Exchange Jokes
142 exchange jokes and hilarious exchange puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exchange that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out this collection of jokes about currency exchange, exchange students, stock markets, gift exchanges, and more! Find out why the Yen exchange rate isn't so funny and why futures offer the best money exchange.
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Funniest Exchange Short Jokes
Short exchange jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exchange humour may include short swap jokes also.
- My Daughter asked me "dad, why don't you treat me like a princess." So I married her off to the king of Spain in exchange for 5000 acres on the Costa del Sol.
- The elites and nobles of Ancient Greece would often pay Diogenes with grape or bread in exchange for his wisdom. It's food for thought.
- When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying
- So a foreign exchange student asks me: "Is the word "ee-ther" or "eye-ther?"
I told them it was either. - Snow White and the Three Dwarfs met Goldilocks and the Seven Bears at a party last week They exchanged numbers
- So I was at the bar the other night exchanging pleasantries with an attractive woman. She said she would like to read my palm... Okay!
She takes my hand and asks... "Do you come here often?" - New zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep... Meat and wool.
(Exchange for Welshmen if need be) - My son chewed on an old quarter he found and asked me if he could exchange it for a new one.. I had to say no because I don't trade bitcoins
- Did you hear about the two gay guys that got into a fight at the bar? They went out to the parking lot to exchange blows.
- I asked an exchange student where he was from. For some reason he just kept saying "you're a guy"
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Exchange One Liners
Which exchange one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exchange? I can suggest the ones about trade and changer.
- Her: Let's exchange number Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
- What did Owen Wilson and his wife exchange at their wedding? Wows
I'll show myself out - I traded some deers in exchange of a car. This car costed me a couple of bucks.
- My family was so poor when I was a kid... We could only exchange glances at Christmas!
- Did you hear about the two gay truckers? They exchanged loads
- How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail? They exchange cell numbers.
- What do you call someone who sells themself in exchange for spaghetti? A pasta-tute
- I bumped into my rival jousting opponent. We exchanged lances.
- I was an exchange student in Chernobyl... There were so many extra-testicular activities
- How do serfs greet each other? They exchange peasantries
- Why don't abalone exchange gifts? They're pretty shellfish.
- Why didn't the bride and groom exchange their wedding vows? TL;DR
- What do you call it when people exchange sea creatures? Squid pro quo.
- Why does NASDAQ like the New York Stock Exchange? Because it's NYSE.
- I gave my friend a cavendish in exchange for a weight-measuring device. Banana for scale.
Exchange Student Jokes
Here is a list of funny exchange student jokes and even better exchange student puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My brother's just been talked into smoking by a french exchange student. Talk about Pierre pressure
- While hosting a foreign exchange student I realized how advanced the Japanese are... When I told Asahi he needed to shave and he asked me for a lazor.
- I asked a Japanese exchange student if he knew what company made the new Star Wars Battlefront he said "iie"
- Why did the Italian foreign exchange student lock their door? Just in case Amanda Knox
- What is it called when an exchange student goes to Malaysia? Euthanasia.
- A foreign exchange student from Sweden started classes today. I thought I'd flirt with her a bit by speaking her language.
She smacked me across the face when I opened with "Bork Bork Bork." - What's the most played song on a homesick, Iranian foreign exchange students playlist? ♫And I-ran, I-ran so far away ♫
- Why is a foreign exchange student like a gynecologist? Because they both study abroad!
Currency Exchange Jokes
Here is a list of funny currency exchange jokes and even better currency exchange puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An Iranian goes to exchange some currency He asks the teller what the current rate is for the US Dollar.
"Now, or... now?" - If I had a dollar for every time I got confused by international currency exchange... I wouldn't know if it was USD, CAD, NZD, AUD, or any other currency going by the term "dollar"
Exchange Rate Jokes
Here is a list of funny exchange rate jokes and even better exchange rate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just went to the supermarket and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas I can't believe the currant exchange rate.
- 5 Brazilian dollars sounds like a lot of money... However, with the current exchange rate its only about $1.35 USD
- I went to the supermarket the other day and traded 100 raisins for a handful of grapes. Can't believe the currant exchange rates
- What's the exchange rate for pigs and trees? A porcupine.
Stock Exchange Jokes
Here is a list of funny stock exchange jokes and even better stock exchange puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend had to quit his job at the New York Stock Exchange..... .... his last name was Pavlov.
- Indonesian stock exchange crashed. There were many casualties
Amusing Exchange Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about exchange you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exchange pranks.
If every day is a gift, I'd like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is being interviewed on live TV
Hello everybody. We are with Michael, who is 97 years old. Michael, tell us, what's your secret?
During the war, I s**... off a enemy soldier in exchange for food.
I meant about your age.
Ah… Eating healthy.
Goldberg opens a hardware store.
To advertise, he rents a billboard, puts up a picture of Jesus nailed to the cross, with the caption: They used Goldberg's nails.
His son, upon seeing this, exclaims to his father, You can't use that! It will cause antisemitism!"
So Goldberg exchanges it for a picture of Jesus's body laying on the ground, hands bloodied, with the caption: They didn't use Goldberg's nails.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo' momma so s**......
she thought euthanasia was a student exchange program.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, I bumped into this cute g**... the way out of the grocery store...
We talked for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers. I'm trying not to make a big deal about it, but I'm pretty bummed that my insurance rates are going to go up.
An old woman notices her husband's fly is unzipped...
An old woman sees her husband's fly on his pants is unzipped. She says, "You left the barn door open. The cow is gonna get out if ya don't close it."
The old man replied, "It can't get out if it can't get up!"
(I adapted this from an actual exchange that my great grandparents had a few years ago.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Actual exchange between my wife and I(myself being muslim)
Wife: Tell me a joke.
Me: Ok, what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
wife: what?
me: nothing, you've already told her twice.
**mutual chuckling**
wife: aww, why'd you have to make a muslim joke?
me: I didn't make a muslim joke. I made a wife beater joke, you just made a muslim joke.
Doctor joke
Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.
My physics teacher dropped this one today
Did you hear about 50-Cent performing in Vancouver?
~
~
But because of the exchange rate the tickets said 65-cent
Ernie
Hemingway sitting in a joint in Idaho, drink in hand, summer 1961.
Two broads, a brunette and redhead, drift into the bar, see Hemingway.
They caper over, exchange a glance - Red says "So, big guy, we need to know. She says briefs, I say boxers. Which?".
"Depends"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst thing about a woman's p**...?
Your nuts hang out the side.
A homeless guy told me this joke in exchange for pocket change
An admiral is sailing a ship...
and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you know who you are talking to? I AM AN ADMIRAL OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY!"
The radio says back, "Well, you're talking to the lighthouse."
Two men get into a car wreck...
Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.
"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty scary."
"Don't thank me," the older man replies, casually tossing the empty bottle into the woods. "I'm a lawyer."
FAIR EXCHANGE
Two couples go on vacation together. After a week, they are thoroughly bored.
The men decide that maybe life will take on new meaning if they change partners. They all agree that it's an experiment worth trying.
The morning after the switch, one of the husbands says, ''I'm glad we tried this. It was exhilarating. Come on, let's go in the other room and see how the girls got on.''
I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..
We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"
In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child.
amanda's a lesbian.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy offers a girl $100 in exchange for s**...
"Sure, why not" replies the girl.
"And what about $10?" the boy asks.
"Are you crazy? What do you think I am?"
"I already know what you are, now we're just discussing the price."
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant...
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant and open their briefcases, take out sandwiches, and start eating. A waitress comes up and says, "Excuse me, sirs, you can't eat your own food here." The lawyers shrug and exchange sandwiches.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man goes to confession..
An old German man goes to confession one Sunday. He enters the confession, sits down and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, and I want to confess". The Priest says "Well my child, what are your sins?". The old man responds "During the war I hid a young Jewish woman from the n**... in return for s**... favours". The Priest, while surprised, says "It was a difficult time, you risked your life to help this woman despite the immoral exchange". "I understand that father" the old man says "But, do you think I should tell her the war is over?".
Courtesy of my Dad!
I'm thinking of starting a business will use free child labor in exchange for temporary housing.
Although I don't know if I can compete with the Girl Scouts...
Three high school students are standing outside the school...
When they notice thunder and lighting in the distance. The French exchange student throws his hands in the air, screams, and runs away. One student asks the other, "Why did he run away like that?" To which the other replies "He knows lightning always strikes the point of least resistance."
True story, changed setting for simplicity.
"Why do you always exchange your Canadian dollars to USD? It makes no sense!"
"Well neither does the Canadian Mint!"
How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument?
They went outside and exchanged blows.
inspired by the girl who was surprised after drawing her eyebrows too high
I tried to tell this foreign exchange student that she drew one of her eyebrows higher than the other, but I don't think her English was very good because she looked confused
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a gag gift exchange, I gave a woman a hotdog and a c**...
She said "Frankly, I never sausage a small w**...."
A man and his wife are touring Egypt.
While looking at the pyramids, a local merchant calls them over. He offers the man 100 camels in exchange for his wife. The man takes a few minutes, but ultimately refuses the offer and the two go on their way. A bit later the man's wife asks him, "What took you so long to say no?". The man replies, "I was trying to think of a way to bring 100 camels back home!"
My opinion on mediums where ideas and views on a particular issue can be exchanged?
I'm forum.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a pakistani soldier enlists in the army , ( xpost - india )
A Pakistani soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Pakistani army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Indian tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Indians. I approached the border, and saw an Indian tank. I put my white flag up, the Indian tank put his white flag up. I said to the Indian soldier, 'Do you want to get a 3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"
A man is sued and goes to court...
A man is sued for calling a lady a cow during a heated exchange at work. The man is asked by the judge to pay a small fine to the madam which he does immediately. Just before leaving the courtroom, the man and the judge have the following conversation:
"Your honor, may I ask you a question?"
"By all means sir"
"If i were to call a cow a madam, would I still have to pay a fine?"
"Of course not, that's crazy"
"Thank you your honor"
The man then turns to the woman and says:
"Have a good day madam"
And proceeds to walk out of tthe courtroom
(My dad just told me this in Serbian and it sounded better but this sort of works. Hope you get some gags!)
Money is really tight this year...
My family has decided that we are going to exchange glances for Christmas.
What letter do pirate's hate the most?
Dear Charter Internet Customer:
Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.
The "American Dream" was discussed in class the other day...
... the professor turned to the German foreign exchange student and asked if they had anything like that in Germany to which he responded,
"We did, but nobody liked it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Statistics on a Plane.
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about s**... statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about s**... statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average p**... and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
At the Hallmark store
"Do you sell sympathy cards?" I asked at the Hallmark store.
"Yes we do." replied the clerk.
"Good," I said, "could I exchange this 'Get Well Soon' card for one?"
American teaching class of young foreign exchange students
"Okay class, can any of you use the word Dandelion in a sentence?"
A young boy from Ghana raises his hand and says
"The cheetah is fasta dan-de-lion!"
The teacher asks her students to use the word "contagious" in a sentence.
Jenny pipes up instantly; "My mum has the flu, I think it's contagious!".
"Excellent work!", the teacher responds. "Anyone else have an example? What about you Seamus?"
Seamus McDougall, the new Irish exchange student, thinks for a moment.
"M' Pa made me lunch t'day, but it took the contagious!".
What did the pirate say when he turned 81?
Nothing. He stood alone and sobbed uncontrollably, wishing that he could exchange all of his loot to get back the family and friends who all died long before him.
Unable to bear his sorrows for another lonely year, the old pirate kicked the stool out from underneath himself and smiled for the first time in years. He would see them again soon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm like God's gift to women...
...if God was attending an ironic white elephant gift exchange.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you guys like jokes about the exchanging of b**... fluids for doggy biscuits?
Well, u**... for a treat!
What did my Indian mom say to my Indian aunt just as she was at the door leaving after dinner?
they are still exchanging goodbyes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did ancient Romans not exchange high fives?
They didn't want to spread h**....
Some Roman soldiers are sitting in a bar, exchanging stories
One of the soldiers tell the others:
"I had the easiest shift the other night, just had to make sure this dead guy didn't crawl out of his tomb- slept through the whole thing."
As the soldier finishes, Jesus walks into the bar.
"April fool's"
A kleptomaniac never appreciated how he could exchange stolen goods for rocks.
He took things for granite.
What does this joke mean from jimmy kimmel show?
Bed Bath & Beyond is currently offering store credit in exchange for Toys RUs gift cards. Said kids, Umm… I guess the whiskey decanter?
Three friends came into the bar
Three friends came into the bar and started eating their sandwiches.
The barman said to them "You can't eat your food here.".
So they exchanged their sandwiches.
A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...
Police: Turn around.
Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...
Police: TURN AROUND!!
Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two students and a teacher want to have s**... with foreign exchange students.
One student goes for the French student, and the whole time she screams, "Oui! Oui! Oui!"
The other student gets with a Spanish student, and she screams, "Sí! Sí! Sí!"
The teacher locks a German student in his office, the whole time she screams, "Nein! Nein! Nein!" He replies, "Really? I could have sworn you were only eight years old."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A panda walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he knew any p**... around so he points to this lady sitting afar so he goes over and talks to her and both of them head to a motel... After they finish she asks him
"Arent you going to pay me?" The panda was surprised and asked her why... She told him to look up p**... and it clearly said (has s**... in exchange for money) the panda laughed and told her to look up panda and it said "eats bush and leaves"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a farmer, a p**..., and a bluegrass band all have in common?
They all know how to throw a h**... down.
(Disclaimer: I was exchanging dadjokes with our server at Krueger's in Cincinnati. He wrote this joke. Neil, if you're out there..cheers!)
A new business opened up down the st called the carpet exchange
I'm guessing it's the new lesbian bar in town.
This exchange on the ride home from school after fainting
Dad:the cats should examine you
Me: uh huh
Dad:they'll do a cat scan
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde was going for a driving test for her license but was nervous as she'd failed 8 times before. After talking with her blonde friends they came up with a sure-fire plan. She was to pick a man as the driving instructor, and to use s**... as a bargaining tactic in exchange for passing her
She came back disappointed though, she failed.
What happened? her friends asked.
When I was s**... him off, I crashed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: Have you ever had s**... in exchange for money?
Me: Yeah, I've dated before.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out my little brother has been forced to smoke at school by some mad french foreign exchange student.
It was Pierre pressure
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife made me some novelty tickets to exchange for s**... times.
Sadly she didn't make me any backstage passes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do all german exchange students fail math?
Because nobody wants to see their final solution.
I've just seen a man in the local bookstore exchange a swede like vegetable for some hardbacks
I thought, that's a turnip for the books
Probably posted somewhere else, can't remember tho
So I walk into my house to my girlfriend holding a positive pregnancy test we exchanged the following conversation:
- (my name) i'm pregnant
Seeing the joke right before my eyes, I followed with:
- hi pregnant, i'm dad
- ummm about that..... you're uncle, is that ok?
They weren't giving out free batteries at the store. However mine didn't work and I went there for an exchange.
Just because it's free of charge doesn't mean I'll take it.
Use the word 'and' fives times in a row.
In exchange for lunch, a starving artist offered to paint a new sign for "The King and Queen" pub. Of course the proprietor quickly agreed, but when he saw the new sign he was not entirely pleased.
"There should be a bit more space between King and And, and And and King"
