Executive Order Jokes
22 executive order jokes and hilarious executive order puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about executive order that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Executive Order Short Jokes
Short executive order jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The executive order humour may include short executive jokes also.
- David Byrne gets elected as U.S. president. His first act is to issue an executive order to the U.S. Mint.
To stop making cents. - As a wine enthusiast, I am appalled by Trump's recent executive orders. What right does he have to ban sommeliers from entering this country?
- What is the difference between Islamic militant camp and a school? I don't know, I just sign the executive orders.
- Order 66 ... If the citizens of Star Wars used Base 66 Numbers, Palpatine would have said:
> Execute the Order of Magnitude! - Trump Executive Order #16 Trump: From now on, 2+2 will equal 5.
Reuters: But that can't be right, 2+2=4. We proved that, too!
Trump: You can say 2+2=4, but this is alternative math.
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Executive Order One Liners
Which executive order one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with executive order? I can suggest the ones about president and commander.
- First Executive Order: All pornstars must now be blonde.
- Can we please start referring to POTUS executive orders as... The #TanCommandments?
- Oompa Loopa Doopity Doo Here's an executive order for you...
- What order did Emperor Palpatine give to start the o**...? Execute order s**... s**....
Hilarious Executive Order Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about executive order you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mandate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make executive order pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Muslim and a t**...?
I don't know, I just sign executive orders.
I'll be here all week.
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
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Stalin's assistant enters his office
"Sir! There is a man here who wants to see you. He claims to be able to see the future with perfect accuracy!"
Stalin takes a puff from his pipe, and gives his order. "Execute him."
The assistant obeys and the man is promptly executed.
Later, with a lot of hesitation, the assistant asks. "Sir, why did you order this man's execution?"
Stalin looks at him calmly, and responds. "If he could really see the future, he would've seen this coming, and I can't stand charlatans."
Just after WWII begins the commander of one of African garrisons recieves a telegram:
''The war is declared, immidiately find and arrest all enemies in your area.''
After some time he sends a performance report:
''The order was executed. 4 Germans, 2 French, 1 Belgian, 3 Americans were arrested. Please, immidiately report who are we at war with.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man faced execution by firing squad and was asked by the officer in charge if he had any last words...
Safely behind his men, the officer shouted, "SQUAD! PREPARE TO FIRE ON MY MARK! I WILL COUNT DOWN AND GIVE THE ORDER TO FIRE! PRISONER, DO YOU HAVE ANY FINAL WORDS? THREE!"
The prisoner said, "Yes sir, I do."
The officer shouted, "WHAT ARE THEY? TWO!
The prisoner shouted "ABOUT..... FACE!"
The officer shouted "FIRE!"
Donald Trump has just signed ANOTHER executive order
it's about foreign birds of prey. the order states that any bird, specifically eagles, who have some sort of illness like flu will not be allowed to enter the country.
Trump has labelled them -
ILL EAGLE IMMIGRANTS
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the captain execute the pastry chef?
Because his orders were to shoot all desserters.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Barack Obama is planning to tighten gun purchase loopholes by executive order this week.
Republicans are already planning to shoot it down.
3 criminals are about to be executed by firing squad
The first one is told to get in front and the marshal count down. 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts TORNADO and points behind the soldiers. When the soldiers turn around the prisoner runs away.
The marshal isn't pleased and orders the second prisoner to the line. He counts down 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts EARTHQUAKE and points behind the soldiers. When the soldiers turn around the second prisoner runs away.
The Marshall is furious at this point and orders the third prisoner to the line. No tricks! He yells and begins counting. 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts FIRE and points behind the soldiers as they fire.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stalin is giving a speech ...
All of a sudden, someone sneezes. He stops talking.
"Who sneezed ?"
Silence. Everyone is looking at their feet.
"Who sneezed ? If you don't answer, I'll gun down the front row."
Nobody speaks. He gives an order, and the entire front row is executed.
"Who sneezed ?"
Silence. The second row is being executed. The third row is being gunned down. The fourth row is being executed. A very old man steps up, he raises a hand.
"I sneezed."
Stalin looks at him.
"Bless you. So, as I was saying..."