Excessive Jokes
55 excessive jokes and hilarious excessive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about excessive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Excessive Short Jokes
Short excessive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The excessive humour may include short overly jokes also.
- Please becareful on the road Lots of people are drinking excessively and having their wives drive
- if you added the letters S and E to the X files it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol
- I feel really bad for the Mexican Olympian disqualified from weightlifting for excessive use of protein. They told him, "No whey, José."
- My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture. Wow thanks I'm cured.
- String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
- Back in the day, excessive use of commas was considered a very serious crime. It usually resulted in a long sentence.
- What is it called when too many people pass gas inside of a mine? An excess stench hole crisis.
- A friend of mine lost 200 pounds of excess fat and obsolete tissue in a matter of months. Better still, he felt great about the divorce.
- The best thing for a hangover is to drink excessively the night before. Not sure why you'd want one, though.
- Why did Darth Vader get suspended from the Police? He was under investigation for excessive use of Force
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Excessive One Liners
Which excessive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with excessive? I can suggest the ones about obscene and extensive.
- I accidentally bought too many art supplies I'm having an excess stencil crisis.
- My doctor asked if I drink to excess. I told him I'll drink to anything.
- What do you call a whale that mates excessively? Mom.
- why was darth vader arrested? excessive use of force.
- Eggs have recently been added to the endangered species list Due to excessive poaching.
- Why did the pilot ditch his ex-girlfriend? Because she had way too much excess baggage.
- I don't know about the new IPhone XS It just seems a little excess..
- What vegetable is known for it's excessive partying? Turnip
- Having excessive mixed drinks isn't the answer... ... but they are solutions.
- If you add S to EX files... You get EX-S files. Get it? Excess files haha
- What do you call an unborn child that is excessively ready to accept failure? A defetus
- Why was Luke Skywalker banned from all the local pubs... He used excessive force
- What do you call it when you have midlife crisis and excessively drink red wine? UB40
- I don't know about the key to SUCCESS. But the key to EXCESS can be found in my fridge.
- Today I tried 5 guys One was nice the second was really fun, but all 5 was just excessive
Fun-Filled Excessive Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about excessive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean extremely jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make excessive pranks.
Twice a Day
This guy goes to his doctor "You gotta help me. I can't stop having s**...." "How often do you have it?" The doc asks "Well, twice a day with my wife." The doc says "That's no to bad." The guy says "Yeah, but that's not all, I also have s**... with my secretary, twice a day." The doc says "That's a bit excessive."" and I have s**... with a p**..., twice a day" "That is definitely too much. You got to learn to take this situation in hand."
"I do," says the man "Twice a Day
I heard that excessive m**... causes skepticism
But I'm finding it hard to believe
Four gents are on the golf course...
... on the second tee box. As gent number one steps up to the tee, a f**... procession drives by. Seeing the procession, he stops what he is doing, folds his hand, and bows his head out of respect. After the procession finishes, the other gents observe that, although it was a nice gesture, it was a little excessive to stop play like that. Gent number one replies "It was the least i could do ... I was married to her for 45 years!"
Newspapers
The paperboy didn't deliver my newspaper this morning, so I snuck next door and took the neighbours.
In hindsight, kidnapping might have been a little excessive
Hippocrates and the Prophet
Tiresias, blind prophet of Apollo, once went to Hippocrates with a serious case of depression. In no time, Hippocrates had figured it out -- "Aha!" said he; "an imbalance of black bile!" He bled the excess melancholia into an urn and handed it to the prophet. Tiresias did not see the humour.
Religion is like Gym Classes
Some people whine excessively about it, most don't really care and those who take it too seriously usually don't go too far in life.
I made just one mistake last night and my wife wont stop giving me the death stare.
Excessive choking.
A koala walks into a barber shop
A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"
What's a pirates least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet service has been disconnected due to terms of service violations and excessive downloading. Please return modem and accessories to your nearest Comcast location.
Sincerely,
Comcast
A man gets pulled over by the police for excessive speeding...
The cop approaches the vehicle, c**... and arrogant, and says "I've been waiting for someone like you all day."
The man smiles and says, "Well I got here as fast as I could, officer!"
Why did they cancel basketball in the Special Olympics?
All the players kept getting disqualified for excessive dribbling.
I believe that marathons are bad. They are an excess; a p**... of healthy running. Running anything more than a few miles puts serious wear and tear on the joints without any benefit. Runners should be limited to no more than a 5k at the most, and marathons should be banned.
… and don't tell me that I'm just being racist.
Researchers have discovered that excessive m**... can cause dyslexia.
However, tihs is olny in etxreem caess of slef aubse.
Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.
Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?
Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.
Mother: Will he be okay?
Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little c**...-eyed.
Be careful on the roads tonight
Lots of people will be drinking excessively and letting their wives drive. Recipe for disaster.
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog
I thought of an idea for a new reality TV show...
It's about a group of Middle Easter Islamic terrorists that are entering their 40s. They stop buying an excessive amount of guns and explosives and instead start purchasing luxery cars and motorcycles. I call the show Midlife ISIS.
Reasons to Avoid Water
* Can be extracte from rocket fuel
* Is the main ingredient in pestisides
* 100% of violent criminals have consumed water in the hours leading up to their crimes
* Is the #1 cause of drowning
* Excess consumption will cause sweating, urination and possibly death
* 100% of people exposed to water will die
What's the difference between the holocaust and the excess fat under a woman's upper arms?
You can make a joke about the holocaust.
Someone stole my newspaper this morning, so I quickly sneaked next door and took my neighbours.
Now that I've calmed down, I think kidnap may have been excessive.
My friend told me excessive m**... can lead to memory loss.
It's the sixth time he's told me.
True story: My kids jokingly called me their favorite mom the other day. (I'm their dad.)
Me: No, then you wouldn't be able to see me.
Kids: *[visible confusion]*
Me: I'd be trans-parent.
-
^(Follow-up: I'm sorry to inform you that the kids perished from complications related to excessive eye rolling.)
A teenage girl brings home her boyfriend to meet her parents
Her parents are disgusted by the boyfriend's crazy haircut, excessive tattoos and piercings.
After dinner, the girl's mom tells her, "Honey, he doesn't seem to be a nice boy. Are you sure about this?"
"Oh please mom." the girl begged. "If he wasn't a nice person why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?
