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Ex Husband Jokes

26 ex husband jokes and hilarious ex husband puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ex husband that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Ex Husband Short Jokes

Short ex husband jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ex husband humour may include short ex wife jokes also.

  1. Wife and Husband Wife: I told you not to get that Lego set, yet you did!
    Husband: You are starting to sound like my ex-wife.
    Wife: I didn't know you were married earlier...?
    Husband: I wasn't.
  2. Ex wife to her departing Husband.. You'll never find someone like me again!-
    Husband …
    That's my goal!
  3. My ex husband cheated during our wedding reception I guess it really was a black tie affair
  4. Asked my ex-husband once for song requests. He said he wanted to hear the sound of silence. So I sang, "Hello darkness, my old friend...."
  5. I visited an ancestry website and was shocked to learn I'm related to my girlfriend's ex-husband. It said we are Eskimo brothers.
  6. The crocodile said to the other crocodile, "Nice Bag!" The other crocodile said, "Thanks, it was my ex-husband."
  7. 1st man: It is sickening the way my wife keps talking about her ex husband..
    2nd man: Than's nothing, mine keps talking about her next husband.
  8. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? Shoot him again.

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Ex Husband One Liners

Which ex husband one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ex husband? I can suggest the ones about ex boyfriend and divorced husband.

  1. I'm happy to say we finally found my ex husband's killer
  2. My ex-husband was like a bluetooth...
  3. I was actually pleased when my ex husband came into money.. He lost his job at the bank

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about ex husband can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of ex husband puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Humorous Ex Husband Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about ex husband you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean divorce husband jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make ex husband prank.

A Husband and Wife at Custody court

The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child?
Ex wife: I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him
Judge: that is a simple yet good reason.
Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?
The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence. He replies
Ex Husband: if I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?

DIVORCED & DRUNK

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Husband and wife are in a bar when the wife sees her ex boyfriend

She says to her husband, 'see that drunk, I turned down his proposal 10 years ago.
Husband looks at his wife, looks at the guy and sighs, 'that explains why he is still celebrating'

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, Do you know her?

Yes, sighs the husband. She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
My God! says the wife. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?

Reality Check

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
Do you know her? the wife asks.
Yes, the husband says. She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
My goodness! the wife says. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?

A recently divorced woman finds a magic lantern. The genie offers her 3 wishes but with one condition.

Every wish that is granted her will be doubled to her Ex-husband.
So to test the genie she makes her first wish for $10 million. Sure enough her Ex received $20 million.
Her 2nd wish is for 2 supermodel consorts. Again her Ex is graced with 4 supermodels to fulfill his every desire.
For her final wish she asks the genie for a MMA fighter to beat her half to death!

A married couple were sitting in a fine restaurant

when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

A recently divorced couple were in court

battling over the custody of their child.
The mother spoke first, ranting and raving about what a terrible father her ex husband had been.
The judge asks the father if he had any comments.
The father simply replied:
"If I place a quarter in a gum-ball machine, who get to keep the candy? Me or the gum-ball machine?"

A married couple was eating at a restaurant

when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting at the bar. "He's been drinking since I left him seven years ago" she said to her current husband.
"That's silly, dear" he replied. "No one celebrates that much."

Who is he?

After returning home from their honeymoon, the husband notices a photo of a man on his new wife's bedside table.
At first, he really doesn't give it much thought. But after a month or so he begins to stress about it. It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask her about it.
"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no," she answers.
"Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."

After an astronaut fell into a black hole, an official from NASA was explaining the situation to his, now widowed, ex-wife.

"What do you mean he was spaghettified?" The widow interjects.
The official replies, "I'm sorry, Mam. Your husband has... Pasta way..."

A woman decides to try online dating

Setting up her new profile she starts looking for the exact opposite of her ex-husband who used to beat her before running away with another woman.
She states her new man must 1) Never hit her 2) Never run away and 3) Be great in bed.
A few days later the doorbell rings. When she answers there is a man with no arms and no legs. He says "I'm here to take you on a date, as you can see I've got no arms to hit you and no legs to run away"
Intrigued she replies "But what about number 3? Are you great in bed?"
He says "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these ex husband jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.