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Exhausted Jokes

99 exhausted jokes and hilarious exhausted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exhausted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Exhausted Short Jokes

Short exhausted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exhausted humour may include short exhaustion jokes also.

  1. If you run in front of a car you'll get tired... But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted
  2. I think my local garage is ripping me off... does anyone else think £500 for a tesla exhaust is a lot?
  3. I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class. I've never run so far in my life.
  4. New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion... ...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.
  5. A clearly exhausted Pao walks into a pub and orders a drink.... The bartender asks "long day?"
    "No, all days are 24 hours long" Pao replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.
  6. Mother: I'm exhausted! I was up until 4 am with the baby... Father: It's probably not a good idea to keep the baby up that late....
  7. Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one? Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
  8. It's exhausting going down on waitresses... I'm really tired of them asking "How's everything tasting?" 5 seconds in.
  9. Men want only one thing and it's disgusting.... Women want only 2,337 things and it's exhausting.
  10. You know something If you run behind the car you get exhausted and if you run ahead of the car you get tired

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Exhausted One Liners

Which exhausted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exhausted? I can suggest the ones about tired and so tired.

  1. What do you call are car that's out of gas Exhausted
  2. If you run in front of a bus you get tired. If you run behind the bus you get exhausted.
  3. All last night I dreamed I was a muffler... I woke up exhausted
  4. One night I dreamt that I was a muffler... I woke up exhausted.
  5. I got tired jogging in front of the car So I ran behind it, but soon became exhausted.
  6. I spent all day replacing the muffler on my car It was exhausting
  7. I had a terrible nightmare last night that I ate a muffler. Today, I'm so exhausted.
  8. I had a dream where I was a car muffler... It was exhausting.
  9. I felt super exhausted after giving blood. It's such a draining procedure.
  10. Last night I had a dream where I was a tail pipe on a car I woke up exhausted.
  11. Had a nightmare that I was a muffler last night, Woke up exhausted.
  12. I used to work at a muffler factory It was exhausting.
  13. I dreamed I was the muffler on a big truck.... I woke up exhausted.
  14. Why is the Dutch fly exhausted? Because it netherlands.
  15. Last night I dreamed I was a muffler... ...when I woke up, I was exhausted!

Exhausted joke, Last night I dreamed I was a muffler...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about exhausted can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of exhausted puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Exhausted Jokes

What funny jokes about exhausted you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean fed up jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make exhausted prank.

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:
"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"
The officer laughs, saying:
"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"
"b**...! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.

While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.
After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.
Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.
God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.
They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".

I've recently taken up a class in French Self Defense...

It's exhausting, I've never ran so far!

Little Jewish boy that can't understand math

Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.
The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!
They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"

The bride asks her husband

The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...

... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."
God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.
Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."
God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."
Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"

Bar Joke

A visibly exhausted and distressed man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "No, all days are 24 hours long," the man replied, amazed at how uneducated the bartender was.

Two women meet in heaven...

There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Lydia says, "Well I froze to death. How did you die?" To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." Very concerned, Lydia asks "What caused the heart attack?" Carol starts then explaining on how she thought her husband was cheating on her. And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. But convinced there was another women in the house, she frantically started destroying the house looking for the other women until she was so exhausted that her heart just stopped working. Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

A World War II Pun

A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want us to have juice in our house."

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her car?

She burned her mouth on the exhaust.

Foreign s**...

A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. So he meets a girl they go to the bedroom. After the first round, the man says to her, You finish? The girl shakes her head, no. So they do it again. Now the man is really tired. So he says, You finish? Again, she shakes her head. So they do it again. By now, the man is exhausted. So he says to the girl, You finish? The girl answers, No, I Norwegian .

Confucious he say...

Man who walk before car gets tired, man who walk behind car gets exhausted

The Energizer bunny was found dead today from s**... exhaustion

His battery was put in backwards and he just kept coming and coming and coming.

What happened to the man running in front of the car?

He got tired.
What happened to the man running behind the car?
He got exhausted.

In school, the teacher warns her students...

..."I will not tolerate any excuses for any kind. I might consider a nuclear attack, serious injury or even the death of a relative, but whoever misses this exam will fail the class."
The class's wise-guy says:
"But teacher, what if tomorrow I arrive to class completely exhausted from last night's amazing s**...?"
The teacher says:
"Well I guess you'll have to do the exam with your left hand, then."

A gynecologist decides to make a career change...

He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."
The doctor studies day and night and finally feels ready for his practical exam.
He comes in and is asked to fix the transmission and engine of a beaten down, old car.
After the test, he is seated in the office and the head mechanic comes in.
"Congratulations doctor, you scored 150 out of 100 points"
"im confused" the doctor says, "how did i get 150 out of 100"
"well..." the mechanic says "you fixed the engine perfectly, so thats 50. You also fixed the transmission perfectly, for another 50"
"Great! But where did the last 50 come from?"
"I gave you a bonus. You did it all through the exhaust pipe"

Final exam

My psychology professor wrapped up the class and dicussed the final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up, barring a health trauma or death in the immediate family. My friend Johnny smirked and asked, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?"
After the chuckling died down, the professor replied, "Nope, you can use your other hand to write."

Confucius Say

Confucius say: Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired.

Women are alot like continents.

At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- v**... territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, but not without places of interest. From 55 onwards, she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there, but nobody cares.

A Man Met a Beautiful Girl in a Bar

and wooed her until he brought her back home for some love making. After an hour the guy asked her "Are you finish?", to which the girl shook her head.
He then continues to make love to her for another hour. "Are you finish?" The girl shook her head again. He then goes on again for another 15 minutes until he's completely exhausted.
He asked her "Are you finish?"
The girl replied "No, I'm German"

A nurse walks into a bank...

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some a**...'s got my pen."

Two Women Talking in Heaven

1 Woman: Hi, Wandal
2 Woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?
1 Woman: I froze to death.
2 Woman: How horrible!
1 Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2 Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1 Woman: So what happened?
2 Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1 Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be alive.

What happens if you run behind a car?

You get exhausted!
Sorry, gotta get back to doing my online traffic school...

Love Story

I shall seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and control you.
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.
I will make you beg for mercy.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.
And you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu

Chinese Proverb: Man who run infront of car get tired...

Man who run behind car get exhausted

The god Thor is bored one day and decided to try out having s**... with a mortal woman...

He heads down to earth and finds a beautiful young woman. Pouring on the charm, he convinces her to go to bed with him. He goes back to her place and enjoys her in every possible way, absolutely plowing her with all his god-like strength and endurance. 7 hours later, he rolls off. She's laying there, gasping and panting, shaking, and exhausted from the most incredible s**... she's ever had in her life. She can't even speak. All she can do is s**... his chest with a trembling hand. He understands her point, though. He was amazing.
"I've got a confession to make," he says. "I'm actually Thor."
"You're thor!? I'm tho thor, I won't be able to thit down for a week!

What happened to the Irishman who tried to blow up a school bus?

He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.

A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.

She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car c**..., or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete s**... exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"

Running with a car

If you run in front of a car, you get tired.
If you run in back of a car, you get exhausted.

What's the difference between pulling and pushing a car?

When you pull a car, you get tired. When you push one you get exhausted.

Three women were stranded on an island after a shipwreck

Three women were stranded on an island after a shipwreck, a redhead, brunette and a blonde. The nearest civilization was a 40 mile swim away. The redhead swam 10 miles and drowned. The brunette swam 15 miles and drowned. The blonde swam 20 miles, became exhausted and decided she wouldn't be able to make the rest of the swim; so she swam back.

Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his d**..., I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."

Two women are talking in Heaven

One woman asked the other, "how did you die?" The woman replied, "I froze to death." She asked the same question to the other woman, she replied, "I suspected that my husband was cheating on me and looked everywhere in my house for evidence. I couldn't find anything and I dropped dead from exhaustion." The other woman replied "maybe if you had checked the freezer we would both be alive."

A New Car

A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the car wash because in his religion it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the exhaust pipe

Two German soccer players go to a s**... bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"
This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previous days game. After discussing it for a while, they decide to inform the nurse
"I don't think we're ready to compete for the cup...

A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.

Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

A desert island with six women

A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"
'Oh f\*c**...,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'

What do you call a person who's being chased by a car?

Tyred!
What do you call a person who's chasing a car?
Exhausted!

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."

A college professor reminds her class of the next day's final exam saying, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever"

A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

A blonde woman showed up to her doctor's office looking disheveled and with bags under her eyes

The doctor told her that she looked exhausted.
The blonde woman replied, I am. Ever since your nurse told me yesterday that I had to come in for a Blood test I have been studying non-stop

A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

One smart-a**... jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"

Why don't you run behind a car?

Because you will get exhausted.
Why don't you run on the side of the car?
Because you will get tired,
Why don't you run in front of a car?
Because you will get run over.

A very drunk guy starts beating up a nun on the street

He throws kicks, uppercuts, regular punches, even some drunk karate moves.

Once he is exhausted he steps back and says "You disappoint me, Batman"

A preacher is being chased in the woods by a large grizzly bear.

Exhausted, he fell to his knees praying, "Good Lord! Deliver me from danger!" Looking back he saw the bear kneeling, paws together in prayer and exclaimed, "It's a Christian bear! Thank God I am saved!" Meanwhile the bear started praying, "For this food I am about to receive, Lord, I give you thanks."

Mendel goes to see his rabbi and tells him that his wife is trying to poison him.

The rabbi assures Mendel that this is impossible and tells him he will visit his wife and straighten everything out.
Mendel thanks the rabbi and waits for him to come back.
About four hours later, the rabbi returns, looking haggard and exhausted.
Mendel says "So, what do you think?"
The rabbi's eyes drop to the floor and in a low, but clear voice says, "Take the poison".

I wish I was single for just one day of my life

Cuz being single my whole life is exhausting

A nurse walks into a bank…

A nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after a 2 back to back 12 hour shifts.
She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the surprised teller and, without missing a beat, says, "Well that's just great! Some a**...'s got my pen!"

A man is walking his pet carrot

As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.
I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.

A doctor changes Careers.

A Gynecologist is tired of dealing with Insurance companies and decides to become an auto mechanic. He studies hard, and for the final, he needs to diagnose and rebuild an engine. He need an 80 to pass an become a certified Mechanic.
He takes test, and waits for his score.
He gets a 150 out 100. He calls the instructor to find out why he scored it that way.
The instructor says " Well you got 50 points for Diagnosing the issue correctly, 50 points for rebuilding the engine correctly, and 50 points for doing it all thru the exhaust manifold.

The Drill Sergeant

A drill sergeant runs his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on. As they stand there, exhausted, he puts his face right up to one recruit's face and says, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and pee on my grave, aren't you?"
The recruit responds, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again."

Two women died and were waiting at the gates of heaven. They talked to each other.

How did you die?
I froze to death. It was painful and took a long time. And you? How did you die?
A heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me and I came home suddenly. He was alone in our bedroom. But I felt his girlfriend was somewhere! So I spend a long time looking for her from the basement to the attic. I got exhausted and had a heart attack.
It's ironic.
What is?
If you had checked the freezer first, we would both still be alive!

Came up with this one a while ago but not enough Karma to post here, till now.

I was at a function and a guy at our table was talking about fixing up an old truck. He said he was going to replace the muffler first. I chimed in...
Don't do that first... you'll be too exhausted to do the anything else

I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a r**... w**... and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.

So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'WHAT'S GOIN' ON?'

A bear walks into a bar...

The bartender is extremely busy and looks tired. He eventually makes his way over to the bear.
The bear immediately tells him, "You look exhausted."
"Yeah, it's been a rough day," says the bartender, "What are you drinking?"
"I'll have a glass of..." says the bear. He waits a painfully long moment before finishing, "... scotch."
"Why the long face?" asks the bartender.
"Don't you mean big pause?" asks the bear.
"Yeah, sorry. Like I said, it's been a rough day."

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison.

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!
The officer laughs and says, Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!
The wife replies: Bullsht! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!

Have you heard about the gynecologist who quit his job?

Yeah so he became a mechanic.
Went to school and for the first test, he had to disassemble then reassemble an engine.
He got a %150. He got confused and asked his teacher how he got that grade.
Teacher says, "I gave you %50 for taking it apart, %50 for reassembling it and running it smoothly, and another %50 because you did it all through the exhaust."

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn't suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn't cut it as a barber.
I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.
I wasn't a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining.
I got fired from the cannon factory.
And I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

Two prisoners are breaking out.

To make it to freedom, they have to climb over seven high walls. The first two are no problem, but they are starting to get tired after wall three. Wall four is quite challenging for them, but they make it with little issue. After wall five, they are exhausted, but they keep going. Smelling freedom, they push forward and barely manage to scale wall six, dropping down completely spent. Looking up at the final wall, one prisoner says to the other: "I'm completely exhausted and can't go any further. Let's turn back."

Exhausted joke, Two prisoners are breaking out.

jokes about exhausted

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these exhausted jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.