Gather Around for Fun Examination Jokes and Laughter with Friends
Check-up
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a u**... sample, a stool sample and a s**... sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old
lady, entered the doctor´s office.
"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "it´s my old aunt here."
"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
Not Pregnant
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having s**... with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."
A man is at the doctor's office...
...and the doctor, looking at his chart, says "You're going to have to stop m**...."
"Why?" the man asks.
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to give you an examination!"
So I had a colonoscopy today...
While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an e**..."
"I haven't got an e**...," I said.
"No, but I have." he replied.
It was really embarassing as I got an e**... during my prostata examination...
...and it was even more embarassing when the patient found out that I'm not a doctor.
The check-up.
A man goes to his doctor for a regular check-up. After the doctor has finished his examination, he tells the man, "I'm afraid you have a very serious disease and don't have long to live."
"How much time do I have, doc?"
"I'd say about ten," the doctor replies.
The man asks, "What do you mean ten? Ten what?"
"Nine"
During a lady's medical examination...
The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't t**... clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"
I just had my first prostate examination
Worst dentist ever.
Man goes to a doctor
A man goes to the doctor and says "doctor, I have pain all over my body, everywhere I touch hurt". He then proceeds to point to various parts of his body cringing in pain. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and concludes. "Sir, it appears you have a broken finger".
[Best joke I've heard recently] A man walks into a doctors office,...
...unzips his fly and places his considerable member on the doctors table.
Unfazed, the doctor puts on his gloves and gives the man's member a routine medical examination. After some time, the doctor, puzzled says
"I... I can't seem to find anything wrong with this...?"
To which the man replies with his hands on his hips "
No, magnificent isn't it?"
You can explore examination professionalism reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean examination disrobe dad jokes. There are also examination puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
82 year old Mr. Morris
went to the doctors for a full physical examination.
A few weeks later, the doctor saw Mr. Morris walking down the road with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
'Hello Mr. Morris,' says the doctor, 'you're looking well and it looks like you're doing great!'
'Well, I got me a hot Mamma, and I'm being cheerful, just like you said doc.'
'I didn't say that! What I said was, "You have a heart murmor, be careful!" '
I made this joke!
One day the king feels the urge to examine his castle dungeons and ensure everything is running smoothly. His examination is going well when he runs across the guy operating the rack. After a bit of conversation the king asks how the rack operator's job is going to which he replies "well, it's just one long 'knight' after another."
I was sitting in a doctor's office getting an examination
The doctor was reading through my chart and said, "You should stop m**...."
"Why?"
"Because I'm trying to give you an examination."
ESA to release second probe "SHIO" to 67P
The "Philae-Shio" team will be s**... in 67P's particles and spitting out information to be sent back to ESA for examination.
Our doctor's office painted their examination rooms the color 'Bran Muffin'.
They hope to keep our attendance more regular.
A baby is born..
A baby is born and after the initial examination, the doctor returns with some news.
"Mama," says the doctor, " I'm sorry to tell you this but your son was born without any eyelids. But, it is an easy fix." He says "After we've circumcised him, we can surgically recreate new eyelids with his f**...."
"Oh dear" says the new mother "but won't that make him c**...-eyed?"
"Yes" replies the doctor "but he'll have excellent foresight"
A man has an appointment with a urologist.
The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop m**...."
The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"
The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."
Lesbian at the Gynecologist
"Everything's neat and tidy in there", said the gynecologist after the examination.
"So it should be", said the lesbian. "I have a woman in twice a week".
I got the results back from my r**... examination.
The Doctor gave me a thumbs up.
Last night I went for a r**... exam
The doctor told me that I really should stop m**....
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I'm trying to give you a r**... examination"
Erections happen all the time
A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."
A guy went to the doctor for his annual physical...
Doctor says to him "you need to stop m**...."
Man says, "but why doc!?"
Doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you an examination."
My doctor told me that I have to stop m**...!
Because otherwise he can't do his medical examination.
A man is at the doctor for a routine checkup
After examining the man for a few minutes the doctor sighs and says
"Look, there's no easy way to say this but you need to stop m**...."
"What? Why, doc?"
"Because I'm trying to do an examination on you for gods sake"
The Bad News...
A man goes to the clinic for an examination. After a thorough check up, the doctor tells him, "I have some good news and some bad news." Curious, the man asks what the good news is, and the doctor replies, "the good news is: we're naming a new disease after you..."
Gentleman
Lady patient says to Doctor inside his examination room, Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable.
Doctor - trust me lady, I am a gentleman.
Lady patient - no that's not the issue. Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is not a gentleman.
I went to get my physical today and, of course, the doctor was a beautiful woman...
She said, "Well, you will have to stop m**...."
I said, "Wait, but why?"
"So I can start the examination," she said.
I went to the doctor today...
I went to the doctor today and after speaking to me for a few minutes he told me I would have to stop m**.... I asked him why and he said "because I'm trying to conduct an examination and it's distracting"
A man gets a call from his Doctor
Doctor says i have the results from your examination, im afraid i have some bad news and worse news
The man asks whats the bad news
Doctor says according to the report you will die in 24 hrs
The man says what can be worse than that
The Doctor says i have been trying to call you since yesterday
Not going back to that one
A woman came home and said to her husband, "I don't like Dr. Farnsworth and I'm never going back there again. He make me take off all my clothes for the examination."
Her husband said, "Well, what's wrong with that, isn't it routine?"
She replied, "I don't think so, none of my other dentists ever did it."
A man gets a STD test from his doctor...
...and while the doctor is filling out paperwork, he asks the man several questions to determine his risk of infection.
"Alright, last question, you're looking great so far." says the doc "Have you ever paid for s**...?"
The man thinks for a moment, and glancing out at his wife and kids through the examination room window, sighs, and says, "Every time..."
I never told them anything.
Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad
when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours
but I never told them anything.
Went to the doctor for a physical examination and he told me to stop m**....
I asked him why. He said "Because I'm trying to give you an examination!"
A Chinese man goes to see an eye doctor (Racist)
After the examination, the doctor says "You have a cataract."
The Chinese guy replies, "No, I have a Rincoln Continentar."
Courtesy of Junior in the Sopranos
A woman visits her doctor since she has some abdominal pains ...
She thinks she might be pregnant. After the examination, the doctor comes out to see her.
Doctor: *"Well, I hope you like changing diapers."*
Patient: *"Oh my god, are you serious? Am I pregnant?"*
Doctor: *"No, you've got colon cancer."*
Professors at a university stumbled upon a pile of dead crows.
Upon taking them in for examination, they noticed that most had faint paint stains on their bodies. It was determined 98% of the m**... of crows were hit by trucks and 2% by cars as the cause of death.
Why were there so many hit by trucks rather than cars?
The lookout crow could call out "Cah," but they couldn't call out "Truck."
What's a nuns favort part of trial
The cross examination
I went to see my Doctor yesterday for a prostate examination...
There was nothing to worry about, he gave me the thumbs up.
Medical Term
A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to. When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
A Russian Goes For His Eye Examination
The doctor places an eye chart before him and asks if he can recognize what's written.
The Russian: Are you kidding me? That's my cousin's name
My girlfriend failed her breast examination.
She got a D.
But in my eyes, she passed.
Name the nation people hate most
Examination
The doctor is trustworthy
Lady patient to the Doctor inside his examination room "Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable. "
Doctor - "Trust me lady, I am a Doctor & I am a Gentleman.
Lady patient - "No that's not the issue.
Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is neither a doctor nor a gentleman...
A man takes his goldfish to the vet
A man takes his pet goldfish to the vet and says "I think my goldfish has Epilepsy".
The vet conducts a thorough examination of the goldfish. Then he says to the man "I can't find anything wrong with this goldfish. I don't think it has Epilepsy."
To which the man replies "well you haven't even taken him out of the bowl yet."
During my annual physical, my doctor was going over the results of my blood work with me. After analyzing the results he looked up and told me I was going to need to quit m**....
I asked, *Why??*
He said, Because. I'm trying to complete your examination and you're making things really awkward right now.
What happens when the thermometer breaks during your r**... examination?
Mercury is in Uranus
A guy is getting his routine checkup.
The doctor is doing the usual, checking his ears, checking his nervous responses, going over his records, etc. Over time, the doctor looks increasingly grave. Eventually, he stops his examination, takes off his glasses, and says: "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop m**...."
The man is shocked. "Why?" He asks, flummoxed and concerned. The doctor replies:
"Because I'm trying to examine you."
The Time Travelling Soldier
When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?
I passed my conjoined twin examination.
I got the answers from the guy next to me
I had a prostate exam the other day...
When I entered the examination room and asked the doctor where I should put my trousers, I have to say, "over there with mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
I told my doctor that I was unable to do all the things around the house that I used to do.
The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but found nothing wrong with me. When the examination was completed, I said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just very lazy." "Okay," I said , "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
I was getting a prostate examination when the doctor said "just so you know, this is a digital r**... exam".
"I understand. I know what is involved", I reply.
The doctor elaborates, "Just so you know, this exam will likely cause an e**...".
I consider it for a moment and say, "That's fine, I've got it under control. It should be ok".
The doctor replies, "I wasn't talking about you."
An elderly gentleman goes in for his usual colonoscopy exam....
As he lay on his side on the table, the doctor got ready to do the examination.
As the doctor was going in, he looked at the patient and smiled and said, "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an e**...."
The patient, embarrassed, stated earnestly, "But I haven't got an e**...."
The doctor said, "No, but I do."
A guy goes to the doctor, and the doctor says "you need to stop m**...."
The guy says "Why?"
The doctor says "So I can complete the examination."
An 80 year old man walks into the doctor's office
After the examination, the doctor says: "Sir, you have to give blood, f**..., u**... and if possible s**... for tests." The man replied: "Well, doctor, I'm in a bit of a hurry, will it be okay if I just left my underpants?"
It's hard to win an argument against a woman. Impossible to win against an idiot
And that concludes my examination of the 2016 Presidential election
I went to the doctor for a prostate exam.
Doctor: You're going to have to stop m**....
Me: Why???
Doctor: Because I'm trying to give you your examination.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some strange symptoms and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope your husband likes changing diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
If a Quiz is Quizzical, what's a Test?
A written examination in which you are tested on the year's curriculum.. you dirty minded b**....
How do altar boys qualify for their job?
By o**... examination.
A Trip To The Doctor
A man is sitting in an examination room when his Doctor walks in reading his chart.
"Sir, I'm afraid you're going to have to stop m**...." Says the Doctor.
"WHAT!?! WHY!?!" Exclaims the man.
The Doctor looks up and says "Because I'm trying to read this chart and you're distracting me."
An old man and his wife go to the doctor...
After the examination the doctor says, "OK sir we just need to get a u**... sample, stool sample, blood sample and a s**... sample."
The old man, hard of hearing, turns to his wife, "What'd he say?"
The woman says, "give him your underwear"
My friend is a gynaecologist.
Hope it is'nt a repost.
My friend is a gynaecologist.
So he had a patient who came for a pelvic examination.
Since he was a male doctor he didn't want it to be awkward so he tried
talking to the patient,
he looked around and saw her sandals and on it, it
was written "made in Mexico".
So he asked her if she had recently been to mexico.
The patient blushed and asked him if he could tell all that, just from a
pelvic examination.
The doctor told me it was perfectly normal to get an e**... during a prostate examination.
But I just winced and hoped to h**... he was going to keep it in his pants.
An old man goes to see his doctor
An old man goes to see his doctor. During his examination, the old man says that God is watching over him. He says that during the night, he went to the bathroom. When he opened the door, the light opened and when he closed the door, the light turned off.
Perplexed, the doctor asks the old man's wife about the incident. After telling her the story, she says :
"Oh no! Don't tell me he peed in the fridge again!"
A woman goes in to see her doctor for a check up....
The doctor, after the examination, returns with the results
D: "Ma'am, you might want to sit down... It looks like you're pregnant"
W: "What?! That's impossible! I told you I haven't been s**... active in over a year!!"
D: "Yes Ma'am, that might be because it looks like you're pregnant.."
I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.
Over there next to mine, was not the answer I was expecting.
A married couple goes to the doctor
After a long examination and various tests done on the wife, the doctor comes to the husband and says:
"I'm sorry to say this, but... doesn't look very good"
A husband, somewhat shocked, replies:
"I know doctor...
but she cooks well and she's great with children."
A woman went to the doctor's office and seen by one of the new young doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom'
A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom.'
The doctors says 'okay, let me have a look.'
After a brief examination the doctor says to the patient. 'Well sir, I have some bad news. I'm afraid this is only the tip of the iceberg'
The examination.
A man is in a doctor's office,
the doctor comes in and says,
"You need to stop m**..."
The man replies, "but why doc?"
"Because", replied the doctor.
" I'm trying to examine you."
My Dr. Told me I have to stop m**......
I was shocked, and asked him why. He said, "because I need to begin the examination."
A guy goes to the doctor because he's been having trouble with his s**... life.
The doctor gives him an examination and says: Look, you're just out of shape. Run ten miles every day and I guarantee you'll start to feel better.
A week later the guy calls his doctor back and says Gee thanks for the advice doc, I've been running ten miles a day and I feel great!
Well that's just great! How's your s**... life?
How the h**... would I know, I'm 70 miles away!
A man had been feeling ill, so he went to his doctor.
The doctor ran a battery of tests, then came back into the examination room. "Sir, I'm sorry," he said, "but we've discovered you have a terminal illness."
"Oh God!" the man said. "How long do I have?!"
"Ten -- " the doctor said.
"Ten what?!" the man interrupted. "Years?! Months?! Weeks?! Days?!"
"Nine, eight, seven..."
A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting all of the bed charts.
A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.
"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"
Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.
"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"
Japanese man goes to the optometrist..
Optometrist gives him an examination and says You have a cataract.
Japanese man says No, I drive a rincoln continentrr.
After some pressure from his family a man who is hard of hearing visits his doctor.
After a lengthy examination, the doctor identifies the problem and prescribes the solution. He takes it and the doctor tells him to come back in a week to check that everything is A-OK.
A week later he revisits. The doc announces, "You're hearing is perfect. Your family must be delighted."
He replies. "Oh, I haven't told them yet, I just sit around the house listening to them. So far I've changed my will three times."
A bedridden hospital patient takes a turn for the worse and a doctor comes to check on them.
The doctor does a quick examination, then releases the brakes on the bed's wheels and rolls them out of the room. "Alright, it's time to move you down to the East Wing."
"What's the East Wing?" asks the patient.
"The morgue." replies the doctor.
"W-wait, the morgue?! But I'm not dead yet!"
"It's a long hallway."
A proctologist is in the middle of an examination when he turns around and sees his assistant holding a bottle of beer.
He goes: No nurse, I said b**...-Light
Dentist
A man came to dentist to check his teeth. After the examination the dentist said that everything was alright, but asked the man for a favor.
\- No problem. What favor?
\- Could you please now start screaming at the top of your lungs?
\- But why? I feel no pain, and you say all is fine?
\- Look! There are 10 people waiting behind this door, and I'm in a rush to get to a soccer game on time!
Exam
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said, Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.
Well, in plain English, the doctor replied, you're just lazy.
Okay, said the man.
Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.
A woman sees her doctor about ongoing abdominal pain and cramps.
She's nervous during the examination, fearing that she may be pregnant. The doctor brings back her test results and says, "It looks like you'll have to get used to changing diapers from now on."
"Oh my god, I'm pregnant?" she asks, nearly in tears. "Am I pregnant?"
The doctor replies, "No, you have bowel cancer."
A man was waiting at the doctors' office for an examination
At one point the nurse came out and said, "Sir, Dr. Rekanovitash will see you now."
"Which doctor?" asked the man
And the nurse said "No- He's an MD like the others."
My doctor sent me for a prostate exam to the nearest hospital. I went, reluctantly, got called in the office and patiently suffered through the very personal examination.
When the examining surgeon left, a nurse came in and asked a question that sent shivers down my soul: Who the heck was that?
