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Exact Moment Jokes

26 exact moment jokes and hilarious exact moment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about exact moment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Exact Moment Short Jokes

Short exact moment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The exact moment humour may include short high moment jokes also.

  1. My uncle knew the exact moment when he was going to die, down to the last second. Isn't that amazing? The judge told him
  2. I may have witnessed the exact moment my high school became racist. It's when they changed all the blackboards into whiteboards. There's no way they could just chalk it up.
  3. At the exact moment when my grandfather died, a portrait of him fell of the wall. It hit him on the head, killing him instantly.
  4. I just got married today It's unreal. I can still remember the the exact moment when every woman in the world became instantly more attractive.
  5. What do you call two hippies that get hit by a paint truck at the exact same moment? Tie-died.
  6. Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
    Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

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Fun-Filled Exact Moment Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about exact moment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean present time jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make exact moment pranks.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks
\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently
The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:
\- Guess I'm swimming then...

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently. The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."

This new girl joined our soccer team

I was amazed, she was exactly what we wanted
She was tall, she was athletic, her legs were long, she wasn't fragile and she was extremely good with her hands
The moment I saw her I knew,
She's a keeper.

the case for the lost bicycle

A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.
He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"
"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.
"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."
"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"
Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.
"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.
"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."

A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...

He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."
The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"

President George W. Bush is sitting in his office...

...When one of his informants walks in to report,
"Mr. President, yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed by Al Qaeda."
Bush is silent for a moment as he holds his head in his hands in immense sadness.
"Sir, what's wrong?" asks the informant.
Bush brings his head up to look at the man and asks,
"How many is a Brazilian, exactly?"

An electron is driving really fast...

...when a cop pulls it over.
"Do you even know how fast you were going there?" Asks the cop.
"Of course," replies the electron, "I knew exactly how fast I was going. But I thought this was the highway!"
"The highway?" The cop asks, shocked. "Do you even know where you are?"
The electron thinks for a moment and says, "No."

What is the Roman Empire?

In the heart of the bustling Roman Empire, there was a philosopher known for his wisdom, humor, and the ability to make light of the most complex issues. One day, a curious citizen confronted him, asking "What exactly is the Roman Empire?"
The philosopher paused for a moment before saying, "Imagine a man trying to wrestle a lion. The man is strong and well-prepared, but he is, after all, merely a man. The lion is wild, ferocious, and barely within his control. Yet, the man does not back down; he dives headfirst into the tangle, figuring out how to tackle it as he goes along. That, my friend, is the Roman Empire."
The citizen blinked and asked, "So, we're the man in this scenario, right? Struggling against the fierce lion that is the vast world?"
"No, not exactly," chuckled the philosopher. "You see, the man is the Roman Empire, always seeking to overcome, control, and rule, even when the odds seem overwhelming. The lion, rather, represents the infinite sea of cultures, lands, and people that the Empire constantly tangles with."
"But what if the lion eventually wins?" queried the citizen, now intrigued.
"Well," the philosopher answered with a mischievous glint in his eye, "Then the joke's on us, isn't it?"
The gathered crowd erupted into laughter, appreciating the wit and wisdom tied into the punchline. After all, understanding the Roman Empire didn't just involve historical facts and figures; sometimes, it was just about appreciating the irony!

Proud Dad Moment

My daughter has two in-grown toe-nails, one on each foot. I was preparing some nice warm soaking water for her while my wife asked our daughter how her feet were doing and the conversation went like this:
Mom: How's your toe doing, you have two toes right?
Me/Daughter (at the exact same time): I have ten toes!
My wife gave the necessary groan and laughed, but my daughter and I shared a truly special moment.
I was most proud.

Money

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ? "
The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy! You men are all alike. "sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you. "

A guy shows up at the gates of heaven

St. Peter prepares to welcome the man, but before St. Peter can greet him, the man walks away. A few moments later, the exact same thing happens. This repeats itself a couple of times before St. Peter angrily asks: "For God's sake, are you gonna come in or not!?"
The man, walking away yet again responds: "I can't help it, they're reanimating me!"

There was a 25 year old guy walking on a tightrope...

... Across a deep river gorge while half way around the world another 25 year old guy was getting a b**... from a 70 year old woman. BUT at the exact same moment both men were thinking the exact same thought. You know what it was?
Don't look down.

A Man Was Walking A Tightrope....

Good joke from *House of Leaves*
There was this twenty five year old guy walking a tightrope across a deep river gorge while half way around the world another twenty five year old guy was getting a b**... from a seventy year old woman, but get this, at the same moment both men were thinking the exact same thought. You know what it was?
Don't look down.

A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her. The man in the car says to her, ''What do you have in the bag?'' The blonde replies: ''I have chickens!'' The man thinks for a moment and says, ''If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one?'' The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, ''Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess exactly how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"

An armed robber had just finished robbing a mansion.

As he got out, he noticed a random guy staring at him with his jaws dropped.
Robber: Did you see anything!?
Man: Y..yes..
The robber shot the man. Unfortunately, another person passing by at that exact moment witnessed this.
Robber: Did you see anything!?
Man: Yes! And I am calling the-
The robber shot him before he could say anything. Unfortunately a married couple walking by witnessed both of the murders.
Robber: Did you see-
Before he could finish asking his question, the man replied: No. Not at all. But my wife did! And she threatened to call the police!

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator when...

... a handsome young man enters on the next floor. He is absolutely stunning and both women are enamored. He smiles politely at them and selects his floor, turning around to face the door in process. That is when both ladies noticed he had a horrible case of dandruff.
The brunette whispers to the blonde, My goodness that is the sexiest man I have ever seen in my entire life.
Whispering even quieter, I think he could definitely benefit from a little Head & Shoulders. Giving a subtle hint to her nearby friend.
Upon hearing this, the blonde stares blankly for a few moments replying, Well... okay... but... I'm not exactly certain how to give Shoulders.

Half as mad

A teacher from primary school asks Peter a question,
Teacher: "Peter; suppose that a car is moving at a speed of 100 mph suddenly brakes and the driver flies out through the windshield at a certain force and lands on the road. What would be my age?"
Peter thought for a moment and replied,
Peter: " Sir, you would be 40 years old."
The teacher; perplexed looked at Peter and asked how could he guess his exact age.
Peter: "Sir, I have an older sister aged 20 and she is half as mad as you."

Trump, Putin and Merkel are sitting at the North Sea...

..when Putin goes "We have submarines, that can stay up to 12 days under water without refueling!"
Trump replies "Ha, that's nothing, we have a huge tremendous one that can stay up to 2 month without refueling!"
Merkel feeling ashamed, staring down on the ground.
At the exact moment an old, rusty submarine is raising out of the water. The hatch opens, a man with long grey beard and dirty clothes climbs out and yells "Heil h**..., we need more diesel!"

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp

When he rubs it, out pops a female genie. The genie says "I am the feminist genie. While I do have to grant your wishes exactly as you ask, I sense that you are divorced. Therefore, no matter what you wish for will be also given to your ex wife in double the amount."
The man ponders his situation for a moment and says "Build me a 20 room mansion."
"Done!" says the genie "and your ex wife now has a 40 room mansion"
"Put 10 million dollars in my bank account" requests the man.
"As you wish" exclaimed the genie "and at the same time I have given your ex wife 20 million dollars"
"Awesome.", said the man. "Now listen carefully..."
"Yes?" Said the genie leaning in closer. The man smiled and whispered:
"Beat me half to death"