The Best 86 Exercise Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Exercise jokes. There are some exercise healthier jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these exercise resolutions puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Exercise Jokes and Puns
Tips to reduce weight…
First turn your head to the right and then to the left.
Repeat this exercise whenever your offered something to eat!
PLEASE HELP! i need some shoe related jokes.
yes that's right. if anyone can give me some jokes related to shoes it would be greatly appreciated. would be an added bonus if they could somehow be related to exercise as well.
thanks in advance
lots of love from dwek
What is the dairy farmer's favorite exercise?
Calf Raises.
What does seven days without exercise make?
One weak!
Yesterday at yoga
Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.
What was Jesus's least favourite exercise class?
Pontius Pilates.
9 year old told me this today. My favorite exercise is a mix between a crunch and a lunge...
It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry.
When I want to exercise, I wear my gym clothes...
...but when I want to wear something more formal, I wear my James clothes.
What is a lazy persons favourite exercise routine?
Diddly squat.
So a 400 pound lady walks into a gas station to get directions..
she walks in and says "How do I get to 280?"
A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"
I lost 100 pounds with this one weird trick!
Exercise
You can explore exercise memberships reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean exercise abdominal dad jokes. There are also exercise puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
They say that every time you have sex it's the same amount of exercise as running 5 miles
But I think that's bullshit because I've never run 5 miles in 30 seconds.
How do you get rid of an obese demon?
You exercise it.
How do college students exercise?
By swimming in their debt.
A mathematician walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The punchline has been left as an exercise for the reader.
Secret to Long Life
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
I exercise religiously
I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.
My mom told me that I objectify women.
When she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend I said "it didn't work out." She said "be more specific." I said "I just told you she didn't exercise."
What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?
Diddly squat
Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one?
Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
What kind of exercise did Jesus do?
Crossfit
A reporter is interveiwing the worlds oldest man.
She ask him "how have you manged to live so long?"
The man replies "it's simple, I never argue with people."
The reporter says "surely there's something more to it? Diet? Exercise? Something?"
The man thinks for a moment and then says "if you say so..."
Story of my life
Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise?
Me: Does sex count as exercise?
Dr: Yes.
Me: No.
We've got an aviary at home, Sadly one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80's music.
Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
I'm naming my new exercise regime 'Brexit'.
It's the quickest way to lose pounds.
Best exercise to lose a few pounds...
So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".
How to lose weight easy
Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.
Apparently, exercise improves your decision making.
It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.
What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?
Diddily-squats.
A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar.
*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*
Once you've mastered being a surgeon...
... operating just become an exercise in patients.
A mother asks her son how things are going with his girlfriend. He replies, "It didn't work out."
"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that," says his mother. "What happened?"
The son looks confused.
"Huh? I just told you. She didn't exercise enough."
Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?
Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.
Finally got in to an exercise routine and I've lost over 100 pounds!!
I'm from England, and exercise equipment is pretty expensive.
You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally.
Do it when you are offered food
During a recent study, almost 95% of participants preferred exercise to sex.
Because they all ran away when I offered.
I exercise religiously.
I was on the treadmill earlier praying that it would stop.
What was Jesus Christ's least favorite form of exercise?
Cross fit.
Why is it better to exercise in the morning?
You can finish the workout before your brain realizes what it's doing.
Kegels are a good exercise
they make you stronger as a hole
My favourite exercise
is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.
My wife started swimming for exercise...
she said it gave her a sense of porpoise.
The only things Americans exercise
Is their freedom of speech
I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.
I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
A daily exercise routine..
..is like a drug. I avoid drugs.
A man writing in his diary:
I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.
What is a zombie's favorite exercise?
Undeadlifts.
A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise, so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his administrative assistant asked him how he was doing.
"It's going fine," the manager said. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, "To the corner! Backhand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"
"Really? What happens then?" the woman asked enthusiastically.
"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"
What is Jesus' favorite exercise routine?
Crossfit.
My dad died because of a lack of exercise.
He didn't run when the bus was coming
My friend just bought a self-pedaling exercise bike..
I hope it works out for him.
Two mathematicians walk into a bar...
The punchline is trivial and is left as an exercise to the reader
Attempted to exercise this morning.
Didn't work out.
I always wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym...
But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.
Apparently people who exercise have been shown to recover better and be less at risk from mental health issues...
So who said you can't run away from your problems.
Who's your daddy?
A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.
What is Jesus's favourite way to exercise?
Cross fit!
How did Jesus exercise?
Crossfit
Obesity runs in my family.
An obese woman goes to the doctor. The doctor prescribes diet and exercise. The woman says, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese. My father is obese. My sister is obese. My brother is obese. My aunts are obese. Obesity runs in my family. " The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."
I've finally treated myself to one of those new exercise smartwatches.
So far I've wanked 15 miles
I never thought I'd be the type of person to wake up at 5 in the morning to exercise.
I was right.
They say that sex is the best form of exercise
Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.
I offered free exercise lessons for the homeless
now I've got 200 squatters!
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
A mathematician walks into a bar
The rest of the joke is trivial and is left to the student as an exercise.
I think after the pandemic ends I'm still gonna wear masks when I exercise.
It's a bit of a running gag.
My PE teacher tried to make me exercise...
I told her you can't make me do squat.
I created a fetish exercise program, but I don't know how to end it.
We are still working out the kinks.
I asked my wife for suggestions for a new exercise routine. She said, Why don't you try lunges?
I said, That sounds ....like a big step.
A general is being driven in a jeep through the desert on the way to a training exercise.
Out in the middle of nowhere, the jeep breaks down. The female jeep driver jumps out, opens the hood and starts working on the engine. The general, wanting to be helpful, finds a toolbox in the back and opens it. "Do you want a screwdriver?" he asks.
"Might as well, it's going to be a while before anyone shows up," she says!
I told my doctor "exercise is the best antidepressant available "
"Sounds like a bit of a stretch", he replied
What's a necrophiliac's favourite exercise?
Deadlifts
Man to friend: " The doctor told my wife she should do some exercise."
Friend: "And is she doing this?
Man: "Well, she is - if jumping to conclusions and running up bills can be called exercise!"
My 8 year old claims to have just made this up and it made me chuckle. I hope you enjoy too. What is your mouth's favorite exercise?
What is your mouth's favorite exercise?
Burpees
A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?
One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'
Sergeant says to the recruit
I didn't see you during camouflaging exercise!
Thank you, Sir!
An exercise for people who are not in good shape.
Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
A man goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, my sex life is not very good, I can't perform very well in bed.
The doctor says, You don't look very fit, are you getting any exercise? The man replied that he wasn't exercising at all, so the doctor said, I want you to walk 5 miles a day, then call me in a week and tell me if things have improved. The man calls the doctor a week later and the doctor says, Are you performing any better in bed now? The man says, I don't know, I'm 35 miles away.
A man living in Trenton goes to his doctor.
The doctor tells the man that he needs to exercise more, and tells him to walk two miles a day. About a month later, the man calls his doctor. I'm in New York. What do I do now?
I'm into exercise
Every day I do diddly squats
My wife told me last week that I needed to exercise more and do lunges.
But that's a huge step forward.
3 jokes instead of 3 layers of cake. Let's go!
What is at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck
Where are all average things made?
The Satisfactory
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly Squats
Enjoy!
As well as exercise equipment, Christie Brinkley is now doing advertising for a bicycle parts company.
She's their new spokes model.
What happens to a book when it starts to exercise a lot?
It gets ripped.
Why did Satan build a gym in Hell?
To exercise the demons
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the exercise deadlift jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working exercise fitness piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.