The Best 78 Examine Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Examine jokes. There are some examine inspect jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these examine determine puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Examine Jokes and Puns

My doctor wouldn't examine me when I said I was having hearing problems...

He just said it was ear relevant

A man went to the doctor...

The doctor walked into the room, took one look at the man, and said "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop masturbating."

The man asked "Why?"

To this, the doctor responded "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Not for your health.

A man walks into the doctor's office for his annual check up. The doctor starts to look him over and says, "you need to stop masturbating"

The man looks up at the doctor concerned and asks, "why?"

And the doctor replies, "because i'm trying to examine you."

A guy goes to his doctor, and the doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating." And the guy's like, "Wait, why?"

The doctor reploes, "So I can examine you."

jokes about examine

Prostate exam

A man goes to the doctor for a prostate exam. He pulls down his pants and after a while the doctor says "You're gonna have to stop masturbating".
The man asks "Why?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you.", replies the doctor.


I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup.

She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Check up.

So a guy goes to the doctor to get his check up. He gets in there and the doctors looking him over and says "you're going to have to stop pleasuring yourself" and the man asks why? The doctor replies "because I'm trying to examine you".

Examine joke, Check up.

A man went to see his doctor.

"You need to stop masturbating," the doctor said.

The man asked, "Why?"

The doctor replied, "Because I''m trying to examine you!"

Bad News.

Doctor: "I have some bad news for you. You REALLY have to stop masturbating."

"Oh my God doc, why, WHY?"

"I am trying to examine you!"

Doctor's office

A man walk's into the doctor's office to get a check-up. The doctor tells the man he needs to quit masturbating. The man asks why . The doctor says, "So I can examine you".

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

You can explore examine medical examination reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean examine doctor dad jokes. There are also examine puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A doctor tells a man that he has to stop masturbating.

The man is surprised and says, "Why?"
And the doctor says,"Because I'm trying to examine you!"

The other day I went to the doctors office.

The doctor said to me, "You've got to stop masturbating." I replied, "What? Why?" The doctor answered, "So I can examine you."

Pentagon Contract

A contractor arrives home from Washington, D.C. and proudly tells his wife that he's gotten the contract to fix a cracked walkway into the Pentagon.

Two other contractors showed up to bid on the job, he explained to her. One was from Minnesota, the other from Tennessee. All three of us went to the Pentagon with an official to examine the cracked walkway.

The Minnesota contractor took out a tape measure, did some measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil.

'Well,' he said, 'I can do the job for about $9,000: $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

The Tennessee contractor then did the same, measuring and figuring, and then he said, 'I can do this job for $7,000. $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

I didn't measure anything. I just pulled the Pentagon official aside and whispered, I can do the job for $27,000.

The official was incredulous and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such an incredibly high figure?'

I whispered, '$10,000 for you, $10, 000 for me, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the walkway.

A man goes to see the urologist...

And the Doctor says: "Sir, I must tell you that you have to stop masturbating." Shocked, the man asks for what reason. Doctor replies: "Because otherwise I can't examine you."

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up...

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop masturbating.

I asked, "Why?"

She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Examine joke, I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up...

My Doctor Told Me I'd Have To Stop Masturbating . . .

I'm like, "What? I thought it was OK!"

He goes, "Yeah, sure, but I'm trying to examine you!"

I made this joke!

One day the king feels the urge to examine his castle dungeons and ensure everything is running smoothly. His examination is going well when he runs across the guy operating the rack. After a bit of conversation the king asks how the rack operator's job is going to which he replies "well, it's just one long 'knight' after another."

A man goes to see his doctor...

A man goes to the doctor and the doctor says "I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating."

The man says "What! why?"

The doctor says "So I can examine you"


What Not to Do When You Get a Prostate Exam

Last time I went in for a prostate exam, the Doctor walked in and WOWZER! She was a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! As she's doing the finger-wave, she says....."Mike, you've got to stop masturbating".....................I said "Why?" She says "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection.

"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

A man is having trouble in bed, so he goes to the doctor.

The doctor tells him he's going to need to stop masturbating.

"Why?" the man asks.

"So I can examine you", the doctor replies.

Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.

The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop masturbating."

"What? Why?" asks the guy.

"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."

I just got back from the doctors..

And he said I should stop masturbating. I asked "why?" and he said "because I'm trying to examine you".

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection.

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection.

"Maybe you should wait outside while I examine your dog," said the vet.

A man has an appointment with a urologist.

The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop masturbating."

The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"

The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."

Examine joke, A man has an appointment with a urologist.

I go to the doctors office...

And tell the doctor that I've been having headaches and pains in my side.

The doctor says, "We'll run every test we can." then takes some blood and leaves the room.

The doctor comes in a short time later and says "Sir, this is pretty serious, I need to ask you to stop masturbating."

Horrified I ask "Why? What's wrong doctor?"

He says "I'm trying to examine you."

So this guy goes to the Dr.

And the Dr says "You have to stop masturbating."

the guy says "Why?"

And the Dr says "Because I'm trying to examine you."

A dude goes to the doctor , the doctor says "sir you have to stop masturbaiting "

the patient asks why?

The doctor goes "cause i'm trying to examine you"


My doctor told me I really needed to stop masturbating.

I was pretty baffled. "I didn't know it was unhealthy! What's it going to hurt?"

He seemed a little stunned that I was stunned. "Look it's not that it's unhealthy; it's that I'm trying to examine you right now."

a guy goes to the doctor for a physical

the doctor takes a quick look at him and says "sir, you have to stop masturbating!"

"why, what's wrong!?" the man replies.

the doctor says "because, i'm trying to examine you."

Three blind elephants examine a human being

Three blind elephants came upon a human being for the first time. They gathered close and felt the strange creature with their snouts.

The first blind elephant said, "A human being is thin and stands on its hind legs."

The second said, "A human being is flat and mushy."

The third said, "Yeah, my bad."

A guy goes to his doctor.

The doctor says to him, "You need to stop masturbating". The patient says "What? Why?". The doctor replies "So I can examine you"

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop jerking off.

I asked, "Why?"

She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."


So I went to the doctor's office today.

He tells me I need to stop masturbating. I ask him why, is my heart to weak, or something? He says "no, im trying to examine you..

A man goes to the doctor with a terrible rash on his nuts

The doctor says, "well you'll have to stop masturbating". Man says "why?"

Doctor says, "because it's making it really hard to examine you"

A guy goes to the doctor

Doctor: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating.

Guy: Really, doc?! Like, forever?

Doctor: No, just for a few minutes, so I can examine you.

LPT: Don't let a doctor examine you without clothes on

Make him put his clothes on

Doctor's Office

A man is called into the doctor's office for his yearly checkup. When he enters the office, the doctor tells the man that he needs to stop masturbating.

The man is taken aback. Angrily, he asks the doctor why.

The doctor says "So I can examine you."

A guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup, and the doctor says, "You need to stop masturbating."

"Why?" the man asks.

The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

So I went to the doctor yesterday because I've been feeling tired all the time.

He told me I needed to quit masturbating.

I asked him if that would solve my problem. "No," he replied, "but I can't examine you while you're doing it."

My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.

I asked him why and he replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

A man goes to the doctor...

The doctor asks him what's wrong.

"Doc, my chest has been hurting, and I've had a terrible cough for three days. And I think I've been running a fever."

The doctor looks him up and down and quickly says, "Well I can tell you right now you're going to have to stop masturbating immediately."

Shocked, the man says "Why???"

"So I can examine you."

"Sir you're gonna have to stop masturbating" said the Doctor.

"Why"
"Its hard to examine you if you keep moving".

Hey girl, are you a derivative?

Because I'd like to examine the slope of your curves

A Man Goes to the Doctor...

The Doctor says, "Mr. Smith - you have to stop masturbating."

The man replies, "Why, Doctor?"

The Doctor says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

[Originally heard from Walter Cronkite and Robin Williams]

As he inserted the rectal thermometer [nsfw]

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection

"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

A guy went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor said,"Well first of all, sir, you'll have to stop masturbating." The guy said,"Why?" The doctor replied, "So I can examine you."

I went for a check-up the other day. The doctor said 'You've got to stop masturbating'

I said, 'Why?'

'Because I'm trying to examine you'.

I went to the doctor the other day

He said that I needed to stop masturbating.

I asked "Why? I'm a normal 22 year old man, it shouldn't be an issue".

He said "Yeah but I'm trying to examine you".

I went to a proctologist...

And he said to me: you need to stop masturbing.

I said: why?

And then he responds: So I can examine you.

Doctor: "I have some bad news. You going to have to stop masturbating."

Man: "That's terrible, doc, why?!"

Doctor: "I'm trying to examine you."

I went to the doctor today...

He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop masturbating." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I don't know how to tell you this

Doctor: I don't know how to tell you this but you really have to stop masturbating.

Patient: Really doctor, why?

Doctor: So I can examine you.

My doctor told me i had to stop masturbating.

"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because Im trying to examine you."

I went to the doctor and said my back hurts

He said "You're going to have to stop masturbating"

"Why?"

"So I can examine you"

gay prostate exam joke

a gay man goes in to get a prostate exam.

he is told to bend over when the doctor starts to examine his prostate.

the man says to the doctor:

"please take off your ring, it's hurting me"

the doctor says:

"That's not my ring. that's my rolex!"

Louiis CK goes to see his doctor...

Doctor says:

I have some bad news for you. You have to stop masturbating!

Oh no doc! Why? Why?!

I'm trying to examine you!

I recently went to the doctor. He said you have to stop masturbating.

I said Why? He said "Because I'm trying to examine you.

I went to the doctor and he told me I had to stop masturbating.

"Why"? I asked him.

"So I can examine you." he said.

"Sir, you have to stop masturbating."

"Why doctor ?"

"Because I have to examine you."

I went to the optician the other day. The optician said: "You will have to stop masturbating!"

Optician: "You will have to stop masturbating!"
Me: "What? It doesn't really make you go blind, does it?!"
Optician: "No, but I am trying to examine you right now."

Guy goes to the doctor for a check-up, doctor says, Sir, you'll have to stop masturbating. The guy goes, Why?

Doctor: Because I need to examine you.

So, I went the the doctor the other day for a check up. I said to my doctor, "Doc, my back has been KILLING me. No matter what I do, I just can't get rid of the pain. What can I do?" My doctor says, "Well, you're going to have to stop masturbating," to which I replied, "Stop masturbating? Why?"

Doc: "So I can examine you!"

I went to get a prostate exam and the doctor told me I need to stop masterbating...

I asked why?

He said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

A woman is out playing golf, when she is stung by a bee.

Started to not feel well, she heads to the emergency room. A doctor comes in to examine her.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Woman: I was, playing golf when I was stung by a bee.
Doctor: Where exactly did it sting you?
Woman: In between the 1st and 2nd hole.
Doctor: My god lady, you must have an extremely wide stance.

A Man Walks Into A French Restaurant And Orders Fish...

The waiter brings out his order and the man begins to eat it. After about fifteen minutes, the man keels over and dies. The waiter, panicking, calls the paramedics. When they arrive, they examine the body of the deceased man.

"Well?" asks the concerned waiter "What killed this poor man?"

One of the paramedics solemnly looks into the eyes of waiter and simply replies "Poisson"

A serial masturbator goes to the doctor.

Doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating." Man asks, "Why?" Doctor says, "So that I can examine you."

Embarrassing moment at docs

I was sitting in the doctor's . The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc,I said . "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

Today I went to the doctor...

Doctor: "You have to stop masturbating."

Me: "Why?"

Doctor: "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I went to the doctor, he told me you have to stop masturbating

I asked why, he said, so I can examine you!

A guy is sitting at the doctor's office.

A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you.

A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor comes out and says You have to stop masturbating. The guy says, Really? Why?

The doctor says, Because I'm just trying to examine you.

The examination.

A man is in a doctor's office,
the doctor comes in and says,
"You need to stop masturbating"
The man replies, "but why doc?"
"Because", replied the doctor.
" I'm trying to examine you."

An Antarctic explorer has a sore ass from sitting on the ice all day.

Since there's currently no doctor on base, he phones his doctor 5,000km away in Melbourne. The doctor says it's probably just piles, but since I can't examine you, you'd better send a photo just in case it's something more serious.

Worried, the explorer blurts out how the hell do I take a photo of piles on my own butt in the middle of Antarctica?!?

The doctor replies I'd suggest a polarrhoid camera.

11:45 Arrive at the crime scene

11:45 Examine body, signs of a struggle
11:45 Found murder weapon in storm drain
11:45 Realize watch is broken

Old Buddy Hackett Joke:

A very young amorous couple were walking through a cemetary and feeling frisky . So the woman lay down on a grave marker and they made love. A week later the woman's back is still hurting her , so she sees a doctor. The doctor tells her to disrobe, then tells her to turn around to examine her back . The doctor asks her," How old are you?". She says ," I'm 20 years old, why do you ask." The doctor replies, " Because your ass says you died in 1898."

Guide for Russian troops: How to identify Ukrainians

Sometimes Ukrainian saboteurs try to pass off as Russian troops. The easiest way to identify them is to remove their pants and examine their genitalia. All Ukrainians have balls of steel. Even women.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the examine observe jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working examine prostate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes