exercise Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious exercise puns

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

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A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar.

*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

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What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

Crossfit

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They say that every time you have sex it's the same amount of exercise as running 5 miles

But I think that's bullshit because I've never run 5 miles in 30 seconds.

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Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one?

Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.

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My mom told me that I objectify women.

When she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend I said "it didn't work out." She said "be more specific." I said "I just told you she didn't exercise."

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Tips to reduce weight…
First turn your head to the right and then to the left.

Repeat this exercise whenever your offered something to eat!

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I exercise religiously

I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.

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Two mathematicians walk into a bar...

The punchline is trivial and is left as an exercise to the reader

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Secret to Long Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.

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What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

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My favourite exercise

is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.

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What was Jesus Christ's least favorite form of exercise?

Cross fit.

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How did Jesus exercise?

Crossfit

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I always wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym...

But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.

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The blonde went to see her doctor.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," she said. "I've been very short-tempered lately. I'm always yelling at my husband and kids over the silliest little things."

"Sounds like stress," said the doctor. "Maybe you need to exercise more. Tell you what, try running ten miles a day. Call me in two weeks and let me know how things are going."

So two weeks later the doctor got a call. "Well, I followed your advice. I've been running ten miles every day."

"Splendid! And how are things between you and your family?"

"How the hell should I know? I'm 140 miles from home!"

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Apparently, exercise improves your decision making.

It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.

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I lost 100 pounds with this one weird trick!

Exercise

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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

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How do you get rid of an obese demon?

You exercise it.

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Yesterday at yoga

Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.

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9 year old told me this today. My favorite exercise is a mix between a crunch and a lunge...

It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry.

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When I want to exercise, I wear my gym clothes...

...but when I want to wear something more formal, I wear my James clothes.

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Johnny finally makes it to college...

On the first day his psych professor begins a perception exercise by telling the students to close their eyes and feel around for an object, then describe the object and tell her what it is.

First she calls on Kyle who says "I feel something big round and bumpy. It's a globe!"

The professor says "Good Kyle! I like the way you think.

Next she calls on Suzie who says "I feel something flat and coarse. It's paper!"

The professor says "Good Suzie! I like the way you think."

Finally she calls on Johnny. He sticks his hand in his pocket with a creepy smile and says "Teacher, I feel something round, hard, and it has a head on it.

The professor interrupts him shouting "Johnny, That's disgusting!"

He replies, "No teacher it's a quarter, but I like the way you think."

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We've got an aviary at home, Sadly one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80's music.

Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark

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How to lose weight easy

Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.

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Who's your daddy?

A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.

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My wife started swimming for exercise...

she said it gave her a sense of porpoise.

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A mathematician walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The punchline has been left as an exercise for the reader.

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During a recent study, almost 95% of participants preferred exercise to sex.

Because they all ran away when I offered.

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You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally.

Do it when you are offered food

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My favorite exercise is a mix between a lunge and a crunch

It's called lunch

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My friend just bought a self-pedaling exercise bike..

I hope it works out for him.

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What does seven days without exercise make?

One weak!

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Story of my life

Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise?

Me: Does sex count as exercise?

Dr: Yes.

Me: No.

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What are the most funny Exercise jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Exercise? Well, here are the best Exercise dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Exercise pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes