examines Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious examines puns

Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...

He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.

"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."

He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.

"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I'm sorry for this

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man take his dog to the vet, and then...

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and asks, "my dog's cross-eyed... is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So, he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then teeth.

Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"Why? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man takes his dog to the vet...

He says to the vet
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, 'let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A parole officer makes a house visit...

He walks sternly and silently into the house then to the upstairs hallway. He stops, reaches up and pulls a chord which releases a smaller set of stairs. He trudges up them and at the top he stands with a scowl as he examines the unfortunate scene. He yells, "What the hell, are you ever going to get clean?" With arms crossed, he waits for an answer, then finally gets it,

"What can I say, I'm an attic."







(Jesus christ, what am I doing with my life. 28 years old, stoned like a philistine and taking far, far too long to come up with this fucking joke and for what? A few upvotes that slowly plummet like a certain interim CEO's career. End with zero upvotes and three comments telling me that this non joke made them want to physically strangle the last remaining animal of an endangered species. I am not a man.)

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?"

The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man goes to the doctor and says,

"Doc, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my anus."

The doctor instructs him to drop his trousers, and then examines him.

The man asks, "Is it serious, doc?"

The doctor replies, "Sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.

The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop masturbating."

"What? Why?" asks the guy.

"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A dog goes into a telegraph office

A dog goes into a telegraph office, takes a blank form, and writes: Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof, Woof.

The clerk examines the paper and politely tells the dog: There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price.

The dog looks confused and replies, But that would make no sense at all."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Undefined illness

Who said that health care in Canada was not up to par???

A Muslim immigrant in Toronto goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."

The doctor examines him and then says:

"You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage.

Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."

The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 3 days later and says "I feel wonderful! what was wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "You were homesick."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man is at his doctor ...

... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.

The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an erection at this moment".

The man says "But I don't have an erection" "No but I do" the doctor replied.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Physics joke

A man is interested in placing a bet on a horse race; only he's a smart, educated guy and doesn't want to blow his money on the wrong horse. He decides to consult a vet, a statistician an a physicist.

He goes to the vet. The vet examines the horses for a few minutes, then points to a horse and says: "this is the healthiest, strongest, horse. He'll probably win".

He then goes to the statistician. The statistician takes a couple of hours to analyze all the previous races of all contending horses. He takes into account the horse's nutrition, the weather, the day of the week, the number of spectators and many other factors. In the end, he points to a horse and says that, based on past performance, it has the highest probability of winning the race.

Finally, the man goes to a physicist. The physicist thinks for a few minutes and tells him he needs a few days to think it over. A day passes, then two days, then three. It's finally a day before the race and the bets have to be placed. But still there's no word from the physicist. The man decides he has to get an answer so he angrily calls the physicist himself. His reply? "listen, the problem you've given me was harder than I anticipated. By now, I only managed to solve it for a spherical horse in vacuum".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet...

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Okay,' says the vet. 'Let's have a look at him.' So he picks up the dog examines his eyes and checks his teeth. Finally he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' asks the man. 'No,' replies the vet. 'Because he's really, really heavy.'

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Second Opinion

A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too. "The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too. "The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650. ""$650 to tell me my dog is dead? " exclaimed the man.... "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests. "

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A married man suffering from stuttering consulted a famous doctor

The doctor carefully examines the patient and comes to a conclusion that his dick is too huge and needs to be replaced with a smaller one. After a long pause, the patient agrees and had the surgery. When he woke up, his stuttering was gone and was satisified.

After a few weeks he comes back to the clinic.

Patient: Doc, I'm now having marital problems. My wife doesn't want to make love to me anymore. Please give me back my old dick back.

Doctor: Nnnononono cccacacannn dddododooo. A a a a a dddededeeaall iiiiss a a a a dddededeal.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Zoo Keeper gets raped by an Elephant

And he's rushed to hospital for treatment.
The doctor examines him and asks why his bottom has been stretched out 10 inches when an Elephant's erect penis is only 4ins wide.
Weeping, the man say's The dirty bastard fingered me first !

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A girl goes to the doctor ..

A girl goes to a doctor to ask about green spots on the inside of her thighs.

The doctor examines them and then asks "Is your boyfriend a gypsy"

Amazed, the girl says "Yes, Why?"

The doctor says "Well, tell him his earrings are not gold"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Gynecologist walks into an exam room

Gynecologist walks into an exam room. The woman on the exam table shows the doctor two strange green dots, one on each inner thigh. Puzzled at first, the doctor examines them more closely. He then asks the woman "Would you happen to be a lesbian?" The woman answers "Why, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with these dots!" The doctor replied.. "Tell your girlfriend to get some REAL gold earrings!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Hit by a fastball

A man walks into his kitchen with his hands between his legs
and a pained expression on his face.
"what happened darling?" says his wife.
"I got hit with a fastball at practice" he replies.
"Oh you poor man, come here and i'll massage it better".
So she pulls out his penis and begins to massage with various scented oils.
"how's that my darling, are you feeling better?"
The man examines his bruised finger and says:
"That's great darling, but I still think i'll lose the nail."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Man goes to his Doctor and says........

"Doctor I need help, I've just been raped by an elephant!"
"Oh my" says the Doctor. "I'd better take a look and see."
So the man strips down and the Doctor examines him and sure enough his arsehole has been hugely stretched and seems to be about 12 inches wide.
"This is serious, says the Doctor, but I'm confused. I thought that an elephants penis was long, but thin."
"Yes that's true." Replied the man............................
"But the bastard fingered me first!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man goes to a doctor. The doctor examines him and finds out he has five penises.

The doctor says, "That's amazing! How do your pants fit?"

The man says, "Like a glove."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How about a military joke?

It's time for boot camp inspection and all the Privates line up. While inspecting the rifles the Drill Sargent examines one of the lazier Privates rifle a little more closely and shouts **Private! This magazine is dirty! Clean it again!** So the Private cleans it again.
Next time inspection comes, the Drill Sargent stops and looks at the Privates rifle. And again **Private! This magazine is dirty! Clean it again!" So the Private cleans it again.**
The next time it's time for inspection the Private decides he's going to go all out while cleaning his magazine. There's no way that his Drill Sargent will have a problem this time.
But again the Drill Sargent looks at the magazine and shouts **Private! This magazine is dirty! Clean it again!**

Now the Private is sick it. So on his next trip to town he buys a porno and leaves it open on his rifle. When the Drill Sargent comes to do inspection he looks at the book and shouts **Private! What is this?!**
And the Private shouts back **That Sir is a dirty magazine!**

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A woman goes into the doctor and tells him she was masturbating a little too furiously, and her vibrator got stuck.

The doctor examines her and tells her, "Well, the bad news is, it's going to cost $1000 to remove it."

The woman says, "Well, how much does it cost just to change the batteries?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A distraught man goes to his doctor and says "Doc, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my butt!"

The doctor asks him to drop his pants and examines him.

The man asks: "Doc, does it look serious?"

The doctor replies: "Sorry to tell you, but it's just the tip of the iceberg."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two guys are building a house

During lunch break one of them grabs a box of nails and examines each individual nail before either putting it in a box or throwing it away.

"Why the hell are you throwing those nail out?" asks the other guy.

"Because they're pointed at the wrong end"

"You idiot!" shouts the other guy "Those are for the other side of the house!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

...constipated blonde

**Doctor:** ...whats the problem?

**blonde:** ...I have constipation, I believe it's an obstruction.

**Doctor:** ...OK take your clothes off, lay on the couch on to your left side bring your knees up to your chest whilst l take a peek!

...*the doctor examines her and coughs*!

**Doctor:** ...there's money here!

...*using forceps to pull out a Β£20 note*.

**blonde:** ...How much is there?

...*still finding more.... Β£10 notes, Β£50 notes and some loose change*!

**Doctor:** ...Β£1999.97 exactly!

**blonde:** ...I thought I wasn't feeling too grand!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Silent and deadly

An old man comes to the doctor and complains that he feels like he's farting all the time but there is no smell or sound. The doctor examines the man and prescribes some pills. After a week or so the old man returns, furious: "What the hell doc, I still feel like I'm farting all the time, there's still no noise, but your pills made the smell unbearable". To which the doctor replies, calmly, "Allright, seems that we've cured your sinus infection, now lets work on your hearing".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy goes to the doctor

The doctor examines him and determines he has a tape worm ! He tells him to stuff a Twix and a Mars bar up his ass everyday then come back in a month. A month later the guy comes back and tells the doctor the cure is not working as the tape worm is getting bigger. The doctor tells him to bend over and stuffs a Twix up his ass..he waits a minute and the tape worm pokes his head out of the guys ass and shouts " Where's me Mars bar ?" The doctor hits the worm on the head with a hammer.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man goes to the doctor and says...

"Doc, it hurts when I poke here, when I poke here, and when I poke here. And it hurts here, and here, and here too. What's wrong with me, Doc?"

The doctor goes over to the man, examines him for a second, then says, "Well, it appears that you have a broken finger."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A constipated man goes to the doctor

He is really hurting. The doctor examines him and says "I am giving you a prescription for suppositories. Take them twice a day. You should be fine."



A week later the man returns to the doctor looking more grim than ever.



"Doc," he says, "I still haven't gone!"



The doctor is incredulous "Did you take the suppositories?!"



"Yes!" the man says, "But for all the good they did me, I should have shoved them up my ass!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

a man takes his crossed-eyed bull dog to the vet..

The vet examines him, looks in his eyes, ears, mouth.

he picks up the dog and checks his legs and belly. finally, the vet says "i'm gonna have to put him down"

"because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man

"no, because he's really heavy."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man visits a dentist

He has horrible pain in his mouth.

The dentist examines him, and says, "There is extensive damage in here, what is your diet like?"
The man says, "Hollandaise sauce. Morning, noon and night. I eat it on everything."
"Well, the damage seems very extensive, but I think I can fix it. You will need several root canals, and then I will install a chrome plate."
"A chrome plate? That seems really severe."
"Don't worry, you will be able to eat anything you want. No problems."
"Even hollandaise? I really love that sauce."
"Why sure, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man takes his wife to the doctor.

The doctor examines her and tells him that she's either got Alzheimer's or HIV, he can't tell. The man asks for advice on what to do, the doctor tells him "Drive her out into the country and leave her there. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A visit to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom." The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks, "Is it serious, doctor?" The doctor replies, "I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

[Nsfw] A woman goes to her doctor...

"Doctor there are strange postage stamps in my vagina. I don't know what's going on!"
"Let me take a look" says the doctor as he examines the lady.
"Well mam. It seems that it isn't postage stamps. It's just the stickers from your bananas"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy goes to a doctor...

...because he can't come anymore.

"Doctor I can't come!"

The doctor examines him and gives him some pills. "Take these pills. If you come don't come back but if you don't come well come see me again."

A few weeks later, the guy is back. He tells the secretary: "I came here a few weeks ago because I couldn't come. The doctor gave me these pills and told me not to come if I came, but if I didn't come I was to come straight away. I took the pills and I came. So I didn't come. Now that I can't come anymore, here I am."

The secretary goes to the doctor:

"Doctor, there's this guy whom you told not to come if he came but to come if he couldn't come. He came so he didn't come. But now he can't come, so he came."

The doctor answers:

"Very well Mademoiselle, let him come in".

She says:

"That's what I did, then he left."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Muslim immigrant.

A Muslim immigrant goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible" The doctor examines him and says "you need to piss and shit into a bucket for a week, throw some dead fish and a rotting cabbage in" Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapours for three days" The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor and says "I feel wonderful, what was wrong with me? The doctor replied "You are Homesick"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A pirate goes to the dermatologist to get some moles on his back looked at. The doctor examines him and says, "it's ok. They're benign."

The pirate turns around and says "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Competition at the UN

At the UN, three representatives from Italy, France and Russia place a bet that they can recognize the nationality of a woman while being blindfolded. They have their assistants hire three prostitutes from each respective country, blindfold the reps and present the girls.

First goes the Italian, and he examines each girl's breasts for about 15 minutes and recognizes the Italian prostitute because of her soft pear like breasts. Next, the French spends 10 minutes examining the girls asses, and identifies the French prostitute. Next, goes the Russian.

He only spends 2 minutes and identifies the Russian prostitute. The other two are amazed, and one asked "How did you do it?". He replies: "She stole my watch!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The doctor has some bad news...

A patient goes to see the doctor. The doctor examines him, and then says, "I have bad news. You have cancer, as well as Alzheimer's."


The patient says "well, at least I don't have Alzheimer's."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A young man walks into a doctor's office with an orange penis…

He says, Doc, you gotta help me, my penis is bright orange and I'm afraid of the worst.

The doctor examines the penis and it is, indeed, bright orange but the doctor can't make a diagnosis. He spends the next several hours running every relevant test that he can think of.

At the end of this testing ordeal, the doctor is still stymied. He confronts the young man and says, Son, I've run every test I can think of and all of them indicate that you are healthy as a horse. There must be something we are missing.

The doctor sits down and says, Perhaps , it's not genetic and has to do with your lifestyle. Tell me, do you engage in any dangerous activities.

That's just it, Doc, says the young man, I don't really do anything exciting. Mostly, I just sit at home, surf the Internet and eat Cheetohs.


πŸ‘πŸΌ

An old man and woman meet at a nursing home and decide to get married...

The nursing home doctor suggests they each get a physical before tying the knot.

The doctor examines the woman first. When the man comes in, the doctor tells him, "before we begin, I should tell you that your fiancee has acute angina."

"I know, doc. I've seen it several times already. That's why I'm marrying her!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of blurriness in one eye

The optometrist examines him and says "You have a cataract."

To which the Chinese man replies "Noh, I drive Lincoln Coninenal."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two carpenters are nailing up siding...

Two carpenters are nailing up siding one day. The first carpenter grabs a nail from his pouch, examines it, and then tosses it in the trash. He proceeds to grab another nail, examine it, and then hammers it into the siding. He repeats this process several time. Finally the second carpenter turns to him and asks "Why are you doing that?" to which the first carpenter replies "Half of these nails have the head on the wrong end!" The second carpenter says back to him "You idiot! Those are for the other side of the house!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man with five penises walks into a doctor's office...

The doctor examines him and says, "This is amazing, how do your pants fit?"

The man says, "Like a glove."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man is rushed into the hospital after an accident.

Doctor, Doctor! I've broken my arm in several places."

The Doctor examines the patient's arm, and after a few moments of staring with intensity, he looked at the patient.

Doctor: lol, well don't go to those places.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

60yr old women Florida visits her plastic surgeon and says we gotta do something with this face, it's getting a bit saggy ??

Doc examines her and says I've got the perfect solution to this, we're gonna instal a dial in the back of your head and every time you're feeling a little loose in the face give the dial a quick tighten. She agrees and is very pleased.

Two months later she returns and says doc I've cranked the dial until it can't crank no more and I've got these huge bags under my eyes.

Doc examines her for a while and says Mrs those aren't bags under your eyes, those are your breasts and she replied; that would explain the unexpected goatee I'm wearing !!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Man goes to doctor and says: Everywhere on my body hurts! Am I dying?

Doctor says: Can you point to where it hurts and show me?
Man points at head: Ow! Points at shoulder: Ow! Points at knee: Ow! Points at belly: Ow!
Doctor examines him and says: Nope you're not dying, you just have a broken index finger.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet.

'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'

'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'

'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'

'No, because he's really heavy.'

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man walks into a doctor's office with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his bottom.

The doctor examines him for awhile but doesn't say a word.

Finally the man can't help himself and asks "Doctor, is this a problem?"

The doctor replies:

"Problem? It is just the tip of the iceberg!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A nun goes to the gynecologist

A nun goes to the gynecologist.

She tells the doctor, "Hey doc, I am very worried. I have stamps coming out of my vagina."
The doctor is curious and examines her. After he is done, with a smile on his face he tells the nun.
"Those are not stamps - those are stickers from bananas !"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Independent Opinion

A man and a women are sitting in a cafe chatting.

The man leans over and quietly asks the woman, "What do you think of that girl sitting just behind you? Do you think she is attractive?"

The woman slowly turns, examines the girl, and responds, "I really don't think so. She is physically fit, but she is not beautiful."

The man says, "Well...I, for one, think she is beautiful."

To which the woman responds, "Well maybe we should ask an apiarist, you know, a bee keeper."

The man asks, "Why on earth would we ask a bee keeper?"

The woman, matter of factly states, "Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I heard you like jewcy jokes...

Hitler is visiting a concentration camp and he examines the prisoners. They are lined up and they listen all to the Hitlers speech. Suddenly somebody sneezes.

Hitler goes to the first row and asks:"Who did this?"
Nobody responses. First row gets executed.

Hitler goes to the second row and asks:"Who did this?" Still nobody responses. Second row gets executed.

Hitler goes to the third row and asks again:"Who did this?" After some moments of silence one prisoner raises anxiously his arm. Hitler:"Gesundheit!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man goes to the doctor for a urine test.

The doctor performs the test and tells him that he has Diabetes. The man doesn't believe this and tells the doctor he wants to retake the test. The doctor complies, but the test results remained the same. The man returns home and plans to confuse the doctor by mixing his urine with that of his wife and daughter and adds some of his car oil. The doctor examines the sample and comes out to tell the man:"Your wife is cheating on you, your daughter is pregnant, your car needs an oil change, and you still have diabetes. "

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man goes to the doctor and says...

"Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom." The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks: "Is it serious, doctor?" and the doctor replies: "Yes, I'm sorry to tell you that it's the tip of the iceberg."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man with a glowing-orange colored penis goes to a doctor.

The doctor examines him and asks if he has had any unusual sex. The man replies that he hasn't. The doctor then asks him if he has changed his bath soap. The man replies that he hasn't. The doctor pauses for a moment to think and then asks the man what he does for a living. The man replies that he is unemployed. "So what do you do all day," asks the doctor? " Oh not much," the man replies, " I just sit around the house all day, watching pornos and eating Cheetos."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A women goes to a gynecologist...

...and says:"Doctor, I have a strange problem and I'm afraid it might be a serious condition. Recently I had stamps come out of my vagina, what is up with that?" So the doctor thoroughly examines her and after he's done he says:"Ma'am those aren't stamps, those are the Chiquita labels!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man goes to the doctor...

A guy visits the doctor because his penis had turned orange.
The doctor examines his orange member and concludes something's wrong.
He asks the man: "Did you do something funny during sex lately?" The man responds: "No, I haven't had sex for a long time."

The doctor continues: "Did you take some medication that might have caused this?" The man answers: "No, I don't take medication."

"Do you have some weird hobbies?", the doctor tries. "No, I don't have any hobbies."

"Could it be work related?". "No, I'm unemployed."

Frustrated and out of options, the doctor asks: "So then what do you do all day?"

The man responds: "Nothing much, I just sit at home, watch some porn, and eat cheetos."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A carpenter and his apprentice are building a fence...

The carpenter spies the young apprentice pulling nails from a box to hammer into the fence. He pulls a nail out, looks at it, and hammers it in. He takes another nail out, looks at it, and throws it away over his shoulder. He takes the next nail out, examines it, throws it away. Takes another nail, hammers it in.
The carpenter goes over and says, "what the hell are you doing, getting rid of those nails?"

"these nails are messed up, boss! half of them have the heads on the wrong end of the nail!"

"you idiot!" screams the boss. "those nails are for the other side of the fence!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy goes to a doctor

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. I woke up this morning, and found a piece of lettuce sticking out of my ass."

The doctor instructs him to drop his trousers, and then examines him.

The man asks, "Is it serious, doc?"

The doctor replies, "I hate to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man is walking down the street when he comes across something that looks like dog poop...

He picks up the piece of poop and examines it.

"Hmmm... sure looks like dog poop."

He then feels it and squeezes it.

"Hmmm... sure feels like dog poop."

Then he Licks it.

"Hmmm... sure tastes like a dog poop. This must be a dog poop. Good thing I didn't step on it!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy is walking down the street with his girlfriend and notices dog sh*t....

He stops and looks at it and says "Damn, that sure looks like dog shit"
He pauses..
He gets on his knees to sniff it and says to himself "sure smells like shit"
pauses again..
This time he reaches over to pick it up, closely examines how it feels in his hands and says to himself, "sure feels like shit"
another pause as he looks flustered, trying to figure out what it is...
With it in his hand, he puts it in his mouth and says to himself, "Damn this definitely tastes like dog shit."
Now convinced that it is, he stands up proudly, looks over to his girlfriend and says "Good thing I didn't step in it"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man who has been having terrible headaches goes to the doctor with his wife...

...the doctor examines him and afterwards takes his wife aside. The doctor confides in the wife that the man has a terrible strain on his body and will die if undergoes any undue stress. "That means," the doctor says, " you can not let him do any chores around the house. You must let him watch what he wants on television. He needs to be kept in a state of relaxation at all times. If he needs something you bring it to him, if he asks for something, he gets it. He should be kept in his favorite chair, with his favorite food and favorite things all around. Sex is right out, except for you giving him oral sex when he wants it. Do you understand what all this means?"
The woman, shaken replies, "Yes, doctor, yes I do." She thanks him and collects her husband.
Once in the car, her husband asks, "So, what did the doctor tell you?"
The wife looks at her husband and says, "Honey, you're going to die."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A woman goes to the doctor because her stomach has been slowly swelling.

The doctor examines her and says "Expect more swelling and buy some nappies (diapers)."

"Why?" asks the woman. "Am I pregnant?"

"No, you've got bowel cancer."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man visits his doctor..

This guy goes into his doctor and says " Doc, I need you to look at my penis"
The doctors says "ok, drop your pants". The doctor gets on his latex gloves and a magnifying head torch and examines the guy's penis thoroughly. He measures it, checks it for discharge, checks for lumps. He can see nothing wrong
The doctor says" There is absolutely nothing wrong with that penis"
The guy says " I KNOW Doc! Isnt it a fucking beauty!!!!!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An immigrant couple are trying for a baby...

and not having any luck. After months of trying and failing to get pregnant the wife finally visits a fertility specialist. The doctor examines her and when he is finished he looks grave.

He says "I'm sorry to tell you this but you have an deficient eggs. If you have a baby it will be a miracle."

The woman is devastated. Her spirts low, she returns home to break the news to her husband.

When she arrives she tells him withe her thick accent "Ze doctor says I haffa de fish eggs, and if I have a baby its gonna be a mackerel"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

BLONDE'S APPENDICITIS

A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A gynecologist examines a lesbian...

and remarked "Madam that is the cleanest vagina I have ever seen"
She replied "Thank you, I have a woman in twice a week !"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Deadpool carefully examines the Great Wall of China, the Walls of Constantinople, the Western Wall of Jerusalem, and the US-Mexican border wall.

"Wait a moment, I can't see the fourth one, damn it!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the best Examines puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Examines? Well, here are the best jokes about Examines to have fun with.

Joko Jokes