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Examination Jokes

133 examination jokes and hilarious examination puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about examination that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Be entertained by our collection of humor about examinations of all kinds—from prostate, rectal, cross examination, short inspections, chart review, and more. A light-hearted look at professionalism that will have you ready to laugh.

Funniest Examination Short Jokes

Short examination jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The examination humour may include short exams jokes also.

  1. I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination. Over there next to mine, was not the answer I was expecting.
  2. I took my dog to the vet The vet picked up the dog and examined him and said "I'm sorry, I've got to put him down".
    "Why, what's wrong with him?"
    "He's too heavy"
  3. A man takes his dog to the vet to be examined... The vet picks the dog up, looks it over, and then says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
    The man asks why.
    "He's heavy."
  4. An old guy goes to the doctor The doctor examines him and says: "Well my friend, you have cancer and alzheimer's disease.
    The old guy says: "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
  5. A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint. The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied.
  6. I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop jerking off. I asked, "Why?"
    She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
  7. I went to a proctologist... And he said to me: you need to stop masturbing.
    I said: why?
    And then he responds: So I can examine you.
  8. A Russian Goes For His Eye Examination The doctor places an eye chart before him and asks if he can recognize what's written.
    The Russian: Are you kidding me? That's my cousin's name
  9. Why can't female medical examiners have kids? Because nobody puts baby in a coroner.
    Hey, at least it was original, again I will see myself out.
  10. I was at the dentist this morning and while he was examining my mouth, I bit his finger. I think I left a good impression.

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Examination One Liners

Which examination one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with examination? I can suggest the ones about exam over and school exam.

  1. I just got my prostate examined. That's the last time I fall asleep on the train.
  2. I just had my first prostate examination Worst dentist ever.
  3. Hey girl, are you a derivative? Because I'd like to examine the slope of your curves
  4. LPT: Don't let a doctor examine you without clothes on Make him put his clothes on
  5. My girlfriend failed her breast examination. She got a D.
    But in my eyes, she passed.
  6. What's a nuns favort part of trial The cross examination
  7. Name the nation people hate most Examination
  8. I asked Nurse Joy if she could examine me. She said "I'll take a Pikachu."
  9. I passed my conjoined twin examination. I got the answers from the guy next to me
  10. A nutritionist wants us to examine a sandwich. So lettuce...
  11. I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
  12. Which nation does Kim Jon Un hates the most? Examination
  13. What do medical examiners do for fun? Crack open a couple of cold ones.
  14. A fun story!. Harry
    Examined
    Isaac's
    Lemon
    Hiding
    In
    The
    Large
    Eating
    Room
  15. What do you call examination of professional persons? A protest

Cross Examination Jokes

Here is a list of funny cross examination jokes and even better cross examination puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How did the detective solve the case of the missing nun? Through the process of cross-examination.
  • A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep."
    The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep… You wake him up."

Medical Examination Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical examination jokes and even better medical examination puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You know what's great about being a medical examiner? Not having to wait until you go home to crack open a cold one.
  • [OC] Did you hear about the actor who quit his job to become a Medical Examiner in a small town in Virginia? It's true: Morgan Freeman works at a morgue in Freeman.
  • My doctor told me that I have to stop m**...! Because otherwise he can't do his medical examination.
Examination joke, My doctor told me that I have to stop m**...!

Prostate Examination Jokes

Here is a list of funny prostate examination jokes and even better prostate examination puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went to see my Doctor yesterday for a prostate examination... There was nothing to worry about, he gave me the thumbs up.
  • Prostate checkup I went for a checkup and got my prostate examined. I asked him if everything was okay and he said "feels fine to me, but what do I know i'm just your dentist"
  • I had my prostate examined the other day. After it was all over, the doctor left at the same time the nurse came in, and whispered the three words no one wants to hear. Who was that?
  • The prostate examiner has been too aggressive with his patients recently.... The prostate examiner has been too aggressive with his patients recently...
    Hes was caught red handed.
  • The doctor: "It's perfectly okey to get a hard on whilst doing a prostate examination." Patient :" but doctor I don't have a hard on?"
    Doctor:"No, but I do"
  • What do you call a man trapped in a woman's body? A baby.
    What do you call a woman trapped in a man's body?
    A prostate examiner.
  • I went to get a prostate exam and the doctor told me I need to stop m**...... I asked why?
    He said, "because I'm trying to examine you."
  • I had my prostate checked the other day... He said, "Bad news. You are going have to stop m**...."
    "What?... Permanently?..."
    "No. Just while I am examining you."
  • I went to the doctor for a prostate exam. Doctor: You're going to have to stop m**....
    Me: Why???
    Doctor: Because I'm trying to give you your examination.
  • The doctor told me it was perfectly normal to get an e**... during a prostate examination. But I just winced and hoped to h**... he was going to keep it in his pants.

Rectal Examination Jokes

Here is a list of funny rectal examination jokes and even better rectal examination puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What happens when the thermometer breaks during your r**... examination? Mercury is in Uranus
  • As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**.... "Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
  • Last night I went for a r**... exam The doctor told me that I really should stop m**....
    "Why?" I asked.
    "Because I'm trying to give you a r**... examination"
  • I got the results back from my r**... examination. The Doctor gave me a thumbs up.
Examination joke, I got the results back from my r**... examination.

Gather Around for Fun Examination Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about examination you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean investigation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make examination pranks.

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old
lady, entered the doctor´s office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "it´s my old aunt here."
"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

Not for your health.

A man walks into the doctor's office for his annual check up. The doctor starts to look him over and says, "you need to stop m**..."
The man looks up at the doctor concerned and asks, "why?"
And the doctor replies, "because i'm trying to examine you."

Not Pregnant

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having s**... with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."

Prostate exam

A man goes to the doctor for a prostate exam. He pulls down his pants and after a while the doctor says "You're gonna have to stop m**...".
The man asks "Why?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you.", replies the doctor.

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup.

She told me that I had to quit m**.... I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

A Gynecologist walks into an exam room

Gynecologist walks into an exam room. The woman on the exam table shows the doctor two strange green dots, one on each inner thigh. Puzzled at first, the doctor examines them more closely. He then asks the woman "Would you happen to be a lesbian?" The woman answers "Why, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with these dots!" The doctor replied.. "Tell your girlfriend to get some REAL gold earrings!"

NY Driver's license.

A recently arrived Polish immigrant is taking eye test to get a driver's license in New York. The examiner shows him a card with the following letters:
C Z A J K O K I W S
The examiner asks - Can you read this?
The Polish replies - Read??! I know this guy!!

A man went to see his doctor.

"You need to stop m**...," the doctor said.
The man asked, "Why?"
The doctor replied, "Because I''m trying to examine you!"

My grandpa's favorite joke

A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

So I had a colonoscopy today...

While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an e**..."
"I haven't got an e**...," I said.
"No, but I have." he replied.

Pentagon Contract

A contractor arrives home from Washington, D.C. and proudly tells his wife that he's gotten the contract to fix a cracked walkway into the Pentagon.
Two other contractors showed up to bid on the job, he explained to her. One was from Minnesota, the other from Tennessee. All three of us went to the Pentagon with an official to examine the cracked walkway.
The Minnesota contractor took out a tape measure, did some measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil.
'Well,' he said, 'I can do the job for about $9,000: $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'
The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.
The Tennessee contractor then did the same, measuring and figuring, and then he said, 'I can do this job for $7,000. $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'
The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.
I didn't measure anything. I just pulled the Pentagon official aside and whispered, I can do the job for $27,000.
The official was incredulous and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such an incredibly high figure?'
I whispered, '$10,000 for you, $10, 000 for me, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the walkway.

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?"
The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

Woof

A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."

Too Shy!!!

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

A girl goes to the doctor ..

A girl goes to a doctor to ask about green spots on the inside of her thighs.
The doctor examines them and then asks "Is your boyfriend a gypsy"
Amazed, the girl says "Yes, Why?"
The doctor says "Well, tell him his earrings are not gold"

An old woman decides to get a physical after a number of years.

While the doctor is examining her she mentions that over the years she has learned to f**... silently and they never smell anymore. The doctor said "Ok, that's great", finishes up the exam, gives her a prescription and tells her to come back in a couple of weeks.
When she returns, she complains that her farts now smell awful.
"Good" he said. "Now that we've cleared out your sinuses let's work on your hearing."

Man goes to a doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says "doctor, I have pain all over my body, everywhere I touch hurt". He then proceeds to point to various parts of his body cringing in pain. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and concludes. "Sir, it appears you have a broken finger".

A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...

Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."

I made this joke!

One day the king feels the urge to examine his castle dungeons and ensure everything is running smoothly. His examination is going well when he runs across the guy operating the rack. After a bit of conversation the king asks how the rack operator's job is going to which he replies "well, it's just one long 'knight' after another."

A man goes to see his doctor...

A man goes to the doctor and the doctor says "I'm afraid you're going to have to stop m**...."
The man says "What! why?"
The doctor says "So I can examine you"

I was sitting in a doctor's office getting an examination

The doctor was reading through my chart and said, "You should stop m**...."
"Why?"
"Because I'm trying to give you an examination."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet...

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Okay,' says the vet. 'Let's have a look at him.' So he picks up the dog examines his eyes and checks his teeth. Finally he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' asks the man. 'No,' replies the vet. 'Because he's really, really heavy.'

Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.
The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop m**...."
"What? Why?" asks the guy.
"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."

A 3-year old boy

A 3-year-old boy examined his t**... while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

A man has an appointment with a urologist.

The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop m**...."
The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"
The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."

So this guy goes to the Dr.

And the Dr says "You have to stop m**...."
the guy says "Why?"
And the Dr says "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Erections happen all the time

A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."

A man is at his doctor ...

... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.
The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an e**... at this moment".
The man says "But I don't have an e**..." "No but I do" the doctor replied.

A man goes to the doctor with a terrible rash on his nut

The doctor says, "well you'll have to stop m**...". Man says "why?"
Doctor says, "because it's making it really hard to examine you"

Prostate Exam

After my recent Prostate Exam - one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had –
the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.
After she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....
She said...."Who was that guy?"

A dog goes into a telegraph office

A dog goes into a telegraph office, takes a blank form, and writes: Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof, Woof.
The clerk examines the paper and politely tells the dog: There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price.
The dog looks confused and replies, But that would make no sense at all."

The Bad News...

A man goes to the clinic for an examination. After a thorough check up, the doctor tells him, "I have some good news and some bad news." Curious, the man asks what the good news is, and the doctor replies, "the good news is: we're naming a new disease after you..."

I went to get my physical today and, of course, the doctor was a beautiful woman...

She said, "Well, you will have to stop m**...."
I said, "Wait, but why?"
"So I can start the examination," she said.

A guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup, and the doctor says, "You need to stop m**...."
"Why?" the man asks.
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

My doctor told me I needed to stop m**....

I asked him why and he replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Brainless Lawyers

In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."

As he inserted the r**... thermometer [n**...]

As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**...
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

A guy went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor said,"Well first of all, sir, you'll have to stop m**...." The guy said,"Why?" The doctor replied, "So I can examine you."

I went to the doctor the other day

He said that I needed to stop m**....
I asked "Why? I'm a normal 22 year old man, it shouldn't be an issue".
He said "Yeah but I'm trying to examine you".

Doctor: "I have some bad news. You going to have to stop m**...."

Man: "That's terrible, doc, why?!"
Doctor: "I'm trying to examine you."

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet.

'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

I went to the doctor today...

He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop m**...." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I don't know how to tell you this

Doctor: I don't know how to tell you this but you really have to stop m**....
Patient: Really doctor, why?
Doctor: So I can examine you.

My doctor told me i had to stop m**....

"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because Im trying to examine you."

gay prostate exam joke

a gay man goes in to get a prostate exam.
he is told to bend over when the doctor starts to examine his prostate.
the man says to the doctor:
"please t**... ring, it's hurting me"
the doctor says:
"That's not my ring. that's my rolex!"

Louiis c**... goes to see his doctor...

Doctor says:
I have some bad news for you. You have to stop m**...!
Oh no doc! Why? Why?!
I'm trying to examine you!

I recently went to the doctor. He said you have to stop m**....

I said Why? He said "Because I'm trying to examine you.

A guy is visiting a museum of natural history.

He's examining some fossils when he asks a curator how old they are.
"Those fossils are 65 million years and six months old." The curator says. The man asks the curator how he can know the age of the fossils so precisely.
"Because they were 65 million years old when I started here six months ago."

I went to the doctor and he told me I had to stop m**....

"Why"? I asked him.
"So I can examine you." he said.

During my annual physical, my doctor was going over the results of my blood work with me. After analyzing the results he looked up and told me I was going to need to quit m**....

I asked, *Why??*
He said, Because. I'm trying to complete your examination and you're making things really awkward right now.

A pirate goes to see his doctor

... to look at the spots on his arm.
After examining them, the doctor looks up and says, Nothing to worry about, they're benign.
The pirate says, No, Doc, there be eleven! I counted them meself!

I had a prostate exam the other day...

When I entered the examination room and asked the doctor where I should put my trousers, I have to say, "over there with mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...

He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.
"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."
He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.
"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."

A serial masturbator goes to the doctor.

Doctor tells him, "You've got to stop m**...." Man asks, "Why?" Doctor says, "So that I can examine you."

A 3 year old boy examined his t**... in bath

Mom He asked Are these my brains
Not yet She replied

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...

"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.
"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ok, so what about the third body?"
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the r**... from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."

Embarrassing moment at docs

I was sitting in the doctor's . The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop m**...." "I don't understand, doc,I said . "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

Three bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, who had a heart attack while making love to his mistress, hence the smile." says the coroner.
Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won the lottery and spent all his money on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Sean, the Irishman, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
*My grandfather told me this one as a kid so I hope you enjoyed!*

A manager examined a job application, then turned to the applicant and said, "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."

*"Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you are doing."*

A woman went to the doctor's office and seen by one of the new young doctors.

After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom'

A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom.'
The doctors says 'okay, let me have a look.'
After a brief examination the doctor says to the patient. 'Well sir, I have some bad news. I'm afraid this is only the tip of the iceberg'

A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant

The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman's doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.
What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren - and you tell her she's pregnant?
The doctor continues to write his notes and without looking up at his colleague says, tell me, does she still have the hiccups?

A detective story

11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. sign of struggle
11:45 - Found m**... weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken

11:45 Arrive at the crime scene

11:45 Examine body, signs of a struggle
11:45 Found m**... weapon in storm drain
11:45 Realize watch is broken

A guy goes to the doctor because he's been having trouble with his s**... life.

The doctor gives him an examination and says: Look, you're just out of shape. Run ten miles every day and I guarantee you'll start to feel better.
A week later the guy calls his doctor back and says Gee thanks for the advice doc, I've been running ten miles a day and I feel great!
Well that's just great! How's your s**... life?
How the h**... would I know, I'm 70 miles away!

After some pressure from his family a man who is hard of hearing visits his doctor.

After a lengthy examination, the doctor identifies the problem and prescribes the solution. He takes it and the doctor tells him to come back in a week to check that everything is A-OK.
A week later he revisits. The doc announces, "You're hearing is perfect. Your family must be delighted."
He replies. "Oh, I haven't told them yet, I just sit around the house listening to them. So far I've changed my will three times."

Speaking of a big fat b**...!

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.
"My cat is very fat, she says.
"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."
The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.
Finally, she turns to the girl and says, I'm very sorry. I'm going to have to put your cat down."
"Oh no! Because he's so fat?"
"Yes, says the doctor. My arms are very tired."

Examination joke, Speaking of a big fat b**...!

jokes about examination