Existance Jokes
113 existance jokes and hilarious existance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about existance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Existance Short Jokes
Short existance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The existance humour may include short jokes also.
- Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist... but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
- My girlfriend treats me like God She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
- If i had a nickel for every existential crisis it wouldn't matter because money is a social construct and existence is meaningless
- My wife treats me like GOD!! She takes no notice of my existence till she wants something.
- Racism exists among all races of the world white people are just better at it, like most things.
- I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist and worse… she can prove it.
- Why do churches ban Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists
- My parents treat me like a god they forget I exist until they want me to do something for them
- My teenage son treats me like a god. He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.
- My husband and I like to role play in bed... He's Donald Trump and I am an American with a pre-existing condition.
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Existance One Liners
Which existance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with existance? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn't exist. It would be IX/XI instead.
- Jobs that don't exist anymore 1. Steve
- People treat me like a god They ignore my existence unless they need something
- I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels She didn't know I existed
- TIL Albert Einstein really existed I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
- My love life is like Santa Claus. It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
- Girls treat me like God They mostly forget I exist until they need help from me.
- Women treat me like God. My existence is ignored except for when they need something.
- If Chuck Norris hadn't existed... chuck norris would have invented him.
- If the camera really does add 10 pounds Do ethiopian kids even exist?
- They say that when you die you become closer to God Because you no longer exist
- When you die, you come one step closer to God. You don't exist.
- I thought up a color that doesn't exist... It's just a pigment of my imagination.
- Jobs that don't exist anymore..
1. Steve.. - My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule. Doesn't exist by definition.
Existance Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about existance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make existance pranks.
Philosophy final
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?
A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.
The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.
The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.
When Obama made his inaugural speech, they put him behind bulletproof glass.
And that's proof of the racism that still exists in America today. I mean, just because he's black, doesn't mean he was going to go and shoot everybody.
The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies
Chairman: How does our potato supply look?
Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.
Chairman: But God does not exist.
Party member: Neither do the potatoes.
My girlfriend and I like to roleplay
She pretends to be a nurse while I pretend she exists.
What's the most bitter tea in existence?
Reality
*cries in the corner*
There once was a woman who had 100 children....
She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation.
One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base?
One poses a significant potential threat to ISIS and its continued existence.
The other is an Iraqi Army base.
How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist?
Gingerly.
They say you get closer to God when you die..
because you stop existing
My girlfriend treats me like a God
She takes little notice of my existence unless she wants something.
I used to think an ocean of soda existed.
Turns out it was just Fanta sea.
The Best Sean Connery Joke In EXISTENCE!
(Read in Mr. Connery's voice)
Ash I wash walking through my houshe, a book fell on me.
I had only myshelf to blame.
My girlfriend treats me like I'm God
She ignores my existence and doesn't ever speak to me.
The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...
The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.
The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."
The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...
if God exists it's probably a woman
no man holds a grudge for this long
they say a camera adds 5 pounds.
that being the case, do african children even exist?
What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night?
Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.
What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?
Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI
I am voting for Donald Trump because he will personally end racism in America...
Racism can't exist if everybody's white.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.
The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.
Stalin walks into a field
Farm worker: Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God!
Stalin: But God does not exist.
Farm worker: And neither do the potatoes.
Grammar n**... no longer exist
Their called the Alt-Write now
Did you know that Kim Jong Un has read every book in existance?
Thats why they call him the Supreme Reader
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands.
There is no cure.
What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common?
They don't exist
Guys, just remember that every yo mama joke that exists has been done hundreds of times by hundreds of different people.
Like your mom.
Israeli tourist
An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.
"Where are you from?" he asks.
"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"
"I'm from Narnia."
"b**..., that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.
"Well, you started it" says the Israeli.
A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm
Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.
But God does not exist, replies Stalin.
Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.
A Horse walks into a bar
A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!" before downing the whole lot.
The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse says "I don't think I am". Suddenly the horse poofs out of existence.
See the joke is a reference to Descartes the philosopher who coined the phrase "I think. Therefore I am." However explaining this prior to the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."
There exists a Japanese gentleman with a great power: None of his family or friends can die
He's unbereavable
An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street...
...and they saw a £20 note. Who picked it up?
Santa. The other two don't exist.
A man offers Descartes $100 to jump in a lake.
Without thinking, Descartes ceases to exist.
What do you call it when you play Fortnite during the day-time?
A sad depraved existence
Due to the non existent atmosphere on the moon, the american flag is by now completely white.
Great, now everyone thinks the French were the first...
Don't trust cats
I was talking to this cat who insisted he was the biggest house cat in existence.
Turns out he was lion
Women treat me like I'm God.
They act like I'm non-existent and only talk to me when they need something from me.
Checkmate atheists
If god doesn't exist, explain how my girlfriend is pregnant when we've never had s**.... Checkmate atheists.
How do you call a musical group consisting of all existing genders?
A duet
You guys know blue doesn't exist in nature?
It's just a pigment of your imagination.
Ever since I decided to swap gender my son never notices me…
Honestly he looks right through me and doesn't acknowledge my existence and seems to be frightened when I say something. It's like I'm totally trans-parent
I asked my dad, Can you give me examples of jobs that don't exist anymore?
He said, Steve.
At the beginning of Naruto, the three main characters existed in a 'love square'.
Naruto loves Sakura, Sakura loves Sasuke, Sasuke loves nobody, and nobody loves Naruto.
Renes Descartes goes into a bar
The barkeeper asks him: "You want a beer?"
Descartes agrees and after that he drinks many more.
Later when he is quite drunk he grabs his keys and moves towards his car.
The barkeeper stops him from entering the car and asks him: "Do you really think, driving your state is a good idea?"
Descartes replies: "Yeah, you're right. I don't think..." and abruptly stops existing.
A horse walks into a bar...
... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.
I told him, "you will be mist".
If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags
Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy
"Mom, how did humans come to exist?"
"Well, you see, God created Adam and Eve..."
"But dad said we came from apes."
"He was talking about his family, I am telling you about mine."
Death does make you closer to God
because now you don't exist either.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.
See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
My girlfriend is godlike
Because she doesn't exist
I hate spheres.
Why do they even exist? There's no point.
Not to brag, but I feel like a God to my friends
Usually ignored of my existence until I am needed for something
My wife has been treating me like a god lately...
Ignoring my existence, unless she needs something from me
Schrödinger's cat
There once was a cat in a pickle
Whose life was not worth a nickle
From an electron gun shot
It both was and was not
It's very existence is fickle
A horse went into a pub every night for a week.
The barman asked "you've been in every day. Do you think you might be alcoholic? '
" I don't think I am" said the horse, then promptly vanishes from existence.
You see, this is a joke about Descartes' philosophy of "I think, therefore I am", but telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely. So he asks God for someone to share his existence with.
God answers of course, I can create a being that will support you no matter what you do, provide for you, and never argue .
Adam is excited and asks that sounds perfect, what will it cost me
An arm and a leg
….what can I get for a rib?
Stalin goes to a local wheat farm to see how things are going.
"Mr. Stalin, we have so many wheat bags, that, if piled on top of each other, could reach god himself!" The farmer told Stalin gleefully.
"But god doesn't exist", Stalin Replied.
"Exactly", said the farmer. "neither does the wheat."