She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*
Crossfit
But I think that's bullshit because I've never run 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
When she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend I said "it didn't work out." She said "be more specific." I said "I just told you she didn't exercise."
Repeat this exercise whenever your offered something to eat!
I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.
The punchline is trivial and is left as an exercise to the reader
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
Diddly squat
is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.
Cross fit.
Crossfit
So far I've wanked 15 miles
But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.
It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.
Exercise
Diddly-squats.
You exercise it.
Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.
It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry.
...but when I want to wear something more formal, I wear my James clothes.
On the first day his psych professor begins a perception exercise by telling the students to close their eyes and feel around for an object, then describe the object and tell her what it is.
First she calls on Kyle who says "I feel something big round and bumpy. It's a globe!"
The professor says "Good Kyle! I like the way you think.
Next she calls on Suzie who says "I feel something flat and coarse. It's paper!"
The professor says "Good Suzie! I like the way you think."
Finally she calls on Johnny. He sticks his hand in his pocket with a creepy smile and says "Teacher, I feel something round, hard, and it has a head on it.
The professor interrupts him shouting "Johnny, That's disgusting!"
He replies, "No teacher it's a quarter, but I like the way you think."
Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark
Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.
A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.
she said it gave her a sense of porpoise.
The punchline has been left as an exercise for the reader.
Because they all ran away when I offered.
I was right.
Do it when you are offered food
The rest of the joke is trivial and is left to the student as an exercise.
I hope it works out for him.
One weak!
I had to translate. You can help me fix it.
Lieutenant Colonel to Major:
There is a total solar eclipse coming tomorrow at 9am, which does not happen every day. Assemble all soldiers on exercise field, I will provide explanation. In the event of rain, since we won't be able to see it anyway, assemble everyone in the gymnasium.
Major to Captain:
Per Colonel's order, tomorrow at 9am there will be ceremonial solar eclipse. If there is a need for rain, Lieutenant Colonel will give a separate order in the gymnasium, which does not happen every day.
Captain to Lieutenant:
Per Colonel's order tomorrow at 9am there will be solar eclipse. In the event of rain the solar eclipse will occur in the gymnasium, which does not happen every day.
Lieutenant to Sergeant:
Tomorrow at 9am Colonel will perform solar eclipse in the gymnasium, which does not happen every day.
Sergeant to Corporal:
"Tomorrow at 9am there will be eclipsing of Colonel because of the sun. If it is raining in the gymnasium, which does not happen every day, assemble all soldiers on the exercise field.
Two privates talking to each other:
Seems it will rain tomorrow. The sun will eclipse Colonel in the gymnasium. I wonder why it does not happen every day.
Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise?
Me: Does sex count as exercise?
Dr: Yes.
Me: No.
Didn't work out.
"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that," says his mother. "What happened?"
The son looks confused.
"Huh? I just told you. She didn't exercise enough."
now I've got 200 squatters!
An obese woman goes to the doctor. The doctor prescribes diet and exercise. The woman says, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese. My father is obese. My sister is obese. My brother is obese. My aunts are obese. Obesity runs in my family. " The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."
She ask him "how have you manged to live so long?"
The man replies "it's simple, I never argue with people."
The reporter says "surely there's something more to it? Diet? Exercise? Something?"
The man thinks for a moment and then says "if you say so..."
So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".
He didn't run when the bus was coming
Calf Raises.
Diddly squat.
Crossfit.
Cross fit!
I'm from England, and exercise equipment is pretty expensive.
You can finish the workout before your brain realizes what it's doing.
Is their freedom of speech
she walks in and says "How do I get to 280?"
A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"
..is like a drug. I avoid drugs.
"It's going fine," the manager said. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, "To the corner! Backhand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"
"Really? What happens then?" the woman asked enthusiastically.
"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"
Diddily-squats.
yes that's right. if anyone can give me some jokes related to shoes it would be greatly appreciated. would be an added bonus if they could somehow be related to exercise as well.
thanks in advance
lots of love from dwek
Undeadlifts.
So who said you can't run away from your problems.
... operating just become an exercise in patients.
I was on the treadmill earlier praying that it would stop.
I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.
Pontius Pilates.
They encounter a frog.
"I bet you $100 you won't lick it," says the economist The accountant, daring, licks the frog and receives $100.
They walk further, see another frog.
"Lick this frog, and you get your $100 back!" says the accountant. The economist looks at his friend in the eye, licks the frog and retrieves his $100.
"What was the point of this exercise? We've both done something disgusting, and we're no better off!"
"We have grown the local economy by $200!!!" says the economist.
"Yeah but we owe the government $40 each!"
they make you stronger as a hole
It's the quickest way to lose pounds.
Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.
The shake weight.
She said this isn't working out .
Suddenly he saw a very fit-looking old man.
He went to the old man,and said-
Man-'Sir,you look very fit. What's the secret of your looking so fit and young?'
Old man-'I smoke 30 cigars a day.
I drink 4-5 bottles of vodka daily,and I am a serious drug-addict.
And I hate doing exercise or Yoga.
Whenever I see someone going to gym or playground,I feel sick for them.
That's all I do'
Man(Extremely shocked and impressed)-'WOW Sir.That's unbelievable. By the way how old are you?'
Old man-'I will turn 25 this month'
By swimming in their debt.
I plan to go to the park and exercise hard
Surprised, the boy's family gave the priest a strange look. He turned to the family, a bit confused himself, and said "I'm here to exercise the demons, right?"
Her name is Cardi O
Sasquats.
Pontius Pilates
Is that it doesn't concern me
She stopped after realizing the effort it took to steer her scooter.
Look at all those protesters on the streets!
It wasn't really working out.
This enables you, at 95 years, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $7,000 a month.
The doctor attempts to suggest diet and exercise. The woman responds, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese, my sister is obese, my brother is obese, my cousins are obese. Obesity runs in my family." She doctor thinks for a second and responds, "It sounds like no one runs in your family."
High Knees
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