around the world!"
"Done!", says the Genie.."Your name is now EXIT."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two sailors are on shore leave. They have a few drinks and decide to go to a variety show. At the intermission one of them needs to pee and asks directions from the usher. Go through the exit, turn left along the corridor, turn first right, then left, then right again, he says.
The sailor follows the directions with some difficulty, relieves himself, and eventually finds his way back to his seat. You missed the best act, says his friend. While you were gone a sailor came on-stage and p**... into the orchestra pit.
A panda walks into a bar...
A panda walks into a bar. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
"Why? Why are you behaving in this strange, un-panda-like fashion?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda walks towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
"Panda: Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Warning about pick pockets
At the local supermarket, two young women are standing at the parking lot exit, asking for a lift.
Shortly after leaving the parking lot, they will start u**... each other and making out, before one of them offers to give you a b**..., while the other steals your wallet.
It happened to me monday, two times tuesday and again yesterday
The thief
A shop assistant calls the police saying:
Officer, the same guy who stole stuff from the warehouse yesterday is in my store!
Alright, make sure you close off every exit. We'll be there as soon as possible!
10 minutes pass, and the agents arrive at the store seeing the man has escaped.
Didn't I tell you to close off every exit?!
To which the assistant replies:
Yes I did, but he escaped through the entrance!
A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist.
A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting on a Starbucks patio across from an abandoned building when a car pulls up, and two people get out and enter the building.
A few minutes go by, three people exit the building, get into the car and drive off.
"Hmm," says the physicist, "our original count must have been inaccurate."
"Ahh," says the biologist, "they must have reproduced!"
"Aha!" says the mathematician, "now if exactly one person enters the building, it will be empty again!"
Four students are in the car that breaks down
First student, engineering student, says "This is mechanical problem, there's nothing we can do."
Second student, chemistry student, says "You're wrong, this is clearly reason of faulty gasoline. There's nothing we can do."
Third student, electrical engineering student, says "No, there's problem with ignition. There's nothing we can do."
Last student, IT student, says "We should exit car, close the doors, come in and try again. Maybe that will solve the problem."
A meteorologist, a biologist, and a mathematician are eating breakfast.
They are sitting on a hill overlooking an office building which has just opened for the day. As they eat, they see 100 business people enter and 101 exit.
The meteorologist says, "Well within my margin of error".
The biologist says, "I suppose one of them gave birth".
The mathematician says, "That building currently contains -1 people."
