Following is our collection of funny Exercise jokes. There are some exercise healthier jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these exercise resolutions puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Repeat this exercise whenever your offered something to eat!
yes that's right. if anyone can give me some jokes related to shoes it would be greatly appreciated. would be an added bonus if they could somehow be related to exercise as well.
thanks in advance
lots of love from dwek
Calf Raises.
One weak!
Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.
Pontius Pilates.
It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry.
...but when I want to wear something more formal, I wear my James clothes.
Diddly squat.
she walks in and says "How do I get to 280?"
A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"
Exercise
You can explore exercise memberships reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean exercise abdominal dad jokes. There are also exercise puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
But I think that's bullshit because I've never run 5 miles in 30 seconds.
You exercise it.
The punchline has been left as an exercise for the reader.
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.
When she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend I said "it didn't work out." She said "be more specific." I said "I just told you she didn't exercise."
Diddly squat
Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
Crossfit
She ask him "how have you manged to live so long?"
The man replies "it's simple, I never argue with people."
The reporter says "surely there's something more to it? Diet? Exercise? Something?"
The man thinks for a moment and then says "if you say so..."
Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise?
Me: Does sex count as exercise?
Dr: Yes.
Me: No.
Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark
Diddly-squats.
So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".
Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.
It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.
Diddily-squats.
*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*
"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that," says his mother. "What happened?"
The son looks confused.
"Huh? I just told you. She didn't exercise enough."
I'm from England, and exercise equipment is pretty expensive.
Do it when you are offered food
Because they all ran away when I offered.
I was on the treadmill earlier praying that it would stop.
Cross fit.
You can finish the workout before your brain realizes what it's doing.
is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.
she said it gave her a sense of porpoise.
Is their freedom of speech
I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
..is like a drug. I avoid drugs.
I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.
Undeadlifts.
"It's going fine," the manager said. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, "To the corner! Backhand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"
"Really? What happens then?" the woman asked enthusiastically.
"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"
Crossfit.
He didn't run when the bus was coming
I hope it works out for him.
The punchline is trivial and is left as an exercise to the reader
Didn't work out.
But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.
So who said you can't run away from your problems.
A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.
Cross fit!
Crossfit
An obese woman goes to the doctor. The doctor prescribes diet and exercise. The woman says, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese. My father is obese. My sister is obese. My brother is obese. My aunts are obese. Obesity runs in my family. " The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."
So far I've wanked 15 miles
I was right.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.
now I've got 200 squatters!
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
The rest of the joke is trivial and is left to the student as an exercise.
It's a bit of a running gag.
I told her you can't make me do squat.
We are still working out the kinks.
I said, That sounds ....like a big step.
Out in the middle of nowhere, the jeep breaks down. The female jeep driver jumps out, opens the hood and starts working on the engine. The general, wanting to be helpful, finds a toolbox in the back and opens it. "Do you want a screwdriver?" he asks.
"Might as well, it's going to be a while before anyone shows up," she says!
"Sounds like a bit of a stretch", he replied
Deadlifts
Friend: "And is she doing this?
Man: "Well, she is - if jumping to conclusions and running up bills can be called exercise!"
What is your mouth's favorite exercise?
Burpees
One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'
I didn't see you during camouflaging exercise!
Thank you, Sir!
Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
The doctor says, You don't look very fit, are you getting any exercise? The man replied that he wasn't exercising at all, so the doctor said, I want you to walk 5 miles a day, then call me in a week and tell me if things have improved. The man calls the doctor a week later and the doctor says, Are you performing any better in bed now? The man says, I don't know, I'm 35 miles away.
But that's a huge step forward.
What is at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck
Where are all average things made?
The Satisfactory
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly Squats
Enjoy!
It gets ripped.
To exercise the demons
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six."
I'm no longer going to that doctor.
**An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag**
An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
—Beverly Gross
But I figured he should do his own exercise.
Now you can exercise your demons.
Because the driver can't see jack squat in the rear view mirror.
No, but I was baptized as an infant.
But none of them seem to fit.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the exercise deadlift jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working exercise fitness piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.