Event Jokes
140 event jokes and hilarious event puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about event that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Feeling burnt out from current events? Check out this hilarious collection of event jokes! From work events to social gatherings to the Rio Olympics, funny never goes out of style- and neither do these jokes! Forget the solemn news and laugh away with these event jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Event Jokes
- Event One Liners
- Sporting Event Jokes
- Work Event Jokes
- Social Event Jokes
- Stressful Event Jokes
- Current Event Jokes
- More Event Jokes
Funniest Event Short Jokes
Short event jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The event humour may include short occasion jokes also.
- The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!
- I'm thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events. I wonder how many people are in that field.
- "Proud Boys" should change their name, to avoid being tied to PRIDE events... ... to something like "Reigning Men."
- Events on Capitol Hill have gotten pretty dark Any darker and the police might actually do something about it
- Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events" Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"
- Twice a year there is a newsletter released about dried fruit. On those dates it is raisin awareness of currant events.
- There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . . Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
- Hired a bouncer recently, but he showed up 5 minutes late, and during the event he wouldn't stop asking me if "I was mad at him" Turns out I hired an "Insecurity Guard".
- Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
- I have a gun by my bed. So in the event of an intruder, I can shoot myself to avoid having to interact with a human being.
Share These Event Jokes With Friends
Event One Liners
Which event one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with event? I can suggest the ones about fest and incident.
- I won gold at a weather forecasting event yesterday, I beat the raining champion.
- After yesterday's events Mexico has agreed to pay for the wall and Canada wants one too.
- What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated? Discuss
- What's the ocean's favorite news segment? Current events.
- I just took a Polaroid of a breaking news event! More on this story as it develops
- I hosted a huge event for gingers last week Sadly not a single soul showed up.
- What is a Mexican's favorite Olympic event? Cross country
- The problem majoring in electrical engineering... is keeping up with Current Events.
- What do you call news about a body of water? Current events
- What do sharks say when something radical happens? Jawesome!
- What is an electricians favorite type of news Current events
- Who was the first person to take a knee at an athletic event? Tonya Harding.
- I recently learned how to store jam properly. I must say, it was a rather jarring event.
- Lightning striking a cow isn't a rare event It's medium rare
- Events like 9/11 don't grow on trees They grow on Bushes
Sporting Event Jokes
Here is a list of funny sporting event jokes and even better sporting event puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is it so hard to watch a sporting event at Warsaw Stadium? Because no matter what seat you're in, you're sitting behind a Pole.
- What do you call a average potato that narrates sporting events? A common-tater
- With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships' It's on paperview
- It's significantly harder for athletes to perform in todays temperatures I've read in the newspaper that the Government has forbidden fans at sport events
- Why does Gordon Ramsey never bet on any sports events? Because he never likes the steakes.
- Someone at a sports event says In all of my years as a spud, I have never seen a play as amazing as that one . Who was that someone? The common tater
- I don't care about Euro2016 I don't care about Euro2016, because last time I cared about big sport event Voldemort returned and Cedric Diggory died
- What's a communists favourite sporting event? Commonwealth Games
- The Japanese aren't the only ones to clean up after a sporting event. The Warriors, for example, just swept the Cavs.
- Electrons treat their religion like a sporting event Every time they hold mass, they do the wave
Work Event Jokes
Here is a list of funny work event jokes and even better work event puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do fish talk about at work? Current events
- Due to recent events, James Bond no longer works for her majesty's secret service.
- Safety Meeting @ Work: They asked me what steps I would take in the event of a fire... Apparently REALLY BIG ones was not the right answer. 🙄
- wooohooo!! For the first time ever, I won the ugly sweater competition at my work.. Just that, i wore my best sweater from my closet to work without knowing today was the event!!
- The greatest works of any painter are inspired by the most tragic events of their life That's why they call them *pain*tings
- My therapist told me to go out to a social event for my social anxiety. Exposure therapy, and all that. It worked. Although the trench coat put me a bit out of pocket.
- What event do birds have at work on Friday? A Flappy Hour
- "You look so cute reading the news paper!" It's taken me three years and countless hours, but attracting male attention by staying updated on current events is finally working.
- I failed a Health and Safety course at work today... One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"
"f**...' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer. - Bad s**... is a lot like an in-game quick time event Both involve people furiously mashing a button, hoping it'll work.
Social Event Jokes
Here is a list of funny social event jokes and even better social event puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can't you take electricity to social events? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
- Why do ducks hate going to social events with other animals? They always end up getting stuck with the bill.
- Last night, I met some university students having a social event for the Frisbee society But there wasn't much to discuss.
- Why did six take seven with her to social events? Seven was her "plus 1"
- How do flamingos socialize at events? They flamingle.
- What is the difference between a dictator and an entrepreneurial networking events organizer? One capitalizes on socialism and the other socializes on capitalism.
- What are your go to jokes? I was at an event the other day and someone asked "So... anyone know any jokes?"
What's everyone's "go to" joke in social situations? - What do introverts and Loki have in common? They would both fake their own death to avoid social events.
- I recently went to a social event in Australia.
- I estimate I have enough energy to attend two more social events in my lifetime.
Stressful Event Jokes
Here is a list of funny stressful event jokes and even better stressful event puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do fish gets stressed ? Current events
- What do coral get stressed about? Current events
- If corals get stressed they die. What do corals even get stressed about?
Current events. - Something light in light of Hurricane Florence Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events
Current Event Jokes
Here is a list of funny current event jokes and even better current event puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why should oceanographers be the Ones that report the news? They're always on top of current events!
- What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events? A topical rainforest.
- Why doesn't Dwayne Johnson's downstairs neighbor understand references to current events? He's been living under The Rock.
- A hermit in the middle east has not heard about any current events. I guess you could say he lives under Iraq.
- Why do sea creatures read the news? To keep up with current events!
- Why did the electrician become a news anchor? He's always had a knack for current events.
- Why are Saudis so behind on current events? Because they live under Iraq.
- What do you call a lycanthrope who stays informed about politics & current events? An Awarewolf
- My local fisherman keeps trying to lecture me about how the litter from single-use plastics flows downstream into spawning grounds. I see he's up-to-date with current events.
- A group of people gather in the Caribbean just so they can discuss current events... It's like they're on a Topical Island
Giggle-Inducing Event Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about event you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean action jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make event pranks.
Fire safety
I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old folks...
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps
would you take?"
"f**...' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
So last night I fell off my balcony...
Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.
The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's b**...… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
Scientists and spiders.
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'
What is the difference between an event at the X Games and a sorrority?
One is a bunch of Cunning Stunts
So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.
A dslexic man walked into a bra.
His wife's washing was hanging out to dry and he wasn't looking where he was going. The man's dyslexia was admittedly pretty irrelevant to the event.
Kentucky Derby
Watching the kentucky derby for the first time, I was surprised it was only a single race rather than a full event, but then again, they only want one race in Kentucky.
Yo momma so fat
She got an event horizon.
I arranged a fundraising event for victims of land mines last week. Total waste of time though!!
Only half the people turned up.
In light of the DNC event and my own recent experience with the forced install of windows 10.. What do the Clinton's have in common with Bill Gates?
They both no longer need your consent.
**Suggestion for you**
At a formal event, roll your tie up into a little bundle right below the knot. Then ask someone, "Which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?" After they guess, let it unravel and go "It's a tie!".
How does a mustache support his family in the event of his untimely death?
By investing in a shavings account.
What Saudi funded event ended in a massive collapse on 9/11?
Hillary Clinton's campaign.
San Diego Comic Con and Dragoncon are going to pull their resources and merge into one event.
But it was called off because no one was happy with the con fusion.
The fact that president Obama needs four inches of bullet proof glass at every public speaking event, is proof that racism is still alive
Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot everyone.
I watched a documentary about the 1936 summer Olympics in Berlin
It seemed like a wonderful event, but it made me uneasy every time the officials said, "Let's make this a good, clean race."
I am hosting a charity event for people who fail to reach c**... during s**...
If you can't come, let me know
TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.
It was a coup-stick.
A man tried smuggling sausage and v**... out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.
The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.
Smart first grader
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.
My local church held a Netflix and Chastity event
31 people registered as going, but nobody came
An essay by lil Johnny
The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
This joke was inspired by a IRL event
I went to the kitchen, and I looked up through the skylight windows. I then noticed a plastic Rite Aid bag that was stuck in a tree.
My dad saw me looking up, and he asked me, "What are you looking at?"
I said to him, "There is a Rite Aid bag in the tree."
He asked me, "Do you know where that bag came from?"
I just looked at him and said, "I don't know."
He replied, "Rite Aid."
Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:
"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."
I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder
So I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people
So the Deji vs Jake Paul boxing match is this Saturday
And if in the unlikely event of one of them dies,
Logan Paul will be there to record it
I was on a plane recently and the stewardess said that in the event of an accident i had to stick my head between my legs.
I couldn't help thinking,
'if i could do that i wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'
What would be the main event at the immigrant olympics?
Cross country.
A husband and wife are getting ready for a costume party. Since they have nothing on hand to wear for the event, the husband suggests to his wife that she should put a lemon between her legs as he puts the potato between his. Confused, she asks what it's all about.
The husband says, "Honey, you be the sourpuss, and I'll be the dictator."
The school hired me as a photographer
So I was hired to photograph a school event and when I walked up to the doors these security guys stared me down and asked what I was doing
I started to reach for my camera and said I was the school shooter
And the d**... jumped on me and cuffed me!
I'm both a lover and a fighter
I last about the same time in each event.
Did you hear about the athlete shot by a starter p**... at an event?
Detectives believe it was race related.
Covid 19 and trump
Health secretary in a briefing to Trump: "Sir, in Chennai, India 36 Tamillians have been killed due to Corona Virus"
Trump is silent. His lips quiver. His hands shiver. His eyes wells up. He is unable to speak.
Health secretary is stunned. He never imagined that this event could affect him so badly.
After a few minutes, in a trembling voice, Trump asks "So, how many millions are there in *one tamillion?
Heard this one during a real science lecture two years ago.
"In the event of a tornado, you will want to hide in a safe spot." said the teacher. "A good place to hide would be one with the least number of windows. So where should you hide?"
One of the intellectuals thinks for a moment and then raises his hand. The teacher calls on him.
"You should hide outside!"
P.S: In the event of a tornado, hide in a basement, closet or bathroom. Don't die.
In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...
"Because they make the toys."
My favorite gambling event is horse racing, but I'm bad at it.
No matter how hard I try, the horses are just way faster.
Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolates
So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.
The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"
The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"
The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"
The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"
The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"
The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"
A very very Very old joke :)
Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive.
This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.
I entered the s**... Olympics for team GB...
Yeah, it's a real thing you know. Anyway, I was team GB's first ever entrant in the endurance category. I trained really hard for the event and put my all in. I'm proud to say that I'm the first ever Briton to come first and last in the same event.
What do you call an o**... during a pandemic?
A super spreader event.
I was on a plane recently and the flight attendant was doing the safety announcement 'In the event of an emergency please put your head between your knees" and a voice at the back of the plane shouted out..
" If I could do that I wouldn't be flying to Thailand"....
"Your husband died by drowning in one of our beer tanks!"
... said the beer company reps to the woman having just learned about the unfortunate event
"Do you know ... did he suffer?" asks the woman in tears
"We honestly don't think he did.
He came out a few times to pee"
The teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
[Prop comedy] When you're at a formal event,
roll up both ends of your tie and ask, "Which end do you think's gonna unfurl the fastest?"
After they make their guess (or sarcastic remark)--pause for effect--create the atmosphere-- and let them drop!
They'll look at the tie first, then slowly pan up to your goofy grin..
and that's when you raise your arms and exclaim, "It's a ***TIE***!!"
A group of physicists held a beach party. They had fun so made it an annual event.
It's becoming a really popular wave function.
You would think that I would eventually learn
That not everyone is grateful when you try to help them. I was driving the other day and saw an old guy trying to cross the road. I pulled over, turned on my blinkers and went to assist the fellow. This guy turned around, and came after me, and tried to bite me. Snapping turtles are a h**... of a lot faster when they are mad.
*True story from a couple years ago*
A young Indian couple was trying to have a quiet wedding, but their family refused and made them have a big wedding instead. What fruit did they serve at the event?
Cantelope
Our band always gets announced last at every event we preform at, no matter where we are in the show...
Probably should not have chosen Partridge in a Pear Tree as our band name.
The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny.
"He stopped calling for help yesterday
How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
10
One to change the bulb and nine to make t shirts for the event.
Who won the World Lumberjack Championship team event?
Tree fellers from Ireland.
An unintentional dad joke from my 5 yr old son…
Yesterday, my son found a set of Hotel Transylvania stuffed toys at a children's consignment event. He squealed and was jumping up and down, he was so excited. But then all of a sudden he got a dejected look on his face. One is missing, he said. I asked what he meant. I don't see the invisible man.
Even after we discussed it, he kept insisting they could have at least included the glasses.
At the dawn of the Stone Age…
Og the caveman noticed that after a long period of darkness the sun would rise, traverse across the sky and then sink below the horizon.
Then darkness… until the sun would again rise once again, travel across the sky and sink below the horizon.
Again and again. Over and over.
Og wished to give a name to this event.
He thought long and hard. He tried all
sorts of words until his brain hurt and his tongue lolled in his mouth.
He tried every variation of sounds he could think of until he was exhausted.
In the end, utterly exhausted, he just gave up and called it a day.
The asteroid event that ended dinosaurs
was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone
What's the difference between an informal dinner event and a pirate having s**...?
One you come as you are, the other you arrrr as you come
A Mechanical Engineer, a software engineer and a purchasing agent...
..are on their way to an industry event when their rental car gets a flat tire. The purchasing agent says
"We need to buy a new tire"
the mechanical engineer says
"no, I think I can fix this one"
and the software engineer says,
"let's drive on it for a while, maybe it'll fix itself."
Some say child birth is the most painful event one can experience.
Maybe because I was too young to remember, but I don't think it hurt too much.
There has been much said and sung about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?
The Tea of the Tiger was quite a refreshing and pleasant event!
Which event on earth do aliens hate the most?
Miss Universe
I knew my dad would start having a rant when I informed him I was going to a pride event.
"You're an impala, they'll eat you", he kept screaming.
I was asked to run today's London marathon.
I said I'm flattered but I don't believe I could organise such a big event.
