Evil Jokes

150 evil jokes and hilarious evil puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about evil that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for darkly funny jokes about the 'evil' side of life? This article takes a look at the best Evil Jokes from the realms of Satanic, racism, fraud, Resident Evil, Dr. Evil, axis of evil, and more. Laugh and be scared all at the same time to see which jokes take the title of 'most evil' in this wicked collection.

Funniest Evil Short Jokes

Short evil jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The evil humour may include short enemy jokes also.

  1. I think my wife has weekly sessions with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charge him for it though.
  2. King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army? Squire: 384 my liege

    king: Ok, round them up
    Squire: 400 my liege
  3. My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties. He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived.
  4. What would you call someone with the power to heal others but chooses to be evil? The American Healthcare System
  5. Did you ever hear about the Lucky Charms leprechaun's evil twin? He was tragically malicious.
  6. My ex had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil I still don't know how much she charged him though.
  7. Dr Horrible got a great deal on getting into the Evil League of Evil It only cost him a Penny
  8. Why don't vampires feel bad about the evil things they do? They're incapable of reflection
    (I'll see myself out)
  9. I've stopped doing drugs for good. I'm doing them for completely evil reasons now.
  10. I quit smoking for good Now I smoke for evil.

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Evil One Liners

Which evil one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with evil? I can suggest the ones about mighty and elite.

  1. Why does spiderman hate driving with his evil twin? Because he's a bad parallel Parker
  2. Why is the North korean dictator so evil? Because he has no Seoul.
  3. Today I quit drinking for good now I only drink for evil
  4. I've finally stopped drinking for good. Now I drink for evil
  5. What do you call an evil wizard who gives good hickeys? A neck romancer.
  6. What do evil cows say? Moo ha ha.
  7. Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test? He was a bad parallel Parker.
  8. Why is Kim Jong-un so evil? He doesn't have a Seoul
  9. I finally quit drinking for good Now I drink for evil
  10. What does an evil cow say? Moohaha
  11. Do you know what evil kisses sound like? Muah hahaha
  12. What did the evil optician say? "You'll see. You'll ALL see! Muahahahahaha!"
  13. Don't live backwards: It's evil.
  14. Where do evil mathematicians go? Prism.
  15. What does the evil optometrist say? "you'll see. You'll all see! Muahahahaha!"

Most Evil Jokes

Here is a list of funny most evil jokes and even better most evil puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm done drinking for good... Now I drink for Evil.
  • Some evil scumbag has just broken into my 87 year old Aunts house and stolen her limbo dancing trophy. Seriously, how low can you get.
  • Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on. His name was FrankEinstein
  • Why did spiderman's evil twin fail is diver's test Because he was a bad parallel parker
  • I met an evil glassblower the other day... They made the most vial creations.
  • Too much water joke God: Noah, what do you think of the great flood I used to purge all the evil on Earth?
    Noah: Too much water.
  • What's an evil gathering called? A demonstration
  • My Grandfather developed Cancer when he was younger Some say he's the most evil scientist to ever have lived.
  • No wonder North Korea's so evil... It's hard to be merciful if you have no Seoul
  • I have decided to stop drinking beer for good. Now I drink for evil. Bwahahaha.

Evil Spirits Jokes

Here is a list of funny evil spirits jokes and even better evil spirits puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the first thing you should do when confronted by an evil spirit? Try to neghostiate.
  • People ask, "Why do you hunt evil spirits?" It's because my doctor said exorcising would be good for me.
  • What do evil spirits say on Friday the 13th? "Voorhees a jolly good fellow!"
  • What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit? He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit.
  • Why do evil spirits make terrible drivers? Because they aren't sure when to stop, or Wendigo.
  • What did the evil spirit say when someone burned some sage? "Wow, you're so incense-itive."
  • What do you call the study of the spread of evil spirits? Epidemonology
Evil joke, What do you call the study of the spread of evil spirits?

Evil Clown Jokes

Here is a list of funny evil clown jokes and even better evil clown puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The prize for coming in the top-3 of the children's race was an evil clown. Sadly I came 4th. I would have got away with It if it wasn't for those medalling kids.
  • I asked an evil clown to be my gym buddy... But it didn't work out.
  • I can never understand why whenever I'm having a debate with someone, they'll tell me to "just google it"... What does Stephen King and evil clowns have to do with what we're talking about?
  • There's a double feature at the theatre tonight. The first film is about a s**... transmitted d**.... The second is about an evil clown. It follows It Follows.

Evil Baby Jokes

Here is a list of funny evil baby jokes and even better evil baby puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an evil baby cow? A veal-lin.
  • Me: HOW COULD YOU LET YOUR EVIL BABY SHEEP ESCAPE? Sous: I hid it away with Gordon Ramsey. Me: WHERE'S THE d**... LAMB SOUS??!!

Resident Evil Jokes

Here is a list of funny resident evil jokes and even better resident evil puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • We've had about 7 or 8 Resident Evil games so far... when do we get our first Attending Physician Evil?
  • In the Resident Evil series, how does one make a proper Jill Sandwich? You put it between two slices of Breadfield and then add some Weskershire sauce.
  • What is Leon's (from Resident Evil 2) favorite number? 808 (ADA WAIT!)
Evil joke, What is Leon's (from Resident Evil 2) favorite number?

Silly & Ridiculous Evil Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about evil you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean violent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make evil pranks.

Me: Sometimes I hear a voice and I think it might be an evil spirit, should I be afraid?

**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny b**... girly voice.
**Me:** What do you mean?
**Therapist:** There it goes again.

Did you guys hear about Evil Kinevil's brother Ku Klux Kenivel?

He tried to break a world record by jumping over 1000 black men with a steam roller.

two dogs at the vet

A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.
Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"
Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing Bikram yoga. I couldn't help it...I started h**... her like crazy."
Poodle: "So is she putting you down too?"
Dane: "Naw, I'm just getting my nails done."

Kill the Dragon

An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a v**... from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.
One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligence.
Several months later, the dragon is starved to death.

Where do evil Jedi go to pray?

The Sithteen Chapel.

Why is North Korea so evil?

Because it's got no Seoul!

A man enters a golfing tournament...

... but he is terrible at golf. However, an evil leprechaun lives at the golf course. He says to the man,
"I see you are terrible at golf, but I can help you win the tournament, if you agree to never marry."
The man agrees.
After he wins the tournament, the leprechaun asks for his name.
The man says:
"Father Smith" as he adjusts his priest's collar.
(A priest joke with 100% less p**...!)

What do you call a weatherman's evil twin?

A doppler-gänger

An evil baked potato hatched a devious scheme

Fortunately, it was foiled.

A Paladin goes into a mechanic's shop...

A paladin goes in to a mechanic's shop, and says "Hey, you've got to help me. Normally, I'm a perfect, upstanding paladin. I help old ladies cross the street, I tithe, I slay evil demons. But when I get in my car, I only have the urge to cause property damage and run people over. What's going on?"
The mechanic responds almost immediately. "Oh, yeah. What you've got there is a problem with your alignment."

If the number 6**... is considered evil 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil.

> Sent from my iPhone 7

To silence her critics who hail her as Satan, Hillary is set to launch a new post-apocalyptical video game after winning the election!

It's called President Evil.

Math is evil...

Only the Sith deal in absolute values.

The person who created the sign "CAUTION HOT SURFACE"... braille, was an evil genius.

Tea is an Evil Substance

Tea is an evil substance, more dangerous than beer.
I discovered this last night, when I drank 14 beer till 3AM at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home. You should have seen how angry and violent when I got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me all night and even in the morning. Please Ladies, don't drink tea!

What does Joker do when he's not plotting or committing evil crimes?

He rides his Harley.

Just as there is a balance of good and evil....

There's a Friday for every Monday.
Have a great week :)

Girls are evil...

(Saw this about 10 years ago)
If you have a girlfriend, then you know they cost time and money. Therefore:
Girls = time × money
time = money
Girls = money x money
Which means:
Girls = money^2
Now we all know that money is the root of all evil. So:
Money = sq.root(evil)
And now:
Girls = (sq.root (evil))^2
Which means:
Girls = Evil

h**... was a hero...

He single handedly ended the Holocaust, and killed one of the most evil people from history!

If 6**... is the mark of the beast...

... and the beast is pure evil wouldn't 25.8069758011278803 technically be the root of all evil?

What kind of eggs do evil hens lay?

Deviled eggs!

I'm done with smoking, for good...

now I only smoke for evil

My friend thinks that the Canadian PM is an evil guy.

I don't think that's Trudeau.

What does an evil chicken lay?

Deviled eggs

A woman is pushing her baby in a stroller thru the park...

...when she sees a friend of hers smoking a cigarette. She walks up to him and asks how he is, and says "I thought you gave up smoking for good?" The man says "I did, now I smoke for evil." and blows smoke in the baby's face and walks away.

I wish Christian guys would make up their minds, one minute they are saying homosexuality is a sin and that s**... is evil

The next they are telling me how good it felt to let Jesus enter them.

Why is North Korea evil?

Because it's Seoul-less! ;D
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

What is the number 25.80697580113 also known as?

The root of all evil.

I've heard of some evil criminals before . . .

but this bakery thief really takes the cake!

If 6**... is evil...

then 25.806975801127 is the root of all evil

A Jewish and a Chinese Guy.

Once two dudes, a Jewish and a Chinese were talking.
J: You evil Japanese started World War 2 by b**... Pearl Harbour.
C: I'm Chinese, not Japanese.
J: But you all look the same.
C: Well you sunk the Titanic.
J: That was an iceberg.
C: Iceberg, Goldberg, Bloomberg, its all the same to me.

Why is North Korea so evil?

It has no Seoul...

How do you stop an evil mathematician who only uses binomials

You FOIL his plans

My wife began reading 'The Exorcist'.

She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean off a fishing pier.
I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it and left it in the night table drawer by her bed. That night was the first time she ever screamed and fainted.

I work as a spy for the US government.

One of my more deadly assignments involved going after a mad scientist in Italy. I was having dinner with one of my contacts over some delicious cheesy rigatoni. Then, out of nowhere, I was hit by a shrink ray and tossed into my food with the sound of evil laughter. Fraught by the perils of steaming hot carbs around me, I knew that for now, escape would have to be my mission.
Mission in pasta bowl.

My wife has weekly lessons with Satan on how to be more evil...

I can vouch that what ever she charges him is well worth it!

My house was bitten by a werewolf.

Now, in the light of the full moon, it becomes a werehouse. Not evil or anything, just more storage space.

Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.

My friend called me in a panic and shouted, An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don't know what to do! Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he's really a big lyre.

What's the most evil of breakfasts?


Reddit's being overrun by an evil cabal of hyper-intelligent cow-people, and I have proof!


What was the name of the zombie a cappella group?

Resonant Evil

A patient walks into an optometrist's office.

The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."

When January finally arrives we'll find out whether we've defeated the evil year 2020 or not. According to my calendar...

Twenty-twenty won.
People may have hope for the year after that, but I hear it'll be twenty-twenty too.

What do you call an evil seamstress?

A looming threadt

What did the evil optometrist say

They'll see they'll all see

If 6**... is the evil number

Then 25.8069 is the root of all evil

Today in History class we learned that evil s**... traders used to lure and capture Kalahari bushmen by speaking their language to draw them out in the open.

A terrible, early form of click bait.

A World War 2 joke

Stalin and h**... died and were recieved in h**... by Satan.
Satan asked them to wait in the guest cabin, because he had to search for the worst place in h**... for both of them (it had been a long time since some one so evil had come to his abode) .
While waiting, h**... got bored and asked Stalin to tell him a joke.
Stalin said one word, "Moscow."
h**..., after a long and hard thought, replied, "I don't get it."
Stalin laughs merrily and says, "Exactly."

Evil joke, A World War 2 joke

jokes about evil