Everyday Life Jokes
27 everyday life jokes and hilarious everyday life puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about everyday life that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Everyday Life Short Jokes
Short everyday life jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The everyday life humour may include short everyday jokes also.
- Doctor: You need to take this pills everyday for the rest of your life Him : But there's only 3 pills doctor
Doctor : Exactly - If you had to choose... Between eating bacon everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life, would you choose applewood or hickory smoked?
- So the doctor gave me these pills And he said I need to take one pill everyday for the rest of my life.
I looked at the bottle and said, "But doc, there are only three pills in here." - Don't be mad about the police. They risk their life everyday, going out On another note, so does everyone in the USA.
- When I was young, I prayed to god, please let me excel in life Turns out the crazy guy did grant my wish. I excel everyday now
- They say dress everyday like you might meet the love of your life... Now I know why it takes my wife so long to get ready.
- Somebody told me to "live everyday like it's your last". So, I decided I'd stay in bed with life support and act as if I'm in comatose state from now on.
- My doctor told me to drink less, sleep more, eat healthy & exercise everyday. So today I'm making a big change in my life. I'm no longer going to that doctor.
- You never know when half of your life will pass So I aim to have a midlife crisis everyday
- I've challenged the sun to a blinking contest everyday of my life Today was the first day I've won
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Everyday Life One Liners
Which everyday life one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with everyday life? I can suggest the ones about real life and lifestyle.
- My life is like a fairytale Everyday, when I come home, there's a witch waiting for me.
- Today on Twitter, I lost a follower. Now I know how Jesus feels everyday.
- I wish I was poor one day in my life... Because being poor everyday s**......
Laughable Everyday Life Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about everyday life you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean life experience jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make everyday life pranks.
An old cowboy told his grandson...
An old cowboy told his grandson "The secret to a long, healthy life is to put a pinch of gunpowder in your oatmeal every morning." The grandson took this advice to heart, and everyday for the rest of his life put a pinch of gunpowder in his oatmeal every morning. When he died at the age of 132 he left behind 5 children, 12 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, 78 great great grandchildren, and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
The secret to a long life.
Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:
The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret.
I've been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers.
I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!
Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?
The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!
A wife waits outside the doctors office while her husband is in there with him. After a short time, he comes out, crying....
Wife - "Honey, what's wrong?"
Husband - "The doc told me I have to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life!"
Wife - "Well, that's not so bad, I thought it was something much worse!"
Husband - "He only gave me three of them...."
Secret to long life
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life is to sprinkle a little gunpowder into your oatmeal.
The grandson took his words seriously and ate gunpowder sprinkled oatmeal everyday. He lived to the ripe old age of 96.
When he died, he left behind 4 children, 9 grandchildren, 13 great grandchildren and one 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Life is all about perspective. Take my friend for example...
...The guy has s**... at least twice a week. He works out like everyday. He reads a book at least every few days... but the guy is constantly complaining to me about hiw bad prison is.
A religious old lady prayed everyday for wealth...
She had lived a life free of sin and had suffered greatly through no fault of her own. Every day she went to her local church and prayed:
"God, i have been all my life, please, let me win the lottery"
Every day for many years she did this, until one day, the church roof split open and a booming voice commanded:
"WELL AT LEAST MEET ME HALFWAY AND BUY A TICKET!"
A man was looking for a space to park his car in the parking lot of a mall...
After a lot of effort of going round and round he couldn't find an empty space so he started praying, please God help me find a parking space, I will go to church everyday for the rest of my life and would even give half of my life savings to charity..
Suddenly he sees a car pulling out of a spot..
Man : OKAY, Nevermind I found one..!!
Life is Perspective...
Next time you're feeling down, remember life is about perspective.
I have a friend that has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week, yet everyday he complains how much he hates prison.
Another three friends brag about s**....
Friend A starts "I won the lottery last month and now women keep having s**... me, I've slept with at least one girl a night since!"
Friend B counters "Well I'm a model with over 2 million Instagram followers. I pick up several women a day all willing to have s**... with me!"
Friend C, in a fit of jealous rage kills both friends and screams over their corpses "Well now I'm going to prison so I'll have s**... everyday for the next 25 to life!"
The s**... life of my belt's buckle...
The s**... life of my belt's buckle is as frustrating as mine. It also sees many holes everyday but goes in the same hole again and again!
Just as my teachers said, math has proven useful in my everyday life.
For example, yesterday I dropped my keys into a toilet and made an integral out of wire.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.