Exist Jokes
106 exist jokes and hilarious exist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Exist Short Jokes
Short exist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exist humour may include short present jokes also.
- Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist... but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
- My girlfriend treats me like God She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
- If i had a nickel for every existential crisis it wouldn't matter because money is a social construct and existence is meaningless
- My wife treats me like GOD!! She takes no notice of my existence till she wants something.
- Racism exists among all races of the world white people are just better at it, like most things.
- I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist and worse… she can prove it.
- Why do churches ban Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists
- My parents treat me like a god they forget I exist until they want me to do something for them
- My teenage son treats me like a god. He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.
- My husband and I like to role play in bed... He's Donald Trump and I am an American with a pre-existing condition.
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Exist One Liners
Which exist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exist? I can suggest the ones about appeared and exact.
- Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn't exist. It would be IX/XI instead.
- Jobs that don't exist anymore 1. Steve
- People treat me like a god They ignore my existence unless they need something
- I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels She didn't know I existed
- TIL Albert Einstein really existed I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
- My love life is like Santa Claus. It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
- Girls treat me like God They mostly forget I exist until they need help from me.
- Women treat me like God. My existence is ignored except for when they need something.
- If Chuck Norris hadn't existed... chuck norris would have invented him.
- If the camera really does add 10 pounds Do ethiopian kids even exist?
- They say that when you die you become closer to God Because you no longer exist
- When you die, you come one step closer to God. You don't exist.
- I thought up a color that doesn't exist... It's just a pigment of my imagination.
- Jobs that don't exist anymore..
1. Steve.. - My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule. Doesn't exist by definition.
Delightful Fun Exist Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about exist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean alive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exist pranks.
A teacher asked in class: How is your dad?
A kid sits up and tries to answer: My dad is a legend for me!
- Why, Billy? asked the teacher.
- Because he doesn't exist!
Philosophy final
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
How many blonde jokes exist?
How many blonde jokes exist?
One. This one. The rest are all true.
What's the difference between UFOs and an honest politician?
It is possible that UFOs exist.
Two guys are chatting
When the topic of jobs comes up.
Man 1: "What do you do for a living?"
Man 2: "I hunt down and kill zombies."
Man 1: "That's crazy! Zombies don't exist!"
Man 2: "Have you ever seen a zombie?"
Man 2: "No..."
Man 1: "You're welcome."
The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies
Chairman: How does our potato supply look?
Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.
Chairman: But God does not exist.
Party member: Neither do the potatoes.
How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist?
Gingerly.
An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?
Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.
Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?
*noun
the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.*
Stereo types exist for a reason.
Because not everyone wants a Sony.
The Jewish Year is 5776. As of yesterday, the Chinese year is 4714...
That means Jews had to exist for 1,062 years without Chinese Food. They call this time, "The Dark Age."
The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...
The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.
The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."
The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...
I treat my women like I treat my super cars
I enjoy them a lot and they only exist in my dreams
they say a camera adds 5 pounds.
that being the case, do african children even exist?
Why can't Jesus eat pizza?
Because he doesn't exist.
What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?
Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI
Existentialist, nihilist, cynic...
An existentialist, a nihilist and a tired from life cynic walk into a bar. And the bartender says: "Sorry guys, the bar's 18+ only"
I can prove that primates don't exist...
Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.
I am voting for Donald Trump because he will personally end racism in America...
Racism can't exist if everybody's white.
My girlfriend is like root(-1)
She's the one, but does not exist.
Migraines don't exist.
It's all in your head.
Stalin walks into a field
Farm worker: Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God!
Stalin: But God does not exist.
Farm worker: And neither do the potatoes.
Diets are like ghosts.
They might exist, but I wouldn't know.
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
She's a ten, but on the other hand, she doesn't exist.
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are playing a card game. Who wins?
The dumb blonde does. The other two don't exist.
Grammar n**... no longer exist
Their called the Alt-Write now
What do my existence and an unsharpened pencil have in common?
They're both dull and pointless.
René Descartes is sitting in a restaraunt
when the waiter approaches and asks "Would you like some wine?"
"I think not" said Descartes.
Then he ceases to exist.
What do elves learn in preschool?
Not the elf-abet, no; they don't learn anything because they don't exist.
What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common?
They don't exist
My girlfriend smokes a lot, i call her the Dragon
Because she doesn't exist
Israeli tourist
An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.
"Where are you from?" he asks.
"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"
"I'm from Narnia."
"b**..., that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.
"Well, you started it" says the Israeli.
Descartes walks into a bar...
The bartender says: "would you like a beer?" Descartes replies: "I think not", and he ceases to exist.
A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm
Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.
But God does not exist, replies Stalin.
Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."
There exists a Japanese gentleman with a great power: None of his family or friends can die
He's unbereavable
Why doesn't the Math professor use the lift?
He wants to prove all floors exist and are real.
An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street...
...and they saw a £20 note. Who picked it up?
Santa. The other two don't exist.
Christian to an athiest : if god doesn't exist who created the universe
Atheist : well i don't know for sure but it might be just there from the starting
Christian : Don't be s**... god created the universe
Atheist : so who created god
Christian : no one did he was there from the starting
FFFFF
A man offers Descartes $100 to jump in a lake.
Without thinking, Descartes ceases to exist.
Rene Descartes goes to a restaurant and orders a cheeseburger.
The waiter says, "Would you like fries with that, sir?"
Rene Descartes replies, "I think not," and ceases to exist.
The Last Exam
(Sorry for terrible formatting and grammar)
A Philosophy teacher was handing out empty papers for the last exam of the year. The students had one simple task to complete,
They had to convince their teacher that the chair he had placed on the middle of the classroom didn't exist.
After 40 minutes, students returned their answer sheets. All of them had complex sentences and long paragraphs except one.
It had a single sentence.
What chair?
He was the only one to pass the exam.
Joseph Stalin goes to visit one of the farming collectives outside Moscow
He wants to see their progress with the latest Five-Year Plan.
'Tell Me Comrade,' he asks one farmer. 'How did the potatoes do this year?'
'Very Well, Comrade Stalin. If we piled them up, they would reach God.'
'But God does not exist, Comrade Farmer'
'Nor do the Potatoes, Comrade Stalin'
Checkmate atheists
If god doesn't exist, explain how my girlfriend is pregnant when we've never had s**.... Checkmate atheists.
You guys know blue doesn't exist in nature?
It's just a pigment of your imagination.
If there is a plastic island the size of Australia in the middle of the ocean,
Then we have nothing to worry about because Australia doesn't exist
I call my friends Dodo birds
Because they don't exist.
I asked my dad, Can you give me examples of jobs that don't exist anymore?
He said, Steve.
You know those people protesting the stay at home order are really doing a great job
Proving that natural selection does exist
My girlfriend convinced me that certain aquatic mammals don't exist right before she broke up with me.
She left me in otter disbelief.
A guy walks into a bar. The bartender is a horse.
He says, "Oh, hey Rene, you want the usual?". Rene says "Yeah sure. Why the long face?". The horse and bar disappear because they were never, in fact, real and the only thing that definitely did exist was Rene.
You see it's a joke about Rene Descartes, but if I told you that at the beginning I would be putting Descartes before De Horse
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, if they're told the lightbulb doesn't exist, it doesn't need changing
My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.
I told him, "you will be mist".
If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags
Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy
"Mom, how did humans come to exist?"
"Well, you see, God created Adam and Eve..."
"But dad said we came from apes."
"He was talking about his family, I am telling you about mine."
Death does make you closer to God
because now you don't exist either.
A depressed atheist heaves a sigh and tells his friend,
"Sometimes I wish I was god so I didn't exist"
My girlfriend is godlike
Because she doesn't exist
I hate spheres.
Why do they even exist? There's no point.
A world with the undead
Imagine a world where zombies exist, but they're not dangerous. Just like you and I every day, except they eat brains.
The government has decided that humans can donate their o**... to zombies for consumption.
Everything is pretty much back to normal.
A man and a woman end up going on a first date. They make everyday small talk.
The man says, "So, what do you do for a living?"
The woman responds, "Actually, I'm dead."
A Message to my Father: "You were never there for me growing up, but without you, I guess I wouldn't even exist. So...
Thanks for nuttin', Dad."
People treat me like a god
They remember i exist, only when they want something.
The only reason why the Pyramids exist in Egypt...
....is because they were too heavy for British folks to steal and put in the British museum
Stalin goes to a local wheat farm to see how things are going.
"Mr. Stalin, we have so many wheat bags, that, if piled on top of each other, could reach god himself!" The farmer told Stalin gleefully.
"But god doesn't exist", Stalin Replied.
"Exactly", said the farmer. "neither does the wheat."
My best friend says I'm schizophrenic
I say he's a hypocrite. Especially since I don't exist
Why are there no psychics who enjoy life
Happy mediums don't exist
I made up my mind
It actually doesn't exist
Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.
Tornadoes don't exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it's Volodymyr Zelensky.
Some historians were convinced that Jesus's birth place didn't exist
After extensive research they conducted that it Israel
The Russian Potato Crop The Agricultural managers always have to report the yearly crop numbers to the Chairman, and they always lie a little to make themselves look good. But one year the potato crop is very bad.
The potatoes are small, and there aren't very many of them. But the managers tell the Chairman, "There are so many potatoes! We have made a huge mountain of them, that reaches all the way up to God." the Chairman says, "Don't be silly now, you know God doesn't really exist." The managers look at each other and then one of them says "Neither do the potatoes."
