Hilarious Fun Exam Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
I couldn't differentiate between them.
So a guy walks into the doctors office...
...and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I woke up this morning and my left eye was blind!"
"Alright," says the Doctor, "have a seat and I'll check you out."
The doctor looks him in the eye, and after a second says "Well, you're going to have to stop m**... for a little while."
"Why?" asks the man.
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."
The Polish eye exam.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
Medical School Entrance Exam...
When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.
Entrance Exam
A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.
I took my Biology exam last Friday
I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "b**..." and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.
New Prostate Exam Joke
A man goes to the doctor for his first prostate exam. While the Doctor is performing the exam, he says to the patient, " Don't be embarassed, its common for men to get an e**... during this part of the exam".
The patient answers "I don't have an e**..."
The Doctor replies "I know, I do"
A gangster asks his son how his exam went
"They questioned me for 3 hours but I told them nothing, dad."
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"?
"Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
In school, the teacher warns her students...
..."I will not tolerate any excuses for any kind. I might consider a nuclear attack, serious injury or even the death of a relative, but whoever misses this exam will fail the class."
The class's wise-guy says:
"But teacher, what if tomorrow I arrive to class completely exhausted from last night's amazing s**...?"
The teacher says:
"Well I guess you'll have to do the exam with your left hand, then."
You can explore exam syllabus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean exam midterm dad jokes. There are also exam puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I missed a question on my biology exam today.
The question was "what are commonly found in cells?" I guess "black people" wasn't the right answer.
Putting Your exam results on the window of your car
So you can park in disabled spots.
I have an archaeology exam tomorrow
And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way...
My future's in ruins.
The human brain is amazing
It functions 24 hours a day, everyday since we were born and only stops when taking an exam.
Erections happen all the time
A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."
A student comes to a young professor's office hours...
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"
I failed my chemistry lab exam.
I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.
The professor gave me a C on my Latin exam...
Aced it!
Prostate Exam
After my recent Prostate Exam - one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had –
the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.
After she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....
She said...."Who was that guy?"
Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said
"You're a lot like a math exam."
I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"
She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."
I nearly jumped 10 feet in the air during my first prostate exam.
Good thing the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders.
A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"
A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.
When writing your calculus exam, make sure you don't sit between twins.
Because you might not be able to differentiate between them.
If i got 50 cents for every failed math exam,
I'd have $ 6.30 now
In law school...
Professor: What is fraud?
Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.
Professor: (surprised) how so?
Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.
A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.
She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car c**..., or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete s**... exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"
I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.
2B or not 2B - that is the question.
Last time I went for an eye exam, the doctor said to me, "You're going to have to stop m**...."
When I asked him why that could possibly be necessary, he said
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."
If you sit on your hands 15 minutes before filling in an exam,
it feels like somebody else is disappointing for your teacher.
I went to the doctor today for a prostate exam.
It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, until I realized both his hands were on my shoulders.
I was so embarrassed when I got an e**... during a prostate exam.
Especially when they found out I'm not even a doctor.
I took a kleptomania exam.
It wasn't mine, but I took it anyway.
I went to get a prostate exam yesterday...
the doctor told me to get in the fetal position and relax.
"You, know", the doc said after about 30 seconds into the procedure, "it's shouldn't be embarrassing, and it's not uncommon for some men to get an e**... during this procedure."
"I don't have an e**...', I responded.
Doc responded, "Yeah, but I do."
I went to the doctor today...
He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop m**...." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered, "Call for backup."
Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?
Because her algaebra didn't hold up.
An over the shoulder stare followed by a seductive wink is one of the sexiest things in the world.
Not during a r**... exam though!
Why do old people start reading the bible more often?
They are studying for their final exam.
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
I did an exam on m**... and ballistic weaponry.
Scored high on the first part, but bombed the second.
My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...
He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...
Why did the high school girl only answer questions 1, 3, 5 and 7 on her exam?
Because she literally can't even.
I got in trouble for using performance enhancing drugs
I took a placebo before my psychology exam
If I had 50 cents for every math exam I failed in college...
I would be up to about $6.30 now.
I had a prostate exam the other day...
When I entered the examination room and asked the doctor where I should put my trousers, I have to say, "over there with mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
I was having a prostate exam...
Me:*squirms
Doctor: Don't worry, it's perfectly fine to have an e**... at a time like this.
So I tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.
A student receives a bad grade on his exam
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear.
Who was that?
During an exam, a student pokes the guy next to him and whispers, "pssst... is C the chemical symbol for chlorine?"
He whispers back, "Na, Cl you idiot!".
"OK thanks..." replies the student, "but why so salty?"
I went to get a prostate exam and the doctor told me I need to stop m**......
I asked why?
He said, "because I'm trying to examine you."
During my prostate exam, the doctor told me it was completely normal to get an e**....
When I pointed out I didn't have one he said he wasn't talking about me.
A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.
Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
There is a good chance you'll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins.
Because it's hard to differentiate between them.
After my proctology exam I was left alone in the exam room for a few minutes. Then the nurse came in and whispered three words no man ever wants to hear.
"Who was that?"
As get older, I've developed an embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during a proctology exam.
It makes my patients extremely uncomfortable.
Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.
They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.
The day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test.
The boys open the final booklet and to their surprise, they each only have one question.
Which tire was flat?
A college professor reminds her class of the next day's final exam saying, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever"
A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
A patient walks into an optometrist's office.
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."
"Relax, the prostate exam will go easier that way" said the doctor as he put a firm hand on my shoulder.
And then he put his other hand on my other shoulder.
I messaged my ex on the day before my exam.
I asked if she had any good cheating tips
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
One smart-a**... jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"
I failed my Greek Mythology exam.
It has always been my Achilles' elbow
During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.
He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:
- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,
- Doesn't need heating,
But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:
- Has great packaging.
A frustrated student handed in his exam.
"I've been writing for two hours, yet i haven't answered a single question!" he complained.
"Well done, that's a straight A." replied the Politics Teacher.
A Proctology exam.
A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.
The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.
Alright Brian, it's your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an e**... the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says but my names Dan.
Doctor responds oh I know, my names Brian.
After my prostate exam the doctor walked out and the nurse walked in. Then she asked me something no man wants to hear..
Who was that..
Mom: What did you do at school today?
Me: We did a guessing game
Mom: But I thought you had a math exam.
Me: That's right!
Norm MacDonald died today
When he got to heaven, the angels told him it was mandatory that he take an eye exam to enter. And they all watched.
He read it out loud: E-I-E-I-Ohhh you guys are d**...!
RIP Norm.
Student: (*hands in exam*) "I've been writing for 2 hours but I haven't answered a single question!"
Politics Teacher: "Congratulations, that's a straight A."
What's the worst thing to feel during a prostate exam?
2 hands on your shoulders
Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!!
Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.
A man went to his doctor
After several tests, the doctor returned to the exam room and told him "I'm terribly sorry sir but according to our tests you have barely a year left to live."
"That's horrible!" said the man. "Is there nothing I can do?!"
The doctor replied "Well, my advice is to become a vegan, marry an economist and move to Iowa."
"Will that cure me?" asked the man
"No," said the doctor "but it'll make that year feel a LOT longer!"
I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins.
It was impossible to differentiate between them.
Just found out that I can't use a calculator for my exam
I was really counting on that
Give me two examples of a pronoun.
Who? Me?
I remember once before a big school exam, I wanted to get a good night's rest, so I asked my Mom if I could borrow some of her sleeping pills.
She said "Sure! Knock yourself out!"
On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, Is this normal?
He said, Not during a written exam, no.
A student is blatantly cheating in an exam
The invigilator is watching in a mixture of disbelief and amusement as the student peeks at a crib sheet and looks at his neighbours papers.
At the end of the exam the students line up to hand their papers in. When the cheater gets to the front of the line the invigilator says "Uh-uh, no way. You were blatantly cheating; you don't get to submit a paper"
The student looks him in the eye and says "Do you know who I am!?"
"Not a clue!" says the invigilator.
"Good then" says the student, as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack of papers on the desk and walks out.
My doctor sent me for a prostate exam to the nearest hospital. I went, reluctantly, got called in the office and patiently suffered through the very personal examination.
When the examining surgeon left, a nurse came in and asked a question that sent shivers down my soul: Who the heck was that?
