Exasperated Jokes
44 exasperated jokes and hilarious exasperated puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exasperated that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Exasperated Short Jokes
Short exasperated jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exasperated humour may include short frustrated jokes also.
- Jewish mothers How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb?
*Exasperated sigh* No it's fine, I'll just sit here in the dark! - A history professor was given a boring lecture about Russian dictators Finally, an exasperated student exclaimed,"stop, you're putin me to sleep"
- Completely exasperated, the teacher screamed at little Johnny. . . Teacher: How immature are you!?!?
Johnny: On a scale of 1 to 100. . . A solid 69. - The asylum patient was exasperated when he was strapped to the chair He couldn't stand it.
- A Bostonian and a Californian walk into a bar. "I lost my car keys!", the Bostonian realized, exasperated.
The Californian replied, "What are you talking about? You're wearing them!" - Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."
- A cop pulls over Heisenburg, and says... Do you know you were going 100 miles per hour?
Heisenburg then replied, exasperatedly, "d**..., now I'm lost!"
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Exasperated One Liners
Which exasperated one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with exasperated? I can suggest the ones about infuriated and fed up.
- What happens when an entire Borg cube is exasperated? They let out a collective sigh.
- What did the exasperated man serve at his barbecue? Sheesh kebabs
- What do you call an exasperated Rastafarian? Sigh-mon
- What do exasperated wizards call their foes? Mugglefuckers
- What does a leg do when it gets exasperated? It thighs.
Amusing Exasperated Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about exasperated you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disgruntled jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exasperated pranks.
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!
Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing
One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"What?"
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"
Always on duty
A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."
Smith and Jones were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.
"Smith," asked Jones, "are there any Jéws in China?"
"I don't know," Smith replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Jones asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jéws ?"
Waiter: "No Chinese Jéws, Sir." "Are you really sure?"
Jones asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jéws ."
The waiter replied exasperated, "We have Orange Jéws, Prune Jéws, Tomato Jéws and Grape Jéws but we have no Chinese Jéws."
A man knows his marraige is on the rocks and wants to buy a grand gift for his wife...
He offers to buy her a Ferrari but she says no, he offers to get her a massive diamond ring but she declines, he asks her if she wants a huge yacht but she again turns him down. Exasperated, he says 'well what *do* you want?' to which she replies 'a divorce!', the guy goes deathly pale and whimpers 'I wasn't planning on spending *that* much'.
Fishing secret
A guy is out ice fishing and he hasn't had a bite in hours, but the fellow next to him is pulling in fish after fish. Exasperated, the man finally approached the successful fisherman to find his secret.
"What's your secret buddy, I mean you've been pulling in fish left and right all day long."
"Ooo gahh takee darmns orm" the guy says.
"What??"
"Ooo gahh takee darmns orm"
"I'm sorry, I just can't understand you."
"Oh...," he says and spits something in his hand.
"You've got to keep the worms warm."
An African-American lady called Betty came into my restaurant.
She proceeded to look at the menu for about half an hour before asking "Is there any chicken on the menu?"
Exasperated I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."
Mr. Smith is Dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer
He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."
A blonde boards a plane to Miami...
A blonde boards a plane to Miami and takes a seat in first class even though she has an economy ticket. A flight attendant tells her several times to move to economy class, but the blonde doesn't listen. Exasperated, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit. Seconds later the pilot steps out and whispers something in the blonde's ear. Immediately, she gets up from her seat and goes to economy class. Intrigued, the flight attendant asks the pilot how he managed to convince her to relinquish her seat.
"Easy" says the pilot, "I told her first class doesn't go to Miami"
WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"
WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."
WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"
WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."
Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"
So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...
So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"
The perfect shot.
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."
A blonde goes into a library and, speaking clearly and loudly, orders a burger, fries and a milkshake.
The librarian rolls his eyes and says, exasperated, "This is a library, ma'am."
So the blonde leans in and whispers, "Sorry. I'll have a burger, fries, and a milkshake."
A dad asks his daughter if she's pregnant.
She says "No!"
He doesn't believe her and asks her again.
"Dad, I swear I'm not!"
He gives her one last chance to fess up and says, "Are you SURE?"
Exasperated, she reaches into her bag and pulls out a pregnancy test. "I'm positive."
So the CEO of EA walks into a bar..
"I'll have a beer" he says, exasperated from the recent PR firestorm.
"That'll be $1" answers the barman.
"Woah" replies the CEO, "That's great value!"
"Sure is." the barman replies. "Would you like a glass with that?"
An exasperated and weary Joseph asked the innkeeper, "Do you have any rooms?"
The innkeeper shook his head and replied, "No, we're all full."
Joseph pleaded, "Listen, my wife is pregnant..."
The innkeeper retorted, "Hey, that's not my fault!"
Joseph shouted, "It's not mine, either!!"
A doctor & a lawyer are talking at a party.
A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.
Two melons are sitting in a field, talking about how much they love each other...
The first melon talks about how it wants a great big wedding, and how all their fruit and vegetable friends will be there to celebrate. The other melon wants them to run away together and have a 4-H judge do a quick ceremony. They argue passionately back and forth, when exasperated the second melon asks, "why do we even need to have a wedding?" The first melon replies, "don't be silly honey, we cantaloupe."
A Man Walks into His Home
He calls out to his wife, "Honey, why are there two broken condoms sitting on the couch?"
His wife replies, exasperated, "For the last time, can you please call our children by their actual names?"
A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."
‟On what grounds?
‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.
‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?
‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.
^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he beat you up?
‟No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.
‟WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
‟We just can't seem to communicate.
A chemist walks into a pharmacy...
With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.
The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"
The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemistry teacher 43 years ago.)
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A couple gets into an argument...
The next day when the wife comes home, she sees her husband has covered himself in oil.
"What are you doing?"
"Well," he says, "Yesterday you told me I never glisten."
*"Listen,"* the wife says exasperatedly. "You never *listen!"*
Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I"
After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says
"I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher,
"I *am*!"
She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again
"I is-" again, the teacher interrupts her, this time a little more snappily
"It's I *am*! Use the proper word!"
The girl turns to look at her this time, eyelids drooped with exasperation.
"Fine," she sighs "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Two drunk people are sitting at a bar having an argument about Coronavirus.
The first one says "You're just trying to scare people. You don't know anything."
The second replies, clearly fed up with the first, "I'm a doctor! I'm paid to know these things, I have a PhD and everything!"
The first one slurs back, "Well ***I*** have a ***DhD.***"
The second says, exasperated, "What the h**... is a DhD??"
The first cackles, "You're some doc if you don't know what ADHD is!"
Ashli Babbitt and Kevin Greeson die and go the Heaven...
At the Pearly Gates they see God who tells them he will answer any question. They look at each other and ask, "Who won the 2020 election?"
Exasperated, God responds, "Oh for the love of...! Biden! Biden won the presidency in a free and fair election! There was no grand conspiracy. The machines weren't hacked. The hand recounts were accurate. Just go into Heaven, you're already ticking me off!"
As they walk through the gates Babbitt and Greeson look at each other and say, "this goes up a lot higher than we thought."
A father, finally exasperated looking at his son's failed test scores, shouted: " Son, if you fail your exams one more time today, don't you EVER call me your father again!!"
"Yes, father.", the son replied meekly.
After the exams, the son came home.
"How were the exams, son? Do you think you managed to pass this time?"
"NO PROBLEMO, DUDE!"
A young, extremely perky woman gets into an elevator with an older man...
The woman smiles broadly and says, "TGIF"!
The man slowly turns to her and deadpans, "S.h.i.t."
The woman, thinking that he didn't hear her, slowly repeats "T.G.I.F."
He simply responds, "S.h.i.t.", just as slowly.
Exasperated, she laughs and says, "TGIF stands for Thank God It's Friday!, Silly!"
The man replies, "I know that but Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."
An old one: A rabbi and a priest go golfing, but the rabbi keeps missing his shots.
Whenever this happens, he angrily exclaims, g**..., I missed! At each hole, the rabbi swears, and at each hole, the priest shakes his head. Finally, on the final hole, the exasperated priest declares, Rabbi, if you continue with this disrespect for the Lord's name, so help me, may He strike you down right here on the green. The rabbi swings, misses, and swears. Suddenly, a lightning bolt descends and incinerates the priest. A heavenly voice then cries out, g**..., I missed!
Calling 9-1-1
A guy walks into a bar after a long day of work to relax and have a beer. Unfortunately there is a big group of young men crowded into the bar laughing loudly and carrying on. Finally, in exasperation, the guy calls 9-1-1. "Hello, 911, what is your emergency?" the dispatcher asks. "These men won't stop laughing," the guy complains."Okay that sounds annoying but it's not a crime," the dispatcher says. "Well, what the heck is manslaughter then?" the guy complains.
An very obese woman goes to the ER complaining about stomach pains
The nurse checks her in and takes her vitals. She asks if she's s**... actively, the patient says No
A while later the doctor comes in to do a pelvic exam and notices a baby's head crowning. He calls for labor and delivery and exasperated, asks the woman I thought you said you weren't s**... active?!
She replies I'm not, I just lay there.
I got out of my car, exasperated, and phoned my wife. I said, "Unbelievable...I was on my way to the bowling alley with my friends and my tyre went flat."
"Have you got a spare?" she questioned.
"Honey," I sighed, "I'm not at the bowling alley yet."
A Rabbi and his friend, a Catholic priest, were having a discussion
when the rabbi asked "Could you ever be promoted withing your church?"
The priest responded, "Well, one day, I hope to become a bishop."
The rabbi asked, "And then?"
The priest though for a second and responded, "Well, then I might become a cardinal."
The rabbi again asked, "And then?"
The priest again pondered the question before responding "Then I would become Pope!"
The rabbi, still unsatisfied, asked "And then?"
The priest, exasperated, cried "What else could I become? God Himself!?"
The rabbi quietly responded "One of our boys made it"
A little boy sitting in an aeroplane looks out of the window and asks his mother...
"If big ducks have small ducklings and big cats have small kitties, why don't big planes have small planes?"
The exasperated mother tells her son to ask this question to an airhostess.
The boy calls for an airhostess and asks, "If big ducks have small ducklings and big cats have small kitties, why don't big planes have small planes?"
She smiles and says, "Tell your mother that the British Airways always pulls out on time."
