Following is our collection of Ex Girlfriend jokes which are very funny. There are some ex girlfriend archeologist jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ex girlfriend exgirlfriends puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
"My ex-girlfriend never asked me use a condom."
"Because she was on the pill."
"Ambien."
...But nobody will do it
Getting her legs to fit in the oven was a real hassle, though.
I'm not worried, her body hasn't rejected an organ in 25 years.
-Tom Cotter
They'll kill your dog
and if you hold your ear against it, you can smell the sea.
So when things would get a little too rough in the bedroom, she'd yell, "Marry me!" and I would pull out, leave her apartment, and not call her for a few weeks. Super safe.
It has an ex axis and a why axis.
No one will do it.
Unlike his ex-girlfriends.
And I don't know if I should tell him.
You can explore ex girlfriend difference reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ex girlfriend extreme dad jokes. There are also ex girlfriend puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key.
...but the state won't let me plug it in.
It read as follows:
---
*Michael*,
*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*
*Love, Elizabeth*
*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*
---
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:
---
*Elizabeth,*
*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*
*Take care, Michael*
One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.
I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
And not from the TV, like his ex girlfriends did.
The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.
We didn't work out.
Apparently, the label 'ex-girlfriend' is highly inappropriate.
And I thought to myself "that could've been me"
Then I remembered - I can't drive a bus
With her it was always "me me me"
But nobody will do it!
you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.
So I dumped her.
I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.
I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her
...she had a sunken chest and always kept me searching for the booty.
She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face.
It's too bad that I am colorblind.
In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go...I've never seen any signs of a stalker.
Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.
I screamed, "Lego of me!"
Set her voice as your alarm-clock ringtone.
The punch line
Flat on both sides and laid by hispanic men.
So I became her ex-boyfriend.
She kept saying that I had no energy, and never did anything.
I kept telling her I had so much potential.
They're both smoking hot and burned my house down.
I explained that when her family pays the ransom she will be safely returned.
ExHusband: Hey can i still think of you when i have sex with my girlfriend?
ExWife: Why? Is it because im hotter than her?
ExHusband: Nope, i just wanna last longer.
Just don't tell my wife.
I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.
But the bird was cool.
A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.
...then I backed up and ran into her again.
I miss her sometimes.
A marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there, he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. She also wanted the pictures of herself back.
So, the marine did what any other man would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 24 pictures of women (with clothes and some without) to his ex-girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
Isn't it great when problems solve themselves?
now she just calls the police
The trick is, always act surprised.
I had to drop the bomb twice before she finally gave up.
Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident
Me: Say no more
LATER
Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet
I wonder what she is up to now.
"She must be bi-weekly."
Just thought of this. Any input is welcomed.
Too high to edit the title but it should say ex girlfriend
There was just too much history between us.
I am hoping she would give me another shot.
An ex-policeman lost his house, his car, and his girlfriend.
Q: What did he lose first?
A: His job.
I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"
"Sir?" I asked.
"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."
"Yes, sir"
"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!"
"Yes, sir"
"And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!"
"Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one."
I wonder what she's up to now?
My ex-girlfriend used to give me nicknames whilst giving me head.
"The Impaler" was my favourite.
Well, at least, that's what I thought she said....
Turns out she's asthmatic and it's my fault she died.
...you can't wear shoes when you're inside of her.
Is what my Australian ex girlfriend texted me.
whenever I hear the song "come on Eileen" I can't help but think "I already did"
They all disagreed with her though.
We were both at a loss for words when we saw each other. I was wondering what to say and she was wondering why I was in her apartment.
...no one would do it
She said You.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't," he replied.
But no, she's still alive.
She's still giving me the cold shoulder.
Honestly, I'm lucky she married me.
I really need to work on my aim.
They opened up fast for just about anyone, and now everyone who took advantage is suffering from a viral infection.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ex girlfriend dirty jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working ex girlfriend excessive piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.