Exist Jokes
104 exist jokes and hilarious exist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Exist Short Jokes
Short exist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exist humour may include short present jokes also.
- Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist... but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
- My girlfriend treats me like God She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
- If i had a nickel for every existential crisis it wouldn't matter because money is a social construct and existence is meaningless
- I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist and worse… she can prove it.
- My parents treat me like a god they forget I exist until they want me to do something for them
- My teenage son treats me like a god. He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.
- My husband and I like to role play in bed... He's Donald Trump and I am an American with a pre-existing condition.
- Not to brag, but I feel like a God to my friends Usually ignored of my existence until I am needed for something
- I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands. There is no cure.
- What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base? One poses a significant potential threat to ISIS and its continued existence.
The other is an Iraqi Army base.
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Exist One Liners
Which exist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exist? I can suggest the ones about exact and alive.
- Jobs that don't exist anymore 1. Steve
- People treat me like a god They ignore my existence unless they need something
- I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels She didn't know I existed
- My love life is like Santa Claus. It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
- Girls treat me like God They mostly forget I exist until they need help from me.
- If Chuck Norris hadn't existed... chuck norris would have invented him.
- They say that when you die you become closer to God Because you no longer exist
- When you die, you come one step closer to God. You don't exist.
- My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule. Doesn't exist by definition.
- My boyfriend is an atheist and treats me like a goddess He acts like I don't exist.
- What's the most bitter tea in existence? Reality
*cries in the corner* - My girlfriend is godlike Because she doesn't exist
- What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common? They don't exist
- I hate spheres. Why do they even exist? There's no point.
- You guys know blue doesn't exist in nature? It's just a pigment of your imagination.
Delightful Fun Exist Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about exist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean avail jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exist pranks.
A teacher asked in class: How is your dad?
A kid sits up and tries to answer: My dad is a legend for me!
- Why, Billy? asked the teacher.
- Because he doesn't exist!
Never date a philosophy major
My last girlfriend was one and she spent most of her time trying to prove that I didn't exist
Philosophy final
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
How many blonde jokes exist?
How many blonde jokes exist?
One. This one. The rest are all true.
How many existentialists does it take to change a light-bulb?
Two, one to change the light-bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.
This is courtesy of Spencer Reid.(CM)
What's the difference between UFOs and an honest politician?
It is possible that UFOs exist.
Two guys are chatting
When the topic of jobs comes up.
Man 1: "What do you do for a living?"
Man 2: "I hunt down and kill zombies."
Man 1: "That's crazy! Zombies don't exist!"
Man 2: "Have you ever seen a zombie?"
Man 2: "No..."
Man 1: "You're welcome."
The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies
Chairman: How does our potato supply look?
Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.
Chairman: But God does not exist.
Party member: Neither do the potatoes.
Why did the existential nihilist cross the road?
Who cares.
How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist?
Gingerly.
An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?
Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.
Stereo types exist for a reason.
Because not everyone wants a Sony.
I treat my women like I treat my super cars
I enjoy them a lot and they only exist in my dreams
Why can't Jesus eat pizza?
Because he doesn't exist.
What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?
Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI
What kind of knots only exist in space?
Astro-knots.
I can prove that primates don't exist...
Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.
I am voting for Donald Trump because he will personally end racism in America...
Racism can't exist if everybody's white.
My girlfriend is like root(-1)
She's the one, but does not exist.
My girlfriend laughed at me for having an existential crisis at 17.
Jokes on her. She doesn't even exist!
Migraines don't exist.
It's all in your head.
Diets are like ghosts.
They might exist, but I wouldn't know.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My English teacher is living proof that Grammar n**... still exist.
Sorry... Alt-Write.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are playing a card game. Who wins?
The dumb blonde does. The other two don't exist.
What do my existence and an unsharpened pencil have in common?
They're both dull and pointless.
What do elves learn in preschool?
Not the elf-abet, no; they don't learn anything because they don't exist.
What do Rick and Morty season 3 and my girlfriend have in common?
They both don't exist
My girlfriend smokes a lot, i call her the Dragon
Because she doesn't exist
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Israeli tourist
An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.
"Where are you from?" he asks.
"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"
"I'm from Narnia."
"b**..., that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.
"Well, you started it" says the Israeli.
Descartes walks into a bar...
The bartender says: "would you like a beer?" Descartes replies: "I think not", and he ceases to exist.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."
There exists a Japanese gentleman with a great power: None of his family or friends can die
He's unbereavable
Why doesn't the Math professor use the lift?
He wants to prove all floors exist and are real.
An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street...
...and they saw a £20 note. Who picked it up?
Santa. The other two don't exist.
"Hey. Did you know I'm a zombie hunter?"
"What? Zombies don't exist."
"You're welcome."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christian to an athiest : if god doesn't exist who created the universe
Atheist : well i don't know for sure but it might be just there from the starting
Christian : Don't be s**... god created the universe
Atheist : so who created god
Christian : no one did he was there from the starting
FFFFF
A man offers Descartes $100 to jump in a lake.
Without thinking, Descartes ceases to exist.
The Last Exam
(Sorry for terrible formatting and grammar)
A Philosophy teacher was handing out empty papers for the last exam of the year. The students had one simple task to complete,
They had to convince their teacher that the chair he had placed on the middle of the classroom didn't exist.
After 40 minutes, students returned their answer sheets. All of them had complex sentences and long paragraphs except one.
It had a single sentence.
What chair?
He was the only one to pass the exam.
Scientists in Germany Have Discovered a New Particle That Can Only Exist By Absorbing Joy
It's no laughing matter
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Checkmate atheists
If god doesn't exist, explain how my girlfriend is pregnant when we've never had s**.... Checkmate atheists.
If there is a plastic island the size of Australia in the middle of the ocean,
Then we have nothing to worry about because Australia doesn't exist
I call my friends Dodo birds
Because they don't exist.
I asked my dad, Can you give me examples of jobs that don't exist anymore?
He said, Steve.
You know those people protesting the stay at home order are really doing a great job
Proving that natural selection does exist
My girlfriend convinced me that certain aquatic mammals don't exist right before she broke up with me.
She left me in otter disbelief.
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, if they're told the lightbulb doesn't exist, it doesn't need changing
My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.
I told him, "you will be mist".
If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags
Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy
"Mom, how did humans come to exist?"
"Well, you see, God created Adam and Eve..."
"But dad said we came from apes."
"He was talking about his family, I am telling you about mine."
Death does make you closer to God
because now you don't exist either.
A depressed atheist heaves a sigh and tells his friend,
"Sometimes I wish I was god so I didn't exist"
Time, of course, doesn't exist. There's no past, no present, no future. Just one constant pulsating moment.
And that point, the guy said to me, "Just give me a rough idea of the time, mate."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You find a magic lamp, and a genie comes out of it.
Genie: Hello, I am a genie. I will grant you 1 wish, what is your wish?
You: I wish I didn't exist
Genie: Your wsh has been granted.
You: Nothng happened?
Gene: Take a moment to consder what you sad there. Wll be on my way now, bye.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A world with the undead
Imagine a world where zombies exist, but they're not dangerous. Just like you and I every day, except they eat brains.
The government has decided that humans can donate their o**... to zombies for consumption.
Everything is pretty much back to normal.
A man and a woman end up going on a first date. They make everyday small talk.
The man says, "So, what do you do for a living?"
The woman responds, "Actually, I'm dead."
My girlfriend
My girlfriend and I have very little in common. For example I exist and she doesn't.
Global warming doesn't exist
This subreddit is the only place it's appropriate to say that.
My friends went to Transylvania to see if vampires really exist
That's ridiculous. I've lived there in a castle for 700 years and I've never seen one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Random person asks the genie saying i wish i didn't exist
-Random person asks the genie saying: i wish i didn't exist
-genie: *p**...* granted
-person : nothng changed
-genie : Look agan
Stalin goes to a local wheat farm to see how things are going.
"Mr. Stalin, we have so many wheat bags, that, if piled on top of each other, could reach god himself!" The farmer told Stalin gleefully.
"But god doesn't exist", Stalin Replied.
"Exactly", said the farmer. "neither does the wheat."
What's the similarity between a unicorn and a good politician?
Neither exist
My best friend says I'm schizophrenic
I say he's a hypocrite. Especially since I don't exist
Why are there no psychics who enjoy life
Happy mediums don't exist
Why doesn't God like candy bars?
Because he doesn't exist!
I made up my mind
It actually doesn't exist
Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.
Tornadoes don't exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it's Volodymyr Zelensky.
Some historians were convinced that Jesus's birth place didn't exist
After extensive research they conducted that it Israel
The Russian Potato Crop The Agricultural managers always have to report the yearly crop numbers to the Chairman, and they always lie a little to make themselves look good. But one year the potato crop is very bad.
The potatoes are small, and there aren't very many of them. But the managers tell the Chairman, "There are so many potatoes! We have made a huge mountain of them, that reaches all the way up to God." the Chairman says, "Don't be silly now, you know God doesn't really exist." The managers look at each other and then one of them says "Neither do the potatoes."
If something doesn't exist, it isn't. if someone fails to do something, they didn't. if liquor isnt the solution to anything, what does that make it?
A solven't.
Santa Claus, a blind guy, and an honest corporate executive approach a dollar on the sidewalk. Who picks it up first?
None of them, because the blind guy wouldn't see it, and the other two don't exist.
