Excruciating Pain Jokes
9 excruciating pain jokes and hilarious excruciating pain puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about excruciating pain that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Silly & Ridiculous Excruciating Pain Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What is a good excruciating pain joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
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A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody
The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**
Did you know that during child birth there is a point where the lady experiences such excruciating pain that for a moment
She almost knows how bad it is to be a man who has the flu
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Women.
Women will always say, the most excruciating pain in Life is Child Birth, I think different, I say the most excruciating pain in life is a kick in the b**..., after a couple of Years A Woman will say, shall we have another Baby, do Men look up and say can I have another kick in the b**...??..
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A man goes to a doctor...
for excruciating pains he's having in his abdomen. The doctor prescribes him suppositories, convinced that this will correct the issue.
About a week later, the doctor receives a call from the man, furious that his condition has gotten worse.
Surprised and alarmed, the doctor calmly asks the man if he's taken the medicine, to which the man replied "of course I have! What do you think I was doing? Shoving them up my a**...?"
I was bit by a rattlesnake last summer. After three days of excruciating pain
the snake died
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The bear trap
A hunter was rushed into the emergency room with a bear trap clamped onto his t**.... As the horrified doctor was examining him, he said "Man, how did this happen?"
The hunter explains that he was out in the woods and felt the call of nature. Bending down by a tree, the bear trap was triggered and snapped shut on his t**.... "Oh," exclaims the doctor, "The pain must have been excruciating!"
"It was," said the hunter. "The second worst pain in my life."
"Second worst? What could have been worse than that?"
"Coming to the end of the chain" said the hunter.
[Dad joke] A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea
He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea.
Finally, he decides to visit an old sage. The sage sits him down and pours him some tea. As soon as he takes a sip, he feels the pain again.
The sage sets his own cup on the table, and quietly says
"Next time you drink tea, remember to remove the spoon from the cup."
[This is my dad's favorite joke]
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Read this one a couple years ago, a little dirty but pretty funny.
In a local park trees are being removed to clear space for a playground. As the men are working, a group of world conservationalists climb the trees and protest to the removal. As one woman was chanting she slipped and fell out of the tree falling on a few branches on the way down. With her g**... full of splinters and bark she was rushed to the emergency room. She was looked at by the doctor and he told her to wait. After a few hours in excruciating pain he came back and she yelled at him for taking so long. He told her "Sorry, I had to get the right permits to remove lumber from a recreational area."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Girl Walking on the Beach
There was a little girl walking on the beach when she saw a n**... man with nothing but a newspaper covering up his g**.... The little girl walked up to the man and asked "What's under the newspaper?" The man replied " A bird now go away." The girl left and he fell asleep and suddenly woke up in excruciating pain. The doctors asked if anything weird happened to him or if he new, but he couldn't recall anything but the girl so the police found the girl if she new and she replied " I played with the bird under the newspaper until it spit on me then I broke its neck,crushed its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
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