executives Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious executives puns

How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.

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Car company executives must have the best memories in the world

because GM recalls everything.

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My dad explained the working world to me this way :

Imagine everyone are birds on hanging wires. The birds on different levels of overhead hanging electrical wires are a representation of positions of power in a company.

Birds on the highest level are your CEOs. Likewise, as the levels decrease, so do the positions. The lower levels contain the managers, and below them the executives, juniors, etc. And of course, birds being birds, they all shit on each other.

Conclusion : When the top birds look downwards, all they see is shit. When bottom level guys look up, all they see are assholes.

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Math Joke

The "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers, scientists, and teachers can never earn as much as business executives and sales people."

This theorem can now be proved by mathematics based on the two postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As any engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since: Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money

Then: Knowledge = Work / Money.

Solving for Money, we get:

Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

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Salary Theorem: The less you know, the more money you'll earn (PROVEN INSIDE!)

Salary Theorem states that Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People.

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:

Knowledge = Power

Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know, the more you make.

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How many does it take?

How many union carpenters does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a fuckin electricians job

How many union electricians does it take to change a light bulb? 12, you got a fuckin problem with that?

How many corporate executives does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to mix the Martinis and one to call the fuckin electrician.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb has to really WANT to change.

How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb? None, bikers aren't afraid of the dark

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Balls INTERESTING OBSERVATION

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.

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Q: What do small businesses cry when account executives harass them for money?

A: Yelp!

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Two marketing executives were discussing what to call the new advertising signs that were being installed along the highway.

VP Phil: Let's call them Philboards

CEO Bill: I've just had a great idea!

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What is a Telecom Executives favourite finishing move?

A Cream Pai

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What's the favorite dairy product of Wall Street executives?

1% milk

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What's the difference between a clever midget and an STD?

Well, one of them is a cunning runt...


side note: apparently Jim Morrison of The Doors said this gem at a meeting with some record executives.

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Air Traffic Control executives are arguing about the current flight patterns

The whole thing is up in the air

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How many Hollywood development executives does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one... But, uh, does it HAVE to be a light bulb?

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Why do soccer announcers make terrible business executives?

They constantly discuss productivity GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAALs.

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What did Nokia's executives say when the iPhone launched?

"We're Finnished."

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A business that sells belts

to executives of garbage collection agencies called "Waist Management"

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The network executives didn't want to have a large wedding

Just a huge reception

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What did the Fox News executives say to Bill O'Reilly after he was fired?

The spin stops here.

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What are the most funny Executives jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Executives? Well, here are the best Executives dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Executives pick up lines to share with friends.

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