The Best 80 Exist Jokes

Following is our collection of Exist jokes which are very funny. There are some exist slater jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these exist existence puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

A teacher asked in class: How is your dad?

A kid sits up and tries to answer: My dad is a legend for me!
- Why, Billy? asked the teacher.
- Because he doesn't exist!

Philosophy final

in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.

"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."

Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.

The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"

His answer: What chair?

How many blonde jokes exist?

How many blonde jokes exist?

One. This one. The rest are all true.

My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule.

Doesn't exist by definition.

How many existentialists does it take to change a light-bulb?

Two, one to change the light-bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.

This is courtesy of Spencer Reid.(CM)

What's the difference between UFOs and an honest politician?

It is possible that UFOs exist.

Two guys are chatting

When the topic of jobs comes up.

Man 1: "What do you do for a living?"

Man 2: "I hunt down and kill zombies."

Man 1: "That's crazy! Zombies don't exist!"

Man 2: "Have you ever seen a zombie?"

Man 2: "No..."

Man 1: "You're welcome."

The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies

Chairman: How does our potato supply look?

Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.

Chairman: But God does not exist.

Party member: Neither do the potatoes.

Why did the existential nihilist cross the road?

Who cares.

How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist?


An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?

Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.

Top Exist Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore exist subatomic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean exist nonexistent dad jokes. There are also exist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My current girlfriend is very similar to my last one...

For instance, neither of them exist.

Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?

the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.*

Stereo types exist for a reason.

Because not everyone wants a Sony.

The Jewish Year is 5776. As of yesterday, the Chinese year is 4714...

That means Jews had to exist for 1,062 years without Chinese Food. They call this time, "The Dark Age."

The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...

The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.

The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."

The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...

I treat my women like I treat my super cars

I enjoy them a lot and they only exist in my dreams

they say a camera adds 5 pounds.

that being the case, do african children even exist?

I thought up a color that doesn't exist...

It's just a pigment of my imagination.

Why can't Jesus eat pizza?

Because he doesn't exist.

What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?


Existentialist, nihilist, cynic...

An existentialist, a nihilist and a tired from life cynic walk into a bar. And the bartender says: "Sorry guys, the bar's 18+ only"

What kind of knots only exist in space?


I can prove that primates don't exist...

Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.

I am voting for Donald Trump because he will personally end racism in America...

Racism can't exist if everybody's white.

My girlfriend is like root(-1)

She's the one, but does not exist.

My girlfriend laughed at me for having an existential crisis at 17.

Jokes on her. She doesn't even exist!

Migraines don't exist.

It's all in your head.

If the camera really does add 10 pounds

Do Ethiopian kids even exist?

Stalin walks into a field

Farm worker: Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God!

Stalin: But God does not exist.

Farm worker: And neither do the potatoes.

Diets are like ghosts.

They might exist, but I wouldn't know.

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

She's a ten, but on the other hand, she doesn't exist.

My English teacher is living proof that Grammar Nazis still exist.

Sorry... Alt-Write.

A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are playing a card game. Who wins?

The dumb blonde does. The other two don't exist.

Grammar Nazis no longer exist

Their called the Alt-Write now

What do my existence and an unsharpened pencil have in common?

They're both dull and pointless.

RenΓ© Descartes is sitting in a restaraunt

when the waiter approaches and asks "Would you like some wine?"

"I think not" said Descartes.

Then he ceases to exist.

Jobs that don't exist anymore

1. Steve

What do elves learn in preschool?

Not the elf-abet, no; they don't learn anything because they don't exist.

What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common?

They don't exist

My girlfriend smokes a lot, i call her the Dragon

Because she doesn't exist

When you die, you come one step closer to God.

You don't exist.

My parents treat me like a god

they forget I exist until they want me to do something for them

Israeli tourist

An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.

"Where are you from?" he asks.

"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"

"I'm from Narnia."

"Bullshit, that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.

"Well, you started it" says the Israeli.

Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn't exist.

It would be IX/XI instead.

Descartes walks into a bar...

The bartender says: "would you like a beer?" Descartes replies: "I think not", and he ceases to exist.

A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm

Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.

But God does not exist, replies Stalin.

Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.

Schrodinger had a girlfriend but he was afraid to look at her because she might snap into a state where she didn't exist.

And don't even get me started on the double slit.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

There exists a Japanese gentleman with a great power: None of his family or friends can die

He's unbereavable

Why doesn't the Math professor use the lift?

He wants to prove all floors exist and are real.

An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street...

...and they saw a Β£20 note. Who picked it up?

Santa. The other two don't exist.

They say that when you die you become closer to God

Because you no longer exist

"Hey. Did you know I'm a zombie hunter?"

"What? Zombies don't exist."

"You're welcome."

Christian to an athiest : if god doesn't exist who created the universe

Atheist : well i don't know for sure but it might be just there from the starting

Christian : Don't be stupid god created the universe

Atheist : so who created god

Christian : no one did he was there from the starting

A man offers Descartes $100 to jump in a lake.

Without thinking, Descartes ceases to exist.

Girls treat me like God

They mostly forget I exist until they need help from me.

Rene Descartes goes to a restaurant and orders a cheeseburger.

The waiter says, "Would you like fries with that, sir?"

Rene Descartes replies, "I think not," and ceases to exist.

The Last Exam

(Sorry for terrible formatting and grammar)

A Philosophy teacher was handing out empty papers for the last exam of the year. The students had one simple task to complete,
They had to convince their teacher that the chair he had placed on the middle of the classroom didn't exist.

After 40 minutes, students returned their answer sheets. All of them had complex sentences and long paragraphs except one.
It had a single sentence.

What chair?

He was the only one to pass the exam.

Scientists in Germany Have Discovered a New Particle That Can Only Exist By Absorbing Joy

It's no laughing matter

Joseph Stalin goes to visit one of the farming collectives outside Moscow

He wants to see their progress with the latest Five-Year Plan.

'Tell Me Comrade,' he asks one farmer. 'How did the potatoes do this year?'

'Very Well, Comrade Stalin. If we piled them up, they would reach God.'

'But God does not exist, Comrade Farmer'

'Nor do the Potatoes, Comrade Stalin'

Checkmate atheists

If god doesn't exist, explain how my girlfriend is pregnant when we've never had sex. Checkmate atheists.

You guys know blue doesn't exist in nature?

It's just a pigment of your imagination.

If there is a plastic island the size of Australia in the middle of the ocean,

Then we have nothing to worry about because Australia doesn't exist

I call my friends Dodo birds

Because they don't exist.

I asked my dad, Can you give me examples of jobs that don't exist anymore?

He said, Steve.

You know those people protesting the stay at home order are really doing a great job

Proving that natural selection does exist

My girlfriend convinced me that certain aquatic mammals don't exist right before she broke up with me.

She left me in otter disbelief.

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender is a horse.

He says, "Oh, hey Rene, you want the usual?". Rene says "Yeah sure. Why the long face?". The horse and bar disappear because they were never, in fact, real and the only thing that definitely did exist was Rene.

You see it's a joke about Rene Descartes, but if I told you that at the beginning I would be putting Descartes before De Horse

My teenage son treats me like a god.

He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, if they're told the lightbulb doesn't exist, it doesn't need changing

My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.

I told him, "you will be mist".

If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags

Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy

"Mom, how did humans come to exist?"

"Well, you see, God created Adam and Eve..."

"But dad said we came from apes."

"He was talking about his family, I am telling you about mine."

Death does make you closer to God

because now you don't exist either.

A depressed atheist heaves a sigh and tells his friend,

"Sometimes I wish I was god so I didn't exist"

Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist...

but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.

Time, of course, doesn't exist. There's no past, no present, no future. Just one constant pulsating moment.

And that point, the guy said to me, "Just give me a rough idea of the time, mate."

My girlfriend is godlike

Because she doesn't exist

I hate spheres.

Why do they even exist? There's no point.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the exist reside jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working exist machina piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes