Exercise Jokes

113 exercise jokes and hilarious exercise puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exercise that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some laughs? Check out our collection of funny exercise jokes. From crazy workouts to sore muscles, we've got jokes to help you get through your next workout.

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Funniest Exercise Short Jokes

Short exercise jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exercise humour may include short practice jokes also.

  1. I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
  2. A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*
  3. I asked my girlfriend if she does any other exercises... Other than jumping to conclusions.
  4. Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one? Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
  5. My mom told me that I objectify women. When she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend I said "it didn't work out." She said "be more specific." I said "I just told you she didn't exercise."
  6. Tips to reduce weight…
    First turn your head to the right and then to the left.
    Repeat this exercise whenever your offered something to eat!
  7. I exercise religiously I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.
  8. Two mathematicians walk into a bar... The punchline is trivial and is left as an exercise to the reader
  9. How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? The punchline is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader.
  10. My wife told me last week that I needed to exercise more and do lunges. But that's a huge step forward.

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Exercise One Liners

Which exercise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exercise? I can suggest the ones about fitness and exam.

  1. What kind of exercise did Jesus do? Crossfit
  2. What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym? Diddly squat
  3. My favourite exercise is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.
  4. What was Jesus Christ's least favorite form of exercise? Cross fit.
  5. How did Jesus exercise? Crossfit
  6. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
  7. I lost 100 pounds with this one weird trick! Exercise
  8. What’s a dumpling’s favorite exercise? “Dough-ing” yoga!
  9. I exercise running up the street knocking on all the doors. Jehovah's Fitness.
  10. What do you call Cardi B exercising? Cardi O.
  11. Who's your daddy? A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.
  12. My wife started swimming for exercise... she said it gave her a sense of porpoise.
  13. What does seven days without exercise make? One weak!
  14. My friend just bought a self-pedaling exercise bike.. I hope it works out for him.
  15. I started jogging today Just kidding. I exercised restraint instead.

Exercise Class Jokes

Here is a list of funny exercise class jokes and even better exercise class puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In a job swapping exercise , a politician was assigned the job Of a math teacher .
    Guess what did he teach the kids in the class.
  • What was Jesus's least favourite exercise class? Pontius Pilates.
  • What's an Asian pirate's favorite exercise class? Pilates
  • I decided to take some classes on exercise so I could lose some weight. Seems like it's mostly working out.

Exercise Bike Jokes

Here is a list of funny exercise bike jokes and even better exercise bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A quote from the guy who invented the stationary exercise bike... "My life is going nowhere."
  • What do you call a short guy on an exercise bike? A midget spinner.
  • I did a mile on my exercise bike this morning. It was hard as it has no wheels.
  • In France, Chuck Norris accidentally won Tour de France by exercise bike.
Exercise joke

Exercise joke

Fun-Filled Exercise Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about exercise you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean workout jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exercise pranks.

What is the dairy farmer's favorite exercise?

Calf Raises.

Jim and his s**... life...

A man named Jim has been married to his beautiful wife for 15 years. They have two wonderful kids, a dog and a nice home.
You see, Jim works really hard at his job, but lately his s**... life has suffered because of it.
Jim goes to his doctor to ask why he is so tired all the time.
Jim says to his doc "you know, I work 16 hour days and when I come home I just have no time to be intimate with my wife. I have no energy! What do I do!"
His doctor replies "Okay Jim I can see you're a little bit overweight so maybe you need some exercise to increase that stamina. Every day for 30 days I want you to walk a mile. I'll phone you after 30 days"
So Jim starts walking that day. He walks one mile every day, hoping this will help.
On the 30th day his doctor phones.
Doc: "Jim! Did you do what I told you?"
Jim: "Yeah I did doc."
Doc: "Well how's your s**... life? Did it improve?"
Jim: "I wouldn't know. I'm 30 miles from home!"
Told to me by my grandmother

Yesterday at yoga

Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.

An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.

The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."
The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."
The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"
The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"
The bartender answers, "A rose?"
"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"

A daughter is seemingly possessed by a d**......

Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plenty!"

9 year old told me this today. My favorite exercise is a mix between a crunch and a lunge...

It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry.

When I want to exercise, I wear my gym clothes...

...but when I want to wear something more formal, I wear my James clothes.

What is a lazy persons favourite exercise routine?

Diddly squat.

So a 400 pound lady walks into a gas station to get directions..

she walks in and says "How do I get to 280?"
A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

They say that every time you have s**... it's the same amount of exercise as running 5 miles

But I think that's b**... because I've never run 5 miles in 30 seconds.

How do you get rid of an obese d**...?

You exercise it.

A mathematician walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The punchline has been left as an exercise for the reader.

Secret to Long Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.

A reporter is interveiwing the worlds oldest man.

She ask him "how have you manged to live so long?"
The man replies "it's simple, I never argue with people."
The reporter says "surely there's something more to it? Diet? Exercise? Something?"
The man thinks for a moment and then says "if you say so..."

Story of my life

Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise?
Me: Does s**... count as exercise?
Dr: Yes.
Me: No.

We've got an aviary at home, Sadly one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80's music.

Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark

Best exercise to lose a few pounds...

So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".

How to lose weight easy

Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.

Apparently, exercise improves your decision making.

It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.

A mother asks her son how things are going with his girlfriend. He replies, "It didn't work out."

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that," says his mother. "What happened?"
The son looks confused.
"Huh? I just told you. She didn't exercise enough."

You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally.

Do it when you are offered food

During a recent study, almost 95% of participants preferred exercise to s**....

Because they all ran away when I offered.

"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "n**... exercise"…

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

I said to myself, "Thomas, today is the day you start eating healthy and exercising".

Thank God my name isn't Thomas!

If an apple exercises...

Is it a core workout?

What did the boy say to the -1 when it became a 1?

Nice abs!!!
As an engineer, avid exerciser, and new father I am very proud of myself.

My dad died because of a lack of exercise.

He didn't run when the bus was coming

Attempted to exercise this morning.

Didn't work out.

I always wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym...

But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.

Obesity runs in my family.

An obese woman goes to the doctor. The doctor prescribes diet and exercise. The woman says, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese. My father is obese. My sister is obese. My brother is obese. My aunts are obese. Obesity runs in my family. " The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

I've finally treated myself to one of those new exercise smartwatches.

So far I've wanked 15 miles

I never thought I'd be the type of person to wake up at 5 in the morning to exercise.

I was right.

They say that s**... is the best form of exercise

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.

I offered free exercise lessons for the homeless

now I've got 200 squatters!

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

A mathematician walks into a bar

The rest of the joke is trivial and is left to the student as an exercise.

I think after the pandemic ends I'm still gonna wear masks when I exercise.

It's a bit of a running gag.

My pe teacher tried to make me exercise...

I told her you can't make me do squat.

I created a f**... exercise program, but I don't know how to end it.

We are still working out the kinks.

I asked my wife for suggestions for a new exercise routine. She said, Why don't you try lunges?

I said, That sounds a big step.

I told my doctor "exercise is the best antidepressant available "

"Sounds like a bit of a stretch", he replied

My 8 year old claims to have just made this up and it made me chuckle. I hope you enjoy too. What is your mouth's favorite exercise?

What is your mouth's favorite exercise?

A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?

One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'

Sergeant says to the recruit

I didn't see you during camouflaging exercise!
Thank you, Sir!

A man goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, my s**... life is not very good, I can't perform very well in bed.

The doctor says, You don't look very fit, are you getting any exercise? The man replied that he wasn't exercising at all, so the doctor said, I want you to walk 5 miles a day, then call me in a week and tell me if things have improved. The man calls the doctor a week later and the doctor says, Are you performing any better in bed now? The man says, I don't know, I'm 35 miles away.

The police were called to a female gym...

The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.
Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!
Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.
The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?
Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it

3 jokes instead of 3 layers of cake. Let's go!

What is at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck
Where are all average things made?
The Satisfactory
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly Squats

Next time you're feeling down remember life is all about perspective

I have a friend who has s**... 2-3x a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison

Next time you're feeling down, remember that life is all about perspective.

I have a friend who has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day and reads two books every week yet he always complains how he much he hates prison.

Why did Satan build a gym in h**...?

To exercise the demons

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch...

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

How to increase your strength

An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
—Beverly g**...

Did you know they opened up a gym in h**...?

Now you can exercise your demons.

Why did Jack get hit by a sport car going in reverse during his exercise?

Because the driver can't see jack squat in the rear view mirror.

Doctor ask, "Do you exercise often?"

No, but I was baptized as an infant.

My gym instructor advised me to wear loose clothing while exercising.

I would not have joined the gym if I had any loose clothing.

I'm sick and tired of this "everybody wins" mentality kids have these days.

Seriously, they never exercise, lie in bed 12 hours a day, and sit down far more often than they stand up. And they still get atrophy.

whats the best exercise for lazy people?

diddly squats

I started a new exercise routine this week

I do 100 crunches in the morning and again in the evening
My favourites are doritos cheese supreme and Lays original

Exercise joke, I started a new exercise routine this week

jokes about exercise