After we broke up, she went fucking bananas.
They'll kill your dog
Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.
Isn't it great when problems solve themselves?
I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her
And I don't know if I should tell him.
So I dumped her.
She was fucking nuts.
I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.
There was just too much history between us.
In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go...I've never seen any signs of a stalker.
No one will do it.
you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.
A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.
The punch line
Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident
Me: Say no more
LATER
Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet
I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key.
...but now they're just distant mammaries.
But the bird was cool.
But no one will do it.
I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.
I saw on my Facebook news feed that my ex-girlfriend 'likes' Comcast Xfinity, and I was pissed.
It hurt enough to be reminded of my ex, but I was more upset that she uses Comcast!
I mean, she never let ME fuck her in the ass!
She didn't stand a chance against the 6 of usο»Ώ
So when things would get a little too rough in the bedroom, she'd yell, "Marry me!" and I would pull out, leave her apartment, and not call her for a few weeks. Super safe.
And I thought to myself "that could've been me"
Then I remembered - I can't drive a bus
She didn't stand a chance against the 6 of us
It has an ex axis and a why axis.
She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face.
It's too bad that I am colorblind.
Too high to edit the title but it should say ex girlfriend
The doctor asks why, and the man explains that his ex-wife, his current girlfriend, and an old flame will all be in town that weekend. The doctor says that it's against his better judgment, but reluctantly triples the prescription.
On Monday the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor jokingly asks if all three women met each other and the man replies: "None of them showed up."
My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish.
She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time.
I'm not worried, her body hasn't rejected an organ in 25 years.
-Tom Cotter
and if you hold your ear against it, you can smell the sea.
It read as follows:
---
*Michael*,
*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*
*Love, Elizabeth*
*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*
---
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:
---
*Elizabeth,*
*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*
*Take care, Michael*
I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
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