Exchange Jokes
147 exchange jokes and hilarious exchange puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exchange that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out this collection of jokes about currency exchange, exchange students, stock markets, gift exchanges, and more! Find out why the Yen exchange rate isn't so funny and why futures offer the best money exchange.
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Funniest Exchange Short Jokes
Short exchange jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exchange humour may include short swap jokes also.
- My Daughter asked me "dad, why don't you treat me like a princess." So I married her off to the king of Spain in exchange for 5000 acres on the Costa del Sol.
- The elites and nobles of Ancient Greece would often pay Diogenes with grape or bread in exchange for his wisdom. It's food for thought.
- When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying
- So a foreign exchange student asks me: "Is the word "ee-ther" or "eye-ther?"
I told them it was either. - Snow White and the Three Dwarfs met Goldilocks and the Seven Bears at a party last week They exchanged numbers
- Why do all german exchange students fail math? Because nobody wants to see their final solution.
- So I was at the bar the other night exchanging pleasantries with an attractive woman. She said she would like to read my palm... Okay!
She takes my hand and asks... "Do you come here often?" - New zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep... Meat and wool.
(Exchange for Welshmen if need be) - My son chewed on an old quarter he found and asked me if he could exchange it for a new one.. I had to say no because I don't trade bitcoins
- Did you hear about the two gay guys that got into a fight at the bar? They went out to the parking lot to exchange blows.
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Exchange One Liners
Which exchange one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exchange? I can suggest the ones about trade and changer.
- Her: Let's exchange number Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
- What did Owen Wilson and his wife exchange at their wedding? Wows
I'll show myself out - I traded some deers in exchange of a car. This car costed me a couple of bucks.
- My family was so poor when I was a kid... We could only exchange glances at Christmas!
- Did you hear about the two gay truckers? They exchanged loads
- How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail? They exchange cell numbers.
- What do you call someone who sells themself in exchange for spaghetti? A pasta-tute
- Two gay guys got into a fight at a bar... Then went outside to exchange blows.
- I bumped into my rival jousting opponent. We exchanged lances.
- I was an exchange student in Chernobyl... There were so many extra-testicular activities
- How do serfs greet each other? They exchange peasantries
- Why don't abalone exchange gifts? They're pretty shellfish.
- Why didn't the bride and groom exchange their wedding vows? TL;DR
- What do you call it when people exchange sea creatures? Squid pro quo.
- I Got a dog for my wife. It was a good exchange offer.
Exchange Student Jokes
Here is a list of funny exchange student jokes and even better exchange student puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked an exchange student where he was from. For some reason he just kept saying "you're a guy"
- I just found out my little brother has been forced to smoke at school by some mad french foreign exchange student. It was Pierre pressure
- My brother's just been talked into smoking by a french exchange student. Talk about Pierre pressure
- While hosting a foreign exchange student I realized how advanced the Japanese are... When I told Asahi he needed to shave and he asked me for a lazor.
- I asked a Japanese exchange student if he knew what company made the new Star Wars Battlefront he said "iie"
- Why did the Italian foreign exchange student lock their door? Just in case Amanda Knox
- What is it called when an exchange student goes to Malaysia? Euthanasia.
- A foreign exchange student from Sweden started classes today. I thought I'd flirt with her a bit by speaking her language.
She smacked me across the face when I opened with "Bork Bork Bork." - What's the most played song on a homesick, Iranian foreign exchange students playlist? ♫And I-ran, I-ran so far away ♫
- Why is a foreign exchange student like a gynecologist? Because they both study abroad!
Currency Exchange Jokes
Here is a list of funny currency exchange jokes and even better currency exchange puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An Iranian goes to exchange some currency He asks the teller what the current rate is for the US Dollar.
"Now, or... now?" - If I had a dollar for every time I got confused by international currency exchange... I wouldn't know if it was USD, CAD, NZD, AUD, or any other currency going by the term "dollar"
Exchange Rate Jokes
Here is a list of funny exchange rate jokes and even better exchange rate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There was a royal baby... The royal baby was born 8 pounds, 6 ounces. With the exchange rate, that's like 12.50, American.
- Just went to the supermarket and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas I can't believe the currant exchange rate.
- 5 Brazilian dollars sounds like a lot of money... However, with the current exchange rate its only about $1.35 USD
- I went to the supermarket the other day and traded 100 raisins for a handful of grapes. Can't believe the currant exchange rates
- I just went to the post office and got 54 raisins for 30 sultanas! I can't believe the currant exchange rate!
- What's the exchange rate for pigs and trees? A porcupine.
Stock Exchange Jokes
Here is a list of funny stock exchange jokes and even better stock exchange puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does NASDAQ like the New York Stock Exchange? Because it's NYSE.
- My friend had to quit his job at the New York Stock Exchange..... .... his last name was Pavlov.
- Indonesian stock exchange crashed. There were many casualties
Amusing Exchange Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about exchange you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean transfer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exchange pranks.
An old man is being interviewed on live TV
Hello everybody. We are with Michael, who is 97 years old. Michael, tell us, what's your secret?
During the war, I s**... off a enemy soldier in exchange for food.
I meant about your age.
Ah… Eating healthy.
A Japanese guy goes into a bank...
...and exchanges some Yen for $. The banker gives him a hundred dollars and the Japanese guy leaves. He comes back the next day to exchange the same amount of yen but only gets ninety dollars. Upon questioning, the banker says "fluctuation." So the Japanese guy yells "Fluck you too, white guy!"
Goldberg opens a hardware store.
To advertise, he rents a billboard, puts up a picture of Jesus nailed to the cross, with the caption: They used Goldberg's nails.
His son, upon seeing this, exclaims to his father, You can't use that! It will cause antisemitism!"
So Goldberg exchanges it for a picture of Jesus's body laying on the ground, hands bloodied, with the caption: They didn't use Goldberg's nails.
Yo' momma so s**......
she thought euthanasia was a student exchange program.
So, I bumped into this cute g**... the way out of the grocery store...
We talked for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers. I'm trying not to make a big deal about it, but I'm pretty bummed that my insurance rates are going to go up.
An old woman notices her husband's fly is unzipped...
An old woman sees her husband's fly on his pants is unzipped. She says, "You left the barn door open. The cow is gonna get out if ya don't close it."
The old man replied, "It can't get out if it can't get up!"
(I adapted this from an actual exchange that my great grandparents had a few years ago.)
fluctuations
This asian lady goes to a bank to exchange her currency into dollars. For 1000 yuans she gets about 160$.
A week later she walks in with a thousand more and this time she only gets 150.
Confused, she asks the teller " Why 10$ less this time?"
Teller says "fluctuations"
She turns to leave and says " Fluc you americans too..."
Currency caper
A Japanese man visits Australia.
On the way in he converts his 4000 yen to $100.
A couple of weeks later, he is returning home and converts his last $100, but this time only receives 2000 yen.
"what's up with this?", he enquires, "why is the conversion rate half what it was when I came here?"
"fluctuations." replies the exchange kiosk operator.
"yeah? well fluck you too, white man."
The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day.
Wife: Windows frozen.
Husband: Pour some warm water over them.
Wife: Computer completely s**... up now.
Actual exchange between my wife and I(myself being muslim)
Wife: Tell me a joke.
Me: Ok, what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
wife: what?
me: nothing, you've already told her twice.
**mutual chuckling**
wife: aww, why'd you have to make a muslim joke?
me: I didn't make a muslim joke. I made a wife beater joke, you just made a muslim joke.
Doctor joke
Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.
What's the worst thing about a woman's p**...?
Your nuts hang out the side.
A homeless guy told me this joke in exchange for pocket change
An admiral is sailing a ship...
and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you know who you are talking to? I AM AN ADMIRAL OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY!"
The radio says back, "Well, you're talking to the lighthouse."
Two men get into a car wreck...
Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.
"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty scary."
"Don't thank me," the older man replies, casually tossing the empty bottle into the woods. "I'm a lawyer."
An Asian guy walks into
An Asian guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66. He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady says "Fluctuations". The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming the
door, turns around and says: "Fluc you Amelicans too!"
Today I was offered s**...
I was offered s**... today, with a 21 year old girl, in exchange I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available scented lemon or vanilla.
- Source - facebook though it was funny so I though I'd share.
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange with 4000 yen to exchange and receives $40.
A week later, he walks into the currency exchange again with 4000 yen, but this time only receives $30. He asks the teller why he received less money this time.
"Fluctuations," the teller says.
Furious, the Japanese man storms out of the exchange, but before slamming the door, turns around and shouts "Fluc you Amelicans too!"
I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..
We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"
In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child.
amanda's a lesbian.
A boy offers a girl $100 in exchange for s**...
"Sure, why not" replies the girl.
"And what about $10?" the boy asks.
"Are you crazy? What do you think I am?"
"I already know what you are, now we're just discussing the price."
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant...
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant and open their briefcases, take out sandwiches, and start eating. A waitress comes up and says, "Excuse me, sirs, you can't eat your own food here." The lawyers shrug and exchange sandwiches.
The German Dream
A student was listening to his teacher while they prepare to discuss about "The American Dream", the teacher was going around the classroom asking what everyone thought it meant, then the teacher asked the exchange student if they had their own version of "The American Dream" on their country. The German exchange student replied "We did before, but the world didn't like it."
An old man goes to confession..
An old German man goes to confession one Sunday. He enters the confession, sits down and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, and I want to confess". The Priest says "Well my child, what are your sins?". The old man responds "During the war I hid a young Jewish woman from the n**... in return for s**... favours". The Priest, while surprised, says "It was a difficult time, you risked your life to help this woman despite the immoral exchange". "I understand that father" the old man says "But, do you think I should tell her the war is over?".
Courtesy of my Dad!
Today I was offered s**... by an 18 year old female...
Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the s**... I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents
I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me
who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"
I'm thinking of starting a business will use free child labor in exchange for temporary housing.
Although I don't know if I can compete with the Girl Scouts...
Three high school students are standing outside the school...
When they notice thunder and lighting in the distance. The French exchange student throws his hands in the air, screams, and runs away. One student asks the other, "Why did he run away like that?" To which the other replies "He knows lightning always strikes the point of least resistance."
True story, changed setting for simplicity.
inspired by the girl who was surprised after drawing her eyebrows too high
I tried to tell this foreign exchange student that she drew one of her eyebrows higher than the other, but I don't think her English was very good because she looked confused
A man and his wife are touring Egypt.
While looking at the pyramids, a local merchant calls them over. He offers the man 100 camels in exchange for his wife. The man takes a few minutes, but ultimately refuses the offer and the two go on their way. A bit later the man's wife asks him, "What took you so long to say no?". The man replies, "I was trying to think of a way to bring 100 camels back home!"
So I was at my bank today.
There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"
a pakistani soldier enlists in the army , ( xpost - india )
A Pakistani soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Pakistani army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Indian tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Indians. I approached the border, and saw an Indian tank. I put my white flag up, the Indian tank put his white flag up. I said to the Indian soldier, 'Do you want to get a 3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"
A man is sued and goes to court...
A man is sued for calling a lady a cow during a heated exchange at work. The man is asked by the judge to pay a small fine to the madam which he does immediately. Just before leaving the courtroom, the man and the judge have the following conversation:
"Your honor, may I ask you a question?"
"By all means sir"
"If i were to call a cow a madam, would I still have to pay a fine?"
"Of course not, that's crazy"
"Thank you your honor"
The man then turns to the woman and says:
"Have a good day madam"
And proceeds to walk out of tthe courtroom
(My dad just told me this in Serbian and it sounded better but this sort of works. Hope you get some gags!)
A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
Money is really tight this year...
My family has decided that we are going to exchange glances for Christmas.
What letter do pirate's hate the most?
Dear Charter Internet Customer:
Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.
The "American Dream" was discussed in class the other day...
... the professor turned to the German foreign exchange student and asked if they had anything like that in Germany to which he responded,
"We did, but nobody liked it."
s**... Statistics on a Plane.
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about s**... statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about s**... statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average p**... and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
I was offered s**... from a 21 year old girl today
In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.
An Asian lady walks into a bank
She is trying to exchange yen for sterling.
She rants at the cashier " yesterday I get 200 pounds for 1 yen, today I only get 180, why is this? ".
The cashier replies " fluctuations ",
the lady replies " fluck you white people too".
At the Hallmark store
"Do you sell sympathy cards?" I asked at the Hallmark store.
"Yes we do." replied the clerk.
"Good," I said, "could I exchange this 'Get Well Soon' card for one?"
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange.
He gives the teller $100 CAD And receives $150 ¥ back.
He returns the following week to do the same thing. He gives the teller $100 CAD and receives $140 ¥.
He asks "I was in here last week, why am I not getting the same amount back?"
Teller replies, "Well, fluctuations."
The Japanese man says, "Oh yeah? Well fluck you white guys too"
These two guys started arguing in the local gay bar...
It got really n**... and the bouncer escorted them out the door to finish their dispute where they could no longer break any more bar furniture or fixtures.
The two gay dudes went out into the parking lot where they exchanged blows.
The teacher asks her students to use the word "contagious" in a sentence.
Jenny pipes up instantly; "My mum has the flu, I think it's contagious!".
"Excellent work!", the teacher responds. "Anyone else have an example? What about you Seamus?"
Seamus McDougall, the new Irish exchange student, thinks for a moment.
"M' Pa made me lunch t'day, but it took the contagious!".
A man is walking down the street when he is approached by a p**......
... "For $200, I'll perform any act for you," she tells him, "provided that you can describe the act in three words." The man thinks about the offer for less than a moment and gives the woman $200. "OK, tell me what you want me to do, but remember, only in three words," she tells him. The man, who has been quiet throughout the exchange says, "Paint my house."
Exchange rate
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'. The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.
What do you call a woman who exchanges s**... for spaghetti?
A Pasta-tute
Do you guys like jokes about the exchanging of b**... fluids for doggy biscuits?
Well, u**... for a treat!
Why did ancient Romans not exchange high fives?
They didn't want to spread h**....
A kleptomaniac never appreciated how he could exchange stolen goods for rocks.
He took things for granite.
A Korean man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 200,000 Korean won and walked out with $200...
The following week, he walked in with another 200,000 Korean won, and was handed $185. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week. The teller said , "Three syllables bro: Fluc-tu-ations." The Korean man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...
Police: Turn around.
Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...
Police: TURN AROUND!!
Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!
Two students and a teacher want to have s**... with foreign exchange students.
One student goes for the French student, and the whole time she screams, "Oui! Oui! Oui!"
The other student gets with a Spanish student, and she screams, "Sí! Sí! Sí!"
The teacher locks a German student in his office, the whole time she screams, "Nein! Nein! Nein!" He replies, "Really? I could have sworn you were only eight years old."
A panda walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he knew any p**... around so he points to this lady sitting afar so he goes over and talks to her and both of them head to a motel... After they finish she asks him
"Arent you going to pay me?" The panda was surprised and asked her why... She told him to look up p**... and it clearly said (has s**... in exchange for money) the panda laughed and told her to look up panda and it said "eats bush and leaves"
What does a farmer, a p**..., and a bluegrass band all have in common?
They all know how to throw a h**... down.
(Disclaimer: I was exchanging dadjokes with our server at Krueger's in Cincinnati. He wrote this joke. Neil, if you're out there..cheers!)
I was offered s**... by a 22-year old woman in exchange that I'd advertise some detergent powder for her
Of course I said no because of my strong will power. Which is just as strong as Vanish. The super strong detergent powder now 20% off and available in scented vanilla or lemon.
Currency trading
I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.
a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.
a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.
the guy said to me in an annoyed voice " why one week $120, then $105, then $135! - why the difference?!!?"
I says to him "fluctuations"
He responds "fluck you white people"
Doctor: Have you ever had s**... in exchange for money?
Me: Yeah, I've dated before.
I was offered s**... with a 21 year old girl today.
I was offered s**... with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.
My wife made me some novelty tickets to exchange for s**... times.
Sadly she didn't make me any backstage passes.
My GF is really starting to remind me of my dog...
We cuddle, I take her out every now and then, we walk together, I feed her...
And in exchange, we have s**...!
A guy is sitting home alone, when suddenly he hears a knock on the door.
He gets up to answer. There are two policemen outside. They ask him if he's married. He says yes and the policemen want to see the photo of the wife. He gets one and shows it to them.
The policemen exchange sad looks and one of them says:
"I'm very sorry, but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."
"Yeah I guess, but she's got a great sense of humor and cooks a h**... of a brisket."
So I'm sitting in a bar and a gorgeous, very shapely woman sits down next to me and we exchange a few words.
So I ask her if she would sleep with me for $1 Million Dollars. And she says "h**... yes!".
So I ask her "How about $500 thousand dollars?" And she thinks for a minute and says "Sure, why not?"
So I said "How about for $50?"
She says "What the h**... do you think I am?"
I said "I thought we had already established what you are, we are just haggling over the price.
I was offered s**... with a 21 year old girl today…
In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a man with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in lemon and vanilla scents!
A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will give me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls and the souls of all your friends!"
The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"
I was at my bank today...
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange money for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollars, today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"
"So I matched with this cute guy on Tinder last night, and we started chatting and sending each other memes and little animations. But then he mentioned that he was an exchange student from Athens, so I ghosted him." "Why?"
"My daddy always told me, 'Beware the Greeks bearing gifs.'"